How to Kill Your Husband (28 page)

That got a loud
humph!
from George, who sat alone at the defense table, but everyone else paid keen attention.

“I will prove,” Trevor went on, “that the defendant, Mr. George Hudgens, did in fact have two wives at the same time, Mrs. Claire Hudgens and Ms. Kimberly Pate. He carried on functional and emotional marriages with both women for nearly a decade. He split his time with them equally, had children with both of them, and planned for the future with both of them.

“Now, while it is true Mr. Hudgens never had an official marriage ceremony with Ms. Pate, citing the Texas Family Code section 2.401: Their relationship falls well within the range for a common-law marriage due to the fact that they cohabitated for more than eight years, and also due to the fact that on December 24, 2009, at a Christmas party at Ms. Pate's place of business, Mr. Hudgens did indeed refer to Ms. Pate as his ‘wife' to her employer as well as to two of Ms. Pate's coworkers.”

That comment put a strange look on a few faces in the courtroom, Claire's and George's included, but his lawyer wasn't fazed.

“By counsel's own definition,” Mr. Schaefer argued with a bored expression, “my client could not have had a common-law marriage with Ms. Pate. Your Honor, at no point did Mr. Hudgens cohabitate with Ms. Pate. My client lived at home with his
only
wife, Mrs. Claire Hudgens.

“We will admit that my client had
some sort
of relationship with Ms. Pate, but he had a wife and children at home, and that's where he lived the majority of the time.”

Trevor already warned Claire about this tactic, and he also briefed her on what they should do if this issue was raised.
Perjury
is an ugly word, but it was the least Claire would do to make her husband suffer.

“Your Honor, if you will allow me,” Trevor said and half-turned towards the plaintiff's table. “Mrs. Hudgens, will you please tell the court how often your husband spent the night with you over the past eight years?”

“He was only there half the time,” Claire lied, “if that.”

George looked like he was having a baby, but there was nothing he could do. He was the biggest liar in the courtroom, and no one would believe him over Claire, not even his own lawyer.

“I'm going to allow this,” the judge decided. “I believe both Ms. Pate and Mrs. Hudgens are married to Mr. Hudgens, and if they choose, they can both divorce him at the same time.”

George shot to his feet while Claire muffled a snicker.

“That's not true! She's lying!”

“Take your seat,” the judge ordered.

“But she's lying! I was with her most of the time!”

“Take your seat, Mr. Hudgens, or you'll have more than her to worry about!”

George took his seat, and Claire leaned back and took in the whole measure of his misery. His pain was well-warranted. With the decision to allow Kim as a co-plaintiff, the judge effectively sealed George's doom.

* * *

The trial lasted another month, and Mr. Schaefer fought his hardest to get every piece of evidence dismissed, but in the end everything went as expected. George lost the case and had to pay for his infidelities many times over. Claire got her house and Kim got the home in Irving. Claire got $500 a month in child support, and Kim got $350. That was a good chunk of George's income, and it was separate from the $600 he owed both women in alimony for the next five years.

George's lawyer argued insanely that they couldn't take 70 percent of a man's income, but the judge was unwavering. George would have $200 left to live on every week, and many people in this great nation survived on less than that.

The judge gave each vehicle to whoever drove it most at the time of the divorce, and he let George keep the lake house. Claire got $42,000 from her husband's savings, Kim got $33,500, and George kept a measly fifteen hundred for himself.

All in all, Claire was very satisfied with the results of the divorce. George didn't pick up his kids for the first three months afterwards, either out of spite or because he was busy at his part-time job installing satellite dishes, but he eventually did return to their lives. He continued to miss scheduled visitations every now and then, but who could blame him? Last Claire heard he had a third job somewhere in the mall, and he still couldn't get his motorcycle out of the shop.

It wasn't the death she envisioned when Claire first set out to kill her husband, but it was pretty close. George got shunned by both of his life-long loves, and the divorce made headlines in all of the local papers. The women of Overbrook Meadows were horrified to learn a real live bigamist lived among them, and no one would even go to the movies with George once they found out who he was.

* * *

Claire and Kim, on the other hand, emerged from the turmoil with an intimate bond neither of them expected. They were so close, Claire sent Kim an invitation to her annual Labor Day barbecue later that year.

And so it was that four months after the divorce, George's two ex-wives met at one location with no violence involved. Also along for the festivities were Becky, her daughter Courtney, Melanie, her son Trevon, and her husband Anthony. Nikki and Stacy invited a few friends from school, and by three p.m. Claire's backyard was bustling with excitement that Saturday afternoon.

Claire never threw a party of that magnitude without George's help, but there were plenty of extra hands pitching in. Melanie and Becky helped set everything up, and Anthony took control of the barbecue pit. Claire had plenty of time to get acquainted with the twins and shoot the breeze with Ms. Kimberly Pate.

Their relationship started under such rocky conditions Claire didn't think she could ever make friends with George's mistress, but Kim was polite, easygoing, and very appreciative of Claire's openness and acceptance. Kim got along amiably with Becky and Anthony as well. Melanie held out for a little while, but even she warmed up to George's other ex-wife eventually.

There wasn't much to dislike about Kim, once you got to know her. She was a hardworking single mother. She had her own house, her own car, and her own income. She'd been duped in the past, but she was stronger and wiser for it, just like Claire.

Kim would probably never become a core friend like Melanie and Becky, but she would always be welcome at Claire's house, and her children would always be recognized as George Hudgens's seeds.

* * *

By the time everyone reached their limits of food and fun, the sun had begun to set on Claire's modest two-story home. She started clearing off the tables, but Stacy distracted her with a peculiar question.

“Mama, who's
Trevor Smiley
?”

Claire almost dropped a pitcher of tea. “Huh, who?”

Stacy held up her mom's cellphone. “Some man's on the phone,” she said. “You saved his number with the name
Trevor Smiley
. Who is he?”

“It's just some guy,” Claire said nonchalantly. She took the phone from her daughter and ducked into the garage, where it was a lot quieter. Her heartbeats started to quicken before she put the cellular to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey. Long time no see.” His voice was deep and smooth. It immediately took Claire back to his couch, and his tongue, and the hairs stood on her arms.

“How are you doing, Mr. Smiley.”

“
Mr. Smiley
? Aw, it's not that bad, is it? I'm not your lawyer anymore.”

Claire knew he was going to say that just like she knew he would call, but she still didn't know how to respond to him. “Thanks for the work you did on my case,” she said.

“Aw, it was nothing. Things just sort of fell into place by themselves.”

“Don't be so modest,” Claire said. “You know you did a good job. Most lawyers wouldn't have fought so hard for the husband's mistress.”

“Most lawyers don't have a crush on you,” he said.

Claire began to feel warm, but it wasn't uncomfortable this time.

“I waited four months before I called you again,” he said.

“I noticed. Is that the average grieving period after a divorce?”

“It is if you didn't like your husband.”

Claire didn't have a response for that.

“You don't sound very happy to hear from me,” Trevor noticed.

“It's not that,” Claire said. “I've got a bunch of people here. We're having a barbecue.”

“Is it a party for Nicole? Her birthday's Monday, right?”

“I can't believe you remember that.”

“I remember all of your children,” he said. “I still remember their dates of birth. I could probably tell you their
socials
, but I don't want to keep that in my head…”

Claire gave him all of that information for their lawsuit, but that was a long time ago.

“Do you like me?” he asked bluntly.

Claire blushed and was glad no one was around. “You, you know I like you.”

“Then why haven't you called?”

“I don't know,” Claire said. “I guess the circumstances of how we met kinda bummed me out. I didn't think it was right to get caught up in something like that. I didn't want to be made a fool of.”

“I would never do that to you.”

“Trevor, you say all the right things, but face it, you were my divorce lawyer, and you came on to me. Not only was it
inappropriate
, but you've got the opportunity to do that all the time. I didn't want to be a notch on your belt.”

There was a pause. “You know you're hurting my feelings, right?”

“I don't mean to,” Claire said. “I'm just being honest. Some people might consider what you did
sleazy
.”

“Ouch.”

“I'm just saying.”

“Do you think I would treat you that way?”

Claire shook her head. “I'd like to think you wouldn't.”

“Let me ask you something,” he said. “What would you do if you worked at a funeral home, and the man of your dreams—your
soul mate
—walked in and said he wanted to bury his wife?”

“A
funeral home
?”

“Okay, maybe that's a bad example. But you see what I'm saying, don't you? I'm not talking about just some good-looking guy. I'm talking about the
only
man for you…”

“You don't feel that way about me.”

“Claire, it's been four months since the last time we talked, and I haven't thought about any woman
but
you. I've never gone out with a client other than you.

“I'm sorry I wasn't more professional when you walked into my office. But when I see something I want, when I see something I
need
, I've got to go for it. Even if it cost me my license, you would have been worth it.”

This man was the best when it came to flattery. He made Claire feel like no one else could.

“Would you like to have dinner?” she asked.

“What? You're kidding.”

Claire chuckled. “No. I'm serious.”

“Well of course I would!” he bellowed. “I'll take you to dinner in
Paris
if you want.”

“No.” Claire giggled. “Something local would be fine.”

“When?” Trevor asked. She could hear his excitement building.

“I don't know,” she said. “Why don't I call you tomorrow and we'll talk, and then we'll let it go from there.”

“That's the best thing I've heard all month,” he said. “Man, I'm shaking over here. I haven't been this excited since high school.”

Claire hadn't either, but she wasn't going to tell him that. “It's just a date,” she cautioned. “I'll call you tomorrow and we'll see how it goes…”

“All right. I can't wait to hear from you.”

“Okay. Bye.” Claire hung up and leaned with her back against her Lexus. She smiled and slid the cellphone into her pocket. She returned to the party a few minutes later with her spirits high and her eyes aglow.

EPILOGUE

THREE YEARS LATER

The dogwood trees were back in full bloom. Gentle breezes snagged soft, pink petals from nearby branches and set them adrift into the atmosphere. Some caught a ride on a thermal and were thrust even further towards the heavens. These flowers twisted and flipped in the air like tiny ballerinas.

A handful of this natural confetti made it all the way to Claire Hudgens' backyard. The petals glided back to earth like feathers; some landing on the large tables set up and meticulously decorated for the occasion.

And that was just fine.

There were already colorful floral arrangements adorning the arch and pillars erected for today's festivities. A beautiful cream-colored carpet ran between two sections of seats. The chairs had white covers that were almost as beautiful as the bride's gown.

Out front visitors' cars stretched for blocks on both sides of the street, but only the white limousine occupied the coveted spot in Claire's circular driveway.

Inside, the living room was full to capacity; humming with excited energy. Guests dressed to the nines filled the whole bottom floor, in fact, but only a small number of visitors were allowed upstairs.

Even still, never had so many people been in Claire's bedroom at the same time. Stacy lounged on her mother's bed looking very much like a princess in her purple chiffon dress. She had her hair down, her lip gloss glistening, and a bit of rouge on her already rosy cheeks.

Stacy was a high school freshman now, but unlike her sister, she knew how to take full advantage of the next four years, the most precious time of her young life. She had a cellphone in one hand, and a lock of hair twisted around her finger in the other. Stacy stared out into nothingness and popped her chewing gum with a wistful smile on her face.

“Mmm, hmm,” she said into the phone. “Well, if you liked me you'd be over here…Yo grandmamma is still gonna be in the hospital
tomorrow,
that's not an excuse…”

Nikki shook her head and rolled her eyes at her little sister. She turned back towards the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe. Her dress was virtually identical to Stacy's, but Nikki was eighteen now. She would be leaving for college in a couple of months, and her womanly physique was no longer that of a child's.

Nikki had long dancer's legs like her mom and a thin waist. Her bosoms blossomed back in middle school, but Nikki was comfortable in her skin now. She wasn't a makeup fanatic like her sister, but she no longer wore oversized shirts and baggy pants to hide her physique.

Nikki looked over her mother's shoulder and made eye contact with Claire in the bathroom mirror. Claire smiled and winked, and Nikki grinned back. Her mom's eyes were large and beautiful, and Nikki had never been so proud.

Melanie stood on Claire's right, brushing her friend's hair one last time before they put on the veil. Melanie's gown was lavender, and Claire thought she was as lovely as an angel. Melanie replaced her tight curls with a straight weave a couple years ago. Today her hair was jet black and shoulder length. She was still round and top-heavy, but Melanie exuded confidence and poise. She smiled softly as she brushed, and Claire could feel the love in each stroke.

Becky stood on Claire's other side grinning like she had the most delectable secret. She stared at her friend's reflection in the mirror with a hand over her mouth. Becky filled out her lavender gown a lot differently than Melanie, but Claire couldn't say either of her bridesmaids looked better than the other.

Becky's eyes twinkled, and a tear actually rolled down her cheek. She brushed it away quickly and giggled to herself.

“What's your deal?” Claire asked.

Plenty of attractive women showed up for the wedding, but no one within a thirty-mile radius was as beautiful as this bride was. Claire's ivory gown was strapless, with a sweetheart neckline and beaded lace draped down the sides. She opted for a chapel train that was lightweight, shimmering satin, soft and contouring.

Her hair was longer now, and it was full and vibrant. She wore it straight today, dark-colored with hints of auburn. Her skin was smooth, her complexion flawless. Claire's eyes were bright and hopeful. Her smile was almost childlike.

“I always cry at weddings,” Becky explained and sniffled pleasantly.

Claire nodded. “I'm hoping I don't start crying, too. How's everything looking down there?”

“It's all
wonderful
,” Becky said dreamily. “Everything looks so nice. Everyone's so pretty.”

“Did you see my brother-in-law?” Melanie asked with a handful of Claire's locks. “I hope he ain't drunk already.”

Claire looked sideways at her. “You'd better be kidding.”

“Uh-uhn,” Melanie said. “But we just glad he don't smoke crack. We got one of them in our family, too.”

Claire rolled her eyes but couldn't help but laugh.

“I'm just playing,” Melanie said. “You know I wouldn't invite no alcoholic to your wedding.”

“You're a fool,” Claire said. “But I do thank you for not bringing your drunk brother-in-law. Did Rickey come?” she asked Nikki.

Her daughter smiled warmly. “Yes. He's here.”

“
My, my, my
,” Melanie said without looking up.

“What?” Nikki asked.

“You're the
last
one I thought would get a boyfriend,” Melanie said. “I thought you'd be in college before you finally noticed boys.”

“I still don't notice them,” Nikki said.

“Tell that lie to your mama,” Melanie kidded.

Nikki looked around for an escape. “What about
Becky
,” she said. “Mark is here, too.”

Claire raised an eyebrow and looked over at her friend. Becky's smile was immediately wall to wall. She looked down at her toes.

“Did he bring his daughter?” Claire asked.

Becky nodded. “We all came together.”

“That's great,” Claire said. “I look forward to meeting her.”

“Have you hit that yet?” Melanie asked.

Becky's eyes grew large.

Claire looked back at Nikki and gave her friend a short elbow to the thigh.

“
Melanie
!”

Melanie looked back, too, and laughed. “Oh, I didn't know she was still back there.”

“Y'all don't have to worry about me,” Nikki said. “I know
all
about that stuff.”

Claire frowned but Nikki laughed.

“I'm just kidding, Mom.
Dang
. Lighten up.”

Claire gave her a long look before returning her gaze to Becky.

Melanie watched her, too.

Becky looked around nervously. “What?”

“How
are
things going with you and Mark?” Claire asked. “You do a lot of smiling—”

“And giggling,” Melanie added.

“And giggling when we bring him up,” Claire went on. “But you don't talk about him much.”

“We're taking it slow,” Becky said. She held her hands together and rocked like an adolescent. “I don't want to get too carried away. You know how it is when you put everything you've got into something, and it turns out to be something totally different than what you expected?”

Claire knew
exactly
how that felt.

“So far so good, though,” Becky said. “He's hard-working. He has a good relationship with his family. He makes good money. He's no
Trevor
, but he does okay.”

Claire nodded.

“Not too many out there are like Trevor,” Melanie agreed.

That made Claire smile. “Yeah, he is something,” she mused.

Everyone knew Claire's soon-to-be-husband was attractive, but it was Mr. Smiley's earning potential the girls were referring to. Since winning Claire's divorce some three years ago, Trevor had enjoyed a boatload of success, most notably the highly publicized divorce of Sam and Pamela Brookshire.

When one of the city's most influential couples divorced last year, the trial made headlines for weeks. Much to everyone's surprise, Mrs. Brookshire relied on a barely known attorney named Trevor Smiley to take her millionaire hubby to the cleaners. Claire's man racked up an eight-digit settlement for her, and no lawyer in Overbrook Meadows was more in demand now.

“Is Kim coming?” Becky asked.

Claire shook her head. “No. I didn't send her an invitation.”

Claire spent a lot of time getting to know Ms Pate after the divorce. It no longer made her uncomfortable to see her ex-husband in the twin's eyes, but Claire still didn't want George's mistress at her wedding.

“I don't see why you didn't invite her,” Melanie spat. “You already gave her half of George's money. You might as well let her get drunk at your reception, too.”

Claire didn't acknowledge that. Melanie knew the money was for the twins, but she never fully came to terms with Claire's forgiving nature in that regard. If it was up to Melanie, Kim would be destitute, dragging her babies to different women's shelters every night.

Claire looked up at the sound of someone ascending the stairs. George Jr. rushed into the bedroom and squeezed by Nikki at the bathroom door. He stepped in front of Becky and held a cellphone up to the gorgeous bride.

“Say cheese, Mama,” he instructed.

George Jr. looked smart in his little tuxedo. His hair was short and edged perfectly. His legs and arms were longer now, and his resemblance to his father was uncanny. He was still an unabashed nerd, but he grew into a handsome young man. Claire couldn't have been more proud of him.

“We're going to take pictures downstairs,” she said, but he snapped a shot while she was talking and quickly turned tail.

“Thanks.”

Nikki grabbed his arm before he made it too far. “Come back here, sneaky.”

“Let go!”

She pulled him back into the bathroom, and George Jr. stood uneasily, smirking suspiciously.

“What's that picture for?” Claire asked.

“For Trevor,” he admitted.

“Uh-uhn.” Claire shook her head.

“He's using you,” Melanie informed. She put the brush down and stroked Claire's hair one last time with her hands. “Don't you know it's bad luck for him to see her before the wedding?”

“He says a picture doesn't count,” George Jr. responded. “He says we have a lot of technology today, and we should take advantage of it to get around old
dinosaur
rules like that.”

“I see you've been coached well,” Claire said. She stuck out her hand. “Give it here.”

George Jr. gave up the phone, and Claire deleted his photo. She turned and pointed it at Melanie. “Give me a pose.”

Melanie put her hands on her hips and flashed a big, cheesy smile. Claire laughed as she took the picture. She gave the phone back to her son.

“Okay, go give it back to him.”

“But I didn't get a picture of you.”

“It's okay,” Claire said. “I'm playing a trick.”

George Jr. grinned and took off again. Nikki went with him.

“He's going to tell him before he shows him the picture,” Melanie predicted. “You know how they are.”

While it was true her two men had a surprisingly close relationship, Claire didn't think her son would spoil the joke at all.

“He'll get him,” she said. “Trevor may be his best bud, but George is a mama's boy through and through.”

Becky stepped forward and put a hand on her friend's shoulder. “I'm so happy for you,” she said. Her eyes started to leak again, and her smile was as tender as they had ever seen it.

Claire reached up and held her hand. She put her other arm around Melanie's waist and squeezed both girls very tightly.

“Thank you guys,” she said. “I never would have made it to this point without you. I'm giving my first toast to the best two friends a girl could have.”

“No, the first toast is definitely for you and Trevor,” Becky insisted.

“Just try not to leave this one in financial ruin,” Melanie said.

“George is doing better now,” Claire said.

Melanie frowned. “Girl, you know he's not.”

Claire chuckled softly. “Okay. I promise.”