Horrid Henry Shows Who's Boss (8 page)

Henry liked microwave dinners, TV, and noise.

He did not like cold showers, fresh air, and quiet.

Far off in the distance the sweet sound of loud music drifted toward them.

“Aren’t you glad we’re not staying in that awful, noisy place?” said Dad.

“Oh yes,” said Mom.

“Oh yes,” said Perfect Peter.

Henry pretended he was a bulldozer come to knock down tents and squash campers.

“Henry, don’t barge the tent!” yelled Dad.

Henry pretended he was a hungry
Tyrannosaurus Rex
.

“OW!” shrieked Peter.

“Henry, don’t be horrid!” yelled Mom.

She looked up at the dark cloudy sky.

“It’s going to rain,” said Mom.

“Don’t worry,” said Dad. “It never rains when I’m camping.”

“The boys and I will go and collect some more firewood,” said Mom.

“I’m not moving,” said Horrid Henry.

While Dad made a campfire, Henry played his radio as loud as he could, stomping in time to the terrible music of the Killer Boy Rats.

“Henry, turn that noise down this minute,” said Dad.

Henry pretended not to hear.

“HENRY!” yelled Dad. “TURN THAT DOWN!”

Henry turned the volume down the teeniest tiniest fraction.

The terrible sounds of the Killer Boy Rats continued to boom over the quiet campsite.

Campers emerged from their tents and shook their fists. Dad switched off Henry’s radio.

“Anything wrong, Dad?” asked Henry, in his sweetest voice.

“No,” said Dad.

Mom and Peter returned carrying armfuls of firewood.

It started to drizzle.

“This is fun,” said Mom, slapping a mosquito.

“Isn’t it?” said Dad. He was heating up some cans of baked beans.

The drizzle turned into a downpour.

The wind blew.

The campfire hissed, and went out.

“Never mind,” said Dad brightly. “We’ll eat our baked beans cold.”

Mom was snoring.

Dad was snoring.

Peter was snoring.

Henry tossed and turned. But whichever way he turned in his damp sleeping bag, he seemed to be lying on sharp, pointy stones.

Above him, mosquitoes whined.

I’ll never get to sleep, he thought, kicking Peter.

How am I going to bear this for fourteen days?

* * *

Around four o’clock on Day Five the family huddled inside the cold, damp, smelly tent listening to the howling wind and the pouring rain.

“Time for a walk!” said Dad.

“Great idea!” said Mom, sneezing. “I’ll get the boots.”

“Great idea!” said Peter, sneezing. “I’ll get the jackets.”

“But it’s pouring outside,” said Henry.

“So?” said Dad. “What better time to go for a walk?”

“I’m not coming,” said Horrid Henry.

“I am,” said Perfect Peter. “I don’t mind the rain.”

Dad poked his head outside the tent.

“The rain has stopped,” he said. “I’ll remake the fire.”

“I’m not coming,” said Henry. “We need more firewood,” said Dad. “Henry can stay here and collect some.And make sure it’s dry.”

Henry poked his head outside the tent.The rain had stopped, but the sky was still cloudy.The fire spat.

I won’t go, thought Henry.The forest will be all muddy and wet.

He looked around to see if there was any wood closer to home.

That was when he saw the thick, dry wooden pegs holding up all the tents.

Henry looked to the left. Henry looked to the right. No one was around.

If I just take a few pegs from each tent, he thought, they’ll never be missed.

When Mom and Dad came back they were delighted.

“What a lovely roaring fire,” said Mom.

“Clever of you to find some dry wood,” said Dad.

The wind blew.

* * *

Henry dreamed he was floating in a cold river, floating, floating, floating.

He woke up. He shook his head. He
was
floating.The tent was filled with cold muddy water.

Then the tent collapsed on top of them.

Henry, Peter, Mom, and Dad stood outside in the rain and stared at the river of water gushing through their collapsed tent.

All around them soaking wet campers were staring at their collapsed tents.

Peter sneezed.

Mom sneezed.

Dad sneezed.

Henry coughed, choked, spluttered and sneezed.

“I don’t understand it,” said Dad. “This tent
never
collapses.”

“What are we going to do?” said Mom.

“I know,” said Henry. “I’ve got a very good idea.”

Two hours later Mom, Dad, Henry, and Peter were sitting on a sofa bed inside a tent as big as a house, eating chips and watching TV.

The sun was shining.The sky was blue.

“Now this is what I call a vacation!” said Henry.