It Had To Be You (22 page)

Just when the grief of that loss and
inadequacy began to swamp him, Amy came back to the dining room. He
glanced over to the doorway.

“
Nicky, please, don’t be mad.” She
referred to the sexy outfit that made her boobs look bigger and
covered her in lace.

Dumbly, he asked, “What
is
that?”

She fingered the pink strap. Her blond hair
fell softly to her shoulders. “It’s called a teddy. I bought it for
you.”

Jesus. He stood and limped to the sink. “You
wasted your money.” One of the hardest things for Nick when he saw
her in Kuwait and then got back here was he couldn’t get it up for
his wife.

“
I thought we’d try today.” She bit her
lip. “When you’re relaxed. No pressure.”

“
There’s always pressure on a guy,
sweetheart.”

He heard her come up behind him. She touched
his shoulder. “Things have been good between us. We’ve had a few
dates. I just thought you might want to take this to the next
level.”

Fuck, why was everybody pushing him? First
Beck about the camp, suggesting a wheelchair. Then everybody saying
he should try to make some inroads with his wife. Didn’t they know
that every time he disappointed her, he felt like such a piece of
crap he wanted to die?

Hit your wife? Hurt your kid? Endangered the
lives of those you love? Yeah, Nick, I’ve done it, too. But you
gotta manage this thing or it’ll win. The fucking terrorists will
win. We didn’t go over there to fight so they could win once we got
back in the world.

He heard muffled sobs from behind him. Hell,
he hated making Amy cry. So he turned. Her eyes were wet with tears
and he raised his hand to brush a few off her cheeks. “I can’t be
the kind of man I was.”

She shook her head, and gulped back emotion.
“I don’t believe that, but what’s more, I don’t care. Let’s just
move on.”

God, he wanted that more than anything.
Still, try this again? He pulled her to him, kissed her head,
always surprised that she didn’t flinch when she came in contact
with his face. “I’m sorry, I’m just not ready. Go change so you can
take me back to the shelter.”

As she fled up the stairs, Nick watched her
with an overwhelming sense of grief, like he’d just given up
something very rare and very precious.

o0o

“
This is decadent.” Sophia Ramirez
wiggled her bright red toenails as the woman who’d done her
pedicure reached for her hand. “They’re beautiful, Marta.” She
grinned over at Lela. “I can’t remember when I last had a mannie
and peddie.”

Lela smiled at her friend but said
nothing.

Her friend eyed her. “Don’t tell me. You’ve
never had either?”

She’d never been into this kind of pampering.
She’d agreed to come out with Sophia today because Lela had spent
two weeks crying over Beck—
I love you, Lela
still haunted
her—and she’d decided today was the time to reenter the real world.
The hardest part was keeping her overwhelming sadness from Josh and
others around her.

Sophia sniffed. “I even like the smell of
this place. It’s so girly.”

“
By all means, let’s be girly
today.”

“
That’s good to see.”

“
What?”

“
Your smile. There haven’t been many on
your face in a few weeks.”

So much for hiding her feelings.

“
Time to join the living.” She’d told
Sophia about the spilt with Beck. Lela had been so upset she’d
cried, which she never did now, except over Beck. When she looked
in the mirror every morning, she saw the bloodshot eyes and the
lined face of a woman who’d lost something she’d never find again
and almost couldn’t bear it.

Her friend squeezed her arm. “I’m glad you’re
getting better. But I’m sorry how it all turned out.”

“
Yeah, me, too.”

As Lela’s attendant, Nancy, painted her nails
a bright coral, she thought back to how she and Beck had parted.
They’d climbed out of bed in stunned silence after Joe Allen’s
call. They’d dressed somberly, not daring to touch, having nothing
to say that could ease the awful situation. And when he’d walked
Lela to her car, he’d brushed his knuckles down her cheeks in that
way he had and stared into her eyes. His were as bleak as a
February dawn. “Good-bye, love. I’ll never forget our time
together.”

Swallowing back her emotion, she said simply,
“I love you, Beck.”

That was the last time in nineteen days she’d
seen him.

Her cell phone chimed, indicating a text. She
looked apologetically to Nancy. “Sorry, I have to get this.”

“
Be careful with the left hand,” Nancy
chided.

Lela picked up the phone from where it sat on
the chair next to her and clicked into messages.

Hi. Need to know if you’re going to Sophia
and Tony’s party tonight. And if you’ll be alone. B.

Tony and Sophia had been married twenty years
last fall, but with the birth of their new baby in November, they’d
postponed their celebration until this summer.

“
Oh.”

“
What is it?” Sophia asked.

“
A text from Beck.”

“
I thought you weren’t in
contact.”

“
Only through texts, and then just
about the boys.” Who’d been together four times since her and
Beck’s spilt.

“
Is it something about
Josh?”

“
No.” She sighed. “He wants to know if
I’m going to your anniversary party and if I’ll be
alone.”

As if she could handle a date with another
man. The memories of how Beck touched her, of his sweet whispers of
love, of what it felt like with him inside her had haunted her
midnights. Would she ever be able to forget that and have fun with
another man?

“
I told you, sweetie, you don’t have to
come. All the firefighters from Group 7 will be there.”

“
I know that. Beck and I can’t stay
away from each other forever. He already skipped one PTSD meeting
and me the next. We said three weeks of no contact at all. Time’s
up to face the music.”

Sophia frowned. “The music sounds pretty grim
to me.”

“
No, we have to get better. We have no
choice.”

Sophia watched her as if she was deciding
whether to say something. “Then I guess I can tell you this.
Christian Singer asked me about you. When he was up in pediatrics
yesterday.”

“
What on earth did he say?”

“
He didn’t pump me or anything. He’s
too nice of a guy to do that. He’s concerned about you.”

“
Since our one ill-fated date he’s
asked me out twice and I found excuses not to go.”

“
Well, there’s nothing like letting one
sexy hunk take your mind off another one.”

Hell, maybe she should. She really did like
Christian, and as Sophia pointed out, he was a great guy.

She texted Beck back.

I’m going. Alone. It’s time to face each
other. I’ll only stay an hour or so.
She pressed send.

His return was quick.

See you there. Alone for me, also. I’ll be
the one with the phony smile.

Me, too,
she replied.

And that was that. Tonight she’d see him in
the flesh. Though it wasn’t an ideal situation, they’d both make
the best of it.

They had to.

o0o

Hot, sweaty and ornery, Beck yanked the
nearly dead bush out of his backyard—Patty’s now—and bees shot out
from behind it. When he went to shoo them away, a swarm of them
stung his hand. “Jesus.” He raced to the house, into the kitchen,
knowing as an EMT that bees released a scent when in danger and
more would come to feast on him.

The door slammed hard as he crossed to the
sink. Four welts were already visible. Carefully, with tweezers he
found in the drawer, he removed each of the stingers.

“
What happened?” Tommy had come into
the room.

Biting back all kinds of obscenities, Beck
got out, “Bee stings from behind the bush your mom wanted dug
out.”

“
You okay?”

“
Yeah, but you could get me an ice pack
from the freezer.”

Once he’d dispensed with the stingers, he
took the ice pack and put it on his skin. Luckily, the bites were
on the back of his hand. Sitting at the table, he glanced over at
his son. They’d been distanced for nearly three weeks, since the
PTSD attack that had ruined his life. The only time Tommy seemed
happy was when he went out with Lela and Josh. Beck hadn’t been
allowed to see Josh alone again. Rightfully so, he guessed, but he
was pissed about that, too. He was pissed about everything these
days.

Tommy dropped down in a chair across from
him. “Not your day, Dad.”

A smile flirted with his lips. “You can say
that again.”

“
It was kind of funny
upstairs.”

He’d volunteered to do some home repairs when
Patty was at work, and earlier, he’d been trying to fix a pipe
under the bathroom sink, which was leaking. He’d hit his head hard
getting out of the cabinet, then slipped and fell on his ass in
water that had seeped onto the tile floor.

“
Easy for you to say, kid.” He watched
the redness spread over his hand. Tiny prickles of pain shot up his
arm. He’d take ibuprofen as soon as he was done with the ice. “You
know the procedure for treating bee stings?”

Tommy shook his head. “Tell me.”

He reviewed the process for caring for stings
and was able to pretend for a little while that he was a good
father. He hadn’t felt good at much lately.

Nor had he really felt like a man again. He
remembered how his heart had soared bringing pleasure to Lela,
hearing her compliments for his body and performance—hell, he was a
guy! Since then, he’d been morbid and miserable.

“
You been sad, Dad.” Huh. The kid had
read his mind.

He grunted.

“
Since, you know, the time in the car
wash.”

They’d never talked about the incident. Tommy
had refused. Having to come home early from the trip with Josh’s
grandparents was icing on the cake. So he stared the boy right in
the eye. “I am sad, Tom. Every time that happens.”

“
You didn’t have a lot of attacks
before that for a while, did you?”

“
Nope. That was the first in
months.”

His child peered up at him from beneath
shaggy bangs. “Was it scary?”

“
Yeah, son, it was. And for you and
Josh, too, I imagine.”

Again Tommy shrugged. “More for Josh. He was
afraid you were going to yell at him.”

“
Me? Yell at
him
? Why would I do
that?”

“
His father always does when he gets
sick. That’s what Josh calls it.”

“
Well, that’s not good.”

Tommy waited and Beck adjusted the ice on his
hand.

“
That why can’t you see him? Why won’t
his mom let you?”

“
Lela and I decided it was best for me
to stay away from Josh a while.”

Tommy’s eyes narrowed.

“
What?”

“
Me and Josh. We liked doing guy things
with you.”

The knife in his heart twisted as painfully
as if Beck had gotten a hornet’s nest full of bites. “I’m
sorry.”

“
Could we try it again? Maybe we could
talk Mrs. Allen into it.”

“
I don’t know about that. Or even if
it’s a good idea.”

“
I think it is. You can be cool, Dad,
sometimes.”

A swell of parental love welled up inside
him. Damn it, Beck wasn’t going to give up with his kid, especially
not after Tommy had given him an opening. Beck might have lost
Lela, but he refused to concede defeat with his son.

“
We both want to go to the batting
cages at Play Station.” Making an on-the-spot decision, Beck
nodded. “Tell you what. Mrs. Allen is going to be at the same party
as me tonight. I’ll bring it up.”

The kid’s eyes brightened. “Okay.”

“
Can I ask you something?”

“
I guess.”

“
Why did you and Josh become such good
friends?”

Tommy said easily, “It’s like having a
brother I can protect.” He stared through the window. “And his dad
is—you know—a lot worse than you. It makes me like you more.”

Beck should say the sentiment was unkind.
That liking somebody because their misfortune made you feel better
wasn’t good. But he was in such a funk over Lela, he decided to
take whatever comfort he could from here, in this sunny
kitchen.

o0o

Five females were flaunting their wares on
stage at Gallagher’s party house when Lela walked in. Sophia had
told her there would be karaoke at the party tonight and Lela hoped
the performances would occupy everybody’s mind, including hers. It
was all she could do to dress up in the silky, peach pants and top
Sophia and she had bought to match her nail polish. She dreaded
facing Beck, and the more distractions, the better.

The women sang, “Don’t Mess with Me, Baby,”
which had just been released by a teenage-favorite band.

A group of men dressed up in suits stood
below them on the floor, cheering wildly. Lela didn’t check to see
if Beck was among them, but she guessed they were all firefighters,
because she recognized most of the women singers as HCFD
members.

Wearing a slinky, blue dress, Sydney Sands
held the mic and ran a hand down her hip. “Don’t mess with me,
baby, I’m warnin’ you.”

One of the guys called out, “Yeah, what’re
you gonna do about it, sweetheart?”