It Had To Be You (24 page)

They sang “Amazing Grace” and the flag-draped
casket was wheeled out of the church by the priests and acolytes.
Behind it, the Allens made their way from the pew and began the
morbid creep down the aisle.

“
Lela, you exit next.” An assistant in
the church motioned for her to follow the Allens.

“
Come on, baby,” she said to Josh. His
face still hidden in her side, he held on tight to her.

During the procession to the back of the
church, she kept her gaze on Josh or on the floor, to avoid
anyone’s gaze, afraid the slightest show of pity would cause her to
break down. They were almost to the end of the interminable aisle
when Josh started sobbing uncontrollably. Oh, God. Dropping her
purse on the rug, she reached down and picked him up. At almost
eight, he was heavy, and she hadn’t eaten or slept, so the weight
of him, of all that had happened, made her stumble. Suddenly,
someone was at her side.

“
I’ve got him, Lela.” Christian’s
soothing voice, his taking Josh from her and cuddling her son to
his chest, let her regain her footing, if not her composure. They
finished their trek, and finally got outside. The bright July sun
made her head hurt, and she shielded her eyes. People were waiting
to talk to the grieving family. Oh, no, she couldn’t do that. She
just couldn’t.

“
Get us out of here, Christian,
please.”

“
My car’s on the street. Only a few
spaces beyond the church. Let’s go.”

Before they could start away, something
touched her arm. Her purse. “You dropped this, Lee.”

The husky baritone could belong to only one
person.

Beck had come to the funeral.

o0o

Beck dug his fingernails into his palm as
hard as he could, steeling himself against the ragged emotion on
Lela’s face. And the sight of Josh cuddling into another man. He
wanted to rage to the world that he should be the one helping them,
but of course, that wasn’t true. He was the last person she wanted
with her. After all, he’d failed Len, who lay dead in a coffin
because nobody could help him.

“
I’m so sorry about Len.”

She swallowed hard. “Thank you. And thanks
for all you did for him.”

“
Not enough.”

“
No one did enough,” she said
miserably.

Though he’d visited Len at the shelter twice,
Beck had no clue Len was using drugs, that they might become the
instrument of his death.
One out of every eighty returning
soldiers kills himself on their return to society.
If only
society could have done more.

Lela looked over his shoulder. “Oh, oh! Nick?
I didn’t know you were here.”

The sad man with the scarred face eased
closer. “I’m so sorry. I just wanted to say that.”

It was then she noticed many of the residents
of the Veterans Outreach Shelter where she volunteered behind him,
including Julie, the director. Tears sprang to her eyes, but she
asked, “What did you do, rent a bus?”

“
The shelter has one,” Nick answered.
“But I came with Beck.”

Beck had failed with Len, he knew, but he
might be able to help this soldier find his way. He
vowed
to
do that.

Lela’s gaze transferred to Beck. “That was
sweet of you.”

Josh chose that moment to lift his head from
Christian’s shoulder and say, “Mommy, I wanna go.” When he noticed
Beck, he buried his head again.

Beck said to Christian, “Take care of them,”
and moved away.

Slowly, without looking back, he stood close
to Nick as the trio descended the rest of the steps, feeling as if
somebody had cut out a piece of his heart.

o0o

Dark clouds hovered overhead, a fitting
setting, as Lela stood at the cemetery with Christian. Josh was on
the other side of her, hugging his arms tight around Joe Allen’s
neck. When he’d seen his grandpa, he’d lunged from Christian toward
Len’s father and now wouldn’t let go.

The Allens wanted a military burial for their
son. Lela listened as shots were fired from big rifles. She
witnessed the flag being folded and then presented to Marsha, who
stood like a statue next to her husband and sister. And Lela prayed
for this to be over. Her nerves were stretched tight, anyway, and
seeing Beck had shattered any composure she might have found inside
herself. When “Taps” ended, she turned to Joe to take her son.

Joe held on to him. “I, um, was wondering if
Josh could come to our house for a while. Our friends are
gathering. Our church brought food.” He looked chagrined. “I can’t
ask you, Lela, because of Marsha. Because of a lot of things.”

Joe blamed her, too.

“
If he’ll go with you, Joe,
certainly.”

Len’s father glanced at Christian,
disapproval etched on his face. It took her a minute to realize Joe
thought she’d come with Christian. Then he said to his grandson,
“Honey, Grandma and me want you to come back to the house with
us.”

Josh raised his head, nodded, then buried his
face back in Joe’s shoulder. Intuitively, he must have needed the
connection with his father that Joe represented. The older man put
his hand on Josh’s head. “I’ll bring him home when it’s time.”

After they left the gravesite, Sophia and
Tony approached her. She hadn’t seen them earlier. Somber faced,
Sophia asked, “How you holding up, honey?”

Lela practically flung herself at her friend.
Sophia held her. “I’m so sad.”

“
We are, too, for you,
carina
,”
Tony mumbled.

After a few seconds of precious comfort, she
pried herself away from her friend and they greeted Christian.
“What are you going to do now?” Sophia asked.

Lela hadn’t thought about the rest of the
day. Truthfully, she hadn’t thought about the next hour, even the
next few minutes. “I, um, don’t know. I left my car at the
church.”

“
You drove yourself to the funeral?”
Tony asked, “
Dios mio
.”

“
I brought her here from the church,”
Christian told them. “I can take her home and make arrangements for
her car.”

Grasping on to Lela’s hand, Sophia said, “I
have a better idea. Our kids are with Mama. My house is empty. Why
don’t you come back with us for a few hours?”

“
Maybe.” She turned to Christian.
“Would that be okay with you?”

“
Sure.” His face was kind, full of
understanding, but she could see he felt bad for her. “I told you I
didn’t want to intrude.”

“
You’re not.” She took his hand. “Come
with us.”

“
If you want me to.”

“
I do.” She turned to the Ramirezes.
“Is that okay?”

Sophie gave her a sad smile. “Anything for
you,
mi amore
.”

As they made their way to the car, Lela saw a
figure standing alone on the hill behind the cemetery. Was it Beck?
No, she couldn’t think about him now. She couldn’t think, really,
about anything.

o0o

“
Here’s some tea. It might soothe you.”
Christian set a mug on the coffee table in front of her. The
liquid’s lemon scent was strong.

She looked up. “Thanks.” They’d left Sophia’s
after an hour and when they’d returned to her car, Christian had
asked if he could follow her home. She’d said yes. He seemed tired,
too, with lines around his classic features, but he’d been taking
care of her since the funeral. Depleted, she’d let him.

“
What’s that you have there?” He
pointed to the book on her lap.

“
An old photo album.” Something had
driven her to find it and peruse the pictures inside.

“
Of Len?”

She nodded.

“
Aren’t the photos making you
sad?”

“
Some. But I want to remember the good
times, too.”

Tell me something good about Len. All we
hear about is the shit that goes on with veterans.

Beck had been right. Good memories did
help.

“
Can I see?” Christian
asked.

“
Sure.” She patted the cushion beside
her and he dropped down close. It wasn’t unpleasant. His nearness
made her feel safe. His masculine aftershave increased the
sensation.

After he studied a page, he said, “That’s a
strange one.”

The photo showed Len in a chef’s hat in the
mess hall of an army base, a year after he and Lela were married.
He was grinning at the pathetic little thing in front of him.

She smiled at the memory. “You know how
couples eat their wedding cake’s top layer on their first
anniversary?”

“
Uh-huh.”

“
Of course, we couldn’t save ours. We
were in theater when we got married. So on our anniversary, Len
tried to bake me a wedding cake.
Tried
being the operative
word.”

“
It’s lopsided. And the kitchen area is
a disaster.”

That was true. He’d been covered in
flour—even his hair— and every pan in the kitchen was dirty. His
buddies ragged on him for weeks about his culinary skills, and
being pussy-whipped, she guessed, but he took the razzing with good
humor.

“
Did it taste good?”

“
You know, it did.” Again she smiled.
“We ate it in bed.”

“
Ah, then that is a good
story.”

“
There were a lot of fun times before
he came home.” She turned the page. Pictures of them in Abu Dhabi,
on leave from the base. Photos of them with groups of other combat
personnel. “He was a good soldier.”

“
And you were a good army medic?” He
pointed to a picture of her in army fatigues. “You even look good
in those.”

She remembered another conversation with
Beck.…

After about a month, Len remarked that he’d
never seen me in anything but army green and combat boots. When I
told the other women that, they put together an outfit…It was a
simple, flowing, white skirt and dark top, which was…a little
tight. That was the first night we slept together.”

“
Lucky Len.”

Christian’s arm went around her now and
rested gently on her shoulders. “Was it scary over there, Lela? I’m
not sure I could have done what you did.”

“
It
was
scary. But you can do
whatever you have to if you’re committed.”

He raised her chin. Stared into her eyes.
“You’re a remarkable woman.”

“
Why, thank you.”

“
This probably isn’t the time to bring
this up, but I hope you’ll keep seeing me. That Len’s death won’t
preclude that.”

She shifted uncomfortably on the couch.
“Len’s death won’t.”

He must have caught her tone. “What
would?”

“
If we do date from here on out,
there’s something you should know.”
I’m in love with another
man.

But she didn’t say that.

His dark blond brows furrowed. “That sounds
ominous.”

“
I don’t mean it to. I was involved
with someone else for a while before you. It’s complicated…we
weren’t really dating…I don’t know how to explain it.”

He brushed his knuckles down her cheek, which
only made the situation worse because that was Beck’s gesture. “You
don’t have to. All I need to know is if it’s over.”

“
It is. Very over.”

His hand went lower, over her heart. “Here,
too?”

“
Not quite there yet, Christian; I have
to be honest.”

“
Okay. I’m glad I know. I still want to
see you.”

“
Good, because I’d like
that.”

And in the midst of her sorrow and loss, Lela
meant the words. Life was definitely too short to waste. She had to
move on.

Beck returned to work on the Fourth of July,
almost a year to the day since he’d been hired by the HCFD. He’d
gotten through the forty-eight hours after the funeral by working
at the veteran’s shelter. He knew Lela wouldn’t be there, so he’d
thrown himself into helping out with some chores that needed doing
and getting acquainted with more of the guys. He’d also spent a lot
of time with Nick. Though Beck was grieving over Lela’s situation
with Len and the stark reality of knowing he’d never have her in
his life, Nick seemed somewhat lighter than he had before. Go
figure!

As Beck entered the station for the beginning
of his tour and walked down the hall, his senses went on alert. It
was too quiet in the house. Usually, he could hear the banter as
soon as he arrived. When he reached the kitchen, he found the cause
of the silence. The cabinets were decorated with American flags and
red-white-and-blue posters that read “Support Our Troops and Our
Returning Soldiers,” “Hire our Heroes,” and “Thanks, Beck, for your
service. We love you!” (The last had to be Sydney’s work.)

His entire crew, standing around the
coffeepot, sported American-flag decals on their sleeves. They all
clapped when he entered the room.

“
What’s this?” he asked, not in the
mood for a party, yet not wanting to offend anybody. Besides, no
one here would suspect his outlook was so bleak. They didn’t know
anything about Lela. And how the sight of her with another man had
almost leveled him. Forcefully, he banished the image like he used
to blank his mind in the Middle East.

Gabe approached him and held out his hand.
“This is a way for us to say thank you for what you’ve done for
your country.”

“
You don’t have to—”

“
Hey, give us a break,” Brody put in,
pouring another mugful of coffee and handing it to Beck. “We got a
hero working with us and you never let us do anything for you. It’s
the Fourth; this time, we insist.”