It Had To Be You (31 page)

He stood. “You’re not okay.”

“
No, I’m not. I want to go
home.”

“
All right. I’ll tell the nurse we’ll
be back this afternoon.”

In ten minutes, they were in his car, heading
toward Amy’s house to retrieve her vehicle. Beck couldn’t stand the
suspense, and damn, he shouldn’t have to. He’d just helped her
through a horrible ordeal and she goes off with some other guy?
Jesus. So he said abruptly, “Did Singer know about you and me?”

“
Only that I’d been involved with
someone and the relationship was over. Before today, that is. I
can’t believe how much I’ve hurt him.”

Beck bit his tongue but he stayed silent. He
didn’t know whether to push her to decide what she wanted right
now, yell at her or leave her the hell alone. Maybe his anger was
irrational but Beck was sick of wanting her and not having her. And
this emotional yo-yo was getting to him.

When they reached the DeBlasio house, he shut
off the engine and faced her. “Where do we go from here, Lela?”

“
I honestly don’t know.”

“
Are you going to keep seeing the
doctor?” Sarcasm filtered into his voice.

“
No. That’s over.”

Relief swamped him. “Why?”

“
Damn it, Beck. You know why. Because
I’m in love with you.”

“
But after all we’ve been through, you
still don’t know where we’re headed. God damn it!”

“
Well, excuse me if I don’t have any
answers. In the space of four months, I’ve fallen in love with
another man with PTSD, my husband committed suicide, another person
I care about almost died. To boot, I’m exhausted from camp. Give me
a fucking break.”

He hadn’t expected a tirade. He’d never seen
Lela lose it like this before. Her eyes were fiery and her whole
body stiffened.

“
All right, you’ve got all the breaks
you want, sweetheart. Get out of my car. Go home and get some sleep
before Josh gets back.”

“
And?”

He shrugged, not wanting to be a pushover.
“Call me when you
figure things out
.”

She just sat there. “Well, there’s one piece
of information I need, soldier.” Still angry. “Are you going to
keep seeing Lexie Wellington?”

Hallelujah. “No, I went over this morning and
told her I couldn’t see her anymore. And why. She was hurt. Like
Singer.”

Lela blew out a heavy breath, making her
bangs puff up. “We’ve made a mess of things.”

“
I guess we have. Now, really, go,
before I say more stuff I’ll regret.”

She surprised him by leaning over and kissing
his cheek. Then she slid out of the car. He watched her, watched
the woman who held his fate in her hands, get in her own vehicle
and drive off.

And Beck was pissed. Really pissed at
her.

“
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday
to you, happy birthday dear Jo-osh, happy birthday to
you.”

Lela watched her son blow out eight candles
on the Spiderman birthday cake she’d made for him. Not only had she
re-created the super hero and webbing perfectly, but the
buttercream frosting was sugary and smooth.

She’d wanted to make the cake and everything
else special because he’d surprised her by asking for a party.
Glancing around the backyard, with its pretty rose bushes and
geraniums still very much in bloom and smelling heavenly, she
smiled. The party was a small one, with Sophia and Tony’s two kids,
Eddie, of the party Josh had left that night so long ago, his
Grandma and Grandpa Allen and, lo and behold, Tommy Sloan.

“
Time to open presents,” Josh called
out right after the cake was cut and devoured. Sophia, who’d left
the baby with her mother, had brought Marianna and Miguel and
stayed around to help. She’d been talking to the Allens but stood
now and crossed to Lela.

“
Kids can do anything they want on
their birthdays. Even go from one thing to another in a
flash.”

Lela rolled her eyes. “I’ve never seen him
like this. He’s come out of his shell so much.”

It had been almost six weeks since his father
died, two since Nick had the episode at his friend’s gravesite, and
fourteen days, four hours and maybe twenty minutes since she’d last
set eyes on Beck. He’d dropped Tommy off today but hadn’t come
inside. His ex, Patty, was picking her son up later.

“
Josh told Mari he’s looking forward to
school.”

“
Yeah, he’s thrilled they’ll all be
together.” Because of some redistricting, it turned out that the
Ramirez kids, Tommy and Josh would attend the same elementary
school this year.

“
And his meetings with Jack Harrison
have helped.”

The very generous-with-his-time,
fire-department psychologist had offered to meet with any of the
kids from the PTSD support group who might benefit from his
expertise. To her surprise, Josh had agreed to see him. It was
later that she’d found out Tommy was having a few sessions, too, so
that was probably why Josh had acquiesced so easily. They had
something else in common now.

“
I’m so happy about the change in him,”
she told Sophia as they cleared cake–and–ice cream plates and the
Allens hustled the boys to the picnic table where the gifts were
placed.

“
Then how come you look like you’ve
lost your best friend?”

She stared at Sophia. “Because I have.”

Sophia leaned against the deck railing.
“Lela, you’ve got choices. Maybe now that Josh is better…”

“
Oh, Soph, I don’t even know if Beck
still wants to see me. I went off on him that day in the car; he
was already angry, anyway. I haven’t heard from him
since.”

“
You told him you needed time. You
haven’t said much and I’ve left you alone about it. But it’s you
who needs to make a decision now. Call Beck, or move
on.”

She watched the kids across the yard. They
were stacking the presents in a semicircle around Josh. “I’m still
trying to get my head on straight, Soph. Accept what’s happened to
Len. Make peace with what happened with Nick. And what I did to
Christian.”

“
Rumor has it Christian’s gone back to
his wife.”

“
I’m glad. I hope it works out for him.
He was devastated when they broke up.”

“
And you told me Nick’s a lot
better.”

In a surprising turn of events, Nick’s near
suicide attempt had scared him onto a path of genuine healing. He
was also getting counseling and seeing Amy regularly.

“
See, everybody’s moving on,
Lee.”

“
Except me?”

“
No, I think you’re making progress. I
just wish the pace wasn’t so slow.”

Her son called out, “Mo-om, come on. I wanna
open presents!”

Josh enjoyed the rest of his party, and at
three, Eddie’s mom picked him up, and the Allens left at the same
time Sophia packed up her kids and headed out. Patty called to say
she’d been held up at the office and would be a half hour late, so
Tom and Josh were upstairs playing with Josh’s birthday gifts. Lela
sat in the living room, watching the news but thinking about Beck.
Was he still mad? Sad? Was he moving on?

“
Mom, I wanna see Beck.” Caught up in
her thoughts, she hadn’t heard Josh come downstairs.

Her mouth dropped open. “Excuse me?”

“
Tommy and me decided. We want to do
some guy stuff with Beck. That’s what we been talking
about.”

What to say? Should she bring up the past?
“Oh, honey, don’t you remember what happened with Beck in the car
wash?”

“
Yeah, but that was ages ago. I’m eight
now. Bigger. And he didn’t yell at me like Dad used to. He was
sorry
.” Josh raised his chin. “Dr. Harrison says we can’t
let bad stuff in the past ruin the good stuff we could have
now.”

“
Okay, baby. I’ll think about
it.”

Lela was considering Josh’s request when the
doorbell rang right after Patty picked up Tommy. She swung the door
open to find Nick and Amy on the porch, holding hands. Nick was
standing erect, his shoulders squared, his chin up. Amy glowed.

“
Hi, you two. Come on in.”

“
We’ll only stay a minute.” Nick led
Amy inside. When they sat, he spoke first. “I came to say
good-bye.”

“
Good-bye?”

“
Well, not really good-bye completely.
I’m moving back home, so I won’t see you at the shelter anymore.”
Though his face was marred irrevocably, his eyes were
sparkling—something she hadn’t seen before, in the several months
he’d been at the shelter.

“
Oh, Nick, I’m so glad.”

“
We are, too.” Amy grinned. “A lot of
thanks go to you, Lela. And Beck.”

“
Beck?”

“
Yeah, he’s spent time with Nick. That
and the counseling Nick’s getting from the center has helped him so
much.”

Nick looked at his wife with such
unconditional love, it hurt Lela’s heart. “I’m gonna be all right,
babe. I promise.”

She offered them coffee, but they had things
to do—and a lot to look forward to. After they left, and while Josh
was still upstairs, Lela stayed in the living room, staring out the
window. She remembered the night she’d spent on this very couch
with Beck. She remembered how he’d held her, cuddled her close,
without expecting anything in return. He’d always been so
unselfish, so giving to her and Josh. He couldn’t change the fact
that he had PTSD, but he didn’t let the condition destroy him as it
had Len. She thought about Nick and Amy, too.

Everybody’s moving on with their lives.

Everybody but her.

o0o

Two weeks later, Beck stood in position to
rip off the hood of the car after Sands had cut through it with the
Jaws of Life. Smoke still billowed from the fire in the trunk
they’d put out, but the day was clear, so he could see what he was
doing through the goggles he wore. Felicia took the other side and
together they tore back the aluminum and handed it off to O’Malley
and Malvaso.

Gabe had been back to work for over a week
and was so happy that sometimes Beck had to leave the room when his
friend walked in. Now Gabe jumped up onto the car; Beck and Felicia
cleared the way for him. To the victim, he said, “It’s okay, sir.
We’re getting you out.” The man grunted, and closed his eyes. He
was conscious but barely. Beck heard the sirens and, out of the
corner of his eye, saw the ambulance arrive. Since every minute
counted, he took the neck brace from O’Malley and handed it to
Gabe. They hefted up the backboard next. After they fitted the guy
onto it and slid it down to the ambulance crew, all of them climbed
off the car.

Beck glanced at his watch. The entire rescue
had taken seven minutes. God, he loved his job.

There was banter and good cheer inside the
rig as they returned to the firehouse—the shift ended shortly—but
before they dismounted the truck, Gabe turned to face those in the
back. “Buy you all beer at Badges?” Since the baby’s birth, Gabe
hadn’t had time or energy to spend with his crew outside of
work.

“
What, wifey’s letting you out
finally?” O’Malley asked. He was all bluster, though. In some
conversations with O’Malley, Beck had discovered he and Emma were
trying to conceive, too. And Beck suspected he’d been the one to
post right-after-birth pictures of little Ali all around the
firehouse.

“
Yeah, my in-laws are back from their
cruise and at the house. They’ve loosened up some, stopped
criticizing Rach, but she told me to go out with the guys
tonight.”

Felicia said, “I’m in.”

“
Love to.” From O’Malley.

“
Not me.” This from Sydney. “It’s our
second anniversary. I got plans with my guy.”

“
Jesus, Sands. Aren’t you out of the
honeymoon period yet?”

“
Shut up, O’Malley. Or I’ll tell Emma
you said you weren’t.”

Some things never change, Beck thought as
they reached the house and waited for replacements to arrive. Not
long after, they all headed for Badges.

The place was busy with customers double deep
at the bar. Some old songs rang out from the jukebox. Beck liked
the bustle of firefighters and cops letting down after long days
and almost-always tense situations. But he hadn’t been here much
lately, either. He’d been spending time with Tommy, working with
Jenn O’Connor on the next year’s camps—apparently, he’d been put in
charge of the veteran recruitment of both kids of vets and
volunteers—and hanging out with Nick. Anything to avoid thinking
about Lela. But when he caught sight of the dance floor, where he’d
held her close that night and realized he was getting involved with
her, his heart felt hollowed out again. God, he missed her. Giving
her space was hard. It had been almost a month since they’d parted
ways after Nick’s near-fatal night and he’d heard nothing from her,
except for Tommy saying she’d seemed sad when he’d seen her at
Josh’s.

“
Play some pool?” Gabe asked him after
they bought beer.

“
Sure.”

The table was in a smaller room, which, for
once, was deserted. Gabe set the balls in the center of the table
and said, “You break.”

Beck chalked his cue, leaned over and took
the shot. He made a clean break, sinking both the red and green
balls. “Yellow in the left-hand corner,” he called out for the
third.

He sunk three more before he missed.

Gabe didn’t approach the table. Instead, he
set his cue’s end on the floor in front of him and took a bead on
Beck. “I know about you and Lela Allen.”