28
BLAINE
THE MEMORY OF BEING ALONE WITH CHELSEY
in the back room replayed in mind. The venomous lies I’d spewed at her burned in my chest like the poison they were. I hated myself for saying those things to her, but I was in pain, and pain made me lash out.
I dove head first into work and continued to keep myself busy.
“We done today, boss?” I asked Chris.
He was only a few years older than me and owned Cutting Edge, the lawn care company I worked for. It was the day job I did to cover up where I really got my money.
We’d only worked one small job so far, and I was beginning to think maybe we didn’t have any other jobs for the day. I wasn’t sure what I’d do with the rest of the day off, but I couldn’t lie, it sounded great.
“We got a new account,” he said, looking down at his clipboard and marking something with his pen.
“Nice. With who?’
He tossed his clipboard onto the driver’s seat of his truck and took a swig from his soda.
“A big university on the other side of the city.”
It was rare that we did commercial work, much less a university on the other side of the city, but it sounded fun.
I was tired of doing yards. Landscaping for a large university sounded like a great change, and I was excited about the new job for all of the thirty minutes it took for us to drive there. Once I realized the university Chris was talking about was Columbia University the excitement quickly faded.
We pulled into the parking lot, and I let my eyes move over the large buildings. Students littered the grounds, moving fast for their next class and laughing.
I’d been there before. I went there when the beginning of the school year started hoping to get a glimpse of her. That’s how pathetic I’d been. I’d told myself I couldn’t forget her until I saw her one more time. Maybe if I talked to her—got some closure on everything that went down—I could at least get a good night’s sleep.
I waited outside the school all day instead of looking for her. I watched the other students and irrationally hated them for being there with Chelsey when I couldn’t be. And then I hated myself for still wanting to be.
I gave up looking for her by the afternoon. I knew it was still early in the school year, and there was plenty of time to catch her. I told myself I had better things to do than wait around for her after everything she’d put me through.
Except I found myself back at the school the next day, and then the next, until an entire week had gone by and I was probably known as the parking lot creeper. On the seventh day, I told myself it was the last time. I was done with all of the Chelsey bullshit.
But then I saw her.
She was coming out of one of the buildings with a group of people. Just seeing her face again was almost enough. My eyes devoured her… the way she moved. She was graceful, despite the heavy looking bag weighing on her shoulder.
I watched her fingers move over her cheek to move her dark hair behind her ear. I caught the movement of her eyes and my gut ached to have those big, doe eyes on me again. My fingers wrapped around the steering wheel in a tight grip until the skin around my knuckles burned.
I pressed my forehead into the steering wheel and demanded that my body take control of itself. I demanded myself to stay seated instead of rushing over to her. I lifted my head, afraid she’d walk away and I’d never see her again.
She’d come to a stop, and across from her was some preppy fuck who was standing close enough to make me hate him instantly. When he pushed the hair behind her ear, I nearly tore the door off my car to get out.
I stopped two feet from the car, my body tense and ready to strike. My hands balled into fists at my side as I watched Chelsey laugh and heat fill her cheeks. It reminded me of the last time I’d saw her, and I felt the betrayal all over again.
It ripped through my body, nearly crippling me. I sagged against the side of my car and clutched at my hair. The pain made me want to claw at my chest and pull out my heart so I didn’t have to feel again.
I blinked, coming back to myself and getting angry for reliving the memories all over again. Sweat coated the back of my neck and palms, and I rubbed my hands on my pants to dry them. I just wanted to get this job over with and get the hell out of there. Later, I’d talk to Chris about getting one of the other guys to take over the Columbia job so I didn’t have to ever come back.
There were a lot of people at the school, and I knew in the back of my mind the chances of running into Chelsey again were slim to none, but still, I couldn’t help but swallow hard and worry that I would.
We unloaded and began work.
An hour later, I stopped thinking about the possibility of running into Chelsey. I was trimming a set of bushes outside one of the buildings and shaping them when I heard her familiar voice. I looked up to see her stepping out of the building with a man wearing a suit. A professor, no doubt.
She smiled at him and I felt it in my gut. I openly listened as they discussed an assignment, and when they were finished talking, the professor went in one direction and Chelsey went in another. It just happened to be in my direction.
The minute she turned, her eyes landed on me and her face paled. Quickly, she averted her attention and began to walk by as if she didn’t see me.
I couldn’t stand being ignored by her. I wanted to hurt her the way she hurt me, but more than anything, I wanted her eyes on me. I felt alive when she looked at me. I hadn’t felt that way in a long time. Not since our last night together.
“Well, if it isn’t Miss Ivy League,” I said sarcastically.
Her dark eyes moved over my face and she stopped, her body turning toward me.
“Well, if it isn’t Mr. Magic Mike,” she countered.
I couldn’t remember her being so quick to the punch before. Obviously, things had changed. She’d changed. But then again, I never really knew her to know if she’d changed or not.
I chuckled at her comment, which only pissed her off more. It was best not to let her know her words bothered me.
“I see you got what you wanted, as usual,” I said.
Her brows pulled down in confusion. “And what would that be?” she asked.
I motioned to the buildings around me. “You wanted Columbia University and you got it.”
The darkness on her face cleared, and a slight smile pulled at her lips. I could remember a time when I longed for her smiles. Just thinking about the past sent a quick bolt of anger through me and hateful words sprang from my lips before I could stop them.
“Do I even want to know how much cock you sucked to get accepted?”
I wanted to pull the words back as soon as I let them out, but they were already out there. I knew how she’d gotten accepted. Hell, I was there the day she got the acceptance letter. Chelsey was smart, smart enough for anyone in Columbia, but again, a hurt dog bit, and I was still hurting a year later.
Her face dropped and the sweet smile she was about to wear dropped with it.
She shook her head before turning and walking away.
Again, she turned her back on me. And even though I knew I was the one who pushed her away this time, I couldn’t help but remember a time when I needed her more than anything and she wasn’t there for me.
I finished working, and Chris dropped me off at home. I hated it, but we’d be working the grounds of the school over the next few weeks. The place was huge and required a ton of work. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the possibility of seeing Chelsey again. One minute there was excitement—the next anger—then somewhere along the line I’d feel the hurt I’d been feeling over the last year.
She still had a strange pull over me, and I fucking hated it.
**********
THE FOLLOWING DAY,
my grandma had to be put in the hospital. Her diabetes was getting worse, and her blood sugar was so high she had a seizure.
Thankfully, our neighbor, Deborah, agreed to watch Maddie until I got home from work. Of course, I wasn’t able to leave her home alone at night, so I missed a few nights at the club. The bills would definitely feel the effects of that.
Grandma came home four days later, and the bill for her stay came two days after that. I was drowning, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before I couldn’t depend on Grandma to keep up with Maddie. She was only four, which meant she needed to be watch at all times.
I worked at the university for several days without even a single sighting of Chelsey. I guessed in a way that was a good thing. I had too many things going on in my life to worry about what she was doing or thinking when it came to me.
The following day, my luck ran out in that department. I was outside of a different building edging the sidewalk, when I heard her familiar voice once again. Looking up, I expected to see her with another professor, but this time it was a younger guy.
He was tall and dressed exactly how I pictured an Ivy League stiff to dress. His light hair was longer, and he kept tossing it to the side with the flick of his head. He held a messenger bag over his arm, and I watched as he offered to take Chelsey’s bag for her.
A memory of the first time I’d ever spoken to her moved through my mind. I could remember the panicked look on her face as she cleaned her things from the hallway floor. She was so young—so sweet—so fucking beautiful. I was obsessed with her from that moment on.
Mr. Ivy League smiled down at my Chelsey before reaching out and touching her arm as he spoke. The sick desire to rip his arm from his body and beat him to death with it took over me.
I stared at them like they were a bad accident, and when she smiled back at him, it felt like a punch to the balls. I swallowed hard, not even paying attention to the job I was supposed to be doing. And then she must’ve felt my eyes on her because she turned to face me.
Her dark eyes moved over my face once before she looked away. I moved closer to hear what they were saying.
“I’m sorry. I can’t. But thank you for asking,” she said.
“Maybe another time?” Ivy League asked.
“Sure. Maybe another time.”
A date.
He asked her on a date and she declined. Still, bile moved into my throat and my stomach burned like it was on fire. I felt sick. I wanted to put my fist through his face, but more than anything I wanted to stop the madness going on in my head and the heavy jealousy that moved around my gut.
Chelsey wasn’t mine—hadn’t been for a long time—if she ever was. Yet, I was livid at the idea of her going out with another guy. I couldn’t decide if that was right or wrong. All I knew was while I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted when it came to Chelsey, I certainly didn’t want anyone else to have her.
29
CHELSEY
BLAINE WAS EVERYWHERE.
He was in my nightmares—in my dreams—and when I wasn’t sleeping, he was at school waiting outside my classes.
His eyes were always on me, always taunting me with the pain I felt when I saw him. I hated it, but at the same time I couldn’t deny the feeling I got every time I saw his face.
He worked for the landscaping company who was doing the grounds around school, and I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he’d stopped stripping. Part of me hoped that was the case. Blaine wasn’t mine—he’d never been mine—but the thought of women looking at him or touching him sickened me.
I went a few days without seeing him after the first time, and I’d begun to relax into my usual schedule. I was just leaving class when Charles, a guy I had several classes with, stopped me outside the building.
I felt Blaine’s eyes on me the entire time. It was hard to explain, but it was like the sun was heating my skin when he looked at me. I barely realized Charles was asking me out of a date.
I said no, but I was flattered that he asked me. Charles was nice looking and extremely smart, which was kind of a turn on. But the fact of the matter was, I didn’t have time for guys. Once I was done and I was a doctor, I’d make time for men. Until then, school was most important.
I pretended like Blaine wasn’t there when I walked by him to go to my next class.
“Poor, Ivy League. He didn’t stand a chance with a stiff like you,” Blaine muttered as I walked by.
I should’ve ignored him, but I couldn’t help myself. Turning on my heel, I faced him with narrowed eyes and a pinched mouth.
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“All I’m saying is, you’re a stick in the mud. Always have been, always will be. I had to practically use a crowbar to get your legs to open for me.”
I felt tears rush to my eyes, but before he could see them, I turned quickly and left. I hated him so much. I hated him because he brought out so much emotion in me, but worst of all, I hated him because he was right. I hadn’t had fun since him, and knowing what I knew now, that fun didn’t count. I was all in, Blaine never was.
**********
THREE DAYS LATER,
when a few of the girls in my class asked if I wanted to join them for a frat party, it was Blaine’s parting words that pushed me to agree. Not to mention, I was ahead of the game in the assignments department. I could afford to take the night away from the books and get out of my apartment for some air.
I took my car and used the GPS on my phone to find the place. When I pulled up, the lawn was littered with college students. Cars were parked everywhere and the music from the stately, brick house could be heard from down the road.
I parked and made my way across the yard looking for a familiar face. Going to a party wasn’t something I usually did. Going to party alone made me feel like Wonder Woman. But part of me wanted to show Blaine I could be reckless… I could be fun. Even if he wasn’t there to witness it,
I
knew I was doing it, and that’s all that mattered.
Stepping through the doors was like stepping into an underground club. People were packed in the room so tightly their sweaty bodies were pressed against each other. I slid through the room, making my way to a quiet corner until I could find the girls who invited me
I didn’t know them well, but we had a few classes together. One them, a girl named Riley, and I always landed in the same study groups. We were total opposites, of course. She somehow managed to have a life and still make nice grades.
Smoke swarmed around the room, and when the music would take a break to switch songs, the laughter and conversation of those around me replaced the noise. I pressed my back against the wall, keeping my eyes trained away from those who were openly making out.
And then I saw Riley, and the strange pressure on my chest lifted. She made her way across the room to me, her short skirt moving up her legs and giving the guys she passed the perfect view of her toned thighs. She smiled, and I smiled back at her, relief filling me.
“Hey, girl! I didn’t think you’d show,” she yelled over the music. “Want to get something to drink?”
I opened my mouth to say no, but then Blaine’s words moved across my memory. I found myself nodding and following her to the kitchen where a guy was manning the kegs. He pumped it and then filled a plastic cup with beer before handing it over to me.
I sipped the beer, and my face pinched at the flavor. It was gross, but everyone around me seemed to think it was okay, so I assumed it hadn’t gone bad. I followed Riley around, being introduced to a bunch of people I knew from my classes. Everyone was really nice, and by the time I finished off my second beer, I could feel the relaxation seeping into my muscles.
Thirty minutes later, when Riley and the girls starting pouring shots, I was giggling right along with them. I was handed a tiny, shot glass, and I took it and held it out with the rest of the girls.
“Here’s to college life. May we never forget to let our hair down and have a little fun.” Riley held up her cup and the rest of us followed suit.
“Bottoms up!” I slurred, before I slammed the shot and swallowed hard.
Liquid fire moved down my throat, making me gasp and choke. The girls laughed and I was so buzzed I laughed along with them.
And then I looked up and my eyes clashed with a beautiful set of translucent blues.
Blaine.
The side of his mouth tilted up in a cocky grin before he lifted his cup to me. I growled into the space around me. He. Was. Everywhere!
Instead of lifting my cup to him, I lifted my hand and flipped him off from across the room. The alcohol was definitely loosening me up. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d ever flipped someone off.
He shook his head and I could see from his face that he chuckled. Damn him. Then he licked his plump bottom lip before he lifted his cup to his mouth and took a drink. He was with a group of guys that looked like trouble, his black, Henley shirt was tight across his chest and his rugged jeans were hanging on to his slim hips for dear life.
God, he was beautiful.
Why did he have to be so damn gorgeous? And why couldn’t I get away from him and all the memories we made together?
He moved across the room toward me, and I stiffened. The girls next to me ran their eyes over Blaine as he strutted across the room as if he owned the place. That was one thing about him that annoyed me the most. He owned every room he was in. He was comfortable with himself and his confidence only made him sexier.
Moving into the wall, I pressed my back against it like I was trying to escape. He noticed and smiled as he closed the distance between us. And then he was standing in front of me. The smell of his cologne wafted around me, making me dizzy and my mouth watery.
“Well, look what we have here.” He leaned in close so only I could hear him. “If it isn’t Miss Ivy League. I figured you’d be asleep already.”
I didn’t have a comeback for two reasons. One: I was totally drunk. The room around me felt tilted and I felt my body beginning to drag. And two: he was right. I would’ve been curled up in bed with a book hours ago had I not taken the time to rebel against him.
“Don’t,” I said, turning my head and preparing to walk away.
He reached out and gripped the top of my arm, stopping me. I tilted my head to the side and narrowed my eyes at him.
“What?” He leaned in closer, the warmth from his body tingling the side of my face. “Don’t get pissed off because I’m right.”
“I’m not the girl I used to be, Blaine.”
I was lying. I was still the girl I used to be. As a matter of fact, it was getting late and I wanted to go home. But there was no way in hell I’d go anywhere now that he was there.
He snorted. “Please. It seems to me you’re even stiffer than you were a year ago.” He laid his palms against the wall behind me, boxing me into a tiny space filled with him. “We both know you’re only here to prove a point.”
I looked away. Looking into his clear, blue eyes hurt too badly.
“And what point is that?”
I shouldn’t have asked, but the words just kept coming out. I blamed the alcohol.
“That you’re not the stuck-up bitch I know you are.”
And then he stepped away, leaving me cold and hurt by his words. I felt like I’d been slapped in the face. I gasped from the pain rocketing through my chest.
I felt sick to my stomach. I wasn’t sure if it was the drinks or his words making me nauseated, but I suddenly had a desire to run outside and get sick in the yard.
I watched his back as he moved across the room, stopping to talk to random people like he’d known them all his life.
What was he doing there in the first place? He didn’t even go to school with any of these people.
Then again, I guess it didn’t matter. Blaine had it all. He always had. He was rebellion and sex combined with a lopsided, roguish grin that made the girls go crazy for him. It was a winning combination that always affected my decision making abilities.
The music was loud all around me. The girls were off on the makeshift dance floor grinding their bodies on each other and the guys who danced around them. And something inside me clicked. I wasn’t what Blaine claimed me to be. I wasn’t cold and stiff. I wasn’t boring.
Those were the reasons he left me all those years ago. He never said so, but I knew it deep in my heart. More than anything I wanted to prove him wrong. I wanted to show him what he was missing out on. I wanted him to see that the girl he broke a year before was really fun and exciting… maybe even a little sexy. But more than anything, I wanted to hurt him as badly as he hurt me.
Setting my drink on the table beside me, I moved toward the girls who were dancing. Blaine thought he was so exciting because he took his clothes off for women every night. It was time I showed him how exciting I could be.