Hopeless For You (19 page)

I awoke feeling drowsy. My body ached everywhere and all my muscles were tied in sore knots. I smiled, though, remembering the reason for some of those aches.

I never thought I would love again. But here I was, lovestruck by a man who was so wrong for me, yet so right.

His arms were still draped around me, keeping me captive against his side beneath the sleeping bag we used as a comforter. I didn't terribly mind.

With a contented sigh, I carefully extracted myself from Kade. He barely stirred. Well, he needed the sleep more than me. I dressed, shivering in the early morning cold.

I felt a lump in the pocket of my jeans and I found the necklace and ring Devon gave me for our engagement. I gazed at it for a second. It felt like something was missing without the ring between my breasts so I hung it around my neck and slid the metal under my sweater.

I tucked the hem of the sleeping bag around Kade's shoulder and then slipped outside. Today was a beautiful day. There was hardly a cloud in the sky.

I saw evidence of how close the wolves had approached last night. Paw prints in the mud led straight up to the entrance flap and circled all around. Crazy. I promised myself I wouldn't let us spend another night out here.

I went back in the tent and scrounged through the pack for food. Then I
remembered we'd eaten the last of the pemmican yesterday. Great. There were still some instant coffee packets, though, so I grabbed two mugs from the backpack, determined to find a way to start a fire.

In roughly half an hour, I had a roaring campfire going with two mugs of coffee
steaming away. I was really proud of myself and I have to say, coffee never tasted so good. Maybe my time would've been better spent packing up the tent but I don't think I could've faced another day without warm coffee rushing through my veins.

"Hey, Kade, wake up," I called to him from outside the tent. "Got a surprise for you."

From the corner of my eye, I saw him shift slightly beyond the open flap but he didn't otherwise respond. I grabbed his mug from the fire and carried it over to him.

"Smell that, Kade?"

No answer.

Starting to get worried now, I touched his cheek.

"Holy crap," I hissed. I rested the back of my hand against his forehead. His temperature had skyrocketed overnight. Why hadn't I noticed earlier? Stupid me, I'd been too dreamy and lovestruck to pay attention when it counted.

I wanted to get him out of the tent but I realized if I did that, all his body heat would bleed away so I decided to wrap the sleeping bag around him first. Maybe the pain would help rouse him.

I carefully slid the bag underneath his splinted leg. He moaned but didn't wake up. When I finished, I zipped the sleeping bag shut so that he was covered up to his neck.

Kade was still out. I slapped his cheek slightly. "Kade. Wake up." I grabbed the
canteen. "Kade."

I splashed water into his face.

No reaction.

I shook him. "Kade!"

Nothing.

Ignoring my aching muscles and the panic clawing at my throat, I managed to drag him out of the tent. I rested him in front of the campfire, hoping the warmth would make him stir.

"Look, Kade. Fire from ice. Just like you said." I'd taken a slab of floodwater ice from the base of one of the pine trees and shaped it into a rough sphere, smoothing the surface with the heat of my hands. I'd positioned it near the ground and, as Kade had promised a few days ago, the sphere had acted as a perfect magnifying glass for the sun.

When he still didn't answer, I almost cried. Oh, God, if he died because I'd wasted the morning building a fire, I'd never forgive myself. I drank the rest of the coffee, knowing I'd need all the energy it could give me, and I repacked the mugs. I haphazardly poured water on the blaze and kicked dirt into the firepit, just wanting to get moving.

I took down the tent and reshaped it into a stretcher, sacrificing neatness and orderliness in favor of speed. When I was finally done, my breath was choking on the knot that swelled in my throat and I tried to ignore the hot tears that slid down my cheeks. I was alone, desperately alone. I wasn't sure a person could handle this much emotional pain. My barely healed wounds had been ripped right back open, raw and bleeding. I'd already lost one man I loved. I couldn't handle losing another.

It would kill me.

I tied Kade and the pack to the stretcher, then heaved him upright and began the long, wearying journey alongside the river. I tried to concentrate on the path ahead. I tried to forget about the past and the future and just live in the moment. But I couldn't. I kept thinking about last night. I'd been kissing him,
making love
to him, and now he was in a coma.

I broke down and started talking through the tears. "When you wake up, you're going to be in for it, Kade." My voice cracked over the sentence. My breath was ragged from the work and from the tears I couldn't stop. I put my head down, took a deep breath, and then dragged the stretcher another few yards. "I mean, after all we've been through, you have to go and decide not to wake up? I'm going to kick your butt when we get back, I swear."

I could almost imagine his response, the cocky tilt of his head, the smirk. I kept talking until I was out of breath and my throat was hoarse. But I pulled him onward, unwilling to rest. I wasn't going to let him die on me. I refused.

The sun reached the middle of the sky and the terrain flattened out. When I came to a clearing I stopped to catch my breath and lowered Kade gently to the ground. I staggered to his side and rested a hand on his forehead. His fever hadn't broken. In fact, it seemed worse.

I grabbed the canteen from the backpack and tried to pour some water in his mouth but the liquid just spilled right out.

"Hey, Kade?" I coughed, trying to clear the dry rasp from my voice. I took a sip from the canteen. "We're almost there. Almost at the pine bridge." It was a lie because I had no idea how far we were. I took another swallow of water and poured some over his
forehead. "Kade. You don't realize what you mean to me, do you? You're the one who taught me to love again. You're the one who can change my life. You can't leave me. Not now."

A rustle in the brush behind me made me tense. I slowly turned around.

I froze as my eyes met the brilliant amber gaze of a wolf. It was smaller than I'd expected, not the looming monster of my fears. Still, the sight of the animal sent a chill through me.

The wolf slid its eyes away from me to the stretcher. To Kade, helpless behind me.

Something snapped inside me when the wolf did that and the fighter in me sparked into action. I hurled the canteen at the wolf with every ounce of strength I had left.

The wolf tried to leap away but was too slow and the canteen struck it right on the nose. The animal yelped and disappeared into the forest.

"And don't come back!" I yelled after it, standing over Kade protectively. "Mangy bitch!"

A weak tug on my leg caused me to leap straight up. I looked down, hands balled into fists and ready for anything, but it was Kade.

Sweet Kade.

He was staring up at me, his green eyes hazy and unfocused. He moved his mouth but made no sound.

I knelt beside him and stroked his forehead. "What is it, baby?"

He moved his lips again and I realized he was mouthing, "Water."

"One sec!" I retrieved the canteen and gave it to him.

He drank thirstily. "Wolves again?" His voice seemed little more than a murmur.

"Shh..." I grabbed the bottle of Ibuprofen from the pack and pressed two pills into his hand. "Take these." He swallowed them dutifully with another sip of water.

"I won't let them get you, Ash. I'd rather die than let them get you. I'll kill them." There was a fierce intensity in his voice that scared and comforted me at the same time.

"Kade. How are you going to save me? You can't even walk." I tried to laugh, hoping to draw that familiar glare from him or some sign of his old self, but instead he just looked at me and his fierce expression only intensified.

"I mean it," he said. "Every word. I'll find a way."

I stroked his sweat-soaked hair back from his forehead and I was frightened by how hot he felt. "I know, Kade. But it's my turn to save
you
. You can return the favor another time. Maybe bring me some wolf pelts." I meant it as a joke but he didn't laugh. Even so he seemed somewhat appeased by the words because he grabbed my hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed my knuckles. His lips felt so dry compared to the night before, the skin chapped and rough.

"I've never felt like this about anyone, Ash." He was staring up at me now, gazing
intently into my eyes. I felt a little dizzy, lost in those emerald depths. "Not for
anyone
. You're different. You're the one. I want to marry you."

"All right." I was sure he was rambling now. Still, his eyes seemed so earnest that I couldn't help but believe him. I leaned over and kissed his forehead, not sure how else to respond. "Kade. You're feverish. And I'm sure you tell that to all the girls." Though I truly hoped he didn't.

He shook his head. "No. If I die, I just wanted you to know you mean everything to me."

My chin was doing this odd trembling thing and my vision became blurry. "Kade, you're not going to die. Stop talking like that. Listen, we have to keep going. I don't want to be caught out here another night." I pressed the canteen into his hands. "Hold on to this and keep drinking water."

"Ash, wait. Listen to me. I love you. I always have. Since the moment I saw you. But I have to tell you something important. If I get through this, if I live, I won't share you. I won't be your number two. I won't compete with that dead guy whose memory you keep wrapped around your throat."

He must have seen me put the necklace back on. Either that or he could see the lump
under my sweater.

I wasn't sure what to say. I loved Kade back, that much I knew, but as for the rest of it, well, this wasn't a conversation I was ready to have. Not now. "We can sort out all the emotional stuff when we're back at the center and you're well. Now please, we have to go."

I was about to pick up the stretcher when I noticed something: I didn't hear the gush of the river.

I walked to the bank.
The rapids had faded, and the water level had returned to where it was a few days before. Best of all, I could actually see the bottom here.

We could ford it.

I decided this was as good a place as any to cross, because even if we made it to the pine bridge, I didn't see how I'd be able to bring Kade over on a stretcher. Besides, it seemed like a good idea to put the river between us and the wolves as soon as possible.

I saw two large branches caught against the shore. I picked them up and hauled them over to the stretcher one at a time.

"Ash, what are you—"

"Shh," I said.

With four triangular bandages from the first aid kit, I lashed the branches under the stretcher, parallel to the bottom edge beneath his feet. I prayed the wood would be buoyant enough.

"This is another one of your bad ideas, isn't it?" Kade smiled weakly.

I only nodded, glad that at least some of his humor had returned.

I took the canteen from his hands and shoved it into the backpack. I stowed my boots and socks away and rolled up my pant legs. I double-checked that everything was secure and then I gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Love you."

Before he could answer, I stood up and went to the front of the stretcher. I dragged it upright, turned toward the river, took a deep breath, and started forward.

I trudged down the bank and splashed into the water. The river immediately swallowed me to the knees.

"Ash..." Kade sounded nervous.

"Hold on, Kade." The frigid temperature made me pause
—I'd forgotten how cold these waters could be. If I dragged Kade through this and dropped him, I risked plunging him into hypothermia. Did I really want to compound his condition?

But I might not get another chance to cross. What if it rained again? What if the wolves decided to show up? So many what-ifs. No, I'd cross here. I'd just have to warm
him with my body heat on the other side if he got soaked. We were getting good at that, after all. I just prayed neither of us would succumb to hypothermia.