Irreparable (Wounded Souls) (11 page)

“Yes, how did you know?” I groan and get Blake to help me up. I stand there and so does Blake. We salute to the man who lost his son, the son I got to serve with, the son I let die.

“Sir, I know you’re confused but I’m PFC Blake Johnson, and this is PFC Jameson Carter,” Blake says and walks me to the chair behind the counter. “Your son was one badass Marine.” I sit there in shock still, and I wonder why Blake’s here.

“What the hell are you doing here Blake?” I look at him and he looks at me like I’m crazy.

“Can we discuss that later? I think this is more important.” He points to the man who’s standing before us, the same man that was just checking out my mother’s ass.
  I get scared for my mom.  She liked him, and now he will never call her because let
’s face it, who wants to date the woman whose son let theirs die?
  Roger
’s eyes have started to glaze over with tears, but he blinks them back.

“My son talked highly of you both. He had the most respect for you; of all of the men he served with, and died with. You are all heroes and I can’t thank you enough for protecting him for as long as you did.” Roger shakes Blake’s hand and then goes to shake mine but I just can’t do it, it would be wrong. Blake pushes my shoulder, trying to get me to move but I can’t.

“Sir, I’m sorry but I can’t shake your hand. I’m no hero; I let your son die.
I should have seen what was coming.”  I look down and then around the shop
.
I want to look anywhere but at this man.  Roger puts his hand on mine and makes me look at him.

“Son, let me tell you something. My Will, he died doing something he loved, something he wanted to do, with five men he looked up to, respected. You can blame yourself for whatever you want, but he wouldn’t want that and I sure as hell don’t either.” He takes a deep shaky breath and continues.
 
“In my eyes you’re a hero; you saved him, didn’t you?” He points over at Blake and smiles.
 
“Yes, you’re the one that get to wake up every morning, and hell yes I miss my son. But, there is one thing I know for sure, my son wouldn’t have been able to handle this life, and I can see you’re strong. Live for him; don’t feel remorse, and don’t you dare feel like you let him down. You couldn’t have changed the outcome even if you wanted to.”

I look at him and I grab him, pulling him into a hug. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save him,” I whisper and Blake pats my back. He knows how I feel; he lives with it every day, too.

“You did though. You were a friend when he needed it, and that’s all that matters.” He smiles and grabs the catalog for the piano. “Mind if I take this and bring it back?
I have a date with your mother in a week.”  I laugh.

“Um, good luck with that, and yes sir,
anytime is good for me.”  He shakes my hand again, and then turns to leave.

“It was an honor meeting you both. I know you both were in the hospital during the service, but you should go see the boys to help get some closure. They’d like that for you.
 
W
ould you want them to be sad or would you prefer that they let you live through them?” 
Damn, that man was smart.

“Yes sir,” Blake and I both say in unison as Roger walks out of my shop.

”You are not off the hook Johnson. What the hell are you doing
in town?”  I look at him and he
blushes.

“I uh, I had a date with Anna.” His hand brushes over his nearly shaved head and I laugh.

“Pippi?” I double over and I look at him.

“Damn, I should have seen that coming. You and Pippi,” I laugh out while shaking my head. He looks at me like I’m a moron.
. 

“Who the hell is Pippi?” He puts his hands on the glass counter and I laugh harder. Oh shit, he likes her more than he’s letting on. He’s already getting defensive over his woman.

“Dude, chill out.  She just reminds me of
Pippi Longstocking that’s all.” I shrug my shoulders and go over to the guitar room and start picking up. Blake follows me and helps, as we listen to the kids drumming away in the other room.

“I can see it, now that you point it out, but don’t tell her I said that.” I laugh softly and then smirk.

“I like Anna; it’s her best friend I don’t much like anymore.” I let out a sigh and Blake just nods, letting it go.

“So, about what Mr. Andrews said?” The tension in the air could be cut with a knife over what Blake just said.
I am not ready for that, at least not yet.  It’s not something I am sure I will ever be okay with, but I suppose I need to have closure
. It’s just hard to get closure on four men that were your best friends.

“Uh, I’ll think about it.” I put a box on the shelf and Blake just shakes his head. “Think about it Cater. We both need this. We can go together instead of apart;
we can still be a team.”  He punches my shoulder and gives me a sad smile, then turns to walk out.

“Call me when you decide what you want to do.”  With that he’s gone, and the kids are walking out   of
the store as well.

“Thanks for letting us jam today Jameson.” I smile and walk behind the desk getting the keys. It’s time to close up and get a repeat of last night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walk into the apartment and notice Sam isn’t here yet, so I go into the kitchen. I start getting out the ingredients to grill tonight
.  I grab the steaks and the vegetables
I have marinating out of the fridge, along with a beer,
and then head to the patio. 

I turn the radio on and smile when I hear Bottoms Up by Brantley Gilbert. It’s really becoming one of my favorite songs, especially with the comment about the country song making a girl move like that. Yeah,
that’s awesome.  I smirk and take a swig
of my beer and put the steaks on the grill.

About fifteen minutes later, I hear the door opening and look up to see Sam. She’s got her hair in a ponytail and her blue scrubs on. She smiles at me and then scrunches her face a little. “What’s wrong babe?” I sit the tongs down and walk over to her. She looks like she’s got something on her mind.

“Tomorrow is Isabella’s birthday.” She sits down in the chair,
pulls her knees to her, and looks at the wall.  I know it’s
got to be hard for her. She may not have wanted her baby because of what it stood for, but don’t women bond or some shit like that while they are pregnant?

“Sam, you know who her parents are right? They live what, four hours from here?
”  I kneel in front of her so she can see me. 

“Yeah, but I can’t go there, not anymore.” She sighs and I growl. I don’t like her being hurt and feeling like this;
it’s not fair. 

“I thought you said they were your friends Sam?”  I put my hands on her arms and rub circles.

“They are.”  That’s all I get? 
What the hell? I am not good at reading between the lines. I wish she would just tell me what she means.

“So why can’t you go see her?”  She finally meets my eyes and her eyes are haunted. 

“I could ask you the same thing Jameson.”  She stands up and starts to walk towards the door, but I grab her hand and pull her back to me.

“Explain to me what that means,” I growl.

“Your steaks are burning.” She turns to walk away again and I pull her back to me.

“I don’t give a fuck about the steaks. Tell me what that means.” My nostrils flare as
I try to control my breathing.  F
our years as a marine has done nothing for my control, especially where Samantha is involved.

“You’re asking me to do the same thing you’re too afraid to do,” she says quietly, not meeting my eyes.

“Sam, baby, I don’t know who lied to you, but I don’t have a child somewhere. If I do, Mary-Beth had better get to explaining quickly.” I look into her eyes and she laughs softly.

“No Jameson, you are asking me to face my greatest fear. I can’t,
just like you can’t let the guys go.  You can’t bring yourself to find closure either, because if you do
you might
be happy and you can’t let yourself be that way.  I… I can’t be completely happy, because I gave up something precious, something innocent, and something I was supposed to protect.  I can’t see her because I couldn’t protect her
.”
   Sam finally meets my eyes and that’s when I understand
. She can’t forgive herself for not being able to face what Isabella represented for her. And I can’t face the graves of my brothers for what they represent.

“How about I make a deal with you?” I look into her eyes and I smile, this has got
to work. 

“I don’t know if I want to make a deal with the devil,” she jokes and bites her lip. I chuckle and kiss her nose then pull her to me. I wrap my arms around her pulling her close, our chests touching.

“How about if you go to see Isabella tomorrow and
I will go this week sometime with Johnson to see the boys?”  I look up at her and she smiles. 

“I told you, I don’t make deals with the devil. You sir are the epitome of the
devil in disguise.” She laughs as I grab her ass and lift her up, her legs immediately wrapping around my hips. 

“If I am the devil, what does that make you?” I growl into her neck as I walk us to the bedroom.

“A fallen angel,” she replies and then kisses me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We lay in bed together;
my hand stroking Sam’s naked back as she lays on my chest snoring softly. 
I smile and pull my phone out. I’ve decided
that it’s time for me to face the music.  I haven’t wanted to look at these pictures in over a year
. It’s too scary to see the faces of the men I served beside, the men who lost their lives protecting the freedom of the people I love.
  People like Samantha, who even through her own trials and tribulations helps people in need, never giving a second thought.  I flip through the folders until I find the one I haven’t looked at in almost two years.  There are a ton of pictures of Will and
me
playing basketball in the makeshift courtyard in the desert.  There’s a few selfies of Blake and John and then there is one of Matt sticking his tongue out like an idiot
. I chuckle out loud
at this picture and Sam stirs on top of me. 

“Whatcha looking at?” she asks and then sits up as I show her the pictures. I hand her the phone and in the picture there are six guys. I point them out to her as she looks at us in our workout gear; we really did do everything together.

“I remember the day we took this. We had just gotten
done working out and we were ribbing Jackson, the one in the blue gym shorts about calling his wife Kate.  His son was born about six weeks before we took this, and he died about three months after.  He never got to meet Matthew.”  Sam goes rigid in my arms but she keeps quiet, and finally she relaxes. 

“The black guy is Grant Miller and
he was the one doing most of the ribbing.  He and Jackson were best friends and they were pretty close.”  I smile and point to Will, and sigh.  “This was Will Andrews
. H
e was the one I was closest to, next to Blake.  I met his father today.”  Sam sits up and stares.

“You WHAT?” she yells and I laugh softly.

“Mom has a date with him this week.” I smirk and Sam looks at me like I’m crazy. 

“You had better explain now mister!” She sits up and crosses her legs and I get a glimpse of her beautiful pussy, which distracts me. “Oh no you don’t mister! Up here!” She grabs my face and makes me look into her eyes as she grabs the blanket and covers herself up. I huff and she laughs;
hearing that laugh is the best thing ever. 

“Yeah, well today a man came in to buy a piano. It turns out that it was Andrew’s dad, and he had the hots
for my mother.”  I laugh and Sam shakes her head.  “Oh and Blake is dating Anna.”  She looks at me and gasps. 

“Really?” She cocks her head to the side and scrunches her nose.  “Actually, I can see it.” She laughs and leans over.  “You are so not off the hook.  What did his dad say?”  I look at her hoping we could drop this and get on with the hot sex I plan on making happen again, but I see in her eyes
that it isn’t happening.