Infinite Risk (39 page)

Jake licked his fingers. “Thanks for bringing me. It's my first time here.”

“Mine too,” I admitted.

And the last.

“So how long have you worked for José and Luisa?” Devon asked.

“I'm just helping out today. How did your exams go?”
Time to change the subject.

Jake shrugged. “Not bad. My father doesn't care about grades anyway. ‘Money is where it's at, son. You can buy better marks if you're rich enough.'”

“He sounds like a fun guy.” Devon shook his head and carried his plate over to the trash can on the corner.

I followed suit. “Luisa is probably swamped again. I should get back.”

Jake stopped me with a hand on my arm. “Hold up. You're coming to Kian's surprise party, right?”

“Nobody invited me.” I twinged hard over that. Funny how fast you got deleted from plans when you weren't part of the daily social circle anymore.

“Relax. I would've,” Devon said, nudging Jake. “We're still figuring out the logistics.
He
wants to host, but everyone's nervous for obvious reasons.”

“Come on, dude. How can I prove myself if people won't cut me some slack? I'm not inviting any of the assholes who were there before, I promise. It'll just be our core group.”

“Welcome to my world,” Devon muttered, turning to me. “What do you think?”

Pretending to study Jake, I kept quiet until he squirmed. “Come on, Nine.”

“It'll be fine,” I predicted.

Since Wedderburn ruined his last party, this should be awesome.
Plus, since he had the biggest house, it made sense to let him host, if he wanted to. When I first arrived, I never could've predicted that things would work out like this. Some of the weight anchoring me trickled away. Soon I'd just float into the stratosphere, all ties untethered.

“Then maybe we'll give him a shot. I'll text you,” Devon promised.

With a wave, I headed back to Luisa's booth. Sure enough, she had a line again, and I hurried to help her catch up. I spent the rest of the day assisting, so it was close to ten by the time we finished cleaning. Her cash box bulged with bills, and she was glowing when José came out to check on us.

She beamed at him too. “Fantastic, right? We can probably take that vacation we were talking about.”

He smiled at me. “She should open her own restaurant, tell her.”

“Please.” She acted like this was an old argument. “My government job is steady, and we don't have to worry about start-up failures or health care.”

When they turned to me, I struggled to find words other than good-bye. “Thanks for everything. I won't be around after this, so take care, okay?”

They exchanged a look and I could see José promising to explain after I left. That silent communication reminded me of my parents. Aching, I rubbed my chest.

“You too,” Luisa said.

They enfolded me in a two-sided hug, and for a long moment, I leaned, soaking it in. I noticed they didn't offer to pay me this time, and it leavened my heart.
Maybe they think of me as family.
I waved and headed out. On the bus ride home, I stared at my flickering face reflected in the window. It came and went according to the shift of internal and external light, but it felt like a sinister, predictive version of a child's game with flower petals.

Now you're here. Now you're not.

That last week, I used my library card hard. Not only did I read the two novels I'd checked out before, but I paid the late fine and took out more. I worked on the list of
100 Books You Must Read Before You Die,
mostly because I wouldn't have a chance later. In the middle of number twenty-eight, I got a text from Devon.

Friday night, Jake's place. If U need a ride, meet at usual place, 7pm for Carmen car pool.

I sent back,
See U then.

Three days before my personal D-day, Selena's token dissolved in my hands. I guessed I'd drained it and let the silver dust trickle through my fingers into the trash. So far, Dwyer's coin was holding out, but it didn't warm my palm as much as it used to. That meant the return of my old friend pain. Surprise surges doubled me over at random moments, cramping my hands into claws, and my skin was simply … gone, in more than one spot, not showing muscle or meat beneath but a freaky
nothing
inside.

I don't have long.

Once again, fiction saved me, or I might've cried myself to death.

*   *   *

The day of Kian's surprise party, I cleaned the studio and washed my clothes. I folded them neatly and stowed them in a small trash bag.
Wow, I really don't have much.
With a tremulous sigh, I checked the move-out list to make sure I hadn't missed anything. Then I realized the absurdity of it. Jake's building manager would have a hard time finding me or the Harbinger to charge us extra. Still, I pulled all linens and bedcovers and set them on the washer, as requested. Then, for the last time, I did my makeup so I didn't alarm my friends and dropped the cosmetics into the bin afterward.

“I can't believe
this
is how my story ends,” I whispered.

Yet, while fear gnawed at me like hungry rats, on some level, I was also ready for it to be over. Exhaustion hung over me like a cloudy day that never ended in rain. It felt symbolic as I walked the six blocks to the Goodwill donation box. Without hesitation, I pushed everything I owned into the chute.
Now I have only what I'm standing in, just like when I arrived.
That felt right. In my pocket, I had two fake IDs, a cell phone, and the remainder of the cash the Harbinger had left.

With two hours to kill, I walked aimlessly. Somehow I ended up on the bus, riding to the mall where the Harbinger and I had busked before the fountain. The plaza looked much different during the day, especially beneath the dazzling sunshine. Another musician had taken the Harbinger's spot, but he hadn't attracted much attention. He was young, probably my age or younger, and scruffy as hell. The song he strummed on his battered acoustic guitar seemed to be original, or at least, I hadn't heard it before. I listened until the end and then dropped five bucks in the case.

“Thanks,” he said.

I repeated José's words then. “We just do what we can.”

And sometimes that had to be enough.
That's why the Harbinger left.
Something like peace flowed through me, blocking the intermittent pain. In that moment, I stopped waiting for him to return. My heart ached, a welcome change from physical pain. Everything hurt except the creepy rents in my flesh. At the convenience store across the way, I bought a sandwich and offered half to the musician. Since he'd watched me take it out of the package, he took it and gobbled it down. I chucked the filling of mine and went to a nearby bench to crumble up the bread for the birds.

Soon I had a small avian army at my feet: fat-breasted gray pigeons with glimmers of blue and green, tiny brown wrens, one white dove, and a huge crow with greedy, beady eyes. I focused on him for obvious reasons, pretending he represented someone else. Pinching a huge crumb to lure him closer, I tossed it, and he strutted to claim it with pure bird swag.

“You can hear me, right? This always was your favorite way to spy on me.”

“Mom, is that lady talking to the birds?” a little kid asked.

The mom shushed him. “Don't point; it's rude.”

They hurried past as I laughed quietly. From across the way, the guitarist called, “Don't feel bad. I talk to animals too.”

“You're Dolittle, right?”

He laughed and continued playing.

As for me, I was way beyond caring what random strangers thought, so I continued my conversation with the crow. “I want you to know, I'm okay. Everything's all right now, and I'm in a good place. You made the best choice you could, and I don't blame you.” I hesitated, but since I was talking to myself, I added quietly, “You were my hero, by the way.”

I waited for the tears, but they didn't come. A smile formed instead. The black bird sidled up to me and snapped the remaining bread from my fingers, and then it flapped away to stare balefully from a nearby wire.
It's not him. He doesn't know.
But now that I'd dumped my emotional purse, just like I'd given away all my belongings, I could brace for the hardest good-bye of all. Just then, my phone alarm went off, reminding me to meet Carmen and company for Kian's surprise birthday bash.

Okay. Time to party like it's the last night of my life.

 

THE LAST NIGHT OF MY LIFE

Today I arrived last and took some scolding from everyone else. Kian was missing, though. “Where's the guest of honor?” I asked.

“Jake's picking him up,” Devon explained. “He said he needed some tutoring.”

I crawled all the way to the back, next to Elton. He didn't glance up from the PSP in his hand. Nosy, I leaned over to check out the racing game he was playing. He elbowed me without looking up. Carmen checked to make sure everyone was settled and then took off. She must be used to driving with distractions if she ran errands with her brothers and sisters in the car.

“Also, we're being sneaky.” Vonna turned to face me, arm on the back of the seat.

“How so?”

She grinned. “Technically today's not his birthday.”

“Really?” I'd completely lost track of the date, so I'd take her word for it.

“So we pretend nothing's up until midnight?”

“It's genius,” Amanda said.

“You're welcome.” Devon had shotgun, but his voice carried.

Amanda and Nathan were snuggled up together in the seat ahead of me, so I suspected they'd finally moved beyond the picking-on-each-other stage of the relationship. No need to ask since that would highlight the fact that I'd been out of the loop for a while. It hadn't been all bad that I left school early, as it gave Kian plenty of practice dealing with people on his own.

S
eems like he's doing great.

They talked around me, discussing end-of-year stuff with context I didn't share. Nobody noticed that I didn't talk much, pumped up with the prospect of surprising Kian.
Five months ago, you thought he was beyond weird. Now you're giving him the best present since his dad died.
As we pulled into Jake's impressive drive, I remembered the last time we were here.

It'll be fine. Winter is gone, and for now, Summer loves me.

Dwyer's coin also seemed to keep the murderous universe at bay, so hopefully, I could hang out with my friends one last time without anything exploding or catching fire. The gate buzzed and swung open. True to his promise at the food festival, no other cars lined the drive. Carmen parked right by the door, and we rang the bell. Jake answered with a harried expression.

“Help me, guys. Tanya got here early, so Kian's already suspicious.”

“Trust her to screw this up,” Devon muttered.

Amanda smacked him. “Don't be like that. You know how hard she's trying to make you like her.”

He shook his head. “Girl just can't accept that she's not the princess anymore.”

“Guys,” Jake prompted.

I thought fast. “Right. Tell him you tricked everyone into coming over because you want to clear your name.” Since that was the truth, it made for a good cover.

Jake brightened and hurried inside. Keeping up with his long strides wasn't easy, so it took the rest of us another minute. Kian and Tanya sat at the long dining table with the chandelier on dim. This house impressed me all over again, though it still struck me as somewhat soulless.
This is what money without heart buys. I hope Jake has a happier life than this.
He was at least as well off as the elite at Blackbriar yet considerably kinder than most.

“You're all here?” A smile started on Kian's face, as he was too smart not to know when something was up.

It had been a while since I'd seen him, long enough for me to catalog the differences. He'd filled out a shade, and his skin had cleared up some. I could well imagine how he'd look at twenty, not supernaturally beautiful, but smart, attractive, and comfortable with himself. I must've stared too long because he locked onto me and we exchanged a long look. I had no idea what he was trying to tell me, but I smiled.

“Actually,” Jake said then. “I have a confession to make.” He proceeded with my suggested explanation.

Kian's shoulders slumped slightly.
He's going to be so shocked later.

Either not noticing or pretending not to, Jake went on. “Don't worry, it's a low-key hangout tonight. My mom's in the other part of the house, but she won't bother us.”

“Doesn't she usually travel with your dad?” Nathan asked.

“They're fighting right now. He recommended she get some cosmetic surgery; she accused him of secretly wanting to trade her for a younger model.” He seemed remarkably unconcerned, but I had the impression he didn't spend that much time with them anyway.

“So you don't actually need tutoring,” Kian said, sounding annoyed.

But I knew what was bothering him. The others probably did too, but we couldn't let on until midnight. Jake showed us to the home theater, a room that was a small VIP cinema, complete with recliners and a huge screen. I pictured Jake in here watching movies alone, and it was sad somehow, worse than curling up under the covers with a laptop and Netflix.

“What movies do you have?” Nathan asked.

Much discussion ensued, and eventually, since he'd done such a good job entertaining us at Carmen's place, we agreed to let him pick a movie this time too. At some point, Vonna and Kian disappeared. I had no intention of playing creeper, but my body still processed liquids fine and I needed to pee, so I headed out to find the guest bathroom. Instead, I stumbled on what sounded like a private conversation. The minute I realized that, I should've backed out of the hall, but I was nosy enough to linger.