How to Liv (20 page)

“Again, I do not have any interest in your sister!”  Joel spoke loudly and angrily.  I was glad that I could hear the TV on in Ally’s room so I knew she wouldn’t have heard him.  I didn’t know how to respond.  I wanted to believe that.  In fact, I think I did, but I didn’t trust Ally and I knew that Joel was keeping
something
from me, I just wasn’t sure what.  I hated not knowing.  I also hated not knowing what was said between those two.  I crossed my arms and huffed. 
What am I?  Nine?

“What was said?”

“Honestly, I don’t even remember what we were talking about.”

“Bullshit!  I saw you both laughing not fifteen minutes ago.  How can you say you don’t remember?”

“You know what?  I do!  I know what we were talking about I just don’t care to give you a fucking play by play.”

“I knew it!”  I stood and grabbed the Tim Tams from the table, took them to the kitchen and threw them back in the fridge, slamming the door shut.  I turned around and bumped into Joel’s hard chest.

“You know nothing.”

He stood with his chest against mine for a moment.  I could feel the anger boiling in him and I realised that, just like Saturday, I was over-reacting and needed to calm the hell down.  I opened my mouth to apologise but Joel beat me to it. 

Taking a hasty step back, he raised his voice, “I’m sick of your self-destructive bullshit!”  I flinched at his harsh words and the fury in his eyes.  “Stop trying to push me away.  This jealousy you have for your sister is so not warranted.  You need to know that she doesn’t hold a candle to you, in looks
or
personality.  You are what I want.  I am not interested in
her
or anybody else.  Only you.”

“Joel,” I whispered, placing my hand on his chest.

“I’ll speak to you tomorrow.”

He turned and hurried out the door, slamming it shut behind him.  I raced after him and met him in the driveway just as he opened his car door.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”  I clung to him desperately and eventually his arms came around me.  “I’m sorry,” I whispered again, against his chest.  He squeezed me tighter and held me for a moment.

“It’s late. 
Time to call it a night.”

He leant down and placed a sweet, lingering kiss on my lips before turning away and hopping in his car.  Even though his window was wound down we didn’t say another word to each other.  He gave me a half-hearted smile before driving away.

I turned off all the lights and went straight to my room.  I could still hear Ally’s TV on and I saw the blue light coming from under the door as I passed.

I hated that blue light.

I hated that she was still living here.

But most of all I hated myself for my stupid insecurities and I hoped like hell I could find a way to get over myself before I wrecked the one good thing in my life.

I
t was a dreary day at work.  I could hear the rain pounding on the tin roof of the factory nearly all day.  It matched my mood.  Luckily, we weren’t too busy, because I wasn’t really concentrating on the job.  Marg had returned from her holiday on Monday so my workload was drastically lightened which I was glad about.

Jess was still over the moon about her new relationship with Eric.  I wanted to be in that same bubble, but I had well and truly burst it the night before, with my stupid lack of self-confidence and jealousy over my sister.  Joel was better than that.  He deserved better than that. 
He deserved better than me.

“What’s got your knickers in a twist today?” Karen asked after I slumped down in the chair next to her desk.  It was almost home time and it couldn’t come soon enough.  “You’ve been quiet all day.”

“I did something stupid.  I basically accused Joel of wanting to sleep with my sister.”  Karen opened her mouth to speak but I didn’t let her.  “I know the error of my ways.”  I sighed.  “I don’t want to lose him Karen… I just don’t know how to fix it.”

“Have you apologised?”

I shot daggers at her with my eyes and she put her hands up in surrender.

“Sorry I asked.”

“I’m falling for him Karen, in a big, big way and I’m so scared of stuffing it up.”  Admitting my feelings out loud made my heart swell - I never thought I’d find happiness again. 
How could I be feeling it so soon with Joel?
  “After Craig hurt me so badly I just… I don’t-”

“You listen to me, Olivia.  Don’t compare Joel to that jerk.  You can’t do that, he is nothing like Craig.” 
Yeah, Karen was another one that saw through Craig way before I did.
  “Have you spoken to Joel about this?”

“Yes, I told him my whole sordid history.  He swore he wouldn’t do that.  I believe him but sometimes I speak before I think and last night I saw red when he was talking to Ally.”

“You know what I think?  Your problem is with your sister.  You don’t trust
her
and you can’t blame Joel for that.”

“You’re right.”  I sighed.

“So tell him that.”

“What?  That you’re right?”  I laughed half-heartedly, staring at nothing in particular.

“Yes, you can tell him that, too - I’m always right.  Now come out with me on Tuesday next week, dinner and a movie.”

“You’re asking me out on a date?” I asked, batting my eyelashes at her, holding my hands to my chest.

“No, I’m telling you, babe.”  Karen winked.

“I dunno
, you want me to go out on a school night?” I joked.

“Yes, it’s tight-arse Tuesday, half price cinema tickets.  The kids will be at Matt’s, I need to get out and
do
something
.  Alright?”

“Sounds good.”

Ally was all excited before she left for work that night.  She and Rachel had found a place to live.  Not only did they have approval already but they could move in this weekend because the place was vacant. 
Talk about luck!
  When she rushed out the door to go to work I breathed a sigh of relief.  I was happy for her, and happy for me that she was leaving, but I also wasn’t in the best of moods.  I had smiled and given Ally the impression that I was, though my mind was on Joel.  I was anxiously waiting to hear from him.  I had tried calling him but his phone went to voicemail so I hung up and texted him instead.

I’m sorry about last night.  Please call me when you get a chance.

That was four hours ago.  Maybe Joel and I had ended before we ever began.  Maybe he was going to give up on me already.  I was too much of a basket case.  I showered and lay down on the couch with the TV on, but again, I wasn’t paying any attention to it.  I almost had a heart attack when, at ten o’clock, my phone started ringing and I saw Joel’s name light up the screen.

“Joel.  I’m so sorry,” I said in a rush when I answered.

“Please don’t apologise.  I’m the one that’s sorry.  You told me all about what had been done to you in the past and I promised to be patient.  I’m sorry I wasn’t.”

“I thought you were giving up on me.  I was worried when I didn’t hear from you.”

“I just… had a lot on today.  That’s all.”  I had a feeling there was more that he wanted to say so I waited.  “Liv, you’re too important to give up on.”

I breathed a sigh of relief as my heart beat erratically at his words.

“Well, I’m sorry and I promise to try harder,” I said, closing my eyes and lying back on the couch. 

“Me too.”

“What time did you get home from work tonight?”  I asked after a moment of silence.

Our conversation turned to more mundane topics about our days and our jobs.  We talked about my plans for a movie next week with Karen, and he told me of a party that Raelene and Adam had decided to throw for no reason this Saturday night.  Our chatter flowed and I relaxed knowing that all was right in the world again.  I hoped that we could put all this crap behind us.  I hoped that I could do better the next
time Ally and Joel were together.  I was going to find out soon because Joel offered to help Ally move on the weekend, more for my sake than for hers.

“
Liv?”

“
Mmm?”

“I, uh…”

“Yes?”  I said on a yawn.

“Never mind.
  You’re tired.  I’ll let you go to sleep.”

“Shit, I’m sorry Joel.  I can’t stop yawning, but I don’t want to say goodbye yet.”

“Me either.  Are you in bed?”

“On the couch.”

A comfortable silence came between us and I was just happy to listen to him breathe.  I yawned again.  “I wish I was beside you on that couch right now so you could fall asleep on my lap.”

“That sounds nice,” I mumbled sleepily, closing my eyes and imagining him beside me.

“I could hold you and run my fingers through your hair… watch you sleep.”

“Okay, that sounds more than nice.”

“Or I could run my finger down your neck to inside your – hey, what are you wearing?”  His sudden question surprised me and my eyes flew open.  I looked down at my pj’s and again wished I had some more sexy night wear.  My pale blue cotton shorts and navy blue singlet weren’t exactly enticing.

“The same as last night,” I admitted sheepishly.

“Hot!  Okay, so I would slip my hand inside the top of that dark little singlet top of yours-”

“You remembered?”

“Are you kidding me?  As if I could forget!  That tight little top was cut just low enough and those pale blue shorts?  Mmm, you’ve got a fantastic arse.”  His voice had taken on a husky sexiness that now had me wide awake and breathing heavily.  “So, I would slip my hand inside that top and grab a handful, lightly squeezing, before circling my finger around your nipple.  Can you feel it babe?”  I groaned.  “Imagine I’m running my fingers slowly down the middle of your body.  Are you getting wet?”

“Joel.” 
God, yes!

“I’m dipping my fingers underneath the elastic of your knickers, slipping them down,
then thrusting my fingers into your tight, wet, pussy.”

“God, I wish you
were here,” I muttered, thoroughly turned on.

Silence.

“Joel?”

Nothing.

I pulled my phone from my ear and checked the display.

Gone.

The call had been disconnected. 
What the…?  Should I call him back? I’m so royally turned on. How could he leave me like this?

I looked at the time, quarter to eleven, maybe I should just go to bed. 
Why would he hang up without saying goodbye?
  I think over what was said and then it hits me
, ‘I wish you were here...’  He wouldn’t really be coming here now… would he?
  I started pacing the lounge room and then I ran to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, ran a comb through my hair and then I remembered how Joel roughed it up the other day.  He liked it messy so I shoved my fingers in and mussed it up again.  I looked down at what I was wearing and considered changing. 
Into what?  Joel liked this outfit, or so he said
.

I went to my room and tidied it up, though there wasn’t much to be done there.  I looked at the time.  It takes about ten minutes for Joel to get here from his place.  So he’d be here in about another five. 
That’s if he’s coming.   Maybe his phone went flat and that’s why our call was disconnected.

I sat back on the couch and stared at the TV for a minute before switching it off.  I replayed the conversation in my head and got excited as I remembered the words
that he had spoken.

Time sped up, time slowed down.

And then a flash of light went across my front window and I heard his car come to a stop in the driveway.  My heart thumped heavily in my chest when I heard his door shut.  I stood and gradually walked to the door.  He knocked before I had a chance to turn the handle.  I slowly opened it and faced the man that was quickly becoming a piece of me. 

My missing piece
.

“Hi,” he said with a sexy smirk before rushing forward and grabbing hold of my face with both hands, planting his lips on mine.  We staggered through the doorway, through the entryway, up the hall and into my room, with our lips firmly attached and our hands roving.  I gasped when he roughly shoved me down on the bed.  “I’ve missed you,” he admitted shamelessly and then
lay his body on mine.

“You only saw me last night,” I giggled as his tongue touched the corner of my mouth.

“So long ago,” he spoke against my lips, “and we didn’t get to do this.”  A hand reached down to cup my sex and he applied pressure that caused me to groan.

“Or this,” I said as tried with all of my might to roll him on the bed.  I wanted to straddle him and grind into him, making him crazy like he did me.  But he was heavy and so much bigger than me and he wouldn’t budge.  I pushed his shoulders and bucked my hips causing Joel to laugh.

“What are you trying to do?”

“Roll you over.”  I locked my legs around his, pushing my pelvis into him.

“What if I don’t want to be rolled?  I kind of like being on top and in control.”  He smiled down at me, grabbing hold of my wrists, he pinned them on the bed above my head.

“So I’ve noticed.”  He pushed his hips into mine and I felt his rock hard cock straining through the thin material between us.  I gasped with pleasure.

“You like it,” he said smugly.

“Maybe.”
  I gazed into his eyes and let out a sigh, my lips curling into a smile.

“Maybe?”

He leant in to capture my mouth, thrusting his tongue hungrily inside.  Desire coursed through me.  I closed my eyes briefly and tried to move my hands from above my head but he held them tight.  He abruptly pulled back and I lifted my head to follow him with my lips.  He sniggered, evading me.

“I’d say definitely.”

When I opened my eyes, he had his back arched so that he was out of my reach.  He stopped applying pressure with his groin, making me feel needy.  He wouldn’t allow me to get closer to him.