There were times, when I was
really
young, too young for a six-year-old girl to play with the rough and tumble boisterous boys in our neighborhood, I'd follow fourteen-year-old Chase around just hoping for a small piece of his attention. And without question, he'd give it to me. He'd teach me about the animals on the farm and hold on to his patience even though my constant childish questions probably seemed ridiculous to him.
He never knew how much I grew to love our time together, though.
Before knowing how to write, I'd spend my mornings as I waited for him to come outside using my crayons to draw pictures of the two of us together.
As I got older, I recognized my feelings for him ran deeper than they should've and it hurt. His life got busy with teenage relationship drama whereas mine didn't. I watched him with various teenage girls; always laughing, touching, kissing. A little part of me ached anew with each passing flavor in his life.
"And you love Myles for who he is, exactly?" Kate asks, reaching for additional verification. "Right?"
"Yes."
She looks unconvinced, but offers, "I'm sorry for doubting you, Ry. I just want you to have everything in this life you deserve. You're one of the best people I've ever known and I wouldn't bring Chase up if I thought you and him had a—"
"I know you care, Kate," I confirm, cutting her off before she has a chance to finish. "But what Myles and I have is good."
The truth is, I never stood a chance with Chase. As I started to grow up, Chase and my relationship transformed. Instead of friendly and innocent, it became stretched and awkward.
Once I reached adolescence, he started having less patience for my questions and told me he was too busy to have me following him around all the time. What he said hurt because I wanted to be with him, even if only in the companionable sense. Once I started high school, Chase completely ended whatever relationship we had. It was as if he were there one day, and gone the next.
About that time, though, Myles took an interest in me.
During our junior year of high school Myles's attentiveness had changed. Rather than continue to let all the other girls in our class shamelessly fall over themselves for him as they always had, he started to focus only on me. It took my best friends, Kate and Kendra, to point out the not-so-subtle change in his behavior. I'd been so consumed with maintaining my good grades and getting into a decent college that I hadn't taken the time to notice him at all. To be honest, I think it was my indifference to him that increased his pursuit of me.
His attention started with him coming over to my house, citing he was there to hang out with my dad. That reason was legitimate, so it was one I didn't question. As we grew up next door to each other, our parents were always together. At the time, his father, Marcus, was the pastor of our church and his mother, Mary, was a stay-at-home busybody. She was also my mom's best friend.
When Myles would stop over to visit, he'd always come in my room first. He'd sit on the floor beside me and hang out while our parents talked about whatever plans they had in the making. Every now and then, while watching TV in silence, I'd look over and catch Myles observing me carefully. I could never understand what it was about me that had him so enthralled, but I remember always feeling exposed under his intense examination.
"Hello?" Kate snaps her fingers in front of my face. "Are you listening? I said Chase is here."
Blinking and pulling myself from memory, I look at Kate as she sits across from me, smirking.
She didn't just say what I think she did.
"Wait. What?"
"Chase," she repeats, carefully pointing behind me. "Chase is
here
."
Immediately my stomach flutters and not in a way it should. My skin heats and my heart beats heavily in my chest. So much so, I feel the reaction at the base of my throat.
Noticing I've lost my ability to speak, Kate adds with sarcasm, "Right. Yes, clearly
Myles
is the one for you."
In my defense, I tell her, "You don't know what you're talking about."
Leaning toward me, she rests her palms on the table and whispers, "Honey, we just talked about your
wedding
, an act that has you vowing to one man
forever
, yet all I had to do was tell you Chase was in the same room and you look like you're ready to faint."
"I'm not."
"Swoon, then." She points at me. "This is you swooning."
"Stop," I hiss. "Enough."
Sitting back in her chair, she purses her lips before promising, "I'll say nothing more."
"Thank you," I breathe. "Where is he?" I hate that I've asked, but regardless, I want to know and don't want to appear obvious by looking around to find him.
Kate attempts to maintain casual as she flips through the screens on her phone while telling me, "He's sitting at a table in front of the bar. His back is to the wall and he's looking right at us."
Shit
.
"Goodness," Kate breathes, allowing herself to focus beyond my shoulder. "The man is just sex." Her voice rises when she adds, "There's no other way to describe him.
All
sex."
Resting my elbows on the table and hiding my face in my hands, I snap, "Keep your voice down."
Sensing my stress, she stretches her arm across the table and gently grasps my hand. At first I think it's a gesture for comfort, but find I'm wrong as she states, "Honey, tell me you don't see yourself under him every time he uses those big hands to wipe the sweat from his brow. Good God, you'd have to be dead inside not to picture yourself with him."
Please, for the love of all that's good, make her stop talking.
"I don't think of him like that."
"Lies." She smiles before taking a drink of her beer. Stating simply, she adds, "My friend, I believe you've picked the wrong brother."
Gasping in shock, I return, "You didn't just say that."
"I did," she replies. "Seriously. Myles is hot, but Chase is
hawt
."
Feeling the flush in my face, I attempt to distract her with a question. "Do you remember how much Chase hated me when we were growing up?"
"He never hated you. He ignored you, but I don't think you get why he did, Ry."
"You're nuts," I counter.
Seemingly happy with herself, she informs me, "He looks good. He's definitely aging nicely."
"Oh, God," I reply.
"Tall. Broody. Tan.
Hawt
," she observes next.
"I haven't seen him since Myles and I came back," I explain. "And I don't know if anyone's told him we're getting married."
"If he doesn't already know, he's about to find out, because he's on his way over here now."
Crap
.
Chapter Two
CHASE
Son of a bitch.
I came to Bears, the only bar around here, to relax; to unwind after hearing our small town's breaking news.
My spoiled, self-centered, sorry-ass, cheating little brother is getting married.
That's not what the piss of this is, though. I could handle him taking a woman and making her his. What I'm having trouble accepting is the
one
he's chosen to take.
He's marrying
her
. Ryleigh Davis.
The town darling.
The sweetest girl ever to grace its population and the only woman in this godforsaken place I've ever truly admired and respected.
"Kate." I nod, greeting her best friend first, then walking around the table before turning my gaze to a frozen-in-her-spot-and-avoiding-me-like-hell Ryleigh.
Kate clears her throat. "Hi, Chase." Her focus moves to her best friend, who's still refusing to look at me, and her eyes widen.
I haven't seen Ryleigh in over a year. Right before she and Myles left for college, I had made every effort to avoid her completely.
They'd come home for breaks every so often, and once I had the heads-up they were en route, I'd disappear. Most of the time I'd head to my aunt's farm in Texas and spend time with my cousin, Todd, who's about my age.
I couldn't stick around. There was too much history with Ry and me that I refused to let myself think about.
As a kid, Ry was sweet. She used to follow me around the farm and talk out loud to every animal we fed as if the thing understood every word she was saying. And she did all this without even knowing how ridiculous she looked.
With her long, unruly, curly blonde hair and those big, bright blue eyes, she coaxed me into talking about anything that came to her young mind. Cartoons, Barbies, her parents; for her, nothing was too small to dissect and debate.
It wasn't too many years later that I recognized her crush on me for what it was. Over time, our small conversations turned into her telling me her dreams of a future. She'd blush as she endlessly went on about the kind of guy she saw herself marrying. She always described someone just like me. I forced myself not to call her out and make a joke at her expense.
As she got older, though, it turned out all the jokes were on me.
I started to see her much differently. The subtle changes she went through started from sweet innocence and quickly fled to unadulterated beauty. It was as if overnight I found myself looking at her too long, concentrating too hard on her laugh, all while knowing full well it was
wrong
. For all intents and purposes, even as she turned eighteen, Ryleigh was still a kid in my eyes.
So rather than wage war with my desires, I dismissed her completely. I pushed her away. It hurt to see the reflection of rejection I'd served her, but at the time, I thought it was for the best.
I was too much older in age, far more experienced in life and relationships, and I was unquestionably not good enough.
Ryleigh was going places; she was much too big for the only life this small town could offer. Even as I suffered through severing our relationship, I always held on to hope Ryleigh would find a man who adored and cherished her and would live his days to give her everything she deserved.
Unfortunately, about that same time, she hit my little brother's radar and she did it in a big way. Myles was her age, so the two of them together made sense. But since the day I found out they were going away to the same college and doing it together, as in
together
, I wanted to come out of my own skin.
Pulling out a chair, I take a seat next to her. Ryleigh finally acknowledges my presence.
"Chase," she greets in a small voice. "Hi."
Nodding at her as I did Kate, I greet, "Ry."
Kate, being just as dramatic as I always remember her, slaps the tabletop with both hands and stands. "I'm off. I've got things to do this evening."
"You don't have to…," Ryleigh stutters, giving Kate a pleading scowl. "Are you sure you have to go
now
?"
Kate nods once and turns to me. With a knowing but defeated tone, she says, "I have a wedding to plan. Chase, it was good to see you again. Now that our girl's home maybe I'll see more of you."
Our girl.
Smooth, Kate.
Friends always seem to know shit. Just like my best friend Dave knows the forbidden torch I once carried for Ryleigh, Kate must see through my lying disinterest as well.
"Yeah, you'll see me around. Have a good night and stay out of trouble." The latter goes without saying, but means nothing. Trouble follows Kate.
"No fun." She pouts then turns to Ryleigh, who's busy studying her phone. "I'll call
you
tomorrow."
Ryleigh offers a two-finger wave then sits up in her chair to watch her best friend walk away.
"So," I start, dismissing the silence and getting the awkward conversation we need to have out in the open. "You and Myles."
Ryleigh shrugs and tells the table, "Me and Myles." She takes a small drink from her bottle of beer then says, "Looks like me and you are going to be family."
"That we are," I agree. "Though, I'm wondering…" I stop, wanting to ensure my thought comes across as I mean it to. "Why the rush?"
She shrugs again, and this time I can see she's uncomfortable. "No rush, really."
Ryleigh's not met my eyes once, and I ache to
see
her. "Look at me, Annie."
Sighing, her gaze comes to mine. She smiles shortly and softly says, "It's been a long time since you've called me that."
Taken off guard, I reach for understanding. "What?"
"Annie. No one ever called me that. You used to say it to bug me when I was little," she remembers. "It's been a long time."
"You've always been Annie to me."
Her eyes bask in remembered hurt, then narrow. "I remember. Women don't forget the first man who…."
"Right," I concede after she trails off. I try to keep my tone level while asking, "You're here, so where might my little brother be?"
"He's out with his friends. I'll see him in the morning."
I know what "out" means and it's doesn't necessarily mean with his
friends
. As she and Myles dated in high school, I'd catch him with other girls around town. It never mattered what I'd catch him doing with them, either. He always blew it off, telling me those girls meant nothing and justifying it as if Ryleigh wouldn't care. I wonder if he's up to much of the same tonight.
"So, you graduated?" I question, hoping for light conversation to keep her talking.
"You were invited to the ceremony," she replies. "But you didn't come. I thought you would because it was for Myles, too."
I didn't go. And for obvious reasons. Even after all these years of tolerating the fact she belongs to my brother, I knew watching her graduate and move on with her life would instill further distance, and I didn't want any part of it.
"I'm sorry. I don't have a good reason."
Her disappointment is obvious. "I didn't think you'd come anyway, but wanted you to know you were welcome."
"I heard you're staying with your parents until the wedding," I tell her. "They never change, do they?"