How to Get Ahead in Television (21 page)

STEP 36 – ALWAYS CARRY AN EMERGENCY PHONE CHARGER

FROM
: POPPY

TO
: JAMES

Okay, see you later at yours… P

W
HO WAS
I kidding? JR had asked me to his house. JR, who I'd been fantasizing about for weeks: my potential future husband, surfing partner and recipient of a dedication in my Oscar speech – of course I was going to go.

There wasn't much point in going home first, so when Helen suggested drinks in the pub across the road with David and Rhidian, I said yes.

‘I'll get this round,' I offered, once we were in the pub.

As I came back from the bar, Helen asked, ‘So how's your new seven-pound-a-day budget goin'?' Then she downed the dregs of her ale. I'd never met a girl who drank ale before.

‘Um, not so well,' I admitted.

‘I wouldn't be able to live on a runner's wage,' said David.

‘Um… but you are a runner,' I pointed out.

‘Yes, but I also play professional poker online at night. Supplements my income quite substantially,' David explained.

‘Really? You gamble online at night?' Rhidian asked.

‘It's not gambling when you know what you are doing,' said David. ‘I have a system.'

‘He 'as a “system”,' said Helen, putting ‘system' into air commas.

‘It is a system. I only play when I have an unbeatable hand. It's time-consuming, but it means I never leave a session down. I could make a lot more if I did it full-time, but it's a bit antisocial, isn't it?'

‘So how many hours a night do you play?' I asked, intrigued.

‘Just a couple. If I'm online, I'll watch a film while I wait for the right hand to come up. You have to be patient.'

‘Well, it's impressive you can make so much money out of it, mate,' said Rhidian, taking a swig of his pint. ‘Poppy, what's your get-rich-quick scheme going to be?'

‘Me? Um, I hadn't really thought about it.'

I turned to look at Rhidian, caught his eye, and then had to look away. He had this ability to really hold eye contact; it sometimes felt as though he knew exactly what I was thinking. It could be very unnerving, especially as I have no idea what he has going on in his mind.

‘Poppy?' Helen interrupted my line of thought. ‘Earth to Poppy?'

‘Oh, um, just thinking…'

‘Hey, maybe your acting career will take off,' Rhidian said with a smile. ‘This time next year you might be an international star of the stage and screen.'

Helen laughed. ‘Ha, Poppy would be a terrible actress, she blushes right easily.'

As if on cue, I felt my cheeks light up like a barbeque.

‘She's in a play,' Rhidian said, turning to me.

‘Really?' Helen sounded perplexed, and turned questioningly to me.

To buy myself some time, I indicated that I had a mouthful of crisps and couldn't talk quite yet. Oh crap, how was I going to get out of this one?

‘Yes, she's in a production of
The Bride of Frankenstein
down in Greenwich. I've seen the costume and everything. It all looks very professional,' said Rhidian.

‘Really?' David asked in disbelief.

Everyone was looking at me now, waiting for an explanation. I indicated that I was still busy chewing, but I knew this ‘I've got a full mouth' excuse wasn't going to cut it much longer.

‘You're seriously in a play, Poppy?' asked Helen.

‘I was going to be in a play…' I said, finally swallowing the soggy mouthful of congealed crisps. ‘Er, but it got cancelled.'

‘Oh no! Cancelled!' said Rhidian, but he was smiling at me in a way that made me suspect he'd never bought the whole play story in the first place.

‘Yes… funding problems,' I said, taking a swig of my bourbon and coke. ‘Plus I wasn't actually any good. The director thought my interpretation of the character was a bit too… um, modern.'

‘That's such a shame,' Rhidian groaned, but I looked up to see his eyes glinting at me in amusement. ‘I think the theatrical world would definitely benefit from a few more Poppy Penfold-style interpretations.'

‘Well.' I shrugged.

Rhidian reached over and gently rubbed my arm. It was an affectionate, intimate gesture; I think he'd made it almost unconsciously. His touch sent goose bumps up my arm and my eyes darted up to meet his. He suddenly looked self-conscious, perhaps embarrassed at having made such an over-familiar gesture.

At half past eight, I made my excuses to leave.

‘Don't leave, Poppy, it's still early,' Helen said, tugging my arm.

‘Oh, sorry, I've, er… I've got to meet my flatmate.'

I caught Rhidian's eye again. I was convinced he knew I was lying. I was having such a nice time talking to everyone, I was reluctant to leave, but my phone had died so I couldn't call JR to cancel even if I'd wanted to.

‘See you tomorrow, Poppy,' said Rhidian, brushing a hand through his hair and looking down into the swirling dregs of his pint glass.

I walked to the Tube feeling strangely pensive. You would have thought I'd be skipping along the road in excitement; I was off to JR's house –
invited
this time – but something was niggling me. At the Tube gate my card flashed ‘low credit'. I was really cutting it fine with my finances. I would have to be more frugal next month.

On JR's street I had a flashback to how bad I'd felt the last time I'd been here. I rang his doorbell, feeling anxious.

‘Hi,' JR's voice came down the intercom.

‘It's me,' I said.

JR opened the door wearing only his jeans. He tousled his hair with a black towel that hung around his shoulders.

‘Sorry, I've just jumped out of the shower. Come through.'

His flat was immaculate and minimalist. There were a few pieces of starkly framed modern art on the wall, and a large framed picture of a black and white wave mid-break. A large black corner sofa hugged one side of the room, while the other was lined with a large white bookcase, books neatly lined in height order from left to right. A small kitchen led off from the living room to the right, with a balcony overlooking the street.

‘This is nice,' I said, though in truth I thought it looked a bit bare and unhomely.

‘It does the job,' said JR, pulling on a fresh T-shirt from a pile. I couldn't help thinking that he could probably have put his top on before answering the door, but perhaps he'd wanted me to see his toned torso.

‘Can I get you a drink?' he asked. ‘I'm not drinking midweek, but I can make you one?'

‘No, it's okay. Maybe some tea?'

I wasn't going to drink alone, and I'd had a couple already. I perched on the sofa and picked up a coffee-table book about surfboards from around the world, while JR made tea-making noises in the kitchen.

‘Have you been to the gym or something?' I asked.

‘I had a personal training session,' JR called from the kitchen.

He came through with a cup of tea for me, and a glass of water for him.

‘This is a role reversal, me making tea for you.'

‘I will be very cross if you've got it wrong,' I said.

He sat down next to me.

‘So I like your place…' I said, feeling awkward.

‘You already said that.' He smiled, leaning in to kiss me.

‘Um, I…' I flustered.

‘No more talking, Penfold.'

And then he was kissing me properly, pushing me back onto the sofa, running his hand through my hair. It was a good kiss, deep and mind-fogging, but I couldn't relax. This wasn't an end-of-night-in-an-alley kiss, this was an in-a-man's-flat kiss – the same mouth, the same man, but somehow a very different kiss. I pushed him gently away.

‘Do you want to have a shower?' JR said, taking my hand and leading me through to the next room.

‘Um, shower, no, I…'

We were now standing in his bedroom.

‘James, this is all a bit quick, can we just talk for a bit?' I pulled my hand away from his.

‘I spend enough time talking to you at work, Penfold,' he said, pulling me into his arms again.

‘I know, I know.' I turned my face away. ‘But this is different, you know. Maybe we should… maybe we should go for a drink at the pub?' I offered.

‘I don't want to go to the pub. I want to get you undressed and into my bed,' JR purred.

‘I don't know…' I said, edging back towards the living room. Suddenly I didn't want to be there, I wanted to be back in the pub with my friends.

‘Poppy, I don't have time to seduce you. I thought this is what you wanted?' he said, thumping his hand against the doorframe.

‘I did… I mean, I do I mean, I don't know…'

This didn't feel right for some reason. Maybe JR was correct; I was a childish romantic who wanted to be wined and dined and swept off my feet. But as I looked up into his face, I wasn't even sure it was JR who I wanted to be doing the sweeping.

‘Poppy, you made it pretty clear what you wanted that night after the pilot.' JR bit his bottom lip. He looked irritated.

‘I wanted to be kissed, I wanted… I don't know what I wanted, I just, I liked you… I hadn't really thought much further than that.' I fiddled with my hands awkwardly.

JR rolled his eyes at me. ‘You want me to be your boyfriend or something?' he asked.

I shrugged, feeling like a reprimanded child.

‘I thought we talked about this at lunch? I thought you understood? I don't have room in my life for melodrama.'

‘How is having a girlfriend melodrama?' I asked, confused by his logic.

‘So you
do
want a boyfriend.' JR pushed past me and walked back through to the living room.

‘No. Look, just because I'd like a bit more than coming around to your house and jumping into bed with you, is it really asking so much for a little… for a little—'

‘Romance?' JR asked, picking up the TV remote and turning on the TV.

‘Yes,' I said firmly. I wasn't going to apologize for how I felt.

JR let out a heavy sigh and sat down on the sofa, flicking through the channels until he came to a football match.

I didn't know what to do. Had I made a huge mistake? I did fancy JR, didn't I? Maybe I should stop being such a prude. Maybe I
had
watched too many romantic comedies and they'd polluted my mind into thinking everything had to be dates and romance, and feeling sure…

‘So…' I stood in his living room, unsure of what to say or do.

‘So?' he said, looking up at me. ‘If you don't want to go to bed, Penfold, I'd like to watch the football.'

‘Do you want me to go?'

‘Poppy, do what you like, okay?'

I stood looking at him: his eyes focused on the TV, his forehead set in a scowl. How had I ever developed such an overwhelming crush on this guy?

‘So let me get this straight: you like me enough to invite me over here for sex, but if I'm not up for it, if I'd rather take things a bit slower, then suddenly you don't care whether I come or go?'

‘For god's sake, Poppy. Enough!' he said, raising his voice and throwing the TV remote across the room. It smashed on the floor, batteries flying everywhere. ‘This is exactly the kind of childish shit I don't have time for.'

I grabbed my bag and ran from the flat, slamming the door behind me. I paused at the front of the building, thinking he might come after me to apologize. He didn't.

I walked to the Tube feeling like a fool. What had I expected? He'd invited me over to his flat at nine p.m. on a weeknight – of course he just wanted sex. I'd thought maybe that was what I'd wanted too, but it had just felt so… I don't know… so functional, and when he'd kissed me, I'd had this nagging feeling that I didn't want to be kissing him, that I was kissing the wrong person.

At the Tube, my travel card beeped angrily at me:
insufficient funds
. I tried to top it up with my bankcard, but the machine spat my card out. Shit. I didn't have enough cash to make the Tube ride home. My phone was dead – I couldn't even call a friend to come and rescue me. How had I let my finances get so low?

As I deliberated my options, a friendly-looking girl about my age walked towards the turnstile.

‘Er, hi,' I said, running over to her. ‘I'm really sorry to bother you… I, I've just totally run out of cash and you don't have two pounds I could borrow for the Tube, do you?'

The girl looked me up and down in disgust. ‘You're too well-dressed to be a beggar, luv,' she sneered.

‘Oh god, oh no, um, I'm not a beggar, I… I'm just having cash-flow issues. I could pay you back!'

But she had gone.

I had never felt more ashamed – I was begging for my Tube fare home. This was the level I had stooped to. There was only one thing for it: I would have to go back and ask JR to lend me the money.