In Too Deep (3 page)

Josh stood at his bedroom window looking out at the urban landscape before him. He absently rubbed his chest. It was almost six weeks since Bevan had beaten him up and the cracked rib, although healed, still ached from time to time. He looked down at the drive where his mother and sister waited in the car. The huge real estate sign on their verge proclaimed ‘Mortgagee Sale’ and announced to the world the failure his father had become. He hated that sign.

Behind him his room was devoid of personal possessions, and only his furniture remained. It was like he’d been wiped out of existence and this was just a boy’s room – any boy’s room. The rest of the house had been given the same treatment, all at the advice of the real estate agent. He said that houses sold better if prospective families could see themselves living there and this was best achieved if their own possessions were removed. Even though the house was going to auction, and they wouldn’t benefit from the money raised, his father had insisted they do as the real estate agent told them because they needed everything they could get.

What hadn’t been repossessed or gone into storage was down at Piha and now they were joining their possessions there, taking up residence for the holidays as they’d done for many years. But this time it was different. When they came back in the New Year, it would probably be to pack it up for good.

He remembered when his father had first brought him to the empty section when he was seven years old and had lifted him up so that he could see the view.

“This is what it’ll look like from your room, Josh,” his father had said.

He’d been right, although the view from the upstairs bedroom of the completed house had been much better than the one seen from his father’s shoulders. From his window he had watched the other houses being built around them, and the green paddocks had disappeared until all that was left were the ‘extensive urban views’ the sign advertised.

“Josh, come on, it’s time to go,” his father called from below.

Josh frowned at the sound of his father’s voice. He hated him for all that had happened since the day he had made his announcement about the business. Nothing had been the same.

“Josh, hurry up,” his father shouted.

Wiping away the wetness from his cheeks, Josh turned away from the window. He’d sworn that he wouldn’t cry and yet he couldn’t stop the tears. Picking his skateboard up from off the floor, he tucked it against his hip, left his room and walked slowly down the stairs. The house felt different, as if it was not their house at all, like they’d already left, which, he suspected, in their minds, they had.

His father waited in the hallway. “Come on, Josh. Why are you dragging it out? I thought you’d be in a rush to get down to Piha.”

Josh walked past his father without saying anything. It was true, he usually couldn’t wait to get down to the bach, but it was difficult to be enthusiastic when their future was so uncertain. He walked out to his mother’s car, their only car since his father’s leased vehicle had been taken back, and sat in the back seat next to Cyndi. When they pulled out of the driveway Josh whispered, “Goodbye house,” under his breath.

He didn’t say it quietly enough for Cyndi called, “Josh is saying goodbye to the house. That’s silly. Houses don’t have ears.”

“Hush, Cyndi,” his mother said from the front passenger seat and Josh could tell from the strain in her voice that she was upset too.

To block it out, Josh pushed the iPod’s earbuds into his ears and pressed ‘play’. He folded his arms across his chest as hard rock music filled his ears, and settled himself in his seat for the journey.

Civilization dropped away behind them as they drove through the Waitakere Ranges, surrounded by regenerated forest through which Josh could glimpse the western horizon. A right-hand turn and Piha was before them. As they drove past the lookout at the top of Piha Road, he looked down at Lion Rock, standing proud and strong against the onslaught of the sea. The waves were breaking either side of it in broken white lines. It was a sight that always thrilled him. He had a sense that he was coming home, that this is where he belonged.

His father stepped hard on the brakes as he negotiated the turns in the road on the way down. As they neared the bottom of the hill, Josh could smell the hot metal of overheated brake pads. His father’s foot came off the brake as they drove over the bridge and past the store, before finally taking the sharp right at the Lion’s tail which took them on to Marine Parade. A moment later they pulled off the road into the front lawn of the bach and rolled to a stop.

Josh climbed out of the car, pulled the earbuds from his ears and stretched upwards, loosening muscles cramped by the ride. He could hear the waves crashing on the sand and could smell the salty brine on the air, something he always associated with Piha.

He couldn’t see the beach from the bach because the sand dunes blocked the view. He had only taken a few steps when his father called, “Josh, come on, we need a hand to unload.”

Josh halted. He didn’t want to help. He just wanted to get down to the beach. He hadn’t surfed since the end of last summer and he was itching to get a feel for the water again.

“Josh,” his father repeated sternly.

Josh knew there wouldn’t be any use arguing with his father. The sea would have to wait.

He was about to turn away when a black convertible drove past. Immediately his heart rate quickened and his stomach muscles tightened. Memories of being beaten up overwhelmed him and he shuddered. Even though the bruises on his body had healed, Bevan’s attack had left open wounds on his mind.

He shook his head, annoyed at himself. He couldn’t let Bevan get to him and besides, he didn’t even know if it was his car. With a sigh, Josh turned and walked back.

By the time they’d unloaded the boot, sorted out the boxes that they had brought down to the beach previously and had tea, it was getting dark. He’d worked a half-day at the skateboard shop that morning and he was emotionally and physically exhausted. What’s more he had to work the next day, Christmas Eve, which would be a crazy one at the shop. He was beginning to regret taking on the casual job but he only had that one more day to go and the extra money had been handy.

If he was going to cope with work the next day he needed to get away for a while and unwind. Josh slipped out the back door, walked around the side of the house and crossed the road in front of the bach. The tarmac was warm beneath his bare feet, but the surface of the sand was cool as he climbed to the top of the sand bank. From there he could see the sweep of the beach from Lion Rock at his left to the cliffs of North Piha at his right. The sea was calm and the wind light in his face. The waves couldn’t have been more than a metre or two high, too small to surf. A salty smell lingered in the air and he breathed it in deeply. He walked to where the dunes sloped down to the beach and sat down between the strands of spinifex grass, burying his feet beneath the warm sand and hugging his knees to his chest. The sun was low on the horizon, its rays tingeing the clouds red and orange. He took in a deep breath.

A movement behind him startled him.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” his father said.

Josh didn’t say anything. He resented the intrusion.

His father sat down beside him and swatted at a sandfly on his ankle. He too dug his feet into the sand and said, “Look, I know that this past month hasn’t been easy for you, but–”

“Don’t, Dad,” Josh interrupted him.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t spoil it now.”

“I only wanted to talk to you. You’ve been so … so distant ever since you got beaten up. Your mother and I have been worried about you.”

“You don’t need to worry about me.”

“But we do. Why won’t you tell us or the police who did it?”

“It won’t make any difference.”

“But you can’t let someone put you in hospital and then not do anything about it.”

“Just leave it, Dad, okay?”

“If that’s what you want.”

Josh didn’t know what he wanted. Right now he wanted things to be the way they were before his father had come home with the news of his bankruptcy. He knew it wasn’t going to happen. He wanted this holiday to be like all their other holidays, but that wasn’t going to happen either. Bevan could be in Piha somewhere and that was the last thing he was going to tell his dad.

“Are we going to be all right, Dad?” he asked. “I mean after the house is sold and everything?”

“I hope so.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I guess I’ll have to find a job.” He picked up a handful of sand and let it slip through his fingers. “I haven’t worked for a boss for years. It’s going to be hard for a while.” He brushed the sand from his hands and smiled. “Mind you, it’ll be nice not to have all the worry. I’ll get to spend more time with you.”

“Only if you can surf,” Josh said with a smile.

“Maybe now I’ll have the time to learn.”

“You’re too old.”

“Watch it, young man. I can still show you a thing or two.”

“Like how to lose money.”

As soon as he said it, Josh wished he hadn’t. He watched the smile disappear from his father’s face. He struggled to say something more, something that would take away the words, but it was too late.

His father was silent and after a few seconds he pulled his feet from the sand and walked away.

Josh wanted to run after his father and say sorry, but he felt like he was planted there with his feet in the sand. What could he possibly say to make it right?

“Stupid,” he said to himself. He laid his head on his knees. “My life is so messed up.”

When his father picked him up outside the skateboard shop the next day, Josh climbed into the car wearily and slid down in the seat. The day had been long and hectic and his legs were aching badly from standing all day without a break. But it was over now. The money had been good and he’d been able to replace the mobile phone that Bevan had stolen, and pay off his new wetsuit but now he needed a break.

“So how was your day?” his father asked as he pulled away from the kerb into the traffic.

“Good,” he lied.

“I see you got your wetsuit.”

“Yeah, paid it off today.”

“I don’t know why you had to get such an expensive one.”

“Had to be the best.”

“You mean it had to have a label.”

“It’s my money and I can spend it how I like.”

“Okay, okay, let’s leave it.”

“Right,” Josh agreed, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

The rest of the journey was completed in silence. He thought he must have dozed as it seemed only a short time before they were making their way down Piha Road.

His mother had tea ready for them when they arrived. Cyndi was in hyper-drive about Christmas and wouldn’t stop talking. He couldn’t raise any enthusiasm for the following day as he knew he wasn’t getting any presents. His parents, however, had explained that Cyndi would get some as she was too young to understand. That was their excuse anyway. He wished she’d stop her chattering as it was giving him a headache.

“Mrs Abbott from next door isn’t here this year,” his mother said, finally putting a stop to Cyndi’s noise.

“Where’s she gone?” his father asked.

“I think she’s gone to Australia to visit her family. She’s lent her bach to a friend. Her name is Penny Wade and she has a son called Hayden. Her husband died a few months ago, very sad, but Mrs Abbott has let them use the bach for free so they can have some time to themselves. Wasn’t that nice of her?”

Josh was barely paying attention. Now that he had eaten, he just wanted to get to bed.

“Penny says she’s hoping to find someone to teach Hayden how to surf,” his mother continued. “She thinks it would help him to cope, to take his mind off things. I thought Josh might like to help.”

“What?” Josh asked, now tuning into the conversation. “What are you talking about?”

“You could teach Hayden how to surf.”

“Who’s Hayden?”

“The boy next door. Haven’t you heard anything I’ve said?”

“No. Who said I was going to teach him how to surf?”

“I did,” his mother said, obviously surprised at his reaction.

“What did you do that for?”

“You need some friends down here, Josh,” his mother said, putting down her fork to focus her attention on him. “You spend too much time on your own out surfing. You need a friend.”

“Surfing isn’t a team sport, and I don’t need you to find my friends.”

“Watch what you say to your mother,” his father said, dropping his knife and fork onto his empty plate. “She’s only trying to help.”

“Yes, Josh, I thought you’d like the chance to help someone worse off than yourself.”

“Who said he was worse off than me?”

“His father is dead, Josh. Yours is still alive.”

“I’m better off without him.”

“You can’t say that!” his mother exclaimed.

“I just did,” he said spitefully.

“Josh, go to your room,” his father ordered. “I think you need to go to bed. You’re tired.”

“Fine,” Josh said as he pushed his chair back.

He strode off in the direction of his room, but veered towards the back door instead. He ran around the side of the house, over the road and onto the sand dunes. He found a hollow in the dunes and lay down, his hands behind his head, looking up at the darkening sky. He could hear the sea, but he didn’t need to see it. Just knowing it was there was enough. He needed time to himself.

After a few minutes his anger cooled and he regretted what he’d said. His parents were right. He was tired and his temper fuse was short. It was impossible to imagine life without his father even if he was mad with him all the time. He heard someone coming towards him and hoped it was his father so that he could apologise.

“Hi, there. All on your own?”

He looked up in surprise at the sound of the female voice. A girl about his own age stood beside him, looking down. He struggled to sit up, caught off guard.

“Er … yeah …” he stammered, feeling a fool.

“What you doing?” she asked as she sat down beside him.

“Looking at the stars.”

She looked up at the sky. “There aren’t any yet,” she pointed out.

“I … um … waiting for the first one.”

“Oh, I see. You live around here?”

“We have a bach, just over there,” he replied as he pointed behind him. “And you?”

The girl flicked her long blonde hair over her shoulder. “I’m staying with friends.”

He looked around, thinking he might know them, but he couldn’t see anyone else close by. She laughed.

“They’re not here,” she said and sat down beside him. “I took a walk by myself. Sometimes I have to get away. Have time on my own.”

“I know what you mean,” Josh agreed, and found himself telling her about the fight he’d just had with his parents.

She laughed and lay on her back beside him, her hands behind her head as she looked upwards. Together they lay in silence as the sky above them darkened to a Prussian blue. He started a conversation a thousand times in his mind but each of his opening lines seemed dumb so in the end he remained silent.

“I’d better get back,” she said as she got to her feet and wiped the sand from her jeans.

“Do you … ah … want me to walk you back?” he asked, suddenly unsure again.

“No, I’ll be fine. I’ll see you around.”

“Sure,” he said as he stood up.

She walked off, heading towards the beach and turning as she reached the water’s edge to wave at him. He waved back and watched her as she moved along the sand, until he couldn’t distinguish between her figure and those of the others walking there.

As he turned to go back to the bach he realised that he didn’t know her name.