Maddy understood completely. “I called him my White Knight when we first met. He saved me too.”
“Anthony doesn’t think Richard understands his heart yet, as he carries so much guilt from his childhood. He hides a piece of himself, not thinking he’s worthy of love. He confuses love with compassion.”
Maddy understood what Rheda was trying to say, but it didn’t help her. “Richard might not have really loved Sarah but that doesn’t mean he will ever love me. I just wish this business with Sarah would end. Richard and I need time together without our relationship being the topic of conversation, and I’m sick of the grieving ex-lover getting all of the attention.”
“Be strong. Richard and Rufus will find the evidence they need, and then we can put all this behind us.”
“Christopher—that is, Mr. Hindsworth—thinks Richard relishes the attention from both Sarah and I.” Maddy would not feel guilty about a relationship with Christopher, even though Rheda’s frown spoke louder than words.
“What would he know? He has known you for only a few days. I’m not sure I’m happy with this relationship you are cultivating with Mr. Hindsworth. Rufus can’t find out anything about the man. It’s as if he appeared out of nowhere.”
“I know all I need to know. He saved me from Timothy Chesterton. Thank God. I will forever be in his debt.” At Rheda’s raised eyebrows, she added, “Don’t give me that look. He has not once been improper. He does not want me in that way.”
“Then there is definitely something wrong with the man. Any man would want you. What game is he playing?”
“He isn’t playing any game. He’s lonely and sad. He lost the love of his life and can’t seem to get past his loss. Think what it would be like if you lost Rufus.” Rheda’s face softened and she shrugged. “He’s just a friend, I promise.”
“As I recall, Richard was once only a friend,” Rheda added dryly.
“He is not Richard. His heart belongs to a dead woman. I have no romantic interest in Christopher. I want to earn Richard’s heart. I want this business with Timothy Chesterton over and done with.”
“Richard is no longer interested in Sarah. I know it. The way he looks at you is…” Rheda leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Patience! Give Richard a chance to understand his feelings for you. You two have such an unusual relationship. I don’t even think Richard understands what he feels for you. What man befriends a young girl, and stays her friend throughout all those years, without some part of her calling to him? I’ve watched you both since the marriage. Richard seems more than content. He’s actually happy.
You
make him happy.”
“I know that he cares for me. We are happy together, that’s true. But I want more. He’s no longer as free with his confidences as he once was. We used to share everything. He’d tell me the most inappropriate things, but now I feel he’s shielding himself from me. He’s hiding things from me, and I think they concern Sarah. He won’t even discuss her with me.”
Rheda linked her arm with Maddy’s and began to walk her toward the refreshment table. “When Rufus does not confide in me, it’s usually for one of two reasons. One, he is trying to protect me from something evil, or two, he is protecting himself. Men hate to make themselves vulnerable.”
Madeline shook her head. “I don’t understand. Vulnerable?”
Rheda gave a big sigh. “Men keep their hearts in an impenetrable fortress. When the fortress walls begin to weaken, they panic. They try to deny the breach and reinforce the battlements. They view the surrender of their hearts as weakness. It usually takes a strong man to understand that sharing his heart actually makes him whole or complete.”
She glanced at the men outside the entrance to the card room. “But Richard has already surrendered his heart, and unfortunately, it was to Sarah.”
“Did he? If I’d tried to marry anyone else, do you really think Rufus would have stood by and let me?”
Rheda could be right. Rufus would never have allowed Rheda to leave him. A rainbow of hope bloomed inside her soul and she let it shine through. “You think Richard really didn’t love Sarah?”
Rheda smiled and squeezed her hand. “I don’t believe so. Rufus doesn’t believe so either. He would never have let you marry Richard if he thought Richard loved another. Your brother would have protected you from any scandal.”
If he wasn’t in love with Sarah, then… Perhaps Christopher was right. Richard does not know how to love. “Perhaps Richard doesn’t believe in love. If he didn’t love Sarah, and then he readily agreed to marry me, perhaps love is not important to him. He didn’t seem to care that he was marrying a woman he didn’t love.” She blinked back welling tears. “I have always hoped he’d grow to love me. I can’t imagine living for years with a man who could never love me the way I love him. If he doesn’t grow to love me, he’ll tire of me, I know it. What if he takes a mistress? I couldn’t bear it.”
Rheda grabbed her arm. “Richard would never hurt you. Give him some time to realize he loves you.”
She swung round so quickly her drink spilled onto her gloves. “Do you think Richard’s in love with me?” she asked desperately, shaking the drops from her glove.
“Oh, Maddy. All of us know it,
except
you two!”
“There is a difference between loving me and being in love with me. I feel it’s more likely the former.”
Rheda sighed. “The only reason Richard is helping Sarah is out of a sense of guilt.
Was that true? Only one person could answer that question and she’d have to be diligent about getting answers from her husband sooner or later. Not knowing was far worse than all the hoping.
Just then the man of her heart emerged from the crowd. He looked tired.
“I suddenly have a desperate urge to dance with my husband.” Madeline turned to Rheda. “Shall we?”
When Maddy reached Richard’s side she slipped her arm through his and stroked his sleeve. He looked down at her and smiled. “Did you miss me?” Before she could answer, he added, “It’s time I danced with my lovely wife.”
She had eyes for no other as secure in his strong arms, he twirled her around the dance floor. However, she was not past instigating a little investigation of her own. “I doubt Sarah is in any real danger tonight, here at the ball.”
He frowned. “I doubt she is.”
“Then why have you been watching her as if she’s some kind of prize to be taken?”
A smile broke over his sensuous lips. He leaned down to whisper in her air. “You sound like a possessive wife.”
Happiness filled her. Richard would not be joking with her about Sarah if he had had feelings for his former lover. “I am. Very.
Very
possessive.”
He raised an eyebrow in surprise and she noted how his smile widened. “If anyone should be jealous, it’s me. Men have been flocking round you all evening, especially the young Mr. Hindsworth.”
She inwardly smiled. “That’s only because my husband seems preoccupied with another woman. They are not to know you are protecting her.”
“I’m not only protecting
her
.” His face betrayed him. She saw that he’d spoken without thinking.
“What are you not telling me? Are you hiding something else for my protection? That, my husband, is getting to be a worn-out excuse.”
His hand tightened at her waist. “My, I do love it when you get assertive, especially in our bed.”
She missed a step. “Don’t try and work your considerable charms on me. What is going on?”
Richard twirled them out through the balcony doors onto the darkened terrace. He danced them right to the end, deep into the shadows and when they arrived at the back wall, he pulled her close and kissed her, deeply, roughly, possessively. When he finally let her up for air, Richard said, “I want you. I can’t get enough of you.” And he began to ravish her again.
His hand caressed her throat, his soft strokes igniting a need within her. The expert caresses made her forget where she was and all the questions she desperately needed answers to. All her body seemed to be able to focus on was his enticing wickedness.
He pulled back, his lips leaving hers empty and wanting more. His breathing was rough, yet it was his gaze that held her captive. Behind the fiery seduction of his eyes, there was a promise of more to come—perhaps the life she desperately wanted with him. All she had to do was reach out for it if she was brave enough.
She suddenly found she was. Her husband was worth it.
“Richard,” she said softly. “I
have
to know. I have to know what you want from us, from our marriage. Did you, do you, love Sarah?”
His lashes lowered hiding his secrets and his heart. “I won’t deny I have been with other women. But none of them were you.”
It wasn’t the answer she wanted but it was a start. Then all thoughts fled as his sensuous mouth descended towards hers, and at the taste of him, she sighed and melted into his embrace. Love filled her heart as his palms framed her face. His tongue slid possessively into her mouth, meeting hers.
Richard deepened the kiss, smothering her with tenderness and sensuality, as if trying to drink her in. The kiss went on and on, and soon even the music from the ballroom behind them was silenced. When the kiss ended, his lips moved hotly across her cheek to her ear. “I don’t understand what I used to feel for Sarah, but it’s nothing like what I feel for you.” His deep, velvet voice reached into her soul. “You’re
mine.
”
Madeline swallowed in an effort to control the wild surge of elation exploding inside her. It was a declaration of sorts, more than she’d hoped to receive tonight. Once they were home, she’d tell him. She’d show him with her body, and tell him with loving words what was in her heart.
She cupped his face in her palm and whispered, “I know you men are up to something. Please, for me, be careful. I don’t trust Sarah. She seems very determined to get what she wants, and she wants you.”
“Very astute, Princess. Rufus and I have discovered that her father’s man had paid young David to cut the Wrentham’s horse’s girth.”
Maddy gripped Richard’s arms hard for support. Every instinct in her body wanted to scream out the truth. “Oh, my God, it
was
Sarah!”
“We can’t know that for sure. It’s still more likely that Timothy killed his brother for the estate. He’d need to do it as soon as Charles married in order to ensure there was no child from the union.”
“Well, he’s left it too late.” She pushed out of his arms and looked up at the revealing look on his face. He thought it too, and she saw guilt there. “This is about
you.
Sarah had no way of knowing what would happen at Hascombe that night. All along, she had planned to kill Charles and marry you.”
Richard ran an agitated hand through his hair. “That is a possibility, but my money is still on Timothy.”
“Why? Because a woman couldn’t do such a thing or because you still have feelings for her?”
With an angry cry Richard said, “
Neither
.” He stood breathing heavily, anguish etched upon his face. Finally, he admitted, “If
it’s
true, I’m responsible for another man’s death.”
“No.
No
, you’re not.”
He gripped her hands in his. “Can’t you see? I should never have slept with her and then let her marry Charles.”
“Why did you?”
He dropped her hands as if they were diseased and turned away but not before Madeline saw guilt flash deep in his green eyes. “I don’t know. I thought…”
“You thought you loved her, but when it came down to it, you realized you didn’t?” She watched his shoulders sag and knew he didn’t want to have this conversation, but she was determined to proceed with it. He had to face the truth about himself in order to set himself free.
“What kind of man does that make me? I thought I’d have more time before you found out the truth about my character. I seem to commit myself fully to a relationship and then it just…peters out. I don’t know why. I don’t know why things don’t last.” She looked at him and he flinched. “You must despise me.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head on his back, hugging him tight. “From the moment we’re born, we’re drawn to form a union with others. We have an abiding drive to connect, to love and to belong. You were denied this as a child, so you continue to seek out the perfect union, a union that provides the added strength we cannot find in ourselves. But how will you know
this
union is right?” She paused before saying, “I believe the strength we need cannot be found until the relationship is tested.” She pressed a kiss to his back. “You’ve simply been testing relationships to find the one that completes you.”
He swung to face her. “I’ve tested so many. What does that make me? A man who is fickle with his and other’s hearts? A man who is not sure he even knows what true love is? How can I expect you to trust my feelings when I don’t even trust them myself?”
“Do you want me to love you?”
He hugged her so tight she could barely breathe. “God, yes, but I’m such a selfish bastard.”
She moved in his arms, hating the self-doubt in his eyes. She reached up and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “I love that you have an open heart. I admire that you are willing to try to love while most men would run from it. You truly care for people, and about people. You are my White Knight.” He tried to say something but she placed a finger against his lips. “No. It’s my turn to talk.” She took his large hands in hers. “You can’t help who you are. You have a need to help others and I dare say it
is
because of your upbringing. I suspect you weren’t around unconditional love much as a child.
However, now that you’ve seen your brother’s and Rufus’s, marriages, you’re more emotionally aware. You are learning to read your heart and listen to your feelings.”
He raised his head and looked her straight in the eyes. “I love how trusting and understanding you are, but I honestly can’t make any promises. I won’t do that to you. What if this feeling I have for you doesn’t last?”
She raised his hand and kissed it. “I had a very different childhood to yours. My mother grieved terribly when she lost the love of her life. When my father was murdered, it was as if her whole life had been taken from her. I also saw a brother who gave up everything for the love of his father, who worked tirelessly to clear his name so that those he had loved were protected. I was shown all my life what true love means and how to recognize it.” She took a deep breath as she continued, “And I recognize now that the man who befriended a thirteen year old girl because he saw her loneliness was the man she’d grow to love above all others. And she prayed that one day he would come to love her.”