In any ordinary life (In any oridnary Book 1) (13 page)

“Please don’t stop.”

“I’m never letting you go.” As her whisper electrified breathlessly on his kiss he had to taste more. John moaned as he went deeper into her experiencing everything she had to give.

   Wrapping her hands around his neck she nuzzled into his jaw line as she rocked gentle up and down every nerve ending seemed to explode in rapture. Feeling John climax Jeanie’s body reacts to his ecstasy falling beneath a tidal wave of pleasure.

   With Jeanie still in his arms he didn’t want to move just in case it was a dream. Everything he had ever felt had led him to this perfect point and as he kissed every finger he never wanted to let go.

   Jeanie stared into his intense gaze knowing that from the moment she got out of bed this was what he wanted and what she expected. He had felt so right but underneath the nag of doubt inside shrouded what should have been the perfect moment.

“What are you thinking? I know your thinking about something cause of the line in your brow.”

“I’m thinking you’re going to be the death of me John Stanton.” Laughing timidly he ran his nose over her forehead and kissed it sweetly.

“I love you so much.” Turning on her side Jeanie felt his warm hand caress her stomach. As he circled her hip she closed her eyes remembering his promise.

“I need to know something.”

“Anything”

“Maybe it’s morbid curiosity John but how do I compare to everyone else.” Taking a large drag of breath he sat up pulling her into him so he could face her.

“Nothing has ever compared to you. Ever.

I have been in love with you my whole life and tonight I have realised what I have missed. I have missed a life time of making love with Jea and I’m not going to loose you again. So trust me when I say that there has only ever been you and from this point on that’s how I want it to stay.”

  Placing her hand on his cheek Jeanie pulled him close and kissed him softly and as she ran her thumb along his lip he kissed her palm.

“Why do you do this to me John Stanton? Why do I let you in?”

“Because you love me. You always have and I’ve been a fool.”

Jeanie pulled the sheet around him and as he settled in beside her she could feel the sleep pull on her heavy eyelids.

   Not able to lift his gaze John watched her sleep unable to wait until the morning. He wanted to scream out loud that she was his and how this was their new start and how much he had longed for his life to include her.  

   As the wind howled around the building and the sea started to break over the defences, watching the chaos in the dark he knew at least for tonight she was his.

Chapter 10

As dawn broke Jeanie arose to John dressing, “Good Morning, Miss Rutherford I care you slept well”

“Where are you going?” Kissing her on the forehead and hesitantly looking for missing items of clothes he responded.

“Breakfast you wore me out last night and I’m starving I will bring you something back stay here” Kissing her again Jeanie straightened his tie and pulled down his collar and as her fingers grappled with the starched cloth he cupped her hand lovingly

“I love you” Jeanie kissed him softly again feeling his heart beat pick up pace again. “I know.” moving the hair away from her shoulders he smiled softly in complete satisfaction.

“I promise I will make you happy. I don’t ever want to loose you again. My life hasn’t been complete and now…” Jeanie placed her finger on his lip and as a lone tear stained her cheek he wiped it away.

“Please don’t cry. I hate it when you cry.” Wrapping his hands around her he pulled her close. The stale musty smell of his uniform jacket invaded her nostrils and as the prickles dug into her cheek she wanted to believe him. Running his hand over his cheek he kissed her softly and as the taste of her salty tears ran down his throat it made him gasp in pain.

“I’ll be back in an hour don’t move. I love you.” Dropping her hand as he left Jeanie watched reverently as the door closed. Knowing she was in his room would have disgraced both of them and that was a risk even she wasn’t going to take.

After an hour and a half of waiting Jeanie’s patience had worn thin and as she put on his shirt and spare trousers she carefully stepped out. After hiding around a few corners and sneaking through reception Jeanie made her way into a small conservatory room.

   Breakfast seemed to have been and gone and just like John it was nowhere in sight. Moulding her way into the corner of the room and trying to stay unnoticed she desperately looked out for him.

   Making eye contact with a glamorous young woman who walked past and sat at the bar Jeanie tried to remain as inconspicuous as possible.

   The woman looked at Jeanie with contempt and as she leaned in to get the waiter’s attention she looked decidedly confused about Jeanie’s ambiguous position.

“Can you tell my husband I will wait for him in here he’s late?” Slipping money into the waiter’s pocket, she oozed grace and sophistication “Apologies madam who is your husband?” Jeanie couldn’t help but stare she was stunning. Her wide blue eyes and golden skin distracted Jeanie from her goal of finding John.

   Edging back into the corner the woman continued to look confused about Jeanie but continued her conversation with the waiter. “I’m looking for Colonel Stanton.” Jeanie’s heart sank and in her bemusement she fell over the pot she was standing besides.

   Running back towards the main lobby the same thought repeated over and over again

What have I done
?

What have I done
?

   Slamming the door shut she hurried to take off John’s clothes. Scurrying about she noticed John’s drink still lurking on the small coffee table. Gulping it down the left over brandy she pulled her face in distaste.

   As the voices moved closer to the door Jeanie tried to increase her dressing speed and as the lock switched John appeared. Jeanie still tussling with dressing looked distressed.

“What’s wrong you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Jeanie still half dressed flustered and feeling guilty looked straight at John.

“Ghost, a fucking ghost.” Still trying to find items of clothing Jeanie ran on the spot, “No John I haven’t seen a fucking ghost, just your wife!”

   John turned pale dropping the plate of food it and as it scattered on the bed it made the quilt look more like an extravagant picnic.

“I can explain.”

“How the fuck can you explain that your still married John. You said it was over. I have had sex with a married man and his wife is downstairs, how are you going to explain that.” Jeanie tided herself up and put her on her shoes as she grappled with the laces she heard a knock at the door. With no time to explain John jumped to attention not knowing and not wanting to know who was on the outside. As the door tapped again a muffled voice was heard from the outside, Jeanie wide eyed turned the door handle and tried to hide.

   Olivia Stanton stood at the door in all her perfect glory and as Jeanie picked herself up off the floor as Olivia spoke.

“Oh right breakfast, I didn’t realise you’d ordered darling, oh sweetie can you bring me a cup of coffee and be a treasure thank you” John’s face angered as his wife pointed towards Jeanie who by this time was trying to inconspicuously slip around the door. Olivia stood in silence feeling the tension she spoke again.

“Apologies have I interrupted something she is your maid isn’t she John?” Olivia had given Jeanie the perfect excuse to leave and she didn’t need any formal requests.

“No but I will see where your coffee is madam.” As Jeanie replied she closed the door. Folding her arms around her body she spoke to the concierge at the front desk and ordered the coffee John’s wife had so desperately needed.

   Sitting on the steps of the bay she tried to figure out her next move.

John had pursued her so consistently she didn’t ask about Olivia. She was as much to blame as he was.

   The guilt wrapped her body and Jeanie couldn’t comprehend how stupid she had been.

   The suns rays beamed through the white clouds beautiful and clear on the horizon. Jeanie felt there should have been so much clarity but jumping in last night made her feel disgusted and empty.

   The puddles sparkled in the light of day and the warmth and calm reflection of the weather was nothing towards the turmoil Jeanie felt inside. She promised herself he was never going to do this again and she had promised herself that John Stanton was out of the picture for good. Now she had just left his bed with his wife still clearly in the picture.

   Her long walk didn’t provide any comfort it had only given time for her to reflect on the bad decision she had made. No amount of self reasoning made her feel any better.

   As she passed the factory the gates beckoned her through like an old friend. Eric watched from the office as her sullen sunken expression passed through. These days every passing second seemed like a weight bearing down on her shoulders.

   Eric had seen the same look on her father when he had problems he couldn’t solve at home. The factory used to give Jeanie’s father a place to hide and a chance to contemplate what was needed to be done and in this respect Jeanie wasn’t any different.

   Her footsteps echoed around the factory and her presence was felt immediately. Eric diverted her sisters from the gantry and made his way to the office where a defeated Jeanie sat in silence.

   Watching her from the door he didn’t want to break her concentration she never looked up from the papers she was so desperately trying to organise. Seeing the intensity of Jeanie’s glare Eric decided to break the ice, “Hello stranger,” Jeanie didn’t move, or respond her head buzzed around the chaos her life had turned into. She needed order and routine that’s what she was used too but the guilt of last night and the disgust she felt was her own fault.

   Looking out if the office window she looked more lost than usual.

“I can’t rewind the clock, I have made a massive mess of things and everything is falling apart.” Jeanie’s response felt calculated there didn’t seem to be an emotion left for her to feel.

“We all make mistakes it’s a part of life, we have to experience so much pain before we can appreciate the pleasure, whatever happens you will make the right decision you always do. I know you.” He kissed her head softly and walked towards the door.

“I spent the night with John Stanton. I let him in again and now. Now I’ve given myself away so freely. Whatever you want to say I already feel. Olivia is still in his life and I foolishly believed him.”

“Jea I love you as if you where my own bairn. I will tell this now I don’t care that you spent the night. You’re a grown woman and giving away love is what happens. Love can be the hardest and easiest thing to do. What I care about is you and you alone. An I will love you no matter what.” Tears ran down her cheeks falling on her hands as she gripped the window bottom.

“I’m sorry Eric. I’m so sorry.”

“Now lass you have nothing to be sorry about. That man, that man makes damage no matter what he does. Look what he did at your dad.

We all make mistakes. You haven’t made as many as most so this is hard. It’s not easy being perfect.”

Laughing through her tears Eric placed his finger under her chin.

“Head up pride high kid. He’s lost something more precious than he realises. You are one hundred percent worth more than that man and you’ve always been my shining star. I love you and so does your family. Now pick up your chin and walk high.” As he pressed her chin together with his fingers Jeanie nodded in agreement and swallowed back her tears. No act of kindness could wash away the disappointment she held for herself.

  As the clouds drifted back across the horizon another storm brewed in the distance and as Jeanie watched the dark sky without her knowing the storm inside was not yet over.

Chapter 11

John stood at the opposite side of the glass begging to be let through. Her office door was locked shut and the wrappings of his fist echoed around the workshop.

“Jeanie. Jeanie let me in. I really need to talk to you. You don’t understand….” Jeanie faced the window and looked outside trying to ignore his callings. Seeing Rose walk through a side door John ran to make his entrance.

“Rose come on don’t do this.” With his foot now lodged into the door Jeanie calmly turned her head and nodded at her sister.

“Jeanie I just didn’t think...” Stroking her sister’s arm she moved the cupboard. She was still almost tranquil in the chaos.

“Rose can you give me a minute please I need to speak to John this can’t carry on...”

“Jea it’s been two weeks don’t you understand this has all been a big misunderstanding. I love you we can make this work.” Jeanie seemed emotionless, callas in fact, her authoritative stance made her look like the owner and director of her business.

“John I don’t doubt that there has been a misunderstanding but I have to say the fault is all mine I led you into something which I had no intention of finishing it was my mistake and I’m sorry.” John seemed perplexed at Jeanie’s demeanour.

“What are you saying that the night at the hotel was a mistake it didn’t mean anything because the way it felt the way you felt. It didn’t come across that way. We made love for the first time and I don’t want to loose you doesn’t that mean something” Jeanie took a deep breath and turned to face the window

“I wish it did. I wish I could stand here and tell you I love you John but I can’t. It was nothing more than a need to feel close to someone and I know that I made a mistake and just because I feel lonely doesn’t give me the right to jump into bed with any man including you. I’m sorry but I have nothing more to say.” John threw his jacket and gloves on the desk, his dissatisfaction at her answer only seemed to infuriate him more.  

   Shaking in disbelief he stood in front of her desperately trying to understand. “Your lying and I now it. You can’t do this Jeanie your still upset and you don’t know what your saying. We can make this work,” John held her hands pleading for any sign that he was getting through. His gestures and touch only made the guilt feel worse and as she pushed him away Jeanie tried to find her own sanctity at the corner of her desk.

John stood still his thoughts pushed around by the desperation to try to make her understand.

  “Don’t you know how I feel don’t you know how in all these years I’ve never been able to prove myself worthy of you. I’m standing here Jeanie wanting…waiting to love you. I know my past and I know how bad I was. I’ve changed Jeanie more than you realise and if you could just understand and let me in I could make you happy I really could cause I know now I never want to you let you go. Please Jeanie…” Jeanie stood equalling his stillness the contemplation of words spun around like a tornado.

“I can’t turn back time John and you keep telling me how you’ve changed but I can’t see it. I need to forgive myself, the guilt I have for even staying with you that night is eating me alive and I can’t carry on. Whatever you think we’ve had is over and I think it is time for you to leave. ” Taking his coat John adjusted his tie choking on his words.

“Olivia was here because I filed for divorce make your decision based on that…..”

   John slammed the door kicking the adjoining door his animation emulated defeat and as he jumped into his car. Jeanie heard the scream, knowing he wasn’t going to give up.