Horrid Henry and the Zombie Vampire (4 page)

Wait. What was rolling all over the floor? It looked like…it couldn’t be…

“Group 1, here’s how to slice a yummy green pepper,” beamed Mr. Nudie Foodie. “And Group 2, you’re in charge of the tomatoes…Group 3, you make the broccoli salad. Group 4 will look after the mushrooms.”

Green pepper? Tomatoes? Broccoli? Mushrooms? What was this muck?

“It’s my yummy, scrummy, super, secret, vege-tastic pasta sauce!” said Mr. Nudie Foodie.

What?
What a dirty rotten trick. Where were the fries? Where were the burgers?

And then suddenly Horrid Henry understood Mr. Nudie Foodie’s evil plan. He was going to sneak
vegetables
onto the school menu. Not just a single vegetable, but loads and loads and loads of vegetables. Enough evil vegetables to kill someone a hundred times over. Boy impaled by killer carrot. Girl chokes to death on deadly broccoli. Boy gags on toxic tomato. Henry could see the headlines now. They’d find him dead in the lunchroom, poisoned by vegetables, his limbs twisted in agony…

Well,
no way
. No way was this foul fiend going to trick Henry into eating vegetables.

Everyone chopped and stirred and mixed. The evil brew hissed and bubbled. Horrid Henry had never felt so cheated in his life.

Finally, the bell rang.

Mr. Nudie Foodie stood by the exit with an enormous black garbage bag.

“Before you leave, I want you to open your lunch boxes and dump all your junk food in here. No need for that stuff today.”

“Huh?” said Rude Ralph.

“No!” wailed Greedy Graham.

“Yes!” said Mr. Nudie Foodie. “You’ll thank me later.”

Horrid Henry gasped in horror as everyone threw their yummy snacks into the bag as they filed out of the kitchen and ran out for recess. For once Henry was glad his mean, horrible parents never packed anything good in
his
lunch box.

Was there no end to this evil man’s plots? thought Horrid Henry, stomping past Mr. Nudie Foodie into the hall. First, vegetable pasta sauce, then stealing everyone’s snacks? What a waste. All those treats going straight into the garbage…

“Rescue us, Henry!” squealed the chocolate and chips trapped inside the garbage bag. “Help!”

Horrid Henry didn’t need to be asked twice. He crept down the hall and darted back into the school kitchen.

Snacks, here I come, thought Horrid Henry.

The kitchen was empty. Huge vats of vegetable sauce sat ready to be poured onto pasta. What horrors would Mr. Nudie Foodie try to sneak on the menu tomorrow? And the next day? And the next? Just wait until the parents discovered the sauce was made of vegetables. They’d make the children eat this swill every day.

AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH.

And then suddenly Horrid Henry knew what he had to do. He looked longingly at the enormous black garbage bag bulging with chips and chocolate and yummy snacks. Horrid Henry gritted his teeth. Sometimes you had to think ahead. Sometimes you couldn’t be distracted. Not even by doughnuts.

There wasn’t a moment to lose. Any second a teacher or lunch lady could come in and foil him. He had to seize his chance to stop Mr. Nudie Foodie once and for all.

Grabbing whatever was nearest, Horrid Henry emptied a tin of salt into the first vat of sauce. Into the second went a tin of mustard powder. Into the third went a bottle of vinegar. Into the fourth and final one…

Henry looked at the gurgling, bubbling, poisonous, reeking, rancid, toxic sauce. Take that, Nudie Foodie, thought Horrid Henry, reaching for a tub of lard.

“What are you doing, Henry?” rasped a deadly voice.

Henry froze.

“Just looking for my lunch box,” he said, pretending to search behind the cooking pots.

Miss Battle-Axe snarled, flashing her yellow brick teeth. She pointed to the door. Horrid Henry ran out.

Phew. What a lucky escape. Shame he hadn’t completed his mission, but three vats out of four wasn’t bad. Anyway, the fourth pot was sure to be disgusting, even without extra dollops of lard.

You are dead meat, Mr. Nudie Foodie, thought Horrid Henry.

“Parents, children, prepare yourselves for a taste sensation!” said Mr. Nudie Foodie, ladling out pasta and sauce.

Lazy Linda’s mother took a big forkful. “Mmm, doesn’t this look yummy!” she said.

“It’s about time this school served proper food,” said Moody Margaret’s mom, shoveling an enormous spoonful into her mouth.

“I couldn’t agree more,” said Tidy Ted’s dad, scooping up pasta.

“BLECCCCHHHHH!” spluttered Margaret’s mother, spitting it out all over Aerobic Al’s dad. Her face was purple. “That’s disgusting! My Maggie Moo-Moo won’t be touching a drop of that!”

“What are you trying to do, poison people?!” screamed Aerobic Al’s Dad. His face was green.

“I’m not eating this muck!” shouted Clever Clare’s mom. “And Clare certainly isn’t.”

“But…but…” gasped Mr. Nudie Foodie. “This sauce is my speciality, it’s delicious, it’s—” he took a mouthful.

“Uggghhhh,” he said, spewing it all over Mrs. Oddbod. “It
is
disgusting.”

Wow, thought Horrid Henry. Wow. Could the sauce really be
so
bad? He had to try it. Would he get the salty, the mustardy, the vinegary, or just the plain disgusting vegetably?

Henry picked up a tiny forkful of pasta, put it in his mouth and swallowed.