Wesley and Tanner were each pallbearers, part of the group responsible for carrying Mary’s coffin upon their shoulders. They lowered it onto the gun carriage while Jamie and I looked on.
The gun carriage dated back over two hundred years, from the royal cavalry artillery. It was the same one that had been used for both my parents’ funerals. Now Mary’s coffin rested upon its sturdy wooden base, covered in draperies of blue, red, and gold. The flower arrangements adorning it were all in white. Roses—Mary’s favorite.
The order was given for the procession to reverse arms and begin their slow march toward Westminster Abbey. Jamie and I followed just behind the carriage, as the only surviving members of the royal family. Polly, Clara, and George, and Aiden and Liam walked just behind us. Behind them were other family friends and a few surviving dignitaries. We all moved to the beat of muffled drums. According to custom, guns fired from Hyde Park at one-minute intervals.
It was almost a mile long, this endless march. But we had no other choice but to continue on toward the Abbey, that high-towered Gothic cathedral that had housed coronations and burials since the days of Queen Elizabeth I. We kept our heads bowed as we neared its spires. Along the way, crowds stood with solemn faces, weeping in handkerchiefs for Mary, their beloved girl queen. Mary, who had died for England.
When we finally arrived, the bearer party removed the coffin and carried it into the ancient hall. Crowds of mourners had already filled every seat in the church. Jamie sat on one side of me in the front row, Polly on the other. She never took her hand from my back, and I was grateful. If she had, I was sure I would have fallen over.
All I could think throughout the service was,
Too soon. It was too soon, and I’m not ready
.
Mary
, I added, sending her silent waves of love,
I miss you. I don’t know how to face this without you. I love you so much, my dear sister
.
Once the official ceremony had ended, I walked off to the side of the cathedral. The sun shined brightly through the windows, and it warmed my face.
I saw Tanner’s reflection in the window in front of me. For a moment I thought he was Wesley—they were wearing identical pallbearer uniforms, red regiment jackets over black pants—but then I saw how tall he was and realized my mistake.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Do I have a choice?”
“You always have a choice, Eliza.” He placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me around, tilting his gaze downward to look at me more closely.
I shook my head. “Not this time.”
His expression was strained, his jaw tight. There were dark circles beneath his eyes. He looked like he hadn’t slept much.
“Don’t worry about me,” I said, to ease his mind a bit. “You of all people should know I’m stronger than I look. I can handle this.”
“I’m not worried about you.” He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, letting his hand linger there a fraction longer than necessary. “But I have something to tell you.”
I waited, listening.
“The British navy is setting out to explore the oceans on the Ryker ship, to see who else might be out there.” He paused. “And I’m going to go with them.”
“You’re leaving?” I asked, my voice cracking with emotion. Was this because of what he’d walked in on? Of Wesley and me having a moment? Was he so hurt by that that he needed to run away?
“I’m sure you’ll be a big help to them,” I said, looking down. Then I glanced up at the church’s high Gothic spires. “You’ll miss my coronation. It’ll happen right here, you know.”
“If there’s any chance that we can cross the Atlantic, any chance that we can find America and I can track down my sister, I have to take it,” he said, and I understood. “Eliza.” Tanner put a hand under my chin and tilted my face up to look at him. “I’ll take you away from here in a second if you just say the word. I know you never wanted to be a royal. And outside of England you could simply be yourself.”
“I can’t,” I said.
“Think about it,” he insisted. “We could both leave all of this behind, together. I love you, Eliza. I always have and I always will.”
I took a step back and looked around. In the distance I could see the top of Big Ben, where Tanner kissed me for the first time. From inside the church I could hear the organ playing
Prelude and Fugue in E-flat
, by Johann Sebastian Bach.
“I love you, too, Tanner,” and as I said it, I knew it was true. I did love him, and part of me always would. But Tanner deserved better—someone who would love all of him,
who would love only him, and not be torn in different pieces the way I was. “But I can’t leave. As queen I’m going to have more responsibilities than I ever had as a princess. And Jamie needs me more now than ever.”
“But you deserve to be happy, Eliza. Or at least as happy as you can be after all you’ve been through.” His eyes flickered. They were so beautiful, his liquid-brown eyes, so full of warmth and caring. I would miss them.
“Tanner,” I said. “This
will
make me happy. To rise to this challenge. Here. This is my home. It’s where I belong. I know that now.”
Tanner nodded and took a step back. “Okay,” he said. Then he leaned forward to kiss me one last time on the cheek. But I turned instead, catching the kiss on my lips. It was warm and sweet, and over too soon.
He whispered into my ear, “Just know I’ll always come back for you, Eliza, if you ever need me. All you have to do is say the word.”
And I knew that he would. Tanner’s promises were as good as gold.