32
CHELSEY
HE WAS DOING IT ALL OVER AGAIN.
How was that even possible? How could I let him slip into my conscious so easily after everything I’d gone through because of him?
He was invading my life again, and because of him I felt like everything I’d worked for was collapsing around me. Already Columbia and my classes were taking the back burner to Blaine. I couldn’t let him do this to me again. I couldn’t let him ruin my life for a second time.
It was going on two weeks since I’d woken up in Blaine’s bed, in his arms, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him to save my life. Correction, to save my schoolwork. Studying was taking ten times more effort than normal. I almost didn’t finish my last timed test and four times was the amount of times I was late to my morning classes.
“Chelsey, could you stay behind for a minute please?” Mr. Woods asked.
He was my favorite professor and taught psychology, which was also my favorite class so far.
I waited at my desk as the room cleared, before I went to the front of the room to where Mr. Wood’s desk was.
“I hate to pry, Chelsey, but what’s going on with you lately?” he asked.
His dark eyes filled with concern behind his thick-rimmed glasses.
“What do you mean? I asked.
“Well, I read over your paper about the oedipal complex and it was all over the place. Freud would
not
have been proud. It wasn’t your best work.” He cleared his throat. “If you don’t mind my saying so, but you seem very distracted lately.”
Blaine’s face flashed in my mind, and I knew he was the distraction Mr. Woods was referring to. The last two weeks had been hell for me and my assignments.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Woods. I’ll try to pull myself together,” I responded.
The desire to punch Blaine and then kiss him was thick in my stomach.
“You do that.” He smiled. “Don’t get overwhelmed. You’re a smart girl, Chelsey. The smartest in this class. These assignments should be a walk in the park for you.”
I left Mr. Wood’s classroom with a new resolve. I vowed to get back on my normal schedule and forget all about Blaine Wesley. I didn’t need the drama and chaos he created. I didn’t want the emotions and feelings that forced their way into my heart whenever I even thought his name.
The following Saturday, I got up extra early and walked around the track to clear my head. It was when I hit the one mile marker that my brilliant forget-Blaine-Wesley-all-over-again plan emerged. There was a saying Lynn once told me. If you can’t get over one, get under another.
Her saying was completely disgusting. The thought of sleeping with another man made me nauseated, but maybe if I started dating it would help. I hadn’t been on a date since Blaine. Technically, Blaine was the only person I’d ever gone on a date with. Maybe going out and getting to know some of the guys around school was a good idea.
With fresh momentum and a game plan, I went back to my apartment, cleaned every square inch of it, showered, ate something, and left to spend the rest of the day at the library.
I spent a lot of my free time at the library. It was a calming place with familiar smells full of the things I loved the most… books. Deep down I had a feeling my love for the library had more to do with Blaine and less to do with the books, but I was too afraid to replay the memories we’d made in the library back home.
I needed new memories. Memories that didn’t involve Blaine’s eyes or his lips and hands. Memories that didn’t make my body shake or my heart break. Ones that took away the pain I felt every time I thought of everything I’d loss… every time I thought about being alone and the physical pain I’d endured.
I had nightmares every night. Nightmares full of blood and emptiness… nightmares of dying. Blaine left me with more than just a broken heart, and it was all the extras I wasn’t sure I’d ever get over.
The dark place I entered when he left was hell. It was as if I’d left my body just to deal… a self-induced coma, so to speak. My parents threatened to send me to the psych ward if I didn’t snap out of it. Then I’d found out I was pregnant, and I really did shut down. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep.
My life was going down the drain and all I could do was sit by and watch. I gave up on school, and even though my grades declined drastically, I was still able to graduate. My graduation day was nothing like I’d pictured it my whole life. I didn’t get valedictorian, and I walked across the stage sad and nauseated with my parents frowning in the crowd.
The night I lost our baby was the worst night of my life. I was alone and afraid, and I needed Blaine to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. I was bleeding and in so much pain I could barely stand. I’d hid it from my parents up until that point, but there was no more hiding it once they had to rush me to the emergency room. There was no more hiding it when the doctor told us they had to do an emergency D and C.
Everything inside of me was scraped away, and I was left empty and feeling more alone than ever. After that night I was never the same. My body was altered—my mind scrambled. I didn’t have a social life outside of Lynn, who tried her best to comfort me, and my parents.
I swore off the opposite sex completely. I told myself I wasn’t going to think about anything but Columbia and my future until I was from under my parent’s rules, until I didn’t have their accusing and judging eyes all over me. My father couldn’t even look me in the eye and my mother barely spoke to me.
I’d made it past all that and I was attending Columbia. I was ready to take on my future, and I was ready to date. If not for any other reason but to forget Blaine, I needed to do this. Avoiding the opposite sex was no longer an option. I was ready to live again. I needed to get over Blaine once and for all. I needed to let the terrible memories of my year after he left go away for good.
With my plan to have more of a dating life in full force, I lost myself in my textbook and let the rest of the library fade away. Focusing on the words of my chemistry book, I tried to make sense of it all. An hour later, and with a mind full of mush, I closed my book and gave up studying for the rest of the day.
Chemistry would have to wait until I didn’t have a million thoughts running through my head. I gathered my books and notes and shoved them in my bag. Standing, I hung the strap from my bag on my shoulder and turned.
Blaine was there staring back at me. Again, he was freaking everywhere!
My stomach twisted just like it had when I’d first met him, and I cursed his impeccable timing. Being alone with Blaine in the back of an empty library was not the ideal situation for me to be in.
His cocky grin promised he was up to no good and his eyes, as they moved over me, confirmed that.
“You’re studying on a Saturday? I guess some things never change, huh, Little Doe?”
His nickname for me sparked anger inside stomach.
“Don’t call me that,” I snapped. “And that’s not true. You’re walking proof that things change. You’re in a library on a Saturday and it’s not against your own will.”
He chuckled. “College girl’s got jokes,” he said with the tilt of his head.
“No jokes. I just tell it like I see it.”
I moved to go around him, but he took a step to the right and blocked my path. I crossed my arms over my chest, and gave him my most annoyed look.
He took a step toward me, obviously unfazed by my annoyance of him. He either didn’t care about my feelings, or was completely clueless to them. It was in my experience that Blaine was never clueless about anything involving him.
When he took another step toward me, I moved back. We needed as much space between us as we could possibly get. Being too close to Blaine messed with my ability to use my better judgment.
He looked around, and I frowned wondering what he looking for.
“What are you doing?” I finally asked.
He faced me again. “I’m just wondering why you’re sitting all the way back here.”
I stiffened and gripped the strap of my bag. The urge to flee from him was so strong I didn’t want to lose my schoolwork in the process.
“It’s quiet back here,” I muttered.
“It’s a library, Chelsey. It’s always quiet in here. Try again with another lie.”
“The lighting’s better, too.”
He looked around. “That’s because half the lights back here are out and no one bothers to change them because no comes back here.”
“Well, I do. Plus, it’s less crowded back here. I can work without anyone interrupting me.”
“I call bullshit on all three accounts. It’s a Saturday. The only ones here are the staff.”
“You’re here,” I pointed out.
“I’m not here to study.”
“Then why are you here?” I asked.
As soon as I asked the question I wanted to take it back. I knew when the words left my mouth that I didn’t want to know the answer.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
He licked his lips and then stalked toward me with a predatory smile. I backed up until my shoulders brushed against a bookshelf. He stopped, a hairsbreadth between us. He didn’t touch me, but I could feel the heat of his body against mine.
My body was a treacherous bitch.
Mentally, I wanted nothing to do with him. I wanted to hate him. But my body was a traitor, and physically I was begging for him. The space between my thighs cried for him and I found myself squeezing my legs together and enjoying the sensation.
Warning bells sounded.
“Stop it, Blaine,” I warned.
“Stop what? I haven’t done anything… yet.”
His heated breath struck my lips and I inhaled his minty flavor. My breath was shaky when I exhaled.
“Why are you doing this?”
I wanted to kick myself for how vulnerable I sounded.
“What am I doing?” His eyes moved over my lips. His hands came up and gripped the bookshelf behind my head as he leaned into me. “Tell me the truth, Chelsey. Do you come back here because it reminds you of the time we were in the library together?”
I closed my eyes as the memories of us moved in. The way he pressed me against the shelves and worked my body into a frenzy. It was all too much.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Even if I did, that’s not why I come back here. I come back here to think,” I lied.
“Oh, I see.” His expression told me he knew I was lying. “Were you thinking about me?”
The nerve. I wanted to slap him, and I wanted to kiss him, but more than anything, I needed him to put out the flame blazing between my legs. The man made me crazy.
“Yes. Actually, I was thinking about you.” I smiled inside when his eyes lit up. “In fact, I was thinking about what you said the other night about me being boring. You’re right, Blaine. I’m young, I’m in college, and I’m single. I’ve decided to take your advice. I’m going to start going out more. Maybe go on a few dates and loosen up.”
I don’t know what I expected his reaction to be, but he shocked me. His face turned dark, his brows pulled in, in anger, and then his face cleared and he burst into laughter. His shoulders shook and his eyes watered with amusement.
“Yeah. I’d like to see you try that, Little Doe.” He wiped at his face. “Good luck. You’re going to need it.”
Anger ripped through me. He thought I wasn’t capable of getting a date. Either that, or he thought I was going to be a boring date. As far as I was concerned, Blaine had just dared me, and I never walked away from a dare.
I pushed him hard in the chest and strode away with quick, determined steps. I left him in the back of the library alone with his laughter, while I went on the hunt.
**********
MY DATING LIFE STARTED OUT
with an epic fail. Of course, that could have more to do with Blaine than it did with me.
I’d just left Mr. Woods class when I heard someone calling out my name.
“Hey, Chelsey! Wait up!”
The deep voice startled me, and I turned to see Charles jogging up to me. I smiled at him as he skidded to a stop next to me and bent to rest his hands on his knees and catch his breath.
“Are you okay?” I asked, holding back a laugh.
He held up a finger above his head as if to tell me to give him a minute. When he looked up he squinted at the sun and took a deep breath before standing at full height.
“Out of breath?” I asked.
With his hands on his hips, he grinned down at me. “Only a little. I’m not much of a runner.”
“Then why were you running across campus?”
“To catch you.” He smiled again. “I wanted to see if you were ready for that date yet.”
Technically, I wasn’t ready, but I had a plan. And after the last conversation I had with Blaine, I was definitely going through with it.
“Are you asking me out?”
“I thought that was obvious.” He chuckled. “Apparently, I’m doing this all wrong.”
I laughed. “You’re not. I was just making sure.”
“Yes. This is me asking you out on a date. I’m sorry. I’m not very good at the whole dating thing.”