Inconsolable (2 page)

“Be right there,” I say as I stand and grab my black and red Nike shocks and slide them on.  I wonder if Carter told him what happened last night.  I doubt he did, Jameson isn’t that type.  I walk outside and join Jackson on the makeshift track in the dirt.

“What made you decide to become a Marine, Johnson?” 

I should have known this was coming. I’m surprised I made it through boot camp. I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for, but I am not strong enough to kill someone. I don’t think I have that inside me. “I wanted to be more than the valedictorian of Adams High School, more than a person with brains.” I shrug and keep in step with Jackson as he moves along.

“I see it in your eyes Blake, you don’t think you’re good enough.  Only you can be the judge of your worth.  I am just going to tell you, you’re a damn good Marine.  You think before you act, not act before you think.  It makes you lethal.  Remember that.”

I watch him and nod my head, then we both pick up our pace.  After his words I don’t have anything to say so I just keep pace with him.  I never really thought I needed reassurance, but now that I have it, it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  I only have nine more months before I can go home and finish this deployment. 

After about six laps around the makeshift track Jackson bows out and goes to our cots. I keep running. It’s something you become good at when you’re the red headed nerdy kid with glasses. LASIK was the best thing ever invented. Finally,
I finish my run, take a quick shower and go to the barrack to lay my head down. I look up at the ceiling and think only two hundred and seventy five more days of this. It will be a broken record until I can make it home. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Today, something just feels wrong, like a feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. That feeling you get when you know something bad is going to happen. I can hear Matt on his computer talking to Kate with little Matthew crying in the background. The day Matthew was born was a hard day for Matt, having to watch his wife birth his child from a computer was difficult for him. I could hear him crying and telling her how sorry he was he couldn’t be there for the birth. He’s four months old today and looks just like Matt.

“Let’s go fellas.  Time to get this show on the road, heard there’s a group of men down the way.  Seems like the sons of bitches are getting braver these days. Let’s go run ‘em off,” Matt says as he pulls on his boots. We all follow out the door in a single file line. Never in a million years would I have seen what was about to come.

Watching Mary-Beth saying goodbye to Jameson was one of the hardest things I ever had to watch.  Both of them were crying and Mary-Beth kept pulling him back begging him not to leave.  I had to grab her and pull her to me just so he could walk out the door to get in Mason’s truck to head off to Iraq.  I sit down and she just sobs in my arms.  After having a sister and mother taken from you, I suppose it gives her the right to break down like this. 

“Mary-Beth, Jameson is going to be just fine. He’s tough and a year and a half will fly by before we know it.” I run my fingers through her hair and just let her cry.

“No,” she takes a breath. “You don’t understand.  He’s my world and he just walked out.”  I wipe at her eyes and pull her into a hug.  It’s never easy to say goodbye to the person you have given your heart to, I’m sure.  I wouldn’t really know, considering I have never been in love. 

“Come on, let’s go watch chick flicks and eat some Chunky Monkey ice cream.”

“Totally in for that,” she smiles and then hugs me.  “Thanks Anna.”

“Anytime, now go wipe your face.  You’re too pretty for all that mess to be all over your cheeks.”

With that Mary-Beth is running to the hall and I am pulling out the blanket to watch movies.  I think maybe a little
Bridesmaids
will take her mind off this day.  Tomorrow is my birthday and since I am the only one who hasn’t turned eighteen yet, we are all supposed to go to Lou’s and have a good time.  Too bad Jameson had to leave the day before my birthday.

Mary-Beth comes back and we cuddle up into our blankets and watch movies into the night.  I wake up the next morning to loud screams of Happy Birthday’s from Mary-Beth and a horrible crick in my neck.  For someone who sobbed most of the night Mary-Beth is looking rather happy.

We get dressed and go to town to pick out some outfits to wear to Lou’s. I decide on some cutoff shorts and a tank top with the back cut out and Mary-Beth grabs a new pair of skinny jeans and a sparkling green tank. It makes her green eyes pop
and I can’t wait to put some curls into her hair.

“So Anna, did you apply for that beauty school?” She asks as we pay for the clothing.

“Yeah, I am waiting to hear if they have openings for July or August.  I can’t wait.  Even if it is another year of school, at least it isn’t four.” 

“True.  I don’t know what I want to do.  I think I may go to LSU, but I am not so sure.  I don’t think I have what it takes to be an LSU cheerleader.” 

I can’t help but laugh at that.  Mary-Beth has been on the cheerleading team since she moved here and never shuts up.

“Sure you can.”

“We’ll see, I am supposed to audition on Friday.” She smiles and I know she has it in the bag.

“Alright sister from another mister, let’s go get dolled up for our evening at Lou’s.” I grab the bags and we head to my car.  I love my car.  It might not be the best car, but my Nissan Maxima gets me places and I love the way it handles. 

“I wish J. could be here to party with us,” she sighs and I pat her leg. I know it has to be hard on her. 

~~~~~~~~~~

We are dressed and looking amazing when we walk into Lou’s. I look up to see Sam up on the stage singing and playing her guitar. I catch Mary-Beth rolling her eyes and I push her in the arm.

“Stop, she’s not really a horrible person. She’s really sweet.”

“Well, maybe she should be your best friend then.”

“Don’t Mary-Beth.  It’s my birthday, can’t we all just get along.”

“Fine.”

I see Mason and I walk over to him. He gives me a smile and drinks his beer. That’s one of the things
all the kids love about coming to Lou’s. If you got money, he takes it, doesn’t matter if you’re sixteen or sixty.

“Happy Birthday, Anna,” he says as he downs his beer. 

“Thanks Mase.”

“You look good in that shirt.  It brings out your freckles.”

I growl and he just throws his head back and laughs.  For the next hour or so we all dance and have a good time, but I notice those guys from the prep school a few towns over.  I think one of them is Alex.  All three are drunk and rowdy.  It scares me because I wonder if they will make it home safe.  I notice everyone around me having a good time except for Mary-Beth.
I decide to call it a night early.

“You ready?” I ask Mary-Beth as I watch Sam getting ready to pack up her guitar and head home herself. 

“Yeah, let’s go. Night guys!” Mary-Beth says as we wave and Luke waves from between kisses to Kara.  They really should get a room.  Mason just smirks and waves with two fingers in a kind of salute, before downing his beer.  When we make it to the car she looks over at me. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired. I’m worried about those guys from that prep school too. I wanted to leave before they did.” I smile and she shrugs.

“They were a little creepy.”

“Totally.”  

~~~~~~~~~~

“Mary-Beth, we were supposed to meet Luke and Mason thirty minutes ago!” Of course my best friend would be late. I open the door and I can’t help but laugh. “Hey, Jameson!” I wave at the computer screen and smile at Jameson. It’s been three days since he left for Afghanistan.

“Hey Anna!”

“How are you doing? I can’t wait for you to come home. I need to meet one of the guys you’re staying with,” I say as I stick out my tongue teasing Jameson.

“Yeah, well none of these guys are good enough for ya,” he says as he scrunches his nose at me.

I laugh because he looks like a man scorning his child. 

“Okay, babe. I’m getting off. We are going to go study with Mason and Luke. Well, really more Mason, but Luke is tagging along since he graduated with you.” Mary-Beth kisses her fingers and puts them on the screen and Jameson does the same thing. Kind of makes me sick to watch.

“Be careful, I love you. Only fourteen more months ‘til I can be home.”  I hear Jameson say over the computer screen and I smile.  Not many people know about Mary-Beth’s life before she came here.  Really only her grandparents, Jameson and myself.  People didn’t see the bruises and the marks her father left.  Hell, even I didn’t get to see them, just the stories of the abuse she went through. 

“Umm… earth to Anna,” Mary-Beth waves
her hands in front of my face and I shake out of the daze I have been in.  I smile and watch her walk into her closet and pull on her sweater pull her hair in her typical Mary-Beth ponytail.  No matter how hard I try, she will always try to be the plain girl when Jameson isn’t around. 

“Sorry. I
was just thinking about how I wish I could have my own guy like Jameson.” I blush and look away.

“Why not Mase?  I think he likes you.”  She smiles and I roll my eyes.

“Yeah, maybe as his sister.”

“Nah, he totally likes you. He was checking out your butt the other day in the hall.” She giggles and I roll my eyes again.

“Yeah, not happening.  Now let’s go!”  We walk out of her grandparent’s house and get in her red Honda accord, heading to Penny’s Coffee House.  It’s a little coffee shop in our home town and where all of us go for free wifi.  I love that Ms. Penny Sue always has fresh banana nut muffins every time I come in to study and the big plush leather chairs in the corners are a plus in my book.  Mary-Beth grabs my hand and steers me towards the back of the little shop.  I look up to see Luke and Mason. 

“Hey Luke,” I say and wrap my hands around his waist as he kisses the top of my head.  He has these really gorgeous blue eyes, kind of like his sister Samantha, who is also graduating with us in just a couple of months.  “How’s Sam?”

“She’s good, she’s studying at home, but lucky for her school comes easy.” He shrugs and then gives a sad smile. If it weren’t for Mary-Beth she would be here I know that. Mary-Beth has a problem with Samantha because she and Jameson were so close growing up. She swears Sam wants Jameson, but I just don’t see it. He reaches over me and hugs Mary-Beth and then Mason hugs her.

“Where’s Kara?” Mary-Beth asks Luke.

“Um. Karla and she are home with Sam. Something about a chick flick night.” He shrugs and I decide to change the subject. Sam needs friends too. She can’t live in isolation just because my best friend doesn’t like her.

“So, study time.  Who’s ready for Mr. Landry’s Physics final?”  I ask and there is a groan from both Mary-Beth and Mason. 

“Oh man, I hated that class. I hated math so I wasn’t ever good at physics. I aced the Rupe Goldberg project though so just let me know when you gotta do that. I can help.” Luke says and then gets up and comes back from the counter with muffins and coffee. Damn, I love him.

“Thanks Luke.” 

“Thanks for changing the subject.” He whispers as he puts the coffee in front of me.

“Anytime, thanks for the muffin and coffee. It’s going to be a long night.” Mary-Beth says with a mouth full of muffin. Which in turn makes all of us laugh.

An hour and a half later and we all feel like we may pass the exam. Let’s pray that we do. 

~~~~~~~~~~

I walk into my bedroom and grab a book, then lay on the bed to read. Tomorrow is the night we graduate. I will have my best friends with me and make something of myself. I will finish college. It’s more than I can say about my mother, but she did what she had to, in order to
make sure we all were taken care of. My father worked out of town a lot so we weren’t really close but mom and I,
we did everything together.  She’s an amazing mother.  I hope one day I can be like her.
I just
wish I could see her happy.  How can you be happy with a man who’s never around? 

I grab my kindle and pick up where I left off with reading
Weekends Required
by Sydney Landon. It’s a really cool book about this girl who falls for her boss
and he makes her work weekends after he sees her jumping out of a cake at his friend’s bachelor party. I’ll have to remember to remind Mary-Beth to read this one.

I look at my phone and see that three guys were arrested the night of my birthday for raping a girl up on the ridge.  How horrible is that?  What is the world coming to?  I read the article and gasp when I notice that it’s the prep boys from Lou’s that night.  I can’t believe what’s happening in my own little hometown.  I grab my phone and text the link to Mary-Beth.  I suppose we will talk about it tomorrow night. 

When I wake up the next morning I can’t help but smile.  Today is the day I achieve a milestone in my life.  I get to walk across the stage and receive my diploma.  After checking my emails, I can’t help but be even more ecstatic.  I was accepted into the local beauty school. 

“MOMMA!!!!” I scream running into her room and jumping on her bed! “I GOT IN! I GOT IN! I GOT IN!” I continue screaming as I’m bouncing up and down on her bed and laughing as she looks at me like I have lost my marbles.