Authors: Elizabeth Forkey
A Declaration
Of
Nerd Affection
Matt
has been gone for a long time. The gun he insisted on leaving
lays
next to me like a piece of ice against my leg. There
are no circumstances under which I will use it. I let him leave it for his own
comfort as it is anything but a comfort to me. Harmony is holding Rosa and
talking quietly with Thomas. They've both just lost their loved ones. I sit
down the tunnel
aways
and let them share their grief.
I always considered myself stronger than Harmony. But as I watch her, I realize
I was wrong.
When
I was attacked, it rocked my whole world. Then I lost Aunty two weeks later.
This has been the hardest month of my life. Harmony went through all of that
and more in just 24 hours. She was attacked, shot, brought back to life and
then lost her mom, her town, and her whole world the next day. And she sits
there caring for Thomas, gently petting little Rosa, her spirit still intact.
She's still herself. I almost lost myself in my trials.
God
has kept her here with me for a reason. Last night after the miracle, I thought
that His reason was Matt. He showed His Glory magnificently to Matt and I
thought it was so that Matt would believe and find Life. Then, when she came
down the tunnel tonight still alive, I thought He must have an awfully special
plan for her. But now—I wonder if he brought her because I need her. I need her
example. I need her friendship. I need her solid consistency. She is stronger
than me.
I
am worried for Matt. I keep praying for him to make it back to us with a car
and no more complications. I hope nothing went wrong. We need him to get out of
the tunnel and we need him to survive. I personally just need him. If he
doesn't come back for us—
We
might as well have died
with our friends.
After
at least an hour of waiting and worrying, I fall into a nightmare filled sleep.
There is no plot, no conversation, just violence and terror. I see the people I
knew laying slain in the streets. I stumble over a body and I find that it's
Aunty. She is old and bloody and something has torn her apart. I shriek and
scream as her blue eyes fly open and lock me in an icy gaze. I feel more eyes
on me and I run because I'm being hunted. There is no comfort in this dark
world, no friend, no God. I'm alone. I hear them coming, I hear their voices.
I
gasp, suddenly awake, because the voices are here and they are real. The siren
has finally stopped. In the new silence, I hear noises above us in the cellar.
Talking.
More than one person.
More than one voice.
Urgent, angry whispers
and the creaking of the old wooden stairs.
We are in real trouble now.
Matt isn't back and I'm the only one who can protect us. I feel my way over to
Harmony, Thomas and Rosa. I whisper to them, trying to wake them, and I feel in
the dark for their faces. Putting my hands over their mouths, I try to make
them understand that they have to be quiet.
I
remember the gun. The thought of it sends a shiver through my arms. I could
just hold it. It would look intimidating. I could never pull the trigger. I
crawl back to where I had been sitting and feel around in the dark for the icy
metal. My hands rub through the dirt and muck that
lays
in a crust along the bottom of the pipe. Disrupting the filth sends hints of
cat-litter odors to my crinkled nose. I long for light and simultaneously thank
God I can't see. I brush against the gun in the darkness and send it skittering
against the pipe where it makes a dull chime. I cringe and reach for it again,
this time enclosing the barrel with my shaking hand. It is heavy as I fumble to
hold it correctly.
I
don't know what to do now. Should I lead Harmony, Rosa and Thomas back through
to the other side? Could I push the wheelchair through? More danger waits back
on our side of the tunnel. We could try one of the other tunnels but I have no
idea where they would lead us. We could get stuck at a dead end, trapped and
alone with the rats.
I
pray.
My
God is with me. He's brought me this far. The dark world of my nightmares
doesn't exist. There's nowhere I can go that God won't be with me. There are
footsteps above and they get closer. Someone is looking down into the hole.
"Ivy?"
Matt whispers my name.
I
squat in silence, hoping that Harmony and Thomas will stay silent. I don't
allow myself to feel relief at Matt's voice. Who was the other person? I know
for certain we can't trust one of them. I'm gold to them. I question my
decision to go with Matt for the thousandth time tonight. Maybe I did choose
wrong. Maybe God wanted me to stay up there and give myself up to save the
others. How many people have I killed by trusting my untrustworthy teenage girl
heart? Then I hear the other voice. And he calls my name too.
"Ivy?"
Tim's baritone voice fills the darkness.
"Tim?"
I call back hesitantly from the shadows.
"It's
okay Ivy, you can come out. It's just me. I'm here."
And
I'm crying again.
Crying in relief.
Crying
because Tim is okay.
Crying because I still feel so
guilty about everyone else.
I pull myself over to the light pouring down
through the hole and look up into their flashlights. They are both there,
peering down at me. In the same moment they both reach a hand down to help me
up into the cellar. It's probably tense between them but I'm only relieved
beyond words to have them both.
I cast the gun aside and give them each one of
my hands and they pull me up out of the hole. I stand still for only a second
and then I hug them both. First Matt, just a short quick hug; and then without
looking at Tim to see his reaction, I put myself in his arms next. I hold Tim
just a few seconds longer and whisper "I'm sorry" into his ear as I
cry. He returns my embrace and I hope it means he's less angry with me.
Pulling
away from Tim I turn again to Matt. "What happened? What took so long? Did
you get a car? How are you here?" I finish with my last question directed
at Tim, relief and happiness filling my face and voice.
They
both start talking. Tim is more of a gentleman—understatement—so he motions for
Matt to go first. Before Matt can start again, Harmony calls out from the tunnel
asking if they can please come up with us. The guys help her and Rosa up and
then coordinate how they'll get Thomas out.
Tim
is a miracle in more than one way. With him here now, I'm sure we'll be able to
get Thomas out of the tunnel without causing him too much pain. Matt goes down
in and gently lifts Thomas up in his arms and then slowly up over his head,
proving the strength of his muscular arms. Tim
lays
on
his stomach and reaches down into the hole and takes Thomas from Matt. Harmony
is sitting on Tim's legs to help him lift with leverage and not fall down into
the
hole
himself. I sit ready, next to Tim, and as
soon as Thomas is high enough I reach out and help pull him the rest of the way
out. It took all four of us, but praise God we did it. Thomas never even
winced, we were so gentle. Matt tosses up all of our belongings before coming
back up himself with the gun glinting from where it is tucked in the back of
his pants.
We
all stand and look at each other. We are such an unlikely group.
One zombie, one Spanish speaking innocent, and four Living.
We range in age and in belief. We actually have little in common. But we are
suddenly a family. We need each other. We are all we have now.
I
ask Matt again, "What happened?"
After
lighting several lanterns and dousing his flashlight, Matt sits down on a
blanket and everyone but Tim follows suit. Tim leans against the wall, probably
not as happy as I am about his new "family."
"It
took me a while to get around to where they broke in. I didn't want anyone to
see me leave the house and I didn't want to be seen skirting around the fence.
I couldn't risk anyone following me so I took my time.
Staying
out of sight."
I
picture him familiarizing himself with every bunch of shrubbery between here
and the West Gate. I smile at him and he winks at me in the low light. He knows
what I'm thinking as usual. I like that we have our own private joke.
"I
went in where they took out the fence, right near the gate by the Inn. It's
like Mardi
Gras
in there now. They have bonfires
everywhere and they're just standing around partying and watching the town
burn. I didn't see any Pravda workers anywhere.
Which is bad.
It means that they interrogated enough people with the same story and they know
you aren't there anywhere."
"What
do you mean? How could they know that?"
Matt
tilts his head towards Harmony. "She just finished telling the entire town
that you come and go when you want through a secret tunnel. Pravda probably
interrogated a handful of people and all of them gave up the same story."
He
keeps saying interrogated. I know he means tortured. They wouldn't have just
given me up like that unless they were being hurt or watching their family
members get hurt. I feel sick. I haven't eaten since this morning but I feel
vomit in my throat.
Matt
continues softly, "So, I pretty much walked right in like part of the
crowd. I wore a mask, figured I'd fit in even better. I found the cars right
where you said, but there were only a couple of them there. I don't think Pravda
took them because there were lots of keys in the office. I think maybe some of
your people got out. Maybe some of them knew how to hot wire a car, maybe they
had extra keys. Either way, there
were
way more keys
than cars. I just grabbed all the keys and went to take the largest car left. I
made the mistake of taking off my mask in the garage. That's when
i
picked up the extra baggage." He jerks his head at
Tim. "Guess he figured his girlfriend would be with me," Matt says
too lightly, his antagonism intentional.
Tim
doesn't say anything. He stares down at his feet and his face burns with the
heat of barely restrained anger. I feel terrible. Tim feels betrayed by me. His
dad and brother are gone and he probably blames me. I know I would. I won't ask
him again how he made it out. He has every right to ignore me.
"What
now?" I say out loud to everyone.
Matt
answers. "I think we need to leave as soon as possible. I had planned on
staying here a day or two, but I don't think we can risk Pravda finding this
house or finding the tunnel. They are looking for it as we speak. We should
leave
Toccoa
tonight."
"And
where do you plan to go?" Tim asks quietly.
"I'm
taking Tom and Ivy, and I guess Rosa, to Atlanta."
"What!"
Tim and I exclaim together.
"Matt,
I can't go to Atlanta. That's Pravda central. I want to get as far away from
Atlanta as possible. You know they're hunting me. Surely you understand we
can't go there? I was hoping for a nice beach in Florida somewhere."
"You
aren't taking Ivy anywhere. Not to Atlanta, not to a beach," Tim says with
a wilting look of irritation thrown in my direction, "she is staying with
me!"
Matt
is sitting with his back against the wall, his knees are up in front of him
with his forearms resting on top of them and his hands folded. He looks at his
gloved hands and then up into my eyes. "Ivy, do you know a man named Frank
Lusato
?"
My
breath catches in my throat and my heart stops beating. "How do you know
that name?"
"Who
is he?" Matt asks, still staring at me.
"My
dad.
That was my dad's name." I say it
as though my dad is dead. I've believed my parents to be dead for a long time.
They would've come for me by now if they weren't dead. They loved me.
"Ivy,
your dad is in a Pravda prison cell in Atlanta. I know this because I met him.
I was in a cell across from him for about a month."
"Ivy
isn't going to Atlanta!" Tim says again angrily. "I'm tired of your
lies and manipulation!"
Matt
stares into my eyes, ignoring Tim. "He was still alive a few months ago
when I broke out. I have a friend on the inside and I think we could get your
dad out too."