I Surrender (2 page)

Chapter 3:

Put Your Arms Around Me

L
ooking at my reflection in the full length mirror in the tiny cluttered bathroom I sigh disheartened. Not wanting to go against V’s wardrobe selection for me, because that girl has style, I pass-only just.

With big brown eyes, and long lashes that frame my face, I barely look twenty-two. A light dusting of freckles spread across my cheeks and I’ve always seen myself as cute but not gorgeous or ‘hot.’

I look semi presentable, but I can’t shake the look like I haven't slept for weeks no matter how much mascara I apply. And that slight murderous glare in my eye won’t dissolve. V’s meaning of painting the town red may take on a different meaning. I let out a small chuckle. Okay, I'm totally going crazy.

A night out will be good I convince myself while re straightening my long brown hair that falls to my waist. My dark brown eyes are covered in a deep grey shimmer with dark kohl. My lashes are enhanced by my faithful blackest black mascara, a light dusting of foundation covers my freckles, and a sheer pink lip gloss makes me look human, well almost. When will this hole in my chest close over? I haven't spoken to Harper since that fateful night. Is he thinking of me?

Thinking back to happier times, Harper knew how much I was missing my friends and family. He surprised me by taking what little holiday pay he had owing to him and bought us tickets to fly back home for a short vacation. I was over the moon, but look how that turned out. Yes I am home, but I am alone.

I moved to Singapore with Harper to support him whilst he pursued his dreams of climbing the corporate ladder and succeeding within a multibillion dollar company that had accepted him to do an internship at. But by doing this, I put
my
dreams and
my
life goals on hold. However, I didn’t mind because I knew how important it was to him and relationships are all about sacrifice. How could I have been so naïve? It was never
my
dream to move half way across the world. But I loved him so much, and he convinced me his life goals were in turn mine as it would benefit our future together.

So I gave up my dreams of becoming a renowned chef when I dropped out of the Culinary Institute of America at Greystone in St Helena California, to follow Harper to Singapore where English was not their dominate language. Crazy, considering I didn't speak a lick of Mandarin. But Harper made it sound like we would be living the dream. He'd lined up the perfect job for himself, a cute apartment in the CBD and had gotten me a secretarial job at his office.

When we arrived it most certainly was not what I thought it would be. The apartment was actually a one bedroom dwelling above a twenty four hour laundry mat which was put to good use all of those twenty four hours. The job that Harper lined up for me was something a monkey in a polka dot hat could do, whilst smoking a cigar. It was mindless filing and running errands for everyone. But I didn't mind as it meant I could see Harper every day. He was following his dreams, and what kind of girlfriend would I be not to support him.

After a few months the constant hum of dryers lulled me to sleep and I eventually liked the monotonous routine of work. After six months, Harper was promoted to a senior role in the company. He was excelling and the company could see he had potential.

He always looked impeccable with his pressed suits and ties. His cocky smile, smart slicked back sandy hair and strong jaw made him a favorite amongst the female population. Those big blue eyes, wow, they could encourage a vegetarian to devour a steak, raw! What Harper wanted, Harper got. It never concerned him if being eye candy got him favors. If it meant Harper got his way, he'd sell his mom out. But I loved him; I loved his drive and determination. Now looking back I realize Harper was a control freak! And not in a good sexy way either. He chose the places we ate, the new friends I made and on occasion what I wore.

Thinking back to all the times where he subtly swayed me into doing things his way. He would manipulate the situation and behave like it was my idea all along. In hindsight, I should have spoken up, but with Harper there was no such thing as a disagreement. If I was to raise question to anything it would end up in a huge argument which I did not want to have. So to save fighting, I would submit which is not in my nature as I am not a passive person when it comes to my beliefs. But to save arguing with Harper I would give in. Man love is blind!

"Stop with the pity party and get your ass out here!" I swear the woman has ESP!

Enough with the depressing thoughts, I check my reflection one last time sighing. Damn these heels are high. Bring on the stiletto heaven! I could use the height at my 5'1 frame.

"Stop with the sighing already, your shoes are fine." V muffles through the door.

Wow, am I that predictable even through a bathroom door?

"Here goes nothing Ava." I whisper to myself.

If only I knew how wrong I was.

*****

"Would it kill you to smile?" V grins at me as we hit the pavement walking to the bar. Wow, these shoes make us the same height. The world as V sees it. I sometimes wish I could wear her rose tinted glasses. Maybe this freakin’ feeling of despair, loneliness and longing will go away. Oh God, cue the violins. I need to snap the fuck out of this mood. I should be happy and excited for my friend who animatedly bounced up and down in the twenty minute cab ride explaining how Lucas was now acceptable boyfriend material. I force my best attempt of a smile considering my insides are certainly not in a smiling mood.

"There you go. You now only look a quarter homicidal mixed with a shot of crazy."

"Ha ha. I didn't know you were a comedian. Must be all that lip locking with Lucas that's changed you," I reply while walking down a derelict street to reach our destination. This part of town used to be thriving in the 60s. It was filled with touristy trinkets, and unusual boutiques. Now it's packed with Chinese takeaway, pawn stores and thankfully a few of the original unusual boutiques from the 60s which V and I frequent regularly. What other people consider weird or fashionably unacceptable, V and I consider vintage.

Looking down at her 60’s inspired dress I ask, "Where did you buy that young lady? It is amazing and I need to visit its purchase place like yesterday."

V spins around, like a glamour model flaunting her leopard print dress. "I got it at a cute store right next door to my studio. Can you believe it? I can tattoo AND go shopping all on the same block. A girl’s life is complete with that kind of fashion accessibility at her disposal."

I laugh and make a mental note to visit this store. A little retail therapy cures everything, right? Rounding a corner, I see our destination illuminated by a noisy, buzzing neon sign of a cute sailor girl holding a martini glass. This place has changed owners more times than I can count. From Punk, to Goth, to Rock, but now it’s just a hot spot for local bands to play gigs, drink cheap booze and eat hearty counter meals. The building has been painted black since I was last here and it has changed name and surprise surprise ownership. I love this place. It brings back so many memories of V and me sneaking in when we were barely sixteen to enjoy the Goth scene. Oh yeah we were hardcore. Standing in the tiny doorway are two humongous security guards. Lucky these two giants weren't on guard when we were kids. We wouldn't stand a chance.

Now at the ripe ole age of twenty two I have nothing to hide, however both V and I get carded. This is a common occurrence we frequently run into when we’re out. It does feel nice to know that I still look under age. With a curt nod to enter, I smile whilst looking around the venue. It looks and smells the same. Although due to the stifling summer we've apparently had, maybe with a hint of B.O. Gross!

The massive dance floor is still the same, scuffed and seen many individuals bust a move over the years. The stage is now set upon a little podium against the far back wall. On one side off to the stage is a lady holding an umbrella and on the other side is a man holding a golf club, indicating where the bathrooms are. To the right, the huge neon bar is filled with many thirsty patrons waiting impatiently while bopping away to ‘Arms’ by Christina Perri which is blaring over the speakers. Liquor is stored in shelves along the wall, behind the bar. Randomly, tables and bar stools are scattered around the rest of the venue to complete the surroundings. It's small but cozy and with so many people packed together it looks jam-packed.

There is one thing that's changed about "Little Sisters" besides management, and that is the bar staff. Now I can see that this place was appropriately named. Looks like management went out and hired all the little sisters they could find! And then the 'little sisters' raided THEIR little sisters’ closets! Wow I've never seen so much flesh on a bartender before. I bet her tips are off the scale!

V suddenly jolts me out of my prudish thoughts with the highest pitch squeal I have EVER heard.

“What the hell?” I ask looking at her but she is no longer by my side. I catch a glimpse of her back charging over to a very large jock looking guy near the stage. Who the hell is that I question myself silently. Mr. Random seems absolutely thrilled to see my friend. He is wearing baggy skater pants and a basketball singlet with a huge number twelve on it. His hair is slightly longish; shaggy I guess you could call it. A really deep brown, mixed with copper. And man is he tall. He is probably 6’4 with biceps that look very intimidating.

Again, I question myself, what is this strange man’s role in my best friends’ life. Holy crap she just hurdled onto his waist. This can’t be? Is it? No way, Lucas? Judging by the way they are mauling each other’s faces off I think it’s safe to assume it’s him. Wow, I never would have pictured my slightly alternative, Bettie Page inspired friend finding someone like Lucas her ‘type’. Oh yeah nice thinking Ava, like you are a winner on the man front. I look away uncomfortable with their blazing PDA.

“AVA!” I hear. Maybe if I continue to look at the wall and pretend these posters have all the answers to my problems she will leave me alone.

“AVA!” damn this woman is like a pit-bull. I turn and see V waving over uncontrollably for me to join her and Lucas (I hope that’s Lucas!) Sighing, as I feel they have exchanged enough saliva and the coast is clear for a repeat performance I walk over. My heels are too high and it takes a while for me to get to them. Why does this feels like the walk of shame? I know V has told Lucas all about me and I suddenly feel self conscious.

However, before I can process another thought, my breath catches in my throat as I look past the doting couple and see the biggest pair of cerulean eyes observing me curiously. With a strong angled jaw lined with light stubble, he is gazing at me with his head cocked to the side amusingly. But OH MY GOD with that face that is undoubtedly out of this world, his dark brown, almost black hair sits in a frenzied, wild mess. It’s longer on the top, with shorter sides and he’s running his long fingers through it, tousling it further. Holy Fuck! Who is this person with the untamed bed hair?

While trying not to stare and be too obvious, I trip (damn these heels) luckily catching onto the bar for support. OhMyGod! Seriously kill me, like now!

I timidly look up and see he is actually out of his chair, in motion to help me find my footing. What a gentleman.

Thankfully V is there to offer her shoulder.

Laughing she says, “Lucas, may I present my best friend in the whole wide world who surely knows how to make an entrance, this is Ava.” I nod, vaguely acknowledging Lucas whilst still holding onto the bar with a death grip. I scan the vicinity and I know I am being tremendously rude to Lucas but I can’t focus, where did bed head go?

V clears her throat like I’ve totally lost the plot, but I cannot talk as my mouth has gone dry. I know there is an uncomfortable silence because of my reaction, or should I say my non reaction to meeting my best friends’ boyfriend.

After I hear V clearing her throat again, at full volume this time, I mentally slap myself and refocus. “Oh hey Lucas, hi it’s so lovely to meet you.” I extend my hand for the universal greeting of hello, but Lucas’ huge hand which swallows mine whole, pulls me towards him and entraps me into a huge bear hug. I am so startled and kind of choking as I pat his back awkwardly. Man, I suck at introductions. Can this get any more awkward?

Finally after being held hostage by Lucas’ arms of steel he lets me go and I search the area for my mystery man. Who is now standing directly besides V. What?! When did that happen? I stare like I am mentally handicapped. What the hell is wrong with me?

V looks up at my object of fascination and smirks, oh no I know that look.

“Hey Jasper, what’s up?” I look from my friend to Jasper (the cerulean phantom has a name!).

Jasper half smiles at me and replies with a shrug, “Ah not much, just chilling before the show. Who’s this?” he questions, nodding his head in my direction, his soft hair tumbling into his eyes. He is asking who I am. Floor, please swallow me before I die of embarrassment.

V smirks again. I am going to kill her!

“Oh Jasper, this is my best friend who recently moved back from Singapore after a bad break-up, and is currently single, this is Ava.”

And I am officially going to jail for murder.

I glare at a smiling V and make a mental note to pay her back good and proper. I half smile, half choke in embarrassment. Judging by the huge grin plastered on Jaspers’ face, he seems to find watching me squirm quite hilarious.

I can’t help but notice his eyes. Wow they are the color of the deepest blue sea. Blue. Oh God no no no! And here comes hysterical Ava. It’s bad enough I nearly face planted in front of him, but now he surely can see the crumbling mess my face has transformed into. Okay great, Jasper most likely thinks I escaped Singapore from a mental asylum hitching a ride on a shrimp boat!

I let out an obvious calming breath, better than tears I remind myself and attempt a half smile. Who cares what gorgeous big blue eyes thinks as I am officially D O N E with men. And in my experience blue eyes are nothing but trouble. I try to convince myself unsuccessfully while looking into those orbs of beauty.