Authors: Jennifer Loiske
“Can you honestly claim you don't know Clarissa is afraid of you? Love, at least true love, is not born out of fear,” Gunward spoke calmly, and Adam saw the wisdom of centuries reflected in his eyes.
Adam stared at Gunward again with his burning black eyes. He would not survive another mutiny. He had already defied Gunward once and it was a miracle he was still here. But he was not ready to let go of Clarissa. Without Clarissa he would be lost. He'd be no more than a brawler, so fearsome that no one would dare challenge him, but a mere cur nonetheless. When he was near Clarissa he saw what he might become. What a glorious future he could have with the girl. He couldn't be with any other girl and thus it was really neither here nor there what Gunward's verdict would be. If he couldn't have Clarissa, he might just as well live in exile. Gunward gave him a searching look. The entire forest seemed to hold its breath. It was completely quiet.
“One year,” Gunward said firmly.
“And then what?” Adam asked.
“One year and then you may approach Clarissa.”
“You must not force her into anything. You’ll have to play by human rules. You may not resort to scare tactics either, and if she doesn’t choose you you’ll have to be satisfied with that,” Gunward held out his hand, convinced that Adam wouldn't take it.
“Done,” Adam said and firmly grasped the proffered hand.
They sealed the pact in the ancient manner and Adam knew that if he now screwed things up he would not have another chance.
“Not good enough. You will swear it by all you hold sacred and then you will go with me to the elders on Senja. You’ll be spending the next year there, learning and listening to the elders. It’s time for you to understand the meaning of pack and to discover your past before you’re ready for the future.”
“Senja! Have you lost your mind? I’m not going to spend a whole year on Senja! Absolutely not!” Adam roared and swiftly snatched his hand out of Gunward's, as if Gunward's hand had burned his.
“Take it or leave it!” Gunward thundered. “Don’t you understand you have no choice?”
“One year,” Adam said quietly, looking defeated. “And then I will have Clarissa?” He asked almost soundlessly.
“Aren’t you listening to me? The choice is not yours to make. It will be for Clarissa to choose!”
Adam weighed his options. Gunward was right. If he wanted Clarissa for himself he would have to obey Gunward. If he refused to go to Senja, Gunward would probably deny him the right to change shape and force him to forget himself. Did he then have any choice except swear the oath and go to Senja? Adam shrugged, pretending nonchalance.
“Very well. I will swear it.”
“An oath can’t be taken back. Remember that, Adam,” Gunward reminded him.
“I know that!” Adam snapped. “You can be sure that exactly a year from now I’ll return and then Clarissa will be mine.”
“On her own terms,” Gunward insisted.
“On her own terms,” Adam affirmed.
Gunward gave Adam a long, searching look and tried to determine whether or not he could trust the younger man. Adam returned his gaze levelly, and Gunward decided to take a risk and trust him.
“Clarissa will make the final decision?” Gunward reaffirmed.
“That’s what we agreed. Clarissa will decide,” Adam replied.
Gunward gave Adam's hand another firm shake and the agreement was sealed. The men changed into wolves in silence and started a leisurely trek back to Sofia’s house. From time to time Adam felt Gunward’s mind poke his own and ponder whether he had struck a good bargain or a bad one, but otherwise they kept to their own thoughts. They were both worried about Sofia’s reaction to their agreement. Sofia might still oppose them and rage at them, but they were ready to face her wrath. The oath had been given and Sofia could not overrule the alpha male even if she wanted to.
Clarissa lay in her bed. Her duvet had fallen halfway to the floor and her long bare legs gleamed goldenly as the sun caressed them. She extended her arms far behind her head and stretched luxuriantly. At last all the terrifying events were over and she could enjoy the beautiful early autumn. On the other hand, even though some of the recent goings-on had been truly frightening, Clarissa had to admit she had enjoyed some of them. It had felt glorious to walk around the town with the young males. Unrefined though their manners yet were, they still made heads turn. All of Clarissa’s friends had seemed to transform into drooling idiots whenever even one of the males had been with her, and other boys seemed irredeemably dull. Clarissa couldn’t see herself ever again yearning for the company of human boys. Their adolescent bodies were still undeveloped and their heads so full of youthful male hormones, their thoughts so focused on sex, that the trim, trained figures of the young males appeared even more enticing by comparison.
Clarissa sighed. Perhaps she would finally have to face facts and forget the young males. After all, she was a human. What chance did she have of being with a handsome shape shifter male? None. Besides, none of them except Adam had made the slightest move to seduce her. They treated her as a family member, so she would either have to change her attitude and set her sights back on boring human boys, or become a nun.
Last night had been downright chaotic. Gunward and Adam had returned, but for some reason Adam appeared to have evaded punishment for stalking her. David had yelled at Gunward, but Sofia had been calm and collected. From the numerous looks exchanged between the shape shifters Clarissa knew that something was going on. She was also aware that Marie knew what was afoot, but she’d had no opportunity to talk to Marie alone. Tiamhaidh and the other males had always blocked her way whenever she’d tried to approach Marie, and Marie had obviously avoided meeting her eyes.
Adam had seemed in no way repentant. On the contrary, his dark eyes had stared feverishly at Clarissa all night and she had tried to fight both fierce spasms of desire in her lower belly and creepy frissons of fear on her skin. She was not ignorant of matters between boys and girls, but she had never allowed anyone more than a few kisses and some touching. But Adam’s gaze aroused in her an insufferable desire to join with him. And yet he frightened her. She wanted sex, real sex, no furtive teenage fumbling under the duvet but passionate sex with the gorgeous Adam – and yet she wanted to run as far from him as she could, wanted to flee and hide. Was that even normal? Were Adam a tad more gentle and humble, Clarissa might consider dating him. On the other hand he wouldn’t be Adam then, and Clarissa couldn’t say whether or not he would interest her if he were tamer. Luckily she could forget him, for she had found out that Gunward would take a part of the pack and go to Norway, and Adam would be among those going with him. Clarissa shrugged indifferently. She would miss the pack. It was somehow strange to feel such kinship with unfamiliar young men, but Clarissa felt as if a part of her family were going away. The males were so refreshing compared to ordinary human boys. They didn’t pretend and they didn’t lie. They might be shockingly blunt-spoken at times, but they never purposefully hurt or deceived anyone. Unlike human boys. They seemed to have no room in their heads for anything except thoughts of how they could get into bed with her, and they were ready to deceive, lie, and use any other possible means to get what they wanted. The young males said what they wanted up front and if she said no, the matter would be closed at least for the time being.
Clarissa lifted one perfect leg up and started slowly stretching the back of her thigh. While doing that she scrutinized her leg. What would it feel like to wrap it around Adam? Would she shiver if Adam touched her? She switched legs and let her fingers slide slowly along her calf towards her ankle. How would it feel to be able to change shape? Could she decide what shape to shift into, or would she be able to change into one animal only? What an embarrassment it would be if she could only shift into a sheep or a chicken! Clarissa sat up and shook her head in confusion. She couldn’t understand where all these strange thoughts were coming from. She stretched her arms and then opened her arms as wide as she could, stretching her pectorals as well as her shoulders. Her gaze wandered around the room and she tried to even her breath. Then her eyes met the mirror and stopped there.
“Impossible!” she shrieked and jumped up. She ran to the mirror and looked at herself. Her eyes were golden brown!
“Really impossible!” she shrieked again.
She explored her face with her fingers, looking for signs of other changes, but found none. She stripped off her thin nightgown and stood naked in front of the mirror. She twisted to see herself from every angle but no matter how she tried, she saw nothing different except her eyes, which had changed from bright green to golden brown. To the eyes of a wolf, her subconscious whispered.
“No,” Clarissa whispered in horror. “No! This can’t be true!”
“Mother!” Clarissa shouted. “Mother!”
I rose swiftly from the armchair. I heard Clarissa’s voice becoming hysterical and I automatically glanced at Adam, who was sitting at the table and calmly eating breakfast. Adam lifted one eyebrow questioningly. I leapt to the stairs and ran up them two at a time. I pushed Clarissa’s door open and stood in the doorway, baffled. Clarissa was standing in the middle of her room, stark naked, staring with horror at herself in the mirror. I heard the others running up the stairs and hastily wrapped Clarissa in a bathrobe. I couldn’t understand what was wrong. I wrapped my arms protectively around Clarissa and stroked her back soothingly. David ran to us and all six males flocked into the room. Gunward and Adam remained in the doorway and when I lifted my eyes to Adam I noticed a smug smile on his lips. He stared at Clarissa in admiration and she returned his stare with a bewildered expression.
“Sofia, look at your daughter,” Gunward said.
I looked at Clarissa but noticed nothing special about her. I looked questioningly at Gunward, who smiled irresistibly at me.
“Look closer, a chroi,” he urged, laughing. “Something has happened that ought to be impossible.”
I twirled Clarissa around and examined her from every angle. I still couldn’t tell what the matter was though, until I met her eyes.
“Eu-comasach!” I exclaimed.
“Gunward, this is not possible,” I said, my voice tremulous.
“Mom, what’s happening to me?” Clarissa pleaded, on the verge of tears.
I caught Gunward’s eyes as I answered Clarissa.
“You’re changing. You have the ability to shift shape even though we thought it impossible.”
“What?” David cried. “This is enough! What have you done to Clarissa? What have you done to her?” he yelled, rushing to Adam and seizing him by the front of his shirt.
Gunward prepared to bark orders but Adam only looked at David with amusement.
“I haven’t done a thing. Do you think, ignorant human, that I can change people into shape shifters? If you think so you’re even more stupid than I ever thought. Look at your daughter and be proud of her! She’s history in the making, for no one else whose parents weren’t both shape shifters has been capable of shifting.”
Adam looked impudently at Clarissa.
“This changes the situation, doesn’t it, brathair?” he said, directing his words at Gunward.
Gunward merely grunted and before anyone could stop him Adam had taken one long step and stood right in front of Clarissa. He took her hand and lifted it to his lips. Clarissa was trembling.
“Mo gaol,” Adam whispered.
Clarissa stared at Adam, mesmerized. I could no longer remain silent but yowled faintly. I thrust Adam aside and pushed Clarissa into David’s embrace. I stepped between them and challenged Gunward.
“One year, Gunward. You promised.”
“Sofia, Adam is right. The situation has changed. He has a right to Clarissa if she herself wants it.”
“Gunward! You can’t be serious! Even if Clarissa’s eyes have changed it doesn’t mean she’s a shape shifter!” I burst out incredulously.
“Sofia, a chroi, you know that isn’t true. Clarissa is one of us. A shape shifter. Time will tell how strong she is, but you can’t deny the truth,” Gunward pointed out calmly.
“Clarissa is my daughter. A human, Gunward! Human!”
Gunward regarded me pensively. He saw how alarmed I was. David evidently had no idea what was going on, but he sensed my distress and reacted to it. Clarissa looked at Adam like one bewitched and Adam looked at her as if she were a gourmet dinner.
“Damn,” Gunward huffed.
“Very well. One year. Adam, stop stalking her and get ready to depart. Sofia is right. Clarissa is still more human than shape shifter. You have no right to her as yet. You will wait as we agreed.”
Adam grunted ominously and bared his teeth, but in an instant the other males had surrounded Clarissa and David, and Adam had to back off. He gave Clarissa one long look, then he turned and marched noisily downstairs. Gunward assigned Ciall to guard duty outside Clarissa’s room and the other males went downstairs to discuss the departure. I, too, went to the door, for I wanted to hear precisely what Gunward’s orders would be and I knew Ciall would let me know the instant Adam tried to force his way into Clarissa’s room. Gunward turned to look at David.
“We leave tonight,” he said in stern tones.
David merely gave him a slight nod and Gunward followed me out of the room. He held Clarissa tightly in his arms for a moment longer and then followed the others downstairs, silent as a ghost.
The moment the room had emptied, Clarissa dropped her bathrobe and stood naked in front of the mirror.