Authors: Hans Fallada
A heavy step was coming slowly down the stairs and she fled again, pushing open a swing door, walking as if casually through a department or two and approaching the exit. Suddenly she was overwhelmed with fear. She would undoubtedly be recognized; her description must have been phoned already to every exit and they knew she was carrying a shopping bag of black American cloth. Why was that salesgirl looking at her like that?
She pulled herself together. I've done nothing, she reassured herself. âWhere is the lavatory, please?' she asked the salesgirl.
She went in the direction the girl told her, then changed her mind. The stairs, the good old stairs of the Food Department had saved her once before â and she went back to them. They were thronged with people going up and down but she did not show any hurry. Putting her foot on a tread, she tied and retied her shoelace â¦
When at last she felt she was unobserved she picked up the
shopping bag. She knew, of course, that the name of Hackendahl was written in the lining and that she must tear it out. But she stopped. Something gleamed inside, something flashed and sparkled.
She laid the bag down â that scoundrel had turned her into an accomplice â he had dropped part of his robbery into it. Supposing they caught her! She could never explain it away, never. Oh, if only she had him here, the swine, with his slick talk about shopping bags and making a dash for it!
Somebody was coming down the stairs in a hurry. She peeped; it was a man in the brown uniform of the Stores, and she at once busied herself with her shoelace, having quickly covered the bag with her skirt ⦠The man gave her a side glance â was he suspicious? In any case it was high time to leave the building. At least ten minutes had passed since the theft and it was very likely that police were now posted at the exits ⦠No sooner had she heard the swing door clicking to below than she stuffed the jewels into the pocket of her white petticoat, spending no time in examining them but smiling when she saw the ring set with the yellow diamond. A cool customer, that chap!
Tearing the name out of her bag, which she left behind, she went through the ground floor past counters whose glamour had waned, walked by a commissionaire and, mingling with the flood of customers, stepped into the street â¦
Stepped into safety and freedom.
When the boys entered the school playground for the eleven o'clock break they saw a smart cab stop outside. Nobody took any notice except Porzig, who could not resist a spiteful, âSee the rival of our beloved Heinz. Hackendahl, decline
equus
, a hack.'
âDon't you start a row, Porzig,' warned Hoffmann.
âAs a matter of fact, it's my father's cab,' said Heinz Hackendahl. âDid you think I'm ashamed of it?'
âBehold!' said Porzig, mimicking the teacher of Greek. âForsooth, Hackendahl, and is there verity in the street rumour that the
Imperial stables are negotiating with your honourable father anent the purchase of yon shining steed?'
The grey, old Hackendahl's favourite, looked uncommonly pitiable; after that morning's misadventure she was only the wreck of a horse. The Upper Third boys looked first at the grey and then at the two antagonists. Heinz Hackendahl and Hermann Porzig were sworn enemies, their skirmishes a recurring treat for the class.
âDon't bray, Hermann,' said Heinz calmly. âThe Porzigs are stinking coyotes â on hearing the war cry they hide in the wigwams of the squaws.' (This was a memory from the beloved author, Karl May.)
âWe see nowhere the shining pot hat of our
Patris equorum
, the badge of the Cabmen's Guild,' resumed Porzig with assumed apprehension, his imagination greatly stimulated by the circle of listening boys. âWhy does he tarry? Why does he not protect his steed against the slings and arrows of the sausage-makers? Is he putting down, forsooth, a spot of Kümmel in some cheap bar? Speak, legitimate offspring of a cab!'
Current in the school was the never-to-be-forgotten story of how old Fritz, the Great Frederick, had once presented a silver chamber pot to the Court of Appeal as a mark of his annoyance at its judgment against him in a certain case. Hermann Porzig was the son of a magistrate of that Court of Appeal. Hence the reply of Heinz: âThe shining pot-hat of my father pales before the glitter of the silver chamber pot. Is it true that your father has to scrub out this gracious gift every Saturday, and that you, my lord, are permitted to spit on the scrubbing brush?'
A shudder went through the audience on hearing this deadly insult. Porzig, one who bestowed gibes more easily than he received them, turned crimson.
âRetract the chamber pot,' he screamed. âIt's an insult to the whole Court of Appeal.'
âNever!' cried Heinz Hackendahl. âYou insulted my father.'
âBut you insulted the entire Court of Appeal. Will you retract?'
âNever!'
âFight it out?'
âFight it out!'
âWindy?'
âNot me!'
âTo the death?'
âTo the death â till one side begs for mercy,' said Heinz, thus completing the traditional challenge. He looked round. âHoffmann, you're my second.'
âEllenberg, you're mine.'
âLet's leave it till later,' suggested Hoffmann soberly. âWe've only got three minutes left.'
âAnd in one he'll start whining!'
They had already removed their jackets, burning for the fray.
âOne â two â three!' shouted the seconds. The combatants approached, tested each other's defence, gained their grip, leaned breast to breast and forehead to forehead â then a moment later were rolling in the dust.
In his study the headmaster was telling an anxious father: âYou mustn't take a youthful indiscretion too seriously, Herr Hackendahl. The saying “Youth and folly go hand in hand” is truer today than ever.'
âStealing is hardly an indiscretion, it is a sin,' contradicted Hackendahl.
âThe youth of today has a craving for amusement, a craving unknown to our generation,' declared the headmaster. âA long peace has made the young soft â¦'
âYes, we want a thoroughgoing war,' cried Hackendahl.
âFor heaven's sake, no! Have you ever thought of the proportions a modern war would assume?'
âAbout a small nation in the Balkans? It would be over in six weeks and have done the young a lot of good.'
âThe whole world's full of high explosives,' replied the headmaster. âEveryone's looking enviously at Germany as it grows ever stronger, and at our heroic Kaiser. The whole world's going to attack us.'
âFor a few Serbs you can hardly find on the map?'
âNo, because we're growing richer and richer! Because of our colonies! Because of our fleet! Pardon me, Herr Hackendahl, but is
it not almost sacrilege to wish for a war merely because one's son has committed an indiscretion?'
âHe needs military discipline.'
âWithin a year he will have passed his final, then you can let him serve at once,' said the headmaster persuasively. âDon't take him away now and deprive him of a course of study which will open up for him all sorts of opportunities.'
âI'll think it over,' said Hackendahl reluctantly.
âDon't hesitate â say yes now!'
âI must see him first â¦'
âThat's just what you mustn't do. If you see him in his present mood of obstinacy you will change your mind again. But why on earth lock him in a coal cellar â do you call that pedagogy?!'
âI wasn't treated with kid gloves when I was young, and I never stole money.'
âWell, are you a criminal judge or a father? You'll have fulfilled forbidden desires yourself at one time or another. We are all weak, and crave fame. You know it very well. Do please agree now.'
âOnly if he asks my forgiveness.'
âHerr Hackendahl! Do you think he will say he is sorry the moment you release him? One must ask only for the possible.' From the playground there drifted in the sound of conflict. âIt is within the bounds of possibility that Erich may pass his final at the top of his class â
primus omnium
, we call it. “First of all” â that is a great achievement.'
Hackendahl smiled. âA bait, I see. All right, I'll walk into the trap for once. The boy shall come to school tomorrow.'
âSplendid, Herr Hackendahl,' said the headmaster, looking pleased and shaking hands. âYou won't repent it ⦠What behaviour is this?' He swung round and hurried to the window, where he was met by a roar from the playground.
â
Evoe
, Hackendahl! Go to it, Hackendahl!'
Heinz was victor. Caught in a wrestler's grip, the strangled Porzig could only gasp for mercy.
âYou retract the pot-hat? The steed? The sausage-maker? The spot of Kümmel? Everything?'
Porzig acknowledged each item with a grunt, while the ring of boys roared applause.
âIt seems' â coughed the headmaster at the window â âto be the other Hackendahl boy in a misunderstanding. No, we'd better not be seen at the window. It's often wiser to appear to have seen and heard nothing.'
âThe rascal has torn his trousers,' grumbled Hackendahl behind the curtain. âHe's always tearing his clothes and his mother has to mend them.'
âThe talents of your son Heinz lie in another direction to Erich's,' said the headmaster, âand I should say he is the more practical of the two. It might be considered whether a non-classical secondary school wouldn't be more suitable for him. Both your sons are talented â¦'
âIt's extraordinary that my eldest isn't,' said Hackendahl. âHe's just a nitwit; put him where you like, he stays there.'
âHe too is sure to have his special gifts,' said the headmaster consolingly. âOne must just keep searching. Search and support.'
âHe's a mere nitwit,' Hackendahl repeated. âHe doesn't bring me any trouble, but no pleasure either. He's just a cross to bear.'
Otto Hackendahl handed over the two horses to the smith's journeyman and hurried away, although he knew that by doing so he was breaking one of his father's commandments, which was to keep a sharp eye on the smith at his work, since a hoof was so easily cut too deep or a nail driven in too far.
But Otto had his secret life also and if he was indeed somewhat dull he was by no means as dull as his father believed. He handed over the horses to the smith. There shouldn't be any trouble with nails today.
He hurried down the street and by his manner and the way he kept close to the wall it was clear that everything was not well with him. He was a tall, finely built fellow, the strongest of the brothers, stronger even than his father, but he carried himself badly and lacked energy, self-confidence, a will of his own. Perhaps it's just as he told
his mother. His father spent a lot of time drilling him, and in doing so broke his will. But it's also probably the case that his will was never strong. A strong tree grows against the wind; a weak one is blown over by it.
He was dangling a small packet in his hand until he noticed what he was doing, when he hid it under his arm as though it were stolen. Looking furtively round, he entered a doorway, crossed a courtyard, passed through another doorway, crossed a second courtyard and climbed swiftly upstairs.
He seemed to know where he was going, for he gave not a single glance at the names on the many doors, nor did the people he passed take any notice of him. Otto Hackendahl had a kind of natural camouflage and mimicry; no attention was paid to one so colourless.
He stopped before a door with the nameplate: Gertrud Gudde, Dressmaker. Once, twice, he pressed the bell. Inside, someone moved, he heard a voice, a child laughing. Otto smiled.
Yes, he could smile now, for he was happy. And he smiled still more when the door opened and a small child stumbled against his legs, joyfully shouting âPapa! Papa!'
âYou're rather late today, Otto,' said a woman's voice. âIs anything the matter?'
âAnd' â he kissed her â âI have to leave in a quarter of an hour, Tutti. I left the horses at the blacksmith's, I've got to return immediately. Yes, yes, Gustäving, Papa's here. Did you sleep well?'
The child was overjoyed; Otto tossed him in the air, the little boy laughing and shouting. The woman too smiled, Gertrud Gudde the dressmaker, with her sharp features, unequal shoulders and that gentle dove-like glance so many hunchbacks have. She knew her Otto well â his weakness, his irresolution, his fear of his father, but also his wish to give happiness.
âWhat's the matter?'
âI've brought you some carving,' he said. âTemplin will give you about ten marks for it.'
âBut you shouldn't sit up half the night, whittling away â I'll manage all right. I had four fittings today.'
âGustäving, haven't we a wonderful mummy?'
The child shouted in glee and the mother smiled.
âWell, you can sit down for a moment, anyway. I've some coffee left and here are rolls. Come along now, do eat! Gustäving will show you how well he can do his physical jerks.'
Otto did as he was told. She always had something ready for him and he could come at any time he liked, as if they were really husband and wife. And he understood that this was how it should be; he ate what she gave him and never refused it even if he had already eaten more than he wanted.
Gustäving set about his little tricks, of which the mother was even prouder than the son. She, who had hardly known a day free from pain, took pleasure in the child's straight back and strong legs.
âAnd now tell me what is the matter.'
Slowly and clumsily he told her. But Gertrud Gudde understood him, could read him. And apart from that she knew them all very well indeed â Mother, Erich, Eva and the stern father â for she had been dressmaker to the Hackendahls many years now; that was how Otto and she had become acquainted and had learned to love each other without anyone noticing it, not even the astute Eva. Gertrud's vivacious face mirrored every word he said, she accompanying his story by exclamations of âVery good, Ottchen!' â âWhat you said was right!' â âAnd you broke open the door? Splendid!'