How to Kill Your Husband (27 page)

“Um, yes, it is.”

“This way, please. There is a woman waiting for you.”

Claire's stomach twisted in knots as she followed the young lady through the colorful restaurant. She didn't feel this nervous when she met Kim the first time, but they met under a pretense then. This time Claire was about to drop a nuclear bomb, and Kim would have time to look at her and scrutinize her or maybe even attack or belittle her.

The hostess led her to a small booth near the kitchen. A waiter walked by as they approached. He carried a huge platter with four sizzling plates on it. The hostess stopped to let him pass, and Claire stopped, too. When the waiter was gone Claire saw Kim sitting alone at the booth. Kim was nervous, too. She looked around the restaurant anxiously. Her eyes froze and narrowed when they landed on Claire.

It was clear she recognized Claire not only as the woman who visited her home last week, but also as the woman she saw at the hospital on Friday afternoon. Kim didn't look angry or annoyed by Claire's presence, but her confusion was immeasurable.

“Here you go,” the hostess said and placed Claire's menu on the table across from her husband's girlfriend.

Claire took her seat slowly, and the two women stared deeply into each other's eyes.

“Your waiter will be right with you,” the hostess said and disappeared into the scenery. George's two women didn't speak for a full ten seconds.

Claire always thought Kim was attractive, and even in her state of distress she was still pretty today. Kim wore a white sleeveless dress that had a ballet neckline and blue floral prints. She wore her hair pulled back in a pony tail and had barely any makeup. Her face was smooth, with no worry lines, but you could see the stress in her eyes.

Claire wore tan slacks with a dark blouse she found in the back of her closet. The slacks were loose fitting, except around her hips and thighs. The blouse was form-fitting with a V-neckline that pulled attention to her generous bosoms. Claire wore lipstick and eyeliner and was just as stressed as Kim was, probably more so. She couldn't keep her fingers from trembling, so she kept her hands in her lap.

Kim's voice was shaky, but she made the first move. “You're Claire, right?”

“Yes,” Claire said. “I'm the one who called you this morning.”

“You called from the hospital, too,” Kim said. “I remember your voice.”

“Yes, that was me, too,” Claire said. “I'm sorry I lied to you about being a nurse.”

“You also lied when you came to my house,” Kim recalled. “You said you wanted to look at the place across the street.”

“I'm sorry about that, too,” Claire said with a sigh. “But I wasn't trying to hurt you in any way. Please forgive me.”

Ms. Pate didn't say whether she would or wouldn't. “What do you want with me?” she asked, and that surprised Claire immensely.

“You mean, he hasn't said anything?”

“Who?” Kim wanted to know.

“George,” Claire said. “I thought he would have told you by now.”

Kim shook her head hesitantly, and Claire could see her inner turmoil. On one hand she already knew, or had a good idea. But on the other hand, Kim didn't want to know what was going on. Claire realized this woman loved George as much as she did. That was even more reason for Kim to stay with him after the divorce.

“My name is Claire Hudgens,” she said. “When I came to your house, I told you it was
Hutchens
, but it's really Hudgens. George is my husband.”

Kim took the news much like Claire did when she found the first card. Kim stared with shock and then disbelief. She shook her head, put a hand to her mouth, and looked down at her menu. When she met Claire's gaze again, Kim's eyes were filled with tears. They fell thick and heavy, and Claire had never seen anything so painful. Her eyes welled, too, and their waiter didn't know what to think when he approached the booth.

“Uh, hi, I'm Kyle. Do you, um, would you like some water?”

Claire shook her head and Kim nodded and the waiter got away from them as quickly as possible.

“I'm so sorry,” Claire said when he was gone. “I know exactly how you feel. And I'm not just saying that.”

Kim sniffled loudly, and Claire dumped the silverware from her napkin and offered it to her. Kim took the cloth and blew her nose into it. “I knew it,” she breathed. “I knew there was something going on with him. He's never at home. I'm not stupid.”

“Neither one of us is.”

“Why you, why you didn't tell me?” Kim bawled.

Claire knew that question would come up, but she still didn't have a good answer for it. She wiped her eyes and shook her head slowly. “I'm sorry. I was being selfish.”

Kim blew her nose again and squinted through her tears.

“I found out George was cheating over a month ago,” Claire said. “At first I didn't know for sure, so I started following him around. He led me to you, and I saw your kids, and I knew we were going to get a divorce. But I had to meet you first. I went to your house, and I lied to you. I don't know what I wanted really, but I had to meet you.

“I lied about who I was because I didn't want George to know yet, but I didn't take time to think about how it affected you because, because I didn't care about you right then. Even though we were in the same situation, I didn't care about your feelings. And I was wrong for that. I'm sorry.”

Their waiter came back with the water and didn't ask if they were ready to order yet. “I'll, uh, I'll give you some more time.”

“How, how long have y'all been married?” Kim asked when he walked away. She had her tears somewhat under control, but she couldn't control the quivery quality of her voice.

“We've been married sixteen years,” Claire said. and Kim's eyes flashed open like she got slapped. “He was my high-school sweetheart,” Claire went on.

“
Sixteen years
?”

“We have three kids,” Claire said. “Our oldest is in high school. The youngest is in the fourth grade.”

Kim was too shocked to respond.

“When I found out George had twins with you,” Claire said, “that was worse than knowing he was cheating in the first place, so I know how you feel.”

Kim shook her head. “I can't believe this.”

“It's true,” Claire said. “George has been splitting his time between you and me. He tells me he's going out of town for business, but he goes straight to your house. I know this for a fact because I followed him. I don't know what he tells you when he leaves for a week at a time, but he doesn't go where he said he would. He comes straight to my house. He's been playing both of us for a long time.”

“I met George eight years ago,” Kim said, still in a daze.

“I know,” Claire said. “When he first met you, everything was perfect. You didn't have any children or responsibilities, and he used to run to you to get away from the stress at home with me and my kids. But then you got pregnant, and he says everything changed.”

“He told you that?”

“I confronted him Saturday,” Claire said. “I told him I was getting a divorce, and that's when he had the heart attack.”

Kim's tears dried up in a fire of bewilderment. “He told me he had high cholesterol,” she recounted.

That was a surprise to Claire, and she was pissed all over again. “That's why he said he had a heart attack?”

Kim nodded, her eyes big and beautiful.

Claire put a hand to her temple and shook her head. “I can't believe he hasn't told you about me yet, but considering everything else he did, it's not that big of a surprise. He's still a snake and he's still trying to play us, girl. When I told him I knew about you, he said he didn't want to be with you anymore. He said he wanted to be with me and he didn't care about the twins.”

That brought Kim the rest of the way from woeful to angry. “He said
what
?”

“Listen,” Claire said. “I'm really sorry about all of this, and I definitely don't want to argue. George has been playing both of us for fools, and we have to stick together if we want to get him back.”

Kim nodded vaguely. “What did he say about the twins?”

“I don't know if he meant it,” Claire said, “but he did tell me that. He says he wants to be with only me and my kids. He says he doesn't care about you or the twins.”

Kim's nostrils flared.

“But this is a weasel we're talking about,” Claire said. “I'm sure if you tell him that you know about me, he'll tell you the exact same thing. I don't think George cares who he's with at this point, so long as he gets to keep one of us.”

“Shit,” Kim said with a sneer. “He ain't staying with
me
.”

Those words were like music to Claire's ears, and she couldn't help but smile.

“That's what I hoped you'd say.” Claire brought her purse to her lap and dug for her lawyer's card. “I'm going to divorce him,” she said. “I was going to get him for everything, but I keep telling myself you should be involved. George may not have married you, but he did you just as wrong as he did me. We should work together on this case.”

Kim took the card and studied it briefly. “But I can't divorce him. He's just my boyfriend.”

“You've been with him for eight years,” Claire said. “That makes you his common-law wife.”

Kim's eyes narrowed as she considered this. “You want us to divorce him at the same time?”

“My lawyer is against it,” Claire said. “He said that would entitle you to some of the alimony, and I'd have to split the properties with you. But I told him this is what I want to do. I think the twins deserve just as much as my kids do. And if you don't want to be with George anymore, then we should work together to ruin him.”

Kim thought about it a few seconds more. “You're not going to take him back?” she asked.

“Um, hell no,” Claire said. “What about you? Do you still want to be with him?”

“Not if what you're saying is true. If they'll let me divorce his ass, then that's what I want, too.”

Claire stuck a hand over the table. “Then it's a deal. If you call my lawyer tomorrow, he'll set everything up.”

Kim took Claire's hand and shook it. “You say you and him have
three
kids together?”

“Yeah,” Claire said. “And my boy's name is
George Jr
.”

Kim had been through a myriad of emotions already, but she still had enough in her to register disgust at this. “
That's
why he didn't want me to name my son George! Aw, hell yeah. We gon' get his ass!”

“Yeah, we are,” Claire said with a chuckle. “And I want to be the one to tell him.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

THE FINAL CHAPTER: MOVING ON

Claire had a message for her when she got back to the office. It was from Jackson Memorial, and when she called back, they told her George was scheduled for release later that evening. Claire thought that was a perfect time to tell him about the class-action divorce, but there was one more thing she had to take care of first. Stacy and George Jr. still didn't know about the break up, and Claire had to give them the bad news before she left their father stranded at the hospital.

Claire was nervous about the talk when she picked the kids up from school, and they sensed something heavy was on their mother's mind.

“What happened?” Stacy asked from the backseat. “Is Daddy all right?”

“Did he have another heart attack?” George Jr. guessed, already on the verge of despair.

“No,” Claire said. “Your dad is perfectly fine. But that is what I want to talk to you about. He's getting out of the hospital today.”

“That's good,” George Jr. noted.

“Yeah, why you not happy?” Stacy asked.

“Why
aren't
you happy?” George Jr. corrected her.

“Shut up!” Stacy hollered and then asked, “Why aren't you happy, Mom?”

“He can't walk?” George Jr. predicted.

“Why don't y'all be quiet until we get home and then she'll tell you!” Nikki snapped.

Her siblings immediately piped down, and Claire gave her oldest daughter a grateful nod in the rearview mirror.

* * *

When they got home Claire ushered her family to the living room before they could disperse and get started on their homework. She directed all of them to sit on the couch while she took a seat across from them on the loveseat. They were starting to get worried, so she opened the meeting with a smile.

“You know, you guys really have surprised me lately. I'm very proud of the way you've handled yourselves since your dad went to the hospital.”

George grinned brightly, but Stacy and Nikki's smiles were guarded.

“You've been acting like grown-ups,” Claire went on, “and I'm glad because I have a real grown-up thing to talk about.”

“Uh-oh,” Nikki said.

“Uh-oh, what?” Stacy asked.

“There's no
uh-oh
,” Claire said. “We're a family, and no matter what happens, we're going to handle it as a
family
. We're all we've got, so we're going to stick together, right?”

They all nodded.

“Right?”

“Yes,” they said in unison.

“Okay.” Claire leaned forward in her seat and sighed. “All right, now what I want to tell you, I don't want you to think of your father any differently. He's a good man. He loves you and he takes care of you as best he can. You guys all love your dad, right?”

They nodded again.

“You love him, and you know he loves you, too, right?”

They looked around at each other before nodding this time.

“Well, I have to tell you something that might make you angry at your father. But I don't want you to be. Just keep thinking about how much you love him, okay?”

No one responded.

“Your father is not coming home with us when he gets out of the hospital,” Claire said. Stacy gasped, and Claire kept talking before she could interrupt. “Your father had, he had an
accident
a little while ago,” Claire said. “He did something with another lady that he shouldn't have done. But we still love him, right?”

They were confused as hell, but they nodded.

“What your father did with this other lady,” Claire went on, “accidentally made a
baby
. You remember we talked about where babies come from?” she asked George Jr.

“From your stomach,” he said.

“That's right,” Claire said. “So what I'm trying to tell you is your dad likes this other lady a whole bunch, and they had a baby together—actually, they had
twins
together; that's
two
babies. Do you guys understand what I'm saying?”

“Daddy cheated on Mama,” Nikki clarified.

Claire wouldn't have used those choice words, but they did the trick. Stacy's mouth fell open, and George Jr.'s eyes bugged.

“That's, that's right,” Claire said, “But we're not going to talk about what he did or why he did it. He was wrong, and we'll just leave it at that. The reason I'm telling you about it is because there's two things you need to understand: The first is your father and I are going to get a divorce. So he won't be living with us anymore. The second thing is about the twins. They are your brother and sister. Even though I'm not their mother, your father is their father, too. And that makes you all
related
.”

“You're getting a divorce?” Stacy asked.

“Yes,” Claire said. “But that doesn't mean you won't see your father anymore. You can still see him whenever you want.”

“I got another brother?” Stacy asked next.

“You have another brother
and
another sister,” Claire said. “They're twins. They're in the second grade, so they're eight years old.”

“I'm nine!” George Jr. observed. “Does that mean I'm not the youngest anymore?”

“That's right,” Claire said. “You have a little brother and a little sister now.”

“Daddy cheated on you?” Stacy asked again.

“Yes, but it's okay,” Claire said. “I'm over that now. I just want you guys to understand there will be changes in our lives.”

“Where are the twins?” George Jr. asked.

This was going a lot better than Claire hoped. “They live in Irving,” she said. “The twins' mother is named Kim, and I had lunch with her today.”

Now Nikki was taken aback. “You did?”

“Yes, honey. I told Kim about the divorce, and she wants to help out. She says she doesn't want to be with your father anymore, so he can't go live with her, either. She's very upset with him.”

“So where is Daddy going to live?” Stacy pondered.

“I don't know,” Claire said. “But he gets out of the hospital today. I'm going to see him and tell him what's going on.”

“Can I go?” George Jr. asked.

Claire got up and went to put an arm around him. “Not this time, sport. Today we need to have a private talk, just Mommy and Daddy.”

Stacy and Nikki threw their arms around her for a big, group hug.

“Man, I can't believe Daddy cheated on you,” Stacy said.

“I forgive him,” Claire said, even though that was not yet the case.

* * *

Claire left for the hospital at six p.m. She thought Kim might be there, or that maybe Kim had confronted George already, but neither of these was the case. When Claire walked into his room, George still had the smug look of a man with a backup plan.

“I thought you wasn't coming to see me no more,” he said without looking away from the television mounted on a far wall. George sounded like his old self again, and he looked better, too. His bald dome was recently shaved, and all of the color had returned to his face. He didn't look sick at all anymore. The oxygen line was gone, as well as his catheter.

He watched an old re-run of
Family Matters
, and he clearly wasn't worried about a thing in the world. That made Claire's news even that much more rewarding. She went and sat on the corner of his bed. George looked over at her and rolled his eyes.

“What do you want, Claire? I read your little papers again, and you're out of your goddamned mind. I already got me a lawyer, and he's gonna tear that case to pieces. The lake house? The timeshares? All of my savings? Shit, your lawyer must be as dumb as you.”

His venom was potent, but Claire smiled. “Aw, George. Don't be like that.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and sneered at her. “Be like what, Claire? Did you read that shit your lawyer filed, or are you stupid enough to think you're going to take me to the cleaners? You might get some alimony and a little child support, but that's it! You're not getting my cars, and you're not getting my house. You're not getting shit else you got on that paper. Do I look like Boo Boo the Fool to you?”

Claire almost answered in the affirmative, but the more he talked, the dumber he sounded, so she let him keep going.

“What's gon' happen,” George said, “is I'm gonna give my lawyer more money than you gave yours, and he's gonna tear your lawyer to pieces. And after it's all said and done, you'll be lucky to get
anything
from me. I'm the one who went to the service, Claire. I'm the one who went to college. I'm the one who has a good job. You ain't got shit, and you know it, and you're not going to come up off of me. Uh-uhn. If you want a lake house, you need to get off your ass and work for it.”

“Wow.” Claire put a hand to her mouth and chuckled. “Three days ago you wanted to be with only me, and now you talk to me like this?”

“That's 'cause I ain't got time to play with you, Claire. If you want to back off of this stupid-ass divorce, then things will be different. But I ain't got nothing good to say to you while you got this clamp on my nuts. I'm gon' be all right, Claire. I don't need you.”

Claire couldn't help but laugh then. She tried to maintain composure. “Oh, excuse me.”

“What the hell's so funny?” George wanted to know. “You think I'm shitting you? You think you really stand a chance in court?”

“No,” Claire said, shaking her head. “It's not that, George. I'm laughing at how you said you'd be all right. I wanna know something: Are you going to be all right at Kim's house, or do you plan to be all right somewhere else?”

George sensed a trap. “What's it to you?”

“Well,” Claire said, “I had lunch with Kim this afternoon, and I don't think you're going to be able to weasel your way out of it this time. You didn't even tell her about the divorce, George. How stupid is that? How long did you think you were going to keep her in the dark? I hate to tell you, but Kim's on our side now. She not taking your sorry ass back, and we're
both
taking you to court.”

A divorce lawyer's retainer: $3,000.00

Lunch at Don Pablo's: $32.54

The look on George's face when he realized he was screwed from both ends: Priceless.

“What, what are you talking about?”

Claire sighed airily, still chuckling. “Don't worry about it, sweetie. You just get you some rest. You're gonna need it.” She stood and headed for the door. “And while you're at it, you might want to find yourself another ride home from the hospital—and somewhere to stay.”

She made it all the way to the hallway before he called out to her.

“Claire, wait.”

But of course she didn't stop.

* * *

There was a lot that could've gone wrong with Claire's plans. George could've hired a high-profile attorney like he threatened. He could have fought for delay after delay and drug the divorce on for years, or Kim might have gone back on her word and picked George up from the hospital when he was released, but fortunately none of that happened. When George got out of the hospital he had to go and stay with one of his old Air Force buddies, and that was just the beginning of his downward spiral towards obscurity.

For the divorce, George hired a competent attorney named Miles Schaefer. Mr. Schaefer had a pretty good success rate, but he was ill-prepared for the mountain of evidence Claire and Kim piled against him.

They all met in court two months after George checked out of Jackson Memorial. It was only a pre-trial hearing, but it was then that Mr. Schaefer fought against what was to be the most crucial aspect of their case: Should Ms. Pate be allowed to divorce George as a “common law wife,” and should she and Claire be allowed to divorce George at the same time?

To Mr. Schaefer this was a no-brainer. He approached the judge's bench with poise and confidence. Claire and Kim watched fretfully from the plaintiff's table.

“Your Honor,” Mr. Schaefer said, “what these people are trying to do is
ludicrous
. My client was never married to Kimberly Pate, neither legally nor common law, and Mr. Smiley has no merit to include her in these proceedings. I ask the court for her immediate dismissal.”

That sounded like a good defense to Claire, but her lawyer stood calmly and approached the bench as cool as a cucumber. Trevor wore a smoke gray suit with a black tie, and he was thoroughly prepared for such an argument.

“Your Honor, I beg counsel's pardon, but I believe Ms. Pate has as much to do with these proceedings as Mrs. Hudgens does.”