In a Latitude of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 5) (23 page)

Read In a Latitude of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 5) Online

Authors: Ichabod Temperance

“That’s fine with me, y’all, seein’s how this big monster has positioned himself at the end of the line and we are helplessly and irresistibility flung straight at the horrible creation. We are going to hit the launching platform at full speed. Where that was going to launch the ship to hit the gyros, now we are about to be tossed into the ice-man’s clutches. Hang on, we are about to hit the station!”

~Eirk-kuh-
Blurgjh.
~

“Aaaaahhhh!!!”

~KURGE~

“Unnhh!”

“I say, Mr. Temperance, do something! Bizzarito has our train in his grip! Lifting the rocket train engine into the air, he will soon tear into the cabin and kill us all!”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am. Let’s see, maybe if I climb outside, I can make a heroic leap to Mr. Bizzarito’s shoulder. If I do not slide off the icy surface, maybe I could pluck out enough relays through his ear pod openings to cause the big fella some discomfort.”

“Mr. Temperance! The retro-rockets are still facing forward towards the monster’s terrible face. Why sir, do you not pull that lever to fire the devices?”

“That switch is marked for ‘Emergency Use Only,’ Miss Plumtartt.”

“This
is
an emergency, Mr. Temperance!”

“Oh! Yeah! Right! Here goes!
Fire in the hole!”

FFFSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

WHOOOMM!!! WHOOOMM!!!

“Woo-hoo! We got him!”

Eee
-Aye-
rRoark!!!

“Ahh-

-Oooph!”

“Ach! The tin man of ice has released us, allowing our rocket skate train engine to fall into this snow bank. I think we have survived!”

“I say, rather, the fall was painful but better than the alternative of being ground into non-digestive food for our frozen friend, eh, what?”

“Yes, Ma’am. This here rocket carriage is done. Our big buddy was knocked backwards by the unexpected blast in his face to fall backwards into the gyroscope that unfortunately is still standing.”

{ { { s-h-u-d-d-e-r } } }

“How are vee going to bring down that gyroscope now, Icky?”

“I don’t know, Wolfgang. Hey! Look! Do I see a giant icy hand rising up beside the giant gyroscope?”

“Ha, ha! Yes you do, Ichabod. I think the monster is down, but not out. He is able to reach up and take a hold on the gyroscope’s frame. I am afraid that our murderous servant has found a way to bring himself to an entirely upright and erect position.”

mnk, mnk, mnk
“Let us flee, my friends and fiends, on foot and take the last train to Departsville.”

“We still gotta two thousand mile haul to get to the harbor and the gyroscope is still standing. My prediction is that the Earth will have been destroyed before we arrive, Count ChauckOolaux.”

“Enheh. The monster is rising! Enheh. He pulls his massive weight up by clinging to the gyroscope’s outer frame! Enheh.”

krrr

“Sss, sss, sss.
That gyroscope has got a crack in it, Bhjrghjtt.”

Krr!

“Oui, Monsiuer Ierjghjnnhjgei, I do not think it enjoys supporting the weight of the colossal ice giant, no?”

KRRRR
-
RACK!!!

“Ha, ha! The gyroscope is breaking! I count this as one big lucky break for us, ha, ha!”

KUH-
R
R
R
A
A
A
S
H
HH
!!!

CHUH, CHUH, CHUH, CHUH...

“Look, Rhoemin, the gyroscope is falling all to pieces! Like, The Earth is saved!”

{chorus all}
“Hoo-ray! Eek!”

“Vee are not out of zee voods yet mein friends. The gyroscope is destroyed, but the monster lives! Und now the murderous mechanical monstrosity ist standing!”

“I suggest that we all make a hastened journey along to that rocket ship for the coast, my treasured guests.”

“Hurry, everybody in! Let me take a quick head count. Good, all thirty-three characters in our little saga are aboard. Hit it, Icky!”

“Yessir, Mr. Coalshack. Bizzarito looks like he damaged a foot in the fall and is now hampered by a severe limp but nevertheless seems intent on our destruction. Okay, here we go, folks.
Fire in the hole!”

BAH-
FHO
O
OSHHHH!!!

‘Heh, heh, heh, h-h-heee pursues us still! The damage and the limp are just enough to prevent him from catching us. Do you think he will keep up the chase for the entire two thousand mile trip back to the harbour?”

“Yessir.”

aaa

~honk!~

“That horn signals our approach to the harbour station. We should be experiencing the braking hills in a moment. Temperance, do you see the Servant out of that rear porthole?”

“Nossir, I mean, no Ma’am, Miss Vampyrellah, Ma’am. I know he’s back there, though, as I can still feel the smashing of the track behind us. I think we have about a ten minute gap before his arrival.”

“Ja, I agree on that time estimate. Vhat vill it take to get the ‘
Nautilust’
undervay?”

“Well, Wolfgang, her furrnaces’ll sure tae bae as cold as the flouor of Loch Ness in Febrouoary. If we’re louocky, wae’ll foind ’er with her springs wouond and her aeirre taenks couompressed.”

“I say, I think we shall be cutting it very close. Might I suggest that we all be in the highest state of readiness and prepared for haste in the highest magnitude of execution?”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am. Hang onto your hats, folks. Usually the engineer would have already been braking this sucker by now, but I’m letting this bird come in fast. Here come the braking hills!”

“WOAH!!!”

“Ichabod!” “Dumpkaupf!” “Mr. Temperance!” “Vous imbécile!” “Icky!” “Organic-brained buffoon!” “Ickity!” “SchweinHunde!” “Nq Zq Pq!” “Ick-Ick!”

“Blouody idiouot!” “Human menace!” “Tonto estúpido!”

SSSKRRR-
EEEEEEEEEE!!!

kunk!

“Rouse! Rouse! Rouse!”

booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk.

“Hear, hear! I say! I concur, most emphatically, yes, my word!”

booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk.

“Ha, ha! I feel, rather than hear, the approach of our disappointingly disobedient servant. Ha, ha! How I loathe to count his vibratory footfalls. Each heavy step, and accompanying pronounced limp fills my inestimable heart with the nameless dread, ha, ha!”

booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge

“Heh, heh, heh, h-h-h-hthhe ‘
Nautilust’
! There it is!”

booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk.

“All the Senores and Senoritas please hurry aboard. Senor Temperance and Senor Metzger, please to help unmoor our elegantly beautiful escape vessel of my passionate dreams.”