It's All Relative (37 page)

Jessie groaned and dropped her head back. “Goddamn it.” Lifting her head, she began violently digging into her cereal. “I told Grams I didn’t want to be set up with anyone, then she got one of her newfound friends to get her son to ask me out.” Her spoon clinked angrily against her bowl. “And now he won’t stop.” Jessie had politely turned him down three times already. She was sure he was nice guy and all, but he wasn’t what she was looking for at the moment.

Harmony grinned at her irritation. “You could always tell him you’ve switched sides?”

Jessie laughed, then started choking on some milk she’d been swallowing. Coughing, she smacked Harmony on the shoulder. “Thanks,” she finally got out.

When she could breathe again, Jessie frowned into her cereal bowl. She wished she could be honest. Harmony looked about to question her again when they heard April shout, “Catch you later, Harm!” The door banged shut and Jessie shook her head. She’d just been dissed by omission.

Harmony stared into the living room then returned her eyes to Jessie. “Don’t let April get under your skin. You know her, this will eventually blow over.”

Jessie nodded, then glumly returned to her cereal. Hoping Harmony wouldn’t ask her why she had gone off on their roommate in the first place, Jessie asked her about their weekend plans. Smiling bright, Harmony started filling her in on the many perks their lodge provided, and all thoughts of April’s annoyance were momentarily forgotten.

After Jessie was done with her breakfast, she ambled around her house for a while. When that did nothing to lift her spirits, she decided to go check on her grandmother. She was sure Grams was fine and didn’t need her help with anything, but Jessie did. She needed a distraction, even if the distraction was a painful one; being around her grandmother reminded her of being around Kai.

After having afternoon tea filled with polite conversation, thankfully none of it about Kai, Jessie offered to stay and help her grams make dinner. She just didn’t feel like going home and dealing with April’s cold shoulder. And, if she were completely honest with herself, she was hoping if she stayed late enough, she might get lucky, and Kai might decide to visit Grams. Although, perhaps that wasn’t good luck. As much as she wanted to see his face, hear his voice, she was sure the shock of it would rip open her still-fresh wounds. She might bleed out right in front of her grandmother, and how on earth would she explain that?

Jessie prepped the potatoes and put them in the oven. When they were almost ready, Grams wandered out to her greenhouse to get some fresh herbs to go on top of them. With Grams gone, Jessie’s mind started to drift. And as always, it drifted to Kai. Jessie wondered what he was up to today, what he was up to everyday. Not being able to ask him, not being able to check in on him, amplified her heartache. It was in her nature to nurture her loved ones, and when all was said and done, that was what Kai was to her—a loved one.

The kitchen door slamming closed startled Jessie from her melancholy thoughts. Grams had just returned carrying a small bowl and several plastic bags. Slapping on a smile, Jessie made herself seem as relaxed and content as possible. Her grandmother was watching her with pursed lips, so Jessie wasn’t sure if she was buying the act or not. “Just a few more minutes on the potatoes, Grams.”

Her grandmother’s eyes narrowed, and Jessie tensed. She was sure she was going to ask her what was wrong, and Jessie didn’t have a good lie prepared. And she didn’t like lying to her grandmother either. Hoping to pass her inspection, Jessie kept a small smile plastered on her face; it probably looked as forced as it felt.

Grams examined her for a few more seconds, then smiled and patted her shoulder. “That’s good. I got us some chives.” She handed the bowl to Jessica, then grabbed a marker and began labeling the small bags.

Jessie wondered why she was marking what they were, since Grams could probably identify the different herbs blindfolded, and then it hit her. Grams was making a care package…for her grandchild. Before she could stop herself, she asked, “Are those for Kai?”

Her tone came out wistful, and Jessie immediately began studying the chives. She didn’t want Grams to see the longing in her face that surely matched her voice. Grams sounded curious when she answered, but not suspicious. “Yes, these are for Kai. I’m determined to turn that boy into a good cook. Every man should know how to make a decent meal for his woman.” She sighed and there was a sadness in the sound that hit Jessie a little too close to home. “He might have broken things off with your friend, but eventually he’ll find the right girl.”

Jessie quickly turned her head away, and was grateful that her thick, curly hair covered her expression. She didn’t want to think about Kai finding the “right” girl, didn’t want to contemplate him truly moving on. Nodding, Jessie moved to the fridge and began aimlessly looking through it. “I should get you some groceries soon,” she muttered into the cool, refrigerated air.

From behind her, she heard her grandmother say, “Don’t worry about it, dear. Kai brings me a bundle nearly every time he shows up. As I don’t eat that much anyway, I don’t think I’ll be starving anytime soon.”

A soft chuckle escaped Grams, and Jessie was suddenly struck by the image of Kai riding down the road with grocery bags dangling off his arms. Amazed by his never-ending sweetness, Jessie looked back at her grandmother. “Kai brings you food?”

Grams nodded, pride clear in her features. “Constantly, like he’s worried my cupboards will run dry in a week.” Grams laughed as she rolled her eyes. “If the boy had moved here with something more substantial than a motorcycle, he could save himself some time and bring me a month’s supply at a time.”

A small laugh escaped Jessie, and her eyes drifted out of focus as she thought of being on the back of Kai’s bike with him. “Yeah, he does love that bike…”

Her grandmother sighed. “It probably wouldn’t stop him from dropping in all the time anyway. The boy has a heart as big as yours.” Jessie’s eyes refocused on Grams; she could feel the tiny tears stinging them, and hoped her grandmother didn’t notice.

The pressure grew beneath her lids as images of Kai bombarded her. Knowing she wouldn’t be able to contain the moisture much longer, Jessie looked away. After a few tears released, Jessie quickly swiped her cheeks dry. Her grandmother placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, and Jessie knew the pretense of being okay was gone. “Are you all right, Jessica?”

No longer trying to hide the fact that she was brushing tears from her skin, Jessie faced Grams with a sad smile on her lips. Her heart thudded as she thought of something acceptable that she could say to explain her overly emotional state. It had to be believable, but it couldn’t be anything about Kai. “Of course. It’s just…I’m leaving…for a few days…and I’m going to worry so much about you.”

Grams smiled as she wrapped her in a tight hug. Jessie felt a little guilty for saying it, but just a little. There was a lot of truth to the statement. Even though she wasn’t going to be gone long, Jessie would worry about her grandmother. “Oh, you sweet thing, don’t you worry about me. You just go out and have a good time. Enjoy the life you’ve been given.” They pulled apart, and Jessie hastily brushed her cheeks dry again. She needed to get a hold of herself, but that was easier said than done. The pain of Kai’s absence was a physical discomfort, an irreparable hole in her heart.

“Where are you off to?” her grandmother asked with a bright smile.

Thinking about April and how awful this upcoming trip might be did nothing to perk up Jessie’s mood. “My roommates and I are going skiing next weekend. Things have been sort of awkward at the house lately, so we’re all taking a little mini-vacation.”

Her grandmother smiled, like she suddenly understood why Jessie was down. Yes, she supposed her troubles at home could explain her odd tears, but that really wasn’t it. Wanting to change subjects, or maybe not talk at all for a little bit, Jessie started preparing the toppings for the potato bar. Grams watched her with thoughtful eyes, then she lifted a finger in the air, like she’d just had a revelation. “You should take Kai skiing with you.”

Jessie’s heart froze into one solid chunk. She’d love to take Kai with her this weekend. She’d love to teach him to ski during the day, and would love to hang out with him in the lodge at night. She’d love every single second of it, more than she should, and that was the problem. “Um…well…” She didn’t know how to tell her grandmother that it wasn’t possible, that they’d cut all communication, that they couldn’t see each other anymore. Her sadness returned tenfold as she stared at the ground. “It’s a girl thing, Grams.”

Her grandmother let out a soft sigh, and Jessie peeked up at her. “I know it’s a girl’s weekend, Jessica, but Kai has never seen that much snow up close, and he’s always wanted to learn how to ski.” Smiling, she shook her head. “When he was younger, he used to pretend he was slalom racing in the backyard.”

A ghost of a smile drifted across Jessie’s face, then she frowned. How could she turn down her grandmother? How could she say yes though? “I don’t know…April will be there.” She worried her lip, hoping her grandmother accepted that and dropped the matter.

She didn’t. “Kai tells me the relationship ended amicably, and they still speak often. Surely April wouldn’t mind his presence for just a couple of days?” Jessie opened her mouth to say something, anything, but Grams was done with mild requests. “Please, Jessica? For me? He’s been having such a hard time lately. There’s a sadness that just won’t leave him. I’m worried. He could really use the pick-me-up. He needs you…please take him with you.”

Jessie felt her eyes watering again. “He’s been down?”

Jessie knew her tone had come out much too hopeful when she saw her grandmother frown. Jessie didn’t really want Kai to be distraught, she just wanted to know this was tough for him too. With a shake of her head, Grams sighed. “He’s so melancholy lately. This is just what he needs right now.” Her lips firmed, and she nodded, like her mind was made up, and no matter what Jessie said, Kai would be going on the trip.

Jessie’s heart raced as she started pulling potatoes out of the hot oven. Oh God…she was going to see Kai again, or hear from him, at least. What would he say, what would he do? Would he agree to come? Would they get one last weekend together? And…was that a good thing, or a truly horrible idea? Either way, it was pointless for Jessie to keep objecting. “Fine, Grandma, I’ll ask him.” Setting the spuds on a plate in front of her, Jessie carefully pulled back the tin foil encasing them. Studying her work, she nonchalantly said, “He’ll probably say no though. He’s busy with stuff.” That would be for the best. He shouldn’t go. Too much could go wrong, and even a flawless trip would be devastating.

Peeking up, Jessie watched as a sly smile crossed her grandmother’s lips. Jessie knew that look, and her heart sank. Her grandmother wasn’t going to let this go. She’d persist until Kai was at the lodge with them. “Nonsense, I won’t let him say no.” As Jessie felt all the blood rush from her face, leaving her cold and pale, her grandmother’s smile widened. “Life is short, Jessica Marie, and you and Kai…you both need to learn to seize opportunities as they arise.”

All Jessie could do was nod at her grandmother’s advice while dread filled her from head to toe. Dread laced with a razor-sharp edge of hope and excitement. She was going to see Kai again. She didn’t want the moment to come, but she couldn’t wait either.

J
essie sat in the backseat of Harmony’s SUV, wondering how she’d gotten here. She ceaselessly worked the zipper of her heavy jacket up and down as anxiety ate at her nerves. The sound of country music filled the spacious cabin, making Jessie cringe. Normally she would annoy Harmony until her friend caved and changed the station, but Jessie didn’t have it in her to make a peep. Kai was sitting directly beside her.

Glancing over at him from the corner of her eye, she secretly studied him as he stared out the window. He was relentlessly wringing his hands together, and seemed to be feeling as odd and uneasy as she was. Having him right next to her again was pounding her with several conflicting emotions—elation, trepidation, sorrow and regret. Tearing her gaze away, Jessie looked up at the front seat. Harmony was explaining the condition of the slopes. She’d heard from some friends who had just returned that the snow was perfect—fast and deep. Jessie was a good skier and could handle the more advanced slopes, but she’d mainly be on the lower trails this weekend, helping Kai learn the basics. She hadn’t seen him for nearly four weeks, and now she would practically be glued to his side. She was as eager for that as she was scared. This was exactly why she hadn’t wanted him to come.

She started to look over at him again, but felt his eyes burning into her and stopped. Meeting April’s gaze in the rearview mirror, Jessie froze, then slapped on a friendly smile. She didn’t want to look sad, forlorn, or lovesick in front of the woman who used to date Kai. April was still annoyed at her though, and quickly averted her gaze to the snowy scenery passing by her window.