How to Liv (16 page)

I felt my cheeks heat at his words.  It made me feel so hot, listening to him
say things like that.  A moment later, he swelled inside me as he reached his own climax.

A couple of minutes after that, we lay side by side on the bed and Joel reached over to grab my hand.  He brought it to his lips and kissed it gently.  We rolled to face each other.  He ran a finger down the centre of my body from neck to belly button. 
His eyes taking me in.

“I really love what you’re wearing.” 

“So I gathered.”

“Your tits look amazing in this.”  He ran a finger along the top edge of my bra. “And there’s something about taking you with your knickers on, having you underneath me, under my control that feels… it
fuckin’ drives me wild!”

My cheeks again heated, remembering his earlier words.  “You really love dirty talk, huh?”

“You don’t?” he asked, raising his eyebrows as he watched his own hands lightly trailing up and down my torso.

“I do.  I’m just not used to it.”  His eyes diverted back to mine as his hand reached between my legs. 
“Ahhh.”

“Well get used to it, sexy girl.”

He kissed me swiftly on the lips.  I moaned again in pleasure, but it was more to do with his words than what his hand was doing. 
Get used to it?  That implies he’s planning on sticking around - I like that.

Joel kissed below my ear before whispering, “I want to lick you.”

He quickly positioned himself between my legs and looked up to me with a wicked glint in his eye.

Oh yeah, I could get used to this.

It was late.  I was tired.  Worn out from hours of pleasure.  But I was on red alert, expecting Ally to come home any second.  Then it would be virtually impossible to sneak Joel out.  I didn’t want her knowing my business and I certainly didn’t want the two of them together.  I could hear Joel’s breath slowing beside me in the dark, he was falling asleep.  I gave him a nudge.

“Hmm?”

“Joel, you need to go.”

“What?  No I don’t,” he mumbled sleepily. 
Shit!
 

“But…” 
Think of something
.  “Oh, what about Ruby?”

“I fed her before I left tonight.  She has a comfy kennel.  She’s fine.”

He wasn’t going to budge.  I couldn’t think of an excuse to get him to leave.  Deep down I didn’t want him to anyway.  I sighed, resigned to having him stay the night.  I just hoped that Ally didn’t come home.  Maybe she’ll get lucky, pick up and stay somewhere else. 
I could only hope.

“
Liv?”

“Yeah?”

“Stop fidgeting and go to sleep.”

He moved closer and threw his arm over me giving me a tight hug.  I sighed again, but this time it was out of contentment.  I was satisfied by being in his arms.  There was no place I would rather be.

I
woke with a fright.  Joel was still snoring softly beside me.  I slid out from under the covers and went to the bathroom.  Disappointment flooded me when I saw Ally’s door was shut.  She was home. 
Great.
  After I finished in the bathroom I went to the kitchen.  I wanted to make Joel breakfast in bed, but we were almost out of bread.  Two slices just wasn’t gonna cut it.  It was just past eight o’clock.  I had no idea what time Joel would wake, but it was highly unlikely that Ally would be up anytime soon.  If I was quick enough, I could get to the bakery and back before they even had a chance to see each other.

I snuck back into the bedroom and threw on a long summer maxi dress.  I grabbed my wallet and tiptoed back down the hall.  It was a perfect summer morning so I decided to take the short walk to the shops rather than drive my car, not that I could get it out anyway because Joel’s was blocking me in.  It would only take me ten minutes to return with my loaf of bread.

Unfortunately, those ten minutes turned closer to twenty (yeah, I miscalculated) and in that time both of my house guests had risen.  When I got back from the bakery, I walked into my house to find Joel shirtless, leaning against the kitchen counter and Ally handing him a coffee.

“Here you go, just the way you like it.”  She lingered in her normal flirty way, standing too close.  Joel said something that I couldn’t hear and she giggled before moving away.

This is not good.  Wait.  How does she know how Joel takes his coffee?  I don’t even know that!

I took the remaining steps to the kitchen bench and dumped the bread on it, then grabbed the butter from the fridge.  I looked at Joel - he had a smile on his face and was staring at his feet.  It was obvious that I had just interrupted something.  Glancing between the two of them I noticed Ally ogling Joel’s body and I felt my anger rise. 

“I’m just gonna get dressed,” she announced in her perfect sing-song voice.  She shook her head with a smile playing on her flawless little face.

“Yeah, you better make a run for it,” Joel said teasingly, watching her.  His voice had that husky sexiness to it, the same tone he’d used on me just last night.

Even though Ally had clearly just crawled out of bed, she still looked gorgeous in her skimpy pyjamas.  Her hair just the perfect amount of messiness to be considered sexy, her long tanned legs completely on show in her very short shorts, and her boobs practically busting out of her tiny top.  Her outfit left absolutely nothing to the imagination.  When she turned back with a wicked smile and giggled again in Joel’s direction I knew by the look in his eyes that he was a goner.  I didn’t exactly know what Joel had meant by his comment, but if I had to guess I would say that he meant she better run before he caught her and removed the small amount of clothing she had on.

What the hell?
  I leave them alone for all of ten - twenty minutes and she’s already got her claws hooked into him.  I knew it was a bad idea letting him stay here last night. 
Why didn’t I trust my instincts? 
I should have fought harder to make him leave or, even better, thought of an excuse as to why we had to go back to his house and not mine.

Joel’s eyes stayed on the back of Ally until she was out of sight.  He smiled and shook his head.  When her door closed, his dreamy gaze turned back to be met by my glare.

“What?”  He feigned surprise.

“How does Ally know how you take your coffee?”

“She asked.”  He shrugged like it was nothing but the look on his face made it seem like he was holding something back. 

“Right,” I replied snootily, turning my back to him. 
He wants her! 
I was unable to hide the fact that my heart was completely breaking at that point.

I knew better than to let those two be alone in the same room, especially a room the size of my tiny kitchen when both of them were in such a state of undress!  I knew what would happen and yet I had still allowed it to occur.  I really did have a death wish, didn’t I?  Self-sabotage, that’s my game.  Whenever I find even a minuscule piece of happiness I do something to destroy it. 

But Joel wasn’t minuscule, Joel had quickly become a massive happy in my life.  In such a small amount of time he had become everything I had never realised I wanted.  So of course I couldn’t have it.  I didn’t protect what we had and so now I was being punished.

“What are you mad about?” Joel asked as I took my frustrations out on the piece of bread I was buttering in front of me.  I don’t even know why I was buttering it – I hadn’t toasted it yet.  He walked over to stand at my side.  My eyes involuntarily fluttered in the direction of Ally’s room and he noticed.  “
That?
  I don’t understand.”

“
It’s okay, Joel.  I get it.”

“Get what?”  I could hear the confusion in his voice but I couldn’t look up at him. 
Yeah, I’m onto you.

“Ally… I get it… she’s perfect… and I totally understand,” I stuttered.  I leaned forward and stood with my palms down on the bench.  I stared at the bread in front of me as it began to blur through my water filled eyes.

“Well, I don’t understand.  What the fuck are you talking about?”             

“You and Ally.”

“Huh?  I’d thought you’d be happy that your sister and I were getting along.”

I made a sort of spluttering sound and rolled my eyes.

“Babe, please,” he begged, pulling me away from the bench and facing my body toward his.  “What’s going on?” he asked, one arm circling my waist and the other tucking my hair behind my ear.  He drew me a little closer. 
I won’t fall for it, not again.

“I think you should leave,” I said, glaring at him.

“WHAT?” he yelled, making me jump.

I pulled away from him and looked down at the ugly floor tiles as the first tear left my eye. 
I guess I won’t be asking him to fix those now
, was the thought that randomly popped into my head.  He put his fingertips gently on my chin and lifted my face to look at him.

“Why do you want me to go?  Wait. 
Are you crying?
  Why are you crying?”  After a moment of silence, while his eyes searched my tear stained face, he let out a growl of frustration.  “Liv talk to me.  What are you fuckin’ upset about?”

“No.  Please just go,” I said, hurrying from the kitchen and racing back to my room.  He was close on my heels though and was pushing his way into my bedroom before I got a chance to close the door.

“Hey!” he snarled, grabbing hold of my arm.  He spun me around to face him.  “Damn it Liv, tell me what I did wrong!” he demanded.  His hand tightened on my bicep.

“Nothing.
  You didn’t do anything that I didn’t expect you to do.”

“What does that mean?”

“Ally!  She has this way of getting what she wants.”

“Huh?”

“She wants you,” I mumbled, refusing to look him in the eye.  “Don’t try to deny it, Ally doesn’t do subtle, you know she wants you.  And by the look on your face back there in the kitchen, I’d say the feeling’s mutual.”

He laughed. 
He thinks this is funny!
 
My heart is breaking into a million pieces and he thinks it’s funny?
  He let go of my arm and took a step back, then turned and headed for the door. 
This is it.  This is when he walks out of my room, out of my life.  I will never see him again.

Or I will, when he starts spending his nights in my sister’s room across the hall instead.

A moment of panic hit me and I felt like I was going to collapse.  Instead of walking through the door though he surprised me by closing it gently.  He grabbed hold of my hand and hauled me over to the bed.  Sitting down on the edge, he pulled me in to sit beside him.

“Let me get this straight…  You think that just because I was talking to your sister, I must be interested in her?”  He paused, waiting for a response; one that I was not willing to give.  “I was being polite.  She’s your sister.  I wasn’t going to ignore her.  Babe, I barely said anything-”

“Please don’t!” I huffed, raising my arms to cover my face with my hands.  “Why would you be with me, when you could have her?”

I bent my head down.  Silent tears trickled down my face and into my hands.  Joel stayed silent at my side for an excruciating minute.

“Fuck!” he hollered.  He stood suddenly and started pacing the room.  “I am not interested in your bloody sister!  What the fuck happened to you to make you have such a distorted view of reality?”

He stopped in front of me.  I could feel his eyes burning into my body, but I didn’t respond.  I didn’t move a muscle. 

“Liv?”  After a moment of silence he spoke again, “Liv?  You know you’re completely over-reacting, right?  Aren’t you even gonna speak to me?  No?  Well then, I can’t be here right now.  I gotta go.”

I moved my hands from my face and tilted my head to watch him.  He grabbed his polo shirt off the floor and threw it on.  He shoved his sneakers on and didn’t even bother to tie them in his rush toward the door.  He flung it open and then turned back to me with his hand still on the door handle.

“Liv, you need to wake up to yourself, you aren’t seeing the bigger picture here.”

He paused a second longer, watching me, but I still refused to meet his eyes.  Then he turned, grabbed his wallet and keys from the dresser beside my door and left the room.  Seconds later, I heard the front door to my home slam shut.

Not seeing the bigger picture. 
Yeah right!
  I can see it perfectly clear.  In the big picture I don’t ever get what I want and Ally always does.  He may have said he wasn’t interested in her, but I knew that wasn’t the truth, I saw them flirting, I saw the way he was looking at her when she walked away.  Maybe he wasn’t intentionally lying.  He may have actually believed what he said to be true, but he was just fooling himself.  Ally always got her way and she had made her thoughts on Joel very clear since the moment she met him. 
He wasn’t interested?
  Everyone was always interested in anything that my sister did.

I stood and aimlessly paced around my room.  I swung around when I heard Ally’s bedroom door opening.  She stood and looked at me, concern marring her face. 
I didn’t believe it for a second.

“Are you okay Libby?  I heard you fighting.  Do you want to talk about it?” 
Yeah, she was a good actress alright.  Like she was really concerned about me!
  She probably heard every single word. 
I’m sure she’s inwardly doing cartwheels.
  I couldn’t respond, so I just slammed the door in her face. 

Throwing myself on the bed I started sobbing.  I didn’t listen to whatever it was my sister said from the other side of my closed bedroom door.  Eventually she went away, leaving me in my misery.  I noticed the still legible print on the back of my hand from last night.  ‘I’M A GENIUS!’ 
Yeah, got that right!

I’m not sure how long I stayed holed up in my room but eventually I had to leave to use the bathroom.  I wandered through my empty house, grateful that my sister must have gone out.  I grabbed the packet of Tim Tams from the fridge and collapsed on the couch.  I only ate one before I threw the packet on the coffee table. 
Not even those were gonna help make this go away.