Don’t underestimate what can be found at Duty Free. This obviously applies only at main International Airports; at some outbacks you are lucky to get last week’s English newspaper. It is worth holding out and getting a supply of Touche Éclat and a fresh bottle of perfume, or whatever your poison is, here. The shopping is akin to a few hours in a department store at rock-bottom prices. The only thing to be wary of is that they do not always carry the most up-to-the-minute colours, but when is red lipstick or Chanel No. 5 out of fashion?
How to avoid jet lag, travel sickness and home sickness
‘The average airplane is sixteen years old. And so is the average airplane meal’
Joan Rivers
If you are being totally jet set and crossing time zones, it will catch up with you sooner or later. Avoid caffeine and alcohol, food you can’t identify and small talk, and try to adapt to the time zone you are heading to as fast as possible.
If you are travelling west it is best to arrive in the late afternoon, then it is not too long until bedtime, and you will be fresh when you rise. If you are travelling east try to arrive in the morning. Take the night flight, watch one movie then lights out. Wake up when you land, and arrive in sunlight. Don’t give in to the desire for a nap as it will send your body clock into chaos. If you can’t sleep on the plane put the radio on with soft calming music and shut your eyes; it should drown out the sound of the engine and any screaming children.
It is a fact that due to the air pressure in the cabins your emotions will be at fever pitch, and to avoid really joining the mile high club with a total stranger or, indeed, falling head over heels for someone over your plastic food, it’s best to focus on all the lame films you have been harbouring a burning desire to see, but been too cool to admit to.
Do not risk watching anything too taxing in the in-flight movie department, such as films involving aeroplane crashes or death, horror and mutilation; the latter particularly applies if you are daring to do a night flight alone. Also, do not start to watch a movie half an hour before you land, you will never know what happens, never track down the film to rent and it will always bug you. Curl up and settle down for the ride.
If you view a flight from London to New York as the equivalent time of watching two films and flicking through your favourite glossy your fear of flying will seem unfounded and evaporate. If not, tightly clutch the hand of the person next to you, as nervous flying is contagious and they can shake for the journey with you. Calming someone else will calm you down.
It is never great to be sick when away from home, but sometimes even the motion of the journey is enough to set some people off. Do not let this put you off adventuring. For travel sickness be prepared. In car journeys do not read while the vehicle is in motion, especially if you are the driver. This includes maps.
On planes and trains the faint-hearted should get an aisle seat. You may think you want to be sandwiched safely into your seat, but it is preferable to be able to get up and move rather than leap over someone when your stomach tells you it’s time to go. On planes and trains close your eyes and try to sleep it off, while on long car journeys have frequent stops, or open your window to let some fresh air in. You can buy wristbands that put a slight pressure on your wrist’s pressure points, and help prevent nausea. That or sit next to a good-looking stranger, and persuade yourself that this trip you will not feel sick, as it would not be cool to turn a shade of green and vomit on them.
There is another type of sickness when travelling that has no drugs to cure it: homesickness. Call or email a loved one, bring photos with you, and drink tea.
How to look stylish after a long-haul flight
Basically impossible if it’s been a really long flight, and if there was any turbulence – forget it. But for shorter flights, and for style devotees, slip your sunglasses on, carry only one handbag and whip on the heels.
How to sleep
If you have too much on your mind it is very hard to roll over and sleep. Try to leave all your worries in the office, the sitting room, or for another day. You do not want bags under your eyes. If you are away from home, jet-lagged, and don’t know what the time is, close the curtains and your eyes and try to relax.
Listen to tranquil music. Have a soothing bath, a calming cup of camomile tea. Is there anyone who can make you a cup of cocoa? Make the room dark and cosy, and choose a bed that is soft and comfy. Put lavender essence on the pillows. If all else fails, read till your eyes are too droopy and tired to stay open. But only read fairy tales or nice dream-enhancing stories.
Counting sheep, counting receipts, counting calories, counting bills are so so boring you’re bound to nod off.
Counting mistakes you have made, shoes, or things you want to do will wake your brain up and keep you ticking.
However gorgeous you are, everyone needs to make sure they get the correct quota of beauty sleep. Ideally this is eight hours a night so that you are ready to fight another day with style.
How to get a room with a view
Mrs Richards: When I pay for a view I expect something more interesting than that.
Basil Fawlty: That is Torquay, madam.
Mrs Richards: Well, it’s not good enough.
Basil: Well . . . may I ask what you were hoping to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House, perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herd of wildebeest sweeping majestically . . .
Fawlty Towers
Sadly we are not all like Helena Bonham Carter, but if new in town, or it’s your first visit, it is nice to get a Room with a View. Ask if this is possible when you book, but also enquire how much extra, if at all, this privilege will be. Weigh up whether you want to pay for it, and whatever you get try to appreciate the scenery. A car park may not be as conventionally beautiful as the sea but perhaps there is an opportunity to see the local architecture, some great cars, or if there is any other talent out there.
When you arrive at your hotel, confirm your reservation, rate and length of stay, and check that the room is what you were expecting before you start to unpack. It is harder to change a rate or room after you have moved into it. Staff à la Basil and cockroaches can all be part of the charm of the holiday. You can always do the five-star luxury hotel next year. But do be careful when you are staying with friends, or enjoying someone’s hospitality, that you don’t outstay your welcome. Take heed of F. Scott Fitzgerald, who wrote ‘I entertained on a cruising trip that was so much fun that I had to sink the yacht to make my guests go home.’
How to make your hotel room feel like home
Even if you have to travel a lot, there is no place like home, however luxurious your surroundings. Unpack as soon as possible and spread your personal belongings, and character, artistically around the room. Bringing a few ‘special’ items can help to make you feel more at home, but if packing space was limited, drape shoes and dresses so you wake up and see something familiar.
Candles, books, incense, pictures from home, are all great to help recreate your space but this all depends on how long you will be staying. Always purchase fresh flowers as this will bring life to even the drabbest of hotel rooms. Collect items like rocks, shells, leaves, branches, to freshen up the space and bring a sense of nature and comfort, but just make sure that the hotel staff don’t think it is junk and bin all your efforts. Music is also key; iPods are great as you can store a wide selection of your favourites which can transport you to any city in the world, or even back home, if you shut your eyes.
Don’t forget to bring all your favourite bath and beauty products so if it all gets too much you can just soak your troubles away.
Manners
Whatever you do, don’t be tempted to become a petty crook. Extraordinary as this sounds hotels can bring out a bizarre side to some people’s usually impeccable character as delight is found in pilfering from the hotels. But do check your hotel bills. Housekeeping are wise to all the tricks and will snitch on you. Soaps, shampoos and the basic toiletries should be free, so it’s fair enough to stock up on these. Ashtrays, towels, blankets and dressing gown are extra. Before slipping them in your bag ask yourself, why? Why would you want something you already have at home and which will be quadruple the price and triple the inconvenience to pack? Leave it. Buy decent souvenirs.
How to use a compass
‘Second to the right, and straight on till morning.’ That, Peter told Wendy, in
Peter Pan
, was the way to the Neverland.
Some can get their bearings from the tides, some from the stars, while others use a compass. A compass is basically a very primitive ball with a little needle or arrow that is pulled by the magnetic field attached to the North Pole. Thus, once you locate North, which you do by wiggling and twisting the ball till the arrow stops twitching and it points in one direction, you will be able to find South, its opposite, and from this you will, in theory, be able to work out where East and West are. (Think Never Eat Shredded Wheat for the order.)
This is only helpful if you know what direction you need to be going in, or indeed where you are coming from. Compasses may be fine to navigate oceans and skies, but far more successful methods are reading a map, asking for directions, or hailing a cab.
How to read a map
If you are lost, or are searching for a specific location, you need a map. Don’t think treasure maps, think A–Z.
A map is a visual guide to help you find your location. If a man is attempting to wrestle a map from you, let him; you may like to borrow Roseanne Barr’s line: ‘Men can read maps better than women – because only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles.’
Ye Olde Mappe was drawn up by cartographers so voyagers like Columbus could show what they had discovered. In the 1930s Phyllis Pearsall woke every morning at 5 a.m. and walked eighteen miles a day mapping out by hand the streets of London. Its first buyer, W.H. Smith, could barely keep up with demand as finally the A–Z was born, a map of London in a book, with easy to follow grids. This system was adopted to map cities across the globe. To find your location you look up the road and then turn to page reference and grid reference, usually a letter and a number.
On fold-out maps and long-distance journeys the detail is less and less and the miles become millimetres, but as long as you start with the map the right way up you can’t go far wrong.
The internet has revolutionised journeys with
www.streetfinder.co.uk
and the AA and RAC offering sites that will plan your route and give you detailed instructions on how to get from A to B so log onto these or try
www.routefinder.co.uk
and print details before you set off. The only thing to be cautious of with maps and pre-planning is that one-way systems, road works and diversions are rarely shown. What may look good on paper may be an impossibility in reality, so always have an A–Z, or idea of alternative routes, just in case – travelling ‘as the crow flies’ only works if you have black wings.
How to hail a cab across the world
TAXI!
A word that needs no translation and is understood in every tongue. The trick is not how to hail one, but rather how to find one and get it to stop.
There are 19,000 taxis in London, four times the number in Paris; and around 12,000 in New York City and none when you need one.
In London, cabbies have to pass ‘the knowledge’, which involves learning all the routes round town, and can take anything between one year and four to complete. The name ‘taxi’ is an abbreviation of ‘taximeter’, which was the meter invented by Wilhelm Bruhn in 1891 to measure the distance travelled and the fare to charge. Drivers have been licensed since 1838, although coachmen have been operating since the sixteenth century, starting with the mail coach. How very Jane Eyre.
In London you can simply flag them down, that is if you see one with an orange light illuminated. Finders Keepers. In New York it’s a white light that shines when it’s free, but this is very similar to the not so welcome sign saying ‘off duty’. And in the rest of Europe it’s in the luck of the draw. In Paris, like most of Europe, taxis are only required to stop at official taxi ranks, and are loath to do anything to go out of their way and bend the rules to rescue a stranded and confused traveller. There are 487 well-hidden ranks in Paris, but if you don’t see one of these yank your skirt above the knee. A flash of some leg, on heels, and a whistle, will hopefully awaken the passionate side of a Parisian, but could cause a pile-up in Italy.
When hailing a cab the aim is to get one pointing in the direction you are going – easy enough in Manhattan, less so if you are lost. If this is the case just leap in and appeal to the driver’s sense of direction.
As for mini-cabs and taxi touts, it’s a bit like eating a doner kebab. You don’t, unless you first check they have a licence and look legit. Only play Russian roulette and get one of these if you pre-agree a fare with the driver and are in a group. Aim not to be the last one left in the cab alone, but, if you are, keep your mobile on and in prominent view if you feel at all nervous. If you feel at all anxious get out with your group of friends. Far better to get a black cab in London, a yellow one in New York and whatever pulls up sporting a TAXI overhead light in Paris.
Try not to be a backseat driver, unless, as the meter is ticking, you feel that after going past a landmark for the third time, you should say something. But always be polite, you don’t want them dumping you out in no-man’s land; taxis are hard enough to find in the city.
How to tip when abroad
Tipping varies the world over, from verging on excessive in America, to the downright stingy in Europe, to liability to cause offence if you offer in Asia. Know the correct procedure for the country you are in to avoid doors being slammed in your face.