Inconsolable (5 page)

I didn’t realize that I’d run two miles until I started to get towards town.  I make a turn and start to make my way back to the house.  I walk into the house and grab a donut sitting on the bar from Krispy Kreme.  Guess Dad decided his cooking wasn’t as great as he expected.  I eat the donut, then grab the handle to the fridge pulling it open and grab a water bottle.  I open the bottle and chug down the water, grab another donut then head to my room.  I kick off my shoes, my pants then boxers before pulling the earphones out of my ears and pulling my sweat covered shirt off. 

I walk into my private bathroom and turn on the shower.  It’s been a year since I had sex and I am starting to regret that decision.  I really need to relieve some stress.  I turn the water on as hot as it will go and stand under the water, but the tension won’t go away.  I look down and groan as I see my erection sticking out.  I reach down and wrap my fingers around my shaft then moan softly.  I suppose it won’t matter if I relieve my stress like this.  I mean, what guy doesn’t masturbate?  I palm my balls with the other hand and squeeze as I pump my cock under the spray of water.  I feel the fire building in my stomach and I know I am close to releasing.  I bite my lip to stifle the moan building inside me and
I
shake as my release sprays down the drain with the rest of the water.  I shudder as I feel the tension slowly release itself from my body.  Hopefully this time it will stay away.   

I step out of the shower and wrap myself in a towel. I chance a glance into the mirror. I really need to find a woman to do that for me. I grab my toothbrush and run it over my teeth to make sure I don’t have donut in them, then walk out of the bathroom. I grab a pair of boxer briefs from my nightstand and drop my towel before sliding the black material over my ass. I slide a red t-shirt over my head and then my pair of American Eagle jeans over my ass.  I pull on my socks, then my faithful Nike’s and make my way down the stairs to my Range Rover.  Looks like today will be about finding a house to shelter myself in. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Two months later and here I am sitting in my apartment downing another fifth of Crowne.  I think it’s about that time to switch to Bourbon, or maybe even some Captain Morgan.  I wake up every morning covered in sweat and shaking from the visions.  I’m even starting to think maybe it would be better if I just didn’t sleep at all.  I grab my phone and run my finger over the Google app, but throw it down before I can indulge myself in sleeping patterns.  

I stand up, stretch and drop the bottle onto the table.  My phone has gone off a few times with Mom or Dad’s name flashing over the screen but I don’t answer.  I keep calling Jameson, but he’s not answering my calls
either
.  Probably feeling just as shitty as I am for surviving.  I haven’t been able to call Kate and tell her how I felt, but it’s not really my place.  Jameson was Matt’s friend.  I shake and his voice comes into my head.  
“I see it in your eyes Blake, you don’t think you’re good enough. Only you can be the judge of your worth. I am just going to tell you, you’re a damn good Marine. You think before you act, not act before you think. It makes you lethal. Remember that.”
I shake my head to clear it of the thoughts coming.  I grab my keys to the Range Rover and make my way out of the house.  Maybe if I get laid tonight, it won’t be so hard to forget.

Walking into Charlie’s, I sit down and order a whiskey on the rocks. I take a sip of the drink and then turn and watch as a couple of guys play a round of pool in the corner. I take a deep breath and try to remember it’s not the sound of a gun being loaded. I smile when a woman sits down at the bar. She looks to be in her late twenties. I think I can pull this off.

“Hey there, handsome,” she says and crosses her legs, the short skirt she has on rides up her thighs.  I rake my eyes over her from her heels up to her bare legs, over her thighs and up to her ample breasts.  I allow my gaze to continue over the cleavage spilling over her shirt, then up into her brown eyes.  “Care for a drinking partner?”   

“What cha drinkin’?”  

“Amaretto Sour please.”  

I nod to the bartender and he slides her the drink. I look her up and down a few more times, then take another sip of my whiskey. My hand shakes a bit as I hear the clanking of the balls on the pool table. I let out an unsteady breath and drink another sip. 

“So, you come here often?” 

“Not really, just got home from overseas.” I know that’s a line that will reel her in. What woman doesn’t want a man in uniform?

“Soldier huh?  I’m Janice.  Nice to meet you.” 

“Blake and Marine.  Nice to meet you too, Janice.”  I put some money on the table and stand, the alcohol from earlier already coursing through my veins.  “Wanna get out of here?”

“Sure.” She replies with a shake of her shoulder and then she downs the remnants of her drink. This girl is going to be just what I need. “My place or yours?”

“Yours, I’ll drive.”  Yeah, definitely yours because as soon as I get off, I’m rolling out.  No need to scare anyone else with what I have going on with me.  No use in letting someone see the fucked up-ness that is Blake Johnson.  I walk her to my car and she lets out a low whistle.

“Nice set of wheels.”   

“Graduation present.”  I reply and open the door for her.  I watch as she climbs up making sure I see that she has on some sexy lace boyshort style panties underneath that very short skirt.  I close the door and make my way over to the car.  I know that I am not the hottest guy in the world, most redheads aren’t. For instance, Shamus from WWE wrestling. That guy is not at all attractive. His money makes him attractive and my military status is what gets it for me.

“How old are you?” Janice asks as I climb into the car. I smile, knowing this was coming. 

“Twenty and you?” 

“Twenty-five,” she replies as she looks at me.  “You look older.”

“Yeah, well I’ve seen shit that would make me older.  I’m surprised I don’t have grey hair yet.”  I let out a small chuckle and then make a right turn as she directs me to her house.  I pull into a gravel driveway that leads off the road, a town over from my own apartment.  My headlights land on a white painted house with a wraparound porch.   It doesn’t seem to be that big, but being as she’s by herself I don’t guess she would need much more than two or three bedrooms.  I open my door and walk around the front of the car to her door.  I may be fucked up, but my momma raised me right.

“Thanks, don’t get a lot of men opening doors for me,” she gives me a sad smile and I follow her up the front steps.

“Well, you’re looking in the wrong places.  They are out there,” I mentally kick myself in the ass for saying that.  I am not looking for any commitment and I most definitely wouldn’t be looking for one in someone I met in a bar and twenty minutes later had home about to spread her legs.   

“Maybe so.  I’ll start looking in the right places after tonight,” she crooks her finger and bites on her lower lip as she unlocks the door to the house. She walks into the living room as she pulls her shirt over her head showing off a black lace bra.  I start to get nervous again, but this time for different reasons.  The only girl I slept with was Lizzie and we dated for three years while we were in high school.  She moved away after high school to try to make it big in California.  We both went our separate ways with no hard feelings.  “I like it hard, Blake.  Think you can handle that?” 

“Bend over that couch and let’s see if you can handle it.”  I let out in a husky tone.  I grab her blonde curls in my fingers and kiss her hard, the alcohol kicking in even more.  I slide my tongue over her lips demanding entrance.  When she whimpers against me I know I’m succeeding in what I want.  I end the kiss and turn her away from me pushing, her over the brown leather loveseat. 

“Mmmm, that’s it Blake.  Keep doing just like that.”  Janice moans.  I reach down and jerk the lace off her ass.  I can see the dampness shining in the light and I let out a groan.  I slip a finger over her folds and she moans louder.  “Please, fuck me.” 

“Hold on to the couch.”  I gasp out and grab a condom out of my pocket, tearing the corner with my teeth and rolling the rubber over my shaft.  When a lady asks, a man should always give.  I grab her right hip with my right hand and line my cock up to her core.  I slam my hips into her and shudder as my cock is sheathed by her welcoming heat.  I put my left hand on her other hip and start to pound into her, not relenting as she screams out “don’t stops and right there’s.”  I just keep pummeling into her and trying to forget everything.  I’m gonna need a cigarette after this. 

“Harder! Fuck me harder!”  Janice screams out as I pound into her.  She wants harder I’ll give her harder.  I bend my knees a little and then slam so deep and hard into her, she screams out.  I reach down and rub her clit knowing I am not going to last much longer.  I feel her body start to tighten around me and I know she’s close.  I keep rubbing on the bundle of nerves between my fingers and slamming into her.  I scream out as my balls tighten and empty into the thin rubber that’s separating us.  I pull out slap her ass and smile.  I grab the condom and tie it in a knot. 

“Thanks. I needed that.” I tuck my dick back in my pants and zip it up. Thank God this girl isn’t one that looks like she cuddles ‘cause I’m just not in the mood.

“Me too. Here’s my number call me if you want it again,” she responds and then stands up and pulls her skirt down. “You can flush that in the toilet. It’s the first door on the right.”

I turn and walk to the bathroom
and
then wash my hands.  I walk back out and she’s in the small kitchen grabbing a beer.  “Want one?” She holds one out to me and I just shake my head.  So she pops the top and takes a drink.  “See you around, Blake,” she says with a smile and then burps.  Now that’s lady like.

“Yep, bye Janice.”  I throw out over my shoulder as I walk out of her door.  I put the number in my back pocket just in case I ever need a good release again.  I leave Janice’s driveway and make my way into town.  First stop, gas station.  It’s time to pick up another habit that could kill me. 

It’s been two weeks since I talked to Mary-Beth and it’s probably is for the best.  When she gets like, this she tends to be destructive and I hate when she’s that way.  I just pray that it doesn’t involve cuts on her wrists again.  Even Jameson doesn’t know about that.  I grab my purse and smile when my phone lights up. 
Brooklyn
. 

“Hey Brooklyn.”

“Hey girl, look I have to take off to take Trinity to the doctor.  Can you come in early?  Like in thirty minutes?” 

“Yeah, I’ll just come on in. I was getting ready
to walk out the door anyway.  Hope Trin feels better.” 

“Thanks, I owe you one.”   

With that, the phone disconnects. I would work with a girl who never actually wants to work. The kids are always sick or she just doesn’t want to be there. Trendy Cuts is a small salon with four stylists. Two of the four
are older women who have been in the business for over thirty years. Barb and Diane are very good at doing hair and I am
very lucky to be there to learn from them.  Barb, with her jet black hair that she teases on a daily bases and God forbid you tell her that one piece was out of place.  Diane, well she is the funky one, she wears her hair in a bob, longer in the front and very short in the back.  She has blonde hair with a hot pink streak right through the bangs.  Lastly, there is Brooklyn, she’s all of five feet and has brown hair with blonde streaks throughout it.  She has a kid named Trinity and he is about four now.  I have never met his father, but I hear he isn’t a great guy.  Of course, that could be because of everything Brooklyn spews about him.   

I get to the shop and pull behind the building then park the car.  It’s a quaint little light blue house with two chairs in one room and two in the other.  I share a spot with Brooklyn since we have the younger clients.  Barb and Diane stay in the other room where all the ladies like to gossip.  We have a reception area right in the living room.  When I’m not that busy, I answer the phones and schedule the appointments.  I guess that’s what you get when you’re the newest person.  Barb took a chance on me right after I graduated beauty school and I have been working here for about four months now. 

I walk into the building and smile as Barb comes out of the kitchen with her cup of coffee and a donut. “Well good morning sunshine. You’re here early,” she says around a mouth full of donut.

“Brooklyn called, asked me to do her nine thirty. She claims Trinity is sick,” I roll my eyes and Barb just huffs. 

“You owe me ten dollars, Barb!” Diane cackles from the other room and I can’t help but laugh.  I hear the door open and I look up to see the most stunning pair of green eyes I have ever seen.  I look at him a little closer and notice that his dirty blonde hair is starting to curl at the ends, around his ears.  He smiles and when he does I get a view of the most perfect white teeth staring back at me as well as these cute looking crow’s feet.

“Hi, I’m looking for Brooklyn.”

“Um, I’m sorry she’s not in today.  She said she had to take her son to the doctor.”