I Surrender (3 page)

“Well it’s a pleasure meeting you Ava, I’m Jasper. I have heard a lot about you.” Jasper nods politely while the tip of his tongue quickly sweeps out to brush his upper lip. I tell myself to breathe and calm the fuck down. His deep voice resonates into me and I shiver in desire. Why is this stranger making me feel like I am twelve years old again?

“Hi Jasper, I’m Ava,” I reply a little too loudly and cringe when I realize my response. Yes Ava we have established who everyone is. I liked myself better when he thought I was mute.

Jasper smiles, a genuine full tooth, dimples proudly on display smile. I melt, and then berate myself. As the uncomfortable silence stretches, Jasper is looking at me attentively, leaving no part of me unexplored.

His intense gaze blushes my cheeks a bright scarlet, but I can’t stop staring at him and am so conflicted with my reaction to him. The connection between us is instant, and the air is charged with a sexual static which makes no sense.

“Sooo.. Who wants a drink?” Lucas asks, sensing the tension between us.

Jasper continues his observation of me with that mystifying smirk, while I am trying desperately not to hyperventilate.

V answers as Jasper and I continue on with our staring match. “I will baby, a gin and tonic please. Ava?”

Hearing my name, I tear my eyes away from Jasper and reply, “Um, no I’m good thanks.”

How far from the truth that really is.

“J?”

Jasper still giving me that sultry look, finally replies, “Nah man all good, I have to warm up for the show anyway. It was a pleasure meeting you Ava; I hope to see you around soon.” Jasper stares into my eyes, and time freezes.

I can only nod as I am incapable of speech. He throws me an unreadable look over his shoulder and disappears out back. Finally I can concentrate and I remind myself to swallow. What is wrong with me? I must be getting a fever because all of a sudden I am heated from head to toe.

I look around in a daze, where has Lucas gone? Oh yes to get V her drink.

At last I feel like I can breathe again and my brain has stopped with the fog, enabling words. “Why is Jasper going backstage?” I squeak. Wow, is that really my voice.

“Cause he’s in the band silly, he’s the singer.” I turn to look at V. She has the look of someone up to no good plastered all over her scheming face.

I am going to kill her, the little so and so.

Chapter 4:

Bitch Claws

“
M
ind explaining what that was back there?” V asks, indicating with her head to where the awkwardness of mine and Jasper’s encounter occurred.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I reply twisting my pink umbrella in some strawberry mocktail I blindly ordered.

“Oh pleaaseee, that was so awkward I wanted to gouge my own eyeballs out.” V is sitting on her bar stool, swinging her legs happily; totally oblivious to the fact that I am literally puzzled over what happened between Jasper and I. What was that? I rotate my head from side to side, like that’s going to clarify anything.

Before I can question myself further, the lights dim and the crowd roars. Out strut three very confident men, walking to their instruments like it’s their weapons of mass destruction. I can see Lucas is the drummer; he gives a wave to V who beams back an adoring smile. A shorter guy than Lucas, with a surfer look, blonde hair, cut off shorts and a white t shirt picks up his blazing red guitar. And to the right of the stage, another member who totally looks like he stepped off the runway picks up his bass guitar. Lucas kicks off with a beat, and then the other two boys join in with their instruments. The crowd is cheering, holding up their beers saluting the loud assaulting music.

I know I am holding my breath, along with a few other girls, who I can see are highly anticipating Jasper’s arrival. Seriously, why does he get a special entrance? I can hear from the bellow of screams before I even see him hit the stage. I don’t want to look up. Suddenly my pink umbrella is the best thing in the world.

V kicks me and nods her head up at the stage. Fine, I’ll look. I wish I didn’t. Jasper is shielding his eyes from the blinding light, trying to catch sight of his fans. He has a huge smile on his face and looks at home on that stage. I tilt my head to the side taking in all things Jasper. Wearing a navy shirt over a white tight t-shirt, ripped snug black jeans riding low on his hips and combat boots, I can clearly see the defined shape of his muscles under the bright lights. Jasper is not big, but he is lean. He has muscles in all the right places and you can tell he works out. Under that shirt I know lies a well-defined, well looked after physique. He isn’t overly tall maybe 5’10, but on that stage he is a giant and he knows it if that smirk is anything to go by.

Finally he holds onto that microphone like it’s his lifeline and sings his first note. Wow, my insides drop. He is not only beautiful, he is beautifully talented. He strums his guitar so gently, like it was created from the most fragile material. His muscled forearms are taut while playing the guitar and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I cannot stop looking at him; he is mesmerizing.

V is singing along to the words while I smile at her excitement. I can tell she only has eyes for Lucas. Looks like she might be right, he may be THE one.

Deep in thought, staring at the stage I catch Jasper’s eye. He sings a deep melody about broken dreams and lies, and is staring at me intensely. I turn around to look behind me; surely he’s not looking at me that way. I turn back and catch him smirk, shaking his scruffy locks which are sticking out in all directions. He IS looking at me. I suddenly am extremely self-conscious.

V catches our weird looks and kicks me hard to get my attention. I turn to look at her as she mouths, ‘OMG.’

I roll my eyes but internally I am mimicking her statement.

*****

The show is fantastic; the boys are actually pretty good. We are waiting for Lucas to come join us as a DJ is programmed to play some tunes til 5am. It’s about 1am and my brain is in overdrive. I have not slept after my grueling flight but I am not tired. I wonder why, then stupid blue eyes pops into my head. Oh yes that’s the reason why. He knows I am here, he knows I have left Singapore. News flash Ava, he doesn’t care. He never did.

I sullenly wipe my exhausted face and need some fresh air. I feel like I’m choking in here. I quickly push off my seat and motion to V I am going outside for a minute. I think she can tell by the grim look on my face why I need a breather.

The fresh air hits me and it’s a relief. It’s like a slap in the face, something I need, to make me feel anything besides this anguish.

There are a bunch of drunken girls squealing trying to get anyone’s attention. God, they make me sick. I turn to cross the road as I see a little, well lit park over there. I want to sit and recollect what the hell my life is. The feeling of being back home is overwhelming but it’s the happiest I have been in a while. But there is something missing and I know what or should I say who that is.

Deep in thought, I fail to notice a puff of smoke in my peripheral vision. I jump up in alarm, totally paranoid I have been followed by a deranged stalker. However, the street lights illuminate a familiar face and it’s not one of a madman, it’s Jasper. He quickly steps out from under the tree, concern in his eyes when he notices my reaction. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I peek up from under my lashes and attempt a half smile. He is just as handsome as before. Did he follow me here? Secretly my insides are fist pumping in excitement, but my heart barely registers a response. Am I that dead inside? After this one breakup? Has Harper broken me forever?

“Are you okay?” he asks softly. If only I could answer that question and feel I was being truthful to myself.

“Not really, but I’ll live. What doesn’t break you makes you stronger and all that.” Why did I just say that? I hate all those cheesy clichés.

Jasper only nods, puffing on his cigarette and I feel ridiculous sitting whilst he towers over me.

“You’re most welcome to sit. My moodiness isn’t contagious.” I earn a chuckle from him as he butts out his cigarette and takes a seat. He leaves a gap between us and I turn to face him tucking a leg under my knee. Under these lights, his eyes blow my mind. They are not only the deepest blue I have ever seen, there are so big giving him an innocent, doe eye appearance. We just sit and look intently at one another, not in a creepy or awkward way like earlier. There is something about him, something deeper to him.

He clears his throat. “So, V said you lived in Singapore. How did you like that?”

I shrug; even the word Singapore hurts my heart.

“It was okay, after I learnt the basics in Mandarin and stopped asking people if I could use their toilet when I thought I was asking where to find the nearest train station, it was fine. The food was great which was right up my alley as before I left, I was in the middle of getting my degree in Culinary Art. The people are lovely, so respectful of one another. It was a nice change from living in LA, where you don’t know who to trust.” Trust, even that word makes me want to puke.

Jasper chuckles and the sound drives my flesh into a frenzy. “Yeah I know what you mean. What did you do for a job over there?”

“I worked as a file clerk, correction it was office bitch.” I smile sincerely for the first time.

I am so pleased at myself for stringing a sentence together as its nice talking to Jasper. He’s a really good listener and being in his presence is strangely soothing. I notice he has a scar above his right eyebrow, like one would after having a piercing there. His top lip is perfectly bow shaped and his bottom lip is deliciously full. Looking at his mouth, the only thing that mars that perfection is a small scar running along the corner of his bottom lip. Staring at it, I realize that makes him all the more attractive. I marvel at the smoothness of it and stop myself from behaving like a madwoman from reaching out and touching it.

“So what about you?” I ask surprised at my ability to voice a coherent remark after mentally undressing Jasper.

He shrugs, looking straight ahead deep in thought. After a while he turns to look at me, his head tilted slightly. He looks baffled, like he is attempting to figure out an ambiguous puzzle. And I have a feeling that puzzle is me, which makes no sense. I met this man like five seconds ago; it wouldn’t make sense if there was some weird chemistry happening between us. Right?

Snapping me out of my daze he says, “I was born and bred in Chicago; I have an older brother who is thirty one. I don’t see much of him, he lives in Texas. My mom is still in Chicago, she’s remarried. My dad died last year in a house fire. Music is my life and so…” before he can finish his sentence a loud wailing can be heard from across the street.

“JASPER! Are you out here? JASPER!” We both look at the culprit assaulting our eardrums and I see the biggest blonde bimbo waving frantically at Jasper. I assess this female like a threat; I ignore the reasoning behind that impractical response.

She is tall, probably 5’9 with the silkiest blonde hair I have ever seen. It runs down her back, nearly to her tiny waist. She has the biggest cleavage humanly possible on a female of such a slight frame. I wonder if they are real. Tight black pants and a turquoise silk halter, this bitch is a poster girl for fakery! As she approaches in her turquoise wedges I see Jasper tense up. Curious to his reaction, I look between the two interested.

“Jasper, I’m so sorry I’m late. Work ran late, traffic was hell getting here, but here I am,” she declares spreading her hands, like she has solved some riddle.

“That’s okay Indie, I knew you’d make it if you could,” Jasper replies evenly.

Indie? Seriously that was her name? Indie looks at me, then Jasper, then back at me. The hatred between us is instantaneous. She raises a suspicious sculptured eyebrow and rudely sticks her hand out into my face without a word, I think she wants to shake my hand but I can’t be too certain. Does she want me to shake her hand or high five her or play patty cake!

I glance down at her hand like it is an offending object and pull back slightly. Who the hell introduces themselves by sticking their hand into someone’s face, expecting a handshake without a verbal introduction? Crazy people that’s who!

So I question. “I’m not too sure what you’re expecting me to do with your hand but would you kindly remove it from my personal space.”

She looks at me clearly irritated so I continue. “Normal people don’t go around waving their claws in someone’s face; civilized people usually use language to express their hellos. I guess you don’t fall into that category.”

Wow hello bitch claws! Where did that come from?! Indie opens her mouth attempting to answer, but my uncalled insolence has obviously pissed her off and she storms off whilst glaring at me-oops I’ve clearly pissed off the princess. Who is this person and why is she is snarling at me like I have stolen her prized pig.

Suddenly I remember Jasper is sitting next to me. My manners have obviously taken a holiday to insult a total stranger. No matter how annoying she is, it gives me no right to pay her out even though she totally deserved it, the impolite tramp. Okay Ava enough, I scold myself.

I then question who is this person to Jasper? Have I just insulted his friend or
girlfriend
?

I turn steadily not sure what I’ll see. But luckily he is hiding a dimpled smile and biting his lip to contain his laughter.

Good, at least he’s not pissed.

Kudos to me.

Chapter 5:

Home Sweet Home

I
t has been three days since I’ve been home and I can’t put off the inevitable, I have to go see my parents. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents but they are sometimes too overbearing and treat me like I am five years old. So as you can imagine when I up and left with Harper, they nearly had a coronary. I walk up the driveway of my childhood home. It’s a modest all American dream house. When I lived here I always thought it was so big and welcoming. Now when I look up at the window of my old bedroom, I see my hopes and dreams of marrying my prince charming shattering onto the perfect lawn I am currently standing on. Quit it Ava, I scold myself. Knocking on the front door I am greeted by my mother.

“Oh honey you don’t have to knock. This will always be your home. I’ve missed you honey, come in I have baked us cookies.” And it’s like Groundhog Day all over again. Things in the Thompson house will never change. I enter my old home; it’s exactly how I remembered it. The lounge room has the same black three seater, two recliners with a low wooden coffee table and a huge flat screen. My mom has added a few paintings and knick knacks but the place even smells the same. Dad is watching a football match and he rises when he sees me.

“Princess, it’s so good to see you,” he muffles into my hair while I wrap my arms tightly around his chubby frame. I love my dad, I admit I am a daddy’s girl and proud of it. He pulls me back to get a good look at me.

“Wow princess have you grown?”

I laugh cheerfully. “No dad I’m twenty two, I think I missed that train long ago.”

Teasing me he pulls me in for another hug while mom ushers us into the kitchen. The table is set for royalty. She must see my apprehension and pulls out a chair for me.

“Sit honey; please it’s been so long since we’ve seen you.” I oblige and she serves up a few cut sandwiches and pours me a glass of juice. Dad takes double the amount he should being on meds for diabetes but my mom ignores it and smiles at me uncomfortably.

Oh no here it comes. “So honey, where is Harper?” Nope, his name still tears a hole right through me. I pick at my lunch suddenly not very hungry and look out the window. Why can’t life be simple?

There is a long awkward silence before I confess. “Harper and I broke up mom. He broke up with me a day before we were scheduled to come visit. He said he didn’t love me anymore and judging by the way he broke up with me, he hadn’t for a long while. He couldn’t see a future with me because I had no life goals. He told me to go back home and forget what we had. I exchanged my ticket to a one way trip and I am officially back for good.”

That was the first time I repeated aloud Harper’s actual words to me. God it still hurt like he only had said it seconds ago. My parent’s faces are one of shock and disbelief. Yeah join the club!

All of a sudden my dad’s face tightens. Uh oh! “How dare that sonofabitch! How dare he!”

“Calm down Paul,” my mother coos.

“I most certainly will not calm down Maggie. How dare he speak to our daughter that way. I will fly myself over to Singapore and teach him a thing or two about life goals.” Now I see where I get my temper from. Mom soothes a hand over dads’ clenched fist, while I sigh. Harper is like a disease, and I am infected with his sickness; and now so are my parents.

“So honey, are you coming back home?” Mom asks hopefully. I haven’t even thought about that. What am I going to do?

“I’m not sure mom; I’m staying with V at the moment until I decide what to do.”

“You will return to CIA won’t you? You must. You just dropped out when your grades were exceptional and your teachers were singing your praises. You were top of your class then you just left… to become an office worker.” This is my life, according to my mom.

“It wasn’t that simple mom.”

“You were going places honey. I just know you would have become a world famous chef with your dishes.”

“You don’t know that mom. You weren’t in my classes to make such a statement,” I reply pissed.

“That’s true honey but your father and I saw and tasted the dishes you created. Your creativity and your interest to try new recipes made you unique and special. Unlike other parents who can’t appreciate their child’s chosen career path whilst learning, your father and I were lucky enough to actually see what you were creating. And that’s what you were doing Ava, you weren’t just cooking, it was an art for you.”

I sigh because my mother is right. I loved creating dishes that were different. They were my work of art on a plate. It was my way of expressing myself through food.

I feel like I am suffocating with all this deep talk. Dad sees my mood change and clutches my hand. “Whatever YOU decide princess we will support you. We have your old car in the garage; you take that, stay with Veronica for a while and see what happens. Culinary school isn’t going anywhere. You take a breather and decide what is best for you.” I love my dad, he understands me.

My mother however does not look impressed with my fathers’ comment but doesn’t say a word. Wow another awkward silence. I seem to be having a lot of them lately.

After lunch my dad leads me to the garage out back where my little white Honda sits. It looks exactly the way I left, down to the bobbling skeleton head hanging from the rear view mirror. Dad hands me the keys and I sit inside my car. The feeling is so surreal. I have good memories in this car. Of Harper and I being happy, driving around like we didn’t have a care in the world. We didn’t back then, but now God it even hurts to breathe.

Waving goodbye to my parents I head back to Veronica’s studio to watch her work and kill some time. Anything to distract me is better than being alone.