Horizons (17 page)

“He’s a good teacher, and I expect to pass my class because of him. Why is his personal life so important to you?”

“I don’t want his reputation to tarnish yours in any way.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Dr. Williams is quite famous. Why don’t you try to read all about him on Google? I got all kinds of info on him.”

I stood there looking down at her and saw something I’d never seen before. She was acting like a betrayed wife, getting all possessive and hostile, something she’d never done in the past. It was creepy in a way. The easygoing friend who went along with my every decision seemed to have disappeared. Was she acting this way because she sensed a real threat for the first time? In the past, I’d never given a passing glance at any of the women who’d thrown themselves at me, so her position as my number one stalker was pretty secure. Jody’s appearance in my life had knocked her out of first place, and she could sense this. It was some female instinct thing, but she was dead-on in her assessment.

“So he had a big-shot boyfriend who died. Who gives a shit?”

“Oh, he told you?”

“You were the one who started all this. We wouldn’t have talked about it if you hadn’t picked up the phone and called my mom. What were you trying to do? Get my dad all riled up so he’d put on his Klan outfit, and come and beat up the queer who’s bothering me?”

“No!”

“What then? Did you think anything good would come from that phone call?”

Her tears flowed, and normally, I would have stopped and taken her in my arms. Her crying had always worked in the past, but I was too pissed to be affected. I was glad she was crying.

“Nik, you need to stay out of my life. Mind your own business and keep your mouth shut!”

“Don’t you care about my feelings at all?” she whined.

I paused and took a deep breath, trying to get the anger under control. It was increasingly harder to maintain any kind of civility around her. She was starting to get under my skin like the worst splinter, but I realized that I had to play nice or this would all blow up in my face.

“Nikki, I do care about your feelings. I’ve already told you that I care very much, but not in the way that you want.”

She reached out, and I stepped back, away from her touch. “Let me say this again, so it’s clear and there’s no misunderstanding. I do not love you; this whole Barbie loves Ken idea of yours is never going to happen. Put your dreams away and move on, please.”

“Are you in love with him?” she asked, her face twisting in disgust.

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

“You’re acting like you are! You’re gay, aren’t you? All this time I thought it was because you had commitment issues, when the reality is you don’t love me because I don’t have a cock!”

“You’re out of line, Nikki! I’m so done with this conversation.”

“Clark, please, I’m sorry!” She reached out again; I shrugged her off, turned, and left her standing on the sidewalk. I was pissed! I could have cheerfully wrung her neck for what she’d just said, but the truth of her words had slapped me across the face like a wet towel across my ass in the locker room. I was doing exactly what Jody said I would do. I was denying our relationship. How did I think that I’d be able to stand up to my father and the rest of society when I couldn’t even tell Nikki?

A
T
SIX
o’clock, Jody realized his shift was over, and he started getting ready to go home. The call from Clark announcing his passing grade in English satisfied Jody immensely. Clark sounded so proud and happy with his accomplishment; it made Jody smile into the phone just listening to him.

“Can we go out to celebrate?” Clark asked, as if Jody needed an excuse. He was dying to go out in public and show the world that they were lovers. Clark was the one who was always so reluctant.

“I’ll call Chez Panisse.”

“You think we’ll get in on such short notice?”

“I’ve been a customer for years, Kit. They’ll get me in.”

“Okay. Meet you at your house?”

“Yeah, give me about half an hour.”

Jody pocketed his cell phone and made his way out to the parking lot. He had a reserved spot with his name on a sign. When he got to his car, he froze. His heart rate accelerated and his even breaths turned into a wheeze, a precursor to a well-deserved panic attack. He started to shiver uncontrollably, despite the temperate climate around him.

All four of his tires were flat, and the word “queer” was spray-painted in blood red across the trunk of his car.

J
ODY
couldn’t stop shaking. He’d seen this kind of reaction before, but it had always been someone else who was the victim.

Growing up in a hate-free environment had its disadvantages. He’d become complacent, forgetting that there were people out there who still considered homosexuals to be deviants. Moving to the Bay Area had put him in another comfort zone altogether. People hardly looked twice when two men had their arms around each other or kissed in public. And yet, here he stood, in the parking lot of his workplace, staring at his trashed car. He felt violated and absolutely terrified!

He dialed 911 and asked to be connected to the police department. After giving all the particulars, they told him to call someone to set up a tow, but to stay on the premises until the police officer arrived. He hung up and dialed the auto club, sighing into the phone when they told him that it would be at least forty minutes. The last call he made was to Clark, deciding at the last minute to keep the news of his car to himself. The last thing he needed was an out-of-control football player.

“Kit.”

“Who?”

“Clark, it’s me.”

“Oh, hey! I forgot the whole Kit thing.”

“It’s okay, babe. I’m tied up and won’t get out of here for another hour. Do you still want to meet for dinner?”

“Don’t you think this is worth celebrating?”

“Of course it is,” Jody replied, determined to keep the worry out of his voice. “Can I meet you at eight? That will give me a good hour to get all my stuff in order.”

“That’s fine. Shall I meet you at Chez Panisse?”

“Yes, I already made the reservation.”

“Okay.”

Jody disconnected just as the police car was pulling into the parking lot.

“Well, well… what do we have here?”

“Officer.”

“Is this your car?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Did you see who did this?”

“No.”

“You gay?”

“Yes.”

“Huh,” the cop said, shaking his head. “Don’t these people know what year it is? I mean, shit, man, all they got to do is turn on the TV.
Will and Grace
reruns are on every night.”

Jody couldn’t help but laugh. The policeman’s wry sense of humor put him at ease instantly.

“What’s your name, sir?” the cop said, pulling out a small notebook.

“Jody Williams. I’m a doctor at this hospital.”

“You know anyone who might want to hurt you?”

“No, sir.”

“Of course not. You realize that trying to figure out who’s involved in this incident is close to impossible.”

“I understand. I’m just reporting it for insurance purposes.”

“Yup. Those fancy Michelins are gonna set you back a grand,” the cop said, making a circle around the car and shaking his head.

More like two grand,
Jody thought,
but who’s counting?

“Well, I’ll put in a report for you, but I really wouldn’t get my hopes up.”

“I’ll do no such thing,” Jody commented just as the tow truck pulled up.

“I’ll see you later, Doc. And good luck with the new paint job.”

“Yeah, right.” He’d finally stopped shaking, but he was worn out from the rush of adrenaline. He needed a good stiff drink to settle his nerves.

He had his car towed to a body shop that had done some work for him in the past, and then he called for a cab to drive him to Shattuck Avenue to meet Clark at the restaurant.

Clark was already seated when he got there; a bottle of white wine was chilling in a silver container off to the side of the table. The waiter arrived and poured the Pinot Grigio, and Jody lifted his glass to toast Clark.

“To the hunkiest student at Cal Berkeley.”

“And the sexiest doctor at Alta Bates.”

Clark reached across the table and gave his hand a squeeze. Jody was surprised by the public gesture. He looked around to see if anyone had noticed, and was relieved that most of the people in the room were engrossed in themselves and their food. Nonetheless, he pulled his hand back gently.

“What grade did you get on the final?”

“I got a B.”

“That’s wonderful, Kit. I knew you could do it.”

Clark looked like he’d just won the Super Bowl.

“That’s it, then? No more dreaded English classes?”

“I’m done with them.”

“I’m glad.” Jody could see the relief on Clark’s face, the pride in his accomplishment easily discernible. “You really are much smarter than you think.”

“You’re just saying that to get on my good side,” Clark grinned.

“I’m saying it because it’s the truth. There is much more to you than football. You know that, don’t you?”

“I know it, but no one else seems to think so. I’ve always wondered what I’d do if I couldn’t play.”

“Have you ever explored other possibilities?”

“I really like coaching kids. They’re enthusiastic and filled with so much joy for the sport. You lose that as you get older and factor in standings, money, and fame.”

“Isn’t that the degree you’re aiming for?”

“Yeah. Phys ed. I just never thought I’d actually use it.”

“Why not?”

“Jo, I’ve been told for years that I’m going to play professional football. It’s not something I ever questioned.”

“If you woke up one morning and there was nothing or no one to tell you how to live your life, would you still pick football?”

“It’s hard to answer that right now. I’m at the top of my game and enjoying it. Ask me that when I’m having an off day and our scores suck.”

Jody smiled. “That wouldn’t be fair though. Your decision would be based on a whim, a bad mood. I’m asking you now, while you’re at the top, if you were given a choice, would you play ball?”

“I think so, at least for a year or two. I’d like to experience playing against the big leagues, see if I’m good enough to compete with those guys. Then I’d like to do something else.”

“You can be whatever you want to be, Kit. Your choices are endless, so don’t limit yourself to two.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, okay?”

“Okay.”

The rest of the evening was a pleasant blur for Jody. He had too much to drink and not enough food, but the incident with his car kept haunting him, and he attempted to wash it away with the excellent white wine.

“I’m going to have to drive you home.”

“I know,” Jody replied with a goofy grin. “That’s why I took a cab.”

“You did? Where’s your car?”

“Left it at work.”

“Good thing. Did you have a bad day?” Clark asked, obviously surprised to hear that Jody had left his car.

“Same old shit, different day.”

“That bad, huh?”

Jody shrugged.

“Let’s go back to your place, Jo. I’ll make it all better.”

Jody smiled suggestively and leaned forward. “Is that a promise?”

“You bet.”

Jody put his hand up and signaled the waiter.

A
SATED
Jody
rested next to me in his bed. “I’m getting better and better at this, aren’t I?”

“You’re a good student,” Jody slurred, barely able to keep his eyes open. “I think you’ve just graduated Blow Job 101.”

“You’re so fucking drunk.”

“I know. Sorry, Kit.”

I wondered what had set him off. Jody was always in control, and it never occurred to me that a day on the job could affect him so much. There must have been one hell of an accident to cause this much grief.

A moment later he fell asleep, gently snoring. I went outside, too wound up from all the excitement to go to sleep. Seeing that passing grade was as good as hearing I’d been chosen player of the year. It was better, actually, since I’d accomplished something much harder than playing football.

I turned on the TV and threw myself on the couch. It was the usual late-night crap, and I surfed the channels trying to find something good, finally settling on
The Tonight Show
.

Jay was interviewing a couple of the actors who had starred in that cable show about the gay guys. I listened with half an ear, wondering if they were really gay or not. I also wondered how long I was going to keep up with my charade.

It was becoming increasingly obvious to me that I was crazy in love. I assumed that the feelings were reciprocated, but since neither one of us was willing to make the verbal commitment, I could only hope. Which brought me back to square one. What do I do about it? I could only pretend for so long. It was getting harder and harder to leave him at night or early in the morning to go back to my place. Eventually, we would have to talk about me moving or something.

How long could I keep on pretending that we were just friends? If Nikki suspected, so would my family, and eventually the team would get wind of this, and I’d have to confront them, make some kind of decision. Was I willing to jeopardize my entire future? See the look of disappointment in my dad’s eyes when I said the word “gay”? He’d probably never talk to me again, and I could only imagine what the press would make of this.