It Had To Be You (29 page)

And of Beck lifting Lexie off the sandy beach
to twirl her around after they’d beaten the other team in a
volleyball game. He’d caught site of Lela, a few yards away,
staring at them. The longing on her face had cut him to the
quick.

Fuck! Why did today have to happen?

“
He’s out like a light.” Lexie dropped
down in the empty bus seat next to them. Her face was tanned and
her nose a bit sunburned. She looked less tired than him,
though.

Beck motioned to the seats ahead of him.
“Most of them are. It was a fun day.”

“
You think so? You seemed ready to spit
nails for most of it.”

“
Nah. I get cranky when I’m tired. I
think I’m too old for chasing around a kid this little.”

Her eyes turned sultry. “Too tired to stay
over at my place tonight? I have to work the late shift tomorrow
night. All those days off I took. And you’re on days this week,
right?”

“
I am.” His mind spun. He knew what she
was asking. Jesus, how could he sleep with her when, after seeing
Lela today, he couldn’t get
her
out of his brain?

“
Beck?”

“
Not tonight, babe. I…promised Linc and
Sally I’d have dinner with them. Tommy’s away until tomorrow, so I
wanted to take this opportunity to see my brother.”

“
Oh.” He could ask her to go along but
didn’t.

The bus rumbled down the road and an
uncomfortable silence sprang up between them. Finally, she said,
“Beck, is something wrong that I should know about?”

He shook his head. He was unable to utter a
lie, but not saying it didn’t make it any less true.

o0o

Since they’d driven out to the lake together
a week ago, Lela and Christian rode back to town together.
Christian pulled his Mercedes into her driveway and shut off the
engine. Then he faced her. He put his arm on the back of her seat
and brushed a hand down her hair. “Nice week, wasn’t it?”

“
Very nice.” She smiled at him. “I’m
glad you came along.”

“
I need to ask you something. I hope
I’m not overstepping here.”

“
You can ask me anything you like,
Christian.”
Please don’t let it be about Beck.

“
Beck Sloan’s the guy, isn’t
he?”

She didn’t shy away from the question because
she remembered their talk the night Len died…

“
I was involved with
someone else for a while before you. It’s very complicated…we
weren’t really dating…I don’t know how to explain it.”

“
You don’t have to explain
it. All I want to know is if your relationship with him is
over.”

“
Yes. It’s very
over…”

The last thing she wanted now was to talk to
Christian about Beck. She was feeling raw and vulnerable after
having seen him. But she owed Christian the truth.

“
Yes, it was him.”

“
Mind telling me what
happened?”

“
Why?”

Christian removed his arm from the seat and
sat back. “Because he’s still in love with you. It showed every
time he looked at you, and me, I’m afraid.”

In her heart, she knew that was true.

“
I don’t want to go into detail about
this, but if what you say is true, it doesn’t matter. Nothing can
ever happen between us again.”

Christian waited some long seconds. “If you
tell me that, I’m going to believe you.” He leaned in closer. “I
want to believe you.”

Please don’t let him ask if I’m still in
love with Beck.

“
I’m telling you that.”

“
All right.” He nodded to the house.
“When’s Josh coming back?”

“
Len’s parents are bringing him over as
soon as I call them.” The lie just slipped out.

Shaking his head, he ran his knuckles down
her cheek. “I wish we could be together.”

Oh, God.

“
Soon?”

“
Absolutely, soon!”

He walked her to the door and kissed her
deeply before she went inside. Like an automaton, she let herself
in, climbed the stairs and headed straight to the shower. Turning
on the faucet as hot as she could stand it, she stepped into the
stall.

The hard spray stung her skin, but it didn’t
help. This was all too much. She couldn’t tolerate the feeling of
loss. For the first time since Len’s death Lela slid to the floor,
put her head in her hands and cried over the loss of Beck.

o0o

Nick was proud of himself, proud of the
monumental accomplishment he’d achieved this week by going out in
public, being around kids, being himself. Maybe it was time to
tackle one more thing, which was why he’d asked the director of the
shelter to give him a ride.

“
Thanks, Julie,” he said as she dropped
him off at his home.
His and Amy’s
home
.

“
My pleasure.” Julie nodded to the
house. “Did you call first?”

He probably should have. “No, I wanted to
surprise her.”

“
All right. I’ll wait to see if Amy’s
there.” She poked his arm. “If she is, should I sign you out for
the night?”

His smile came easily. “Yeah, Julie, sign me
out for the night.”

Feeling like he could scale mountains—well,
maybe that was an exaggeration—he made his way to the house. Was he
limping a little less today?

She answered on the first ring of the bell.
“Oh, Nick, I…” She clutched her robe tighter. “I didn’t expect you
tonight. You said you were whipped from the camp.”

“
Actually, I feel great.”

She smiled. “Come on in.” When he stepped
inside, she moved back from him. Probably because he’d been such a
jerk about physical contact. “I’ll just go change.”

Playfully, he grabbed her arm like he used
to, before he went overseas. “I don’t think that’s necessary,
doll.”

“
Why?”

“
Because I’ll just have to take
those
clothes off you, instead of these.” He ran his
fingertips over the lapel of her bathrobe. She smelled fresh from
the shower, of powder and lotion and shampoo.

“
Nicky, do you mean…?”

“
Yep. I want to make love to my
wife.”

Tears sprang to her eyes and rolled down her
face. He felt bad because he’d hurt her so much. But no more. If he
could handle being with all those little kids, in public, for four
days, he knew he had options in his life. Choices.

He pulled her to him, holding her close,
relishing in the once-familiar curves of her body, the soft
silkiness of her hair. “Don’t cry, baby. Everything’s going to be
all right now. I promise.”

o0o

She was under him again, joined with him
like no woman had ever been before. “Lela, love, I can’t let you
go.”

“
You have to.”

He thrust hard inside her. “How can you say
that to me? Now. When we’re here like this.”

He began to push…hard, harder…

“
Tell me you still love
me.”

“
I still love you. I’ll
always love you. That’ll never change.”

They came together, an explosion that blew
the top of his head off.

When consciousness returned, he rolled off
her and she slid out of bed.

“
Where are you
going?”

She stuffed her legs into the trousers of
her scrubs. Then donned the top. “I have to go.”

“
Why?”

“
Because I came over
tonight to tell you something.” She motioned to the bed. “This
shouldn’t have happened.”

“
Why?”

“
Because.” Dressed now, she
looked down at him. “Christian asked me to marry him.”

“
What?”

“
I said yes.”

“
No.” He bolted upright.
“No. I won’t let you do that.”

“
You have no choice, love.
It will end this thing between us. Finally.”

No, no, no….

He was shouting as he ricocheted off the bed.
“No, no, no.”

Stunned, he looked around the room. He was
alone. Fuck. He lay back on the pillows. He’d dreamed of her, of
losing her for good. Jesus.

He glanced at the clock. Seven a.m.

Getting out of bed, he stood stock still and
thought about the dream.

An hour later, he rang Lexie’s doorbell.

She opened it, looking fresh as the
proverbial daisy in yellow shorts and top. “Beck, what a nice
surprise. I was just about to go running.” Studying him, she asked,
“What’s wrong?”

“
We have to talk, Lexie.”

o0o

Lela startled awake. What the hell? Her phone
was ringing. She snatched it up. “Hello.”

“
Lela Allen?”

She didn’t recognize the voice. “This is
me.”

“
It’s Amy DeBlasio. We’ve only met a
couple of times, but I don’t know who else to call.”

“
Calling me is fine, Amy. Is something
wrong?”

“
Nick…Nick…” She started to
cry.

All Lela’s instincts went on red alert and
she forced herself into nurse mode. Swinging her legs out of bed,
she sat on the edge and asked, “What about Nick?”

“
He’s gone. Missing.”

“
What do you mean?”

“
He came over last night. He had a
great experience at the camp. He wanted to…but he couldn’t…oh,
Lela, he left here in a black mood. He didn’t go back to the
shelter. I called Julie. No one’s seen him.”

“
How long has it been?”

“
Several hours. He’s really missing.
I’m so worried. Julie says he has to come back on his own, and she
believes he will. But I don’t. Can you help me look for
him?”

Her heart was beating at a clip. “Of course,
Amy. I’ll come right over to your house. Give me your address.”

As soon as she took the information down,
Lela clicked off. Gripping the phone in her hand, she considered
the unthinkable, remembered when Nick had told Beck that sometimes
he didn’t want to live anymore. Remembered the suicide watch
imposed on him at the shelter. Remembered how her husband had died.
No, no, this couldn’t happen again!

She stared at the phone. She couldn’t do this
alone. She just couldn’t. Forcing herself to calm, she punched in
another number. He answered on the second ring. “Hello.”

“
It’s Lela. Beck, I need you. I need
your help.”

“
Are you all right? Is
Josh?”

“
Yes. It isn’t us. It’s
Nick.”

“
I’ll be right there.”

“
No, meet me at his house.” She gave
him the address. “I’m afraid; his wife’s afraid. I think maybe Nick
is going to hurt himself. Or maybe already has.”

“
I’ll be right there. You can tell me
everything then.”

“
All right. Thanks.”

“
Any time, love. Any time.”

Nick sat on the grass staring at his buddy
Billy’s headstone. He hadn’t visited the gravesite since he’d been
back from theater. But what did it matter now? Again, he wished
he’d died with his friend. Died when that fucking IED exploded and
marred Nick’s face forever. Took his foot. Drained his dignity in
drips and drabs.

Dignity that he thought he might have a
chance to get back had been lost forever last night. He cringed at
the memory…

Amy had been on top of him, naked and
beautiful; his hands had cupped her breasts. She’d run hers over
his chest. He’d reveled in her touch, in how hot he was for
her.

“
I miss this so much Nicky.” He wasn’t
inside her yet, but he was as hard as a rock. And it felt damn
good.

“
Me, too, baby. Me, too.” He grasped
her hips. “Now lift up on your knees.”

She grinned. “I remember how to do this.” It
had been a favorite position of theirs before the war. She raised
up to her knees and started to impale herself on him. It was so
good…until it wasn’t.

“
What?” Her eyes were full of shock.
“What happened?”

He was mortified at losing his erection. He’d
thought if he could just get it up…

“
Oh, fuck.”

Amy tried to lean over, to cuddle onto his
chest.

“
Don’t!” He shouted hard at her. “Get
off me.”

Meekly, as if he’d slapped her, she obeyed.
As quickly as he could, he got out of bed, found his clothes and
left the bedroom. He grabbed his backpack from the floor, and after
making a stop in the bathroom, he stumbled downstairs. She must
have thought he needed time, because she hadn’t followed him; she’d
just let him go. But he’d heard her muffled sobs as he’d quietly
opened the front door and let himself out…

“
What difference does it make anymore,
Billy?” he said to the headstone with the little plaque beneath it,
touting that twenty-three-year-old William J. Greene was an
American serviceman. “What fucking difference. I can’t do
anything.” His laugh came out ugly. “I thought I could. I thought
I’d turned a corner this week.” He shook his head. “But I didn’t. I
couldn’t…” Tears formed in his eyes as he recalled his complete
failure as a husband. “I can’t keep going on like this, Bill. I
can’t.”

Slowly, Nick reached off to the side, into
his backpack, and pulled out the pill bottles he’d stolen from
Amy’s cabinet. Old painkillers he’d left behind. Sleeping pills
she’d told him she’d been taking. Now he rattled the brown glass.
There were enough.