In any ordinary life (In any oridnary Book 1) (11 page)

   Jeanie sat down and took a deep breath, regardless of how she felt she had a job to do. Wiping her face on her sleeve she pulled herself together as professionally as she could.

“Yes I am, Jeanie Rutherford. Suppose you can call me chief engineer I’m the only one on sight anyway.” Jeanie held out her hand for the young private to shake.

“Listen no offence you can tell me to mind my own business but, what is a da…woman like you doing in a shop like this.”

Jeanie laughed uncomfortably remembering the conversation with Signthrope earlier.

“I’ve been saying that for years!” Walking away with her new sidekick she showed him around the garage and as she smiled politely and spoke, Jeanie felt sick.

“Welcome aboard and thank you, not so many people are as gracious about…you know.”

   Mike nodded back seeing that she felt uncomfortable enough without him adding to it. “0400 in the morning then Boss lady.”

   Holding out her hand again Jeanie couldn’t speak James had acted out of character and he was even cruel.

   Sat at her desk she pulled out the paperwork for the vehicles and as she did small droplets of blood started to fall from her nose again. Looking across the workshop she felt safe this is what she was, this was all she had ever known, and how could she ever be anything different.

   Taking her sleeve she wiped the blood away, and continued to do what she did best. Work.

Chapter 8

No word had been spoken between Jeanie and James and the cut on her cheek had left a small scar. Looking in the mirror made Jeanie feel betrayed something she had gotten used to over the years however John had also kept away from garage.

Looking at her now swollen hand Jeanie knew her stitches where over due and whether she liked it or not she knew she had to see James.

   Walking over to the medical wing Jeanie could feel the knots inside her stomach tighten and churn. Did he still love her? Did he still want to be with her?

   The medical unit had an unearthly silence to and the quiet made Jeanie feel uneasy. The ghost town qualities of the corridor sent chills down her spine and no matter how much she was dreading seeing him the silence seemed worse.

   Desperately looking for signs of life Jeanie searched through doors and curtains to see if there was anyone to take out the stitches.  Hearing raised voices from the examination room she followed the sound hoping someone other than him would be there.

   The uncomfortable silent grey corridors seem to emphasise the noise within and as she stopped at the door Jeanie took a deep breath to gather her thoughts. Turning the corner she could see the shadows of two people through the crisp white cloth.

   James’s voice echoed through loud and clear. His velvet tones and his smooth manor were unmistakeable and wanting to leave and intrigued to see Jeanie peeked through a slit in curtain.

  The nurse climbed James’s body as the carnal nature of the affair played out for Jeanie to see. Watching his hands touching her and the way he slammed her hard against the hospital bed revolted and repulsed her.

   James had talked to her quite openly about his love affairs but watching his aggression and the way he treated her body made her look more like his play thing for carnal satisfaction rather than a human being. As he moved her body Jeanie didn’t recognise him. The soft smooth touches of his hands and understanding character seemed to have been eradicated and replaced as the passion escalated.

   Jeanie couldn’t step forward or back she was caught up in the whirlwind of watching him have sex with another woman she was unable to understand how he had lost his way so quickly.

Everything she had felt being with him that night seemed to disappear on seeing his treatment of the nurse made it feel so false. His actions appeared clinical, almost as if it was to satisfy an appetite than to express love. Jeanie couldn’t help but stand there watch until he reached climax.

   Climbing down from the bed the nurse started to fix her uniform James never spoke a word. Opening the curtain the nurse stepped back in fright as Jeanie just stood with her eyes hooked on both of them. Liz hurried past unable to say a word knowing full well how she would react.

  Jeanie wanted to see his reaction she couldn’t wait for his explanation but instead he slouched in the chair with his head in his hands. His cold hard expression never wavered he didn’t even seem to care where this girl had gone. He just sat in the chair staring at the floor.

   “Hold on one minute I will be….” Looking up he wiped his face and placed a false smile on his face. As he ventured out of the cubicle the last person he expected to see was Jeanie.

“How long have you been their……” Jeanie just stood and looked at him, not knowing what to say,” Jeanie….. Please how long have you been stood their?” Jeanie took off her St Christopher and slid the ring down the necklace laying it down on the bed.

“I need my stitches taken out and I have come to give you this.” Finishing her sentence Jeanie lay the ring on the ruffled linen moving quickly away she no longer wanted to be in his company.

James punched the wall knowing she’d seen everything fastening himself he screamed after her.

“Jeanie wait….Jeanie wait …for fuck sake wait.”

“Why what are going to tell me.”

Jeanie ran down the corridor her stomach churned and the overwhelming feeling to be sick was too much. Hiding behind the garage Jeanie threw up.

   It had taken her six weeks to come to an adult decision to even speak to him. Clenching her fists Jeanie’s disenchantment soared both of the men she had ever found a connection with had pushed there way into her life had also found there way into other women’s beds.

   Brushing her hands though her hair she stood tall, this wasn’t her humiliation it was his. Jeanie was numb but the decision to stand tall and walk away was the only clarity she had.

“Jeanie please we need to talk.”

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“You don’t understand…I thought.”

“You thought what. That finding comfort in screwing another woman would make it all better. That I have been beating myself up about what happened between us and maybe we should talk. Or that I had started to think that you where different and you really loved me and became insanely jealous because your cooped up here all the time.” Jeanie gulped down her tears unable to let them show and to make James understand that she was a lot tougher than he thought.

“I hit you…I hit you and I thought that you would never let me near you again. I thought I had lost you for good and instead of coming to make this right I fucked another woman because that’s the kind of screwed up degenerate I am.

I feel dirty Jeanie. I feel used and unclean because what I did. What I have done is inexcusable and I let my ego and my pride stand between us when I should have begged you to forgive me.”

“Go tell it to that nurse cause I don’t care anymore.”

   The rain had started to poor heavily as if it was to wash away the hurt and pain inside and as she reached the garage she was soaked to the bone.

   Sitting in her office she took out the Stanley knife from her box and started to cut away at the stitches in her palm. Pealing them out one by one she sat and watched the rain feeling like her heart had just been ripped out of her chest.

   Her mind replayed over and over the scenes in the hospital and everything that James had been eroded in six weeks.

“He must have felt so little of me. I was just another stupid conquest on his bedpost and I fell for it. How fucking stupid am I to fall for another man who is so self involved that he thinks of no one else but himself.”

As the rain grew stronger thunder started to sound in the distance. Looking at her palm the emptiness surged inside like a swollen river bursting its banks.

  Jeanie knew immediately it was time to pack away her things and for the first time in three month she had made the right decision. It was time to go home.

   James had been a fantasy and now what he depicted wasn’t real. Inside her mind she had placed him above every other man who had treated her like crap in hopes that this time, he would be different.

  She had nothing to loose and as she entered back into the garage she turned off the light in the office and rolled down the shutter doors.

This last action had given her a clear realisation that she had been in solitude without realising it and she had distanced herself from everyone who truly cared for her and for the first time in ages she couldn’t wait to see her family.

   Jeanie jumped through the puddles and tried to hide the disappointment her life had been so far. Consumed by the base and the factory she knew it had always taken control of her. Walking in the rain it gave Jeanie comfort and as the droplets soothed her they dripped down her face washing away tears and frustration away.

  Reaching home felt right.

Irene stood by the cooker scolding her for leaving oily marks on her walls and table and instead of biting back Jeanie remained silent happy that normality still existed inside these walls.

Jeanie needed to reach back out to her family and her presence in the house had been sorely missed. As her sisters gathered around her clucking and fusing as usual, Jeanie was just grateful for the support.

  She couldn’t wait to slip back into her old way of life and at least for now routine, normal and uneventful seemed very appealing.

As dawn broke Jeanie had already gone to the factory and even though most of her family where now involved she felt she needed the security they had to offer.

   Ivy knew something was wrong from the moment she came home. Jeanie was like dad and she hated the silence when something was on there mind.

   Wandering around the kitchen Ivy impatiently waited for the kettle to boil. Jayne at least was asleep and in part most of the house surrounded itself in silence. Making the tea Ivy saw a shadow appear at the door and a gentle wrap. The gentle noise startled her more than the kettle and seeing it was official she immediately thought of George.

   “John what a pleasant surprise…” Her sarcastic tones echoed around the foot well. John stepped through the door sodden as the rain had started to fall hard and fast. The cool droplets surrounded his feet like miniature ponds. “This is an unexpected how can I help you,” John had started to unbutton his jacket and take off his gloves.

“She in when I mean she I mean Jeanie not the other she devil you call your mother.” Ivy slammed the door shut and walked back into the kitchen,” What do want John?”

“Come on Ivy I know you’re usually a lot more hospitable than this.” Ivy slammed the drawer his sarcasm and his quick wit made it hard for her to respond.

“Nice to see that things change don’t they.” John sat down at the kitchen table expecting tea to be served. Ivy sat at the other end not moving or wanting to accommodate any request he had.

“She won’t talk to me Ivy she won’t even respond to any letter’s I have sent. I want her back.”

“I think you’re probably a bit late plus after everything you have done to her do you think she would even contemplate taking you back.”

   John knew this would be stalemate, he also knew if he was ever going to get to Jeanie Ivy would be the perfect ally to have.

“Ivy. Let me start again…our relationship has been complicated in the past with my brother and all but she needs to know I have changed,” Ivy dropped her cup on the floor and as the segments flew around her feet she couldn’t help but feel her temper boil.

“Shit. John do not ask me to put a good word in for you. I don’t understand you. Mind you I never did. You’ve used and abused so many people that even the ones who thought they saw good in you have lost hope. What did you think that I was going to do?”

“I understand how you feel and I know the last conversation…Let me just say that I’, sorry for dragging you into this but I need help.”

“It’s not just that John. There’s something I need…doesn’t matter forget about it.” Getting out of his chair he bent down and started to pick the fragments up off the floor.

“There’s what Ivy?” Throwing the last few pieces in the bin Ivy rested her hands on the sink and as she stared out of the window she hoped she could find some courage.

“You know I thought you where here to tell me something had happened to George. Things ended not as I expected and I thought you where here to tell me. Oh John this is just all fucked up.

Holding her head in her hands she couldn’t help but feel tearful and as John offered his handkerchief he placed his hand softly on her shoulder.

“The night I had Jayne she met a doctor as the hospital she hasn’t seen him in a few months and she’s been really distant from all of us. I know he asked her to marry him. I’ve seen the ring come to think it was the first time I’d seen her smile in years. I mean properly smile not that fake I’m alright thing she does.” John huffed under his breath remembering the last time he saw the same reaction.

“John she’s changed so much since dad died. We all have you know you wish for things to happen and occasionally you’re even cruel but underneath everything you don’t want it not really.

   Please don’t do anything to hurt her she’s had to deal with so much I don’t think she could bare it.”

“I don’t want to hurt her anymore Ivy. I want to love her and I want her to see that I’ve changed that all the lies and deceit has gone and it’s just me like it used to be when we where kids.” Ivy moved away from his grasp feeling too involved.

“What about your wife?”

“What about her she’s not here or in my life Ivy and to be honest she’s the reason I’m here. I’ve never loved anyone in my life and instead of bringing Jeanie with me I forced her away until. You know the story. You know I never loved my wife.

I found Olivia in bed with another man serves me right but it gave me the excuse I needed to get out. I wasn’t there long enough to take details but I know he was an American and I know she was seeing him for some months before I left. I’ve been selfish and cruel to all of you but that’s over and things are different and I need to make this up to her”

Ivy looked at the storm outside not able to swallow or believe a word he said and as Jayne started to cry it gave her the perfect get out clause to end the conversation.

“I have to get her she’s due for a feed.” as Ivy pushed passed John he caught hold of her hand.

“Can I see her? I mean she’s my niece.” Ivy bit the edges of her finger nails nodding nervous about his request.

   John stood at the back door cigarette in hand and as Ivy graced the kitchen she pulled the bottle from the pan. Jayne had snuggled into Ivy’s arms as she started to feed the contentment she exhumed being close to her mother was evident.