Jamie Brown Is NOT Rich (13 page)
Read Jamie Brown Is NOT Rich Online
Authors: Adam Wallace
Tags: #Children's Books, #humor, #Children's eBooks, #Literature & Fiction
Things were looking up for the Browns in Snootyville. They got even better.
CHAPTER 17
THINGS GOT
BETTER
TOP FIVE REASONS THINGS
GOT BETTER
1. Dakota’s
mum had a disaster! I know, sounds bad, but wait and listen. Her maid forgot to buy food and all they had in the pantry were herbs, carrots and a banana; plus her chef was off for the day; plus, because everything had always been done for her, she didn’t know how to cook … or turn on the oven … or use a knife … and she had a big dinner party that night. Mum raced over and cooked up a feast and everyone loved it.
2. Mr
Farcelly’s car broke down right outside our house, and roadside assist were taking ages, and he didn’t know how to fix a car … or open the bonnet. Dad tinkered, got it started, and Mr Farcelly was rapt.
3. The
Nasty Jeffersons hadn’t bothered me in a week, which made life easier but made me think they were planning something.
4. It
was still two weeks till Academic Challenge.
5. Mr
Farcelly let us play British Bulldogs every lunch … as long as it was teacher supervised. Harmison and the others apologised for not coming to the party. I accepted their apology, but said I would have to tackle extra hard. They said they deserved it. Three tackles later they weren’t so sure …
It really felt as though we were starting to belong, though, and that made me so happy. I missed Hovel Street, but being here in Snootyville was a new start, and Mum and Dad could relax and have fun rather than stressing all the time about how to feed me and Katie.
Then, out of nowhere, one week later, things changed.
Badly.
As badly as if the world turned inside out and dinosaurs came back and they ate us all and then ate each other and we were stuck inside a dinosaur’s guts inside another dinosaur’s guts.
That’s how badly things changed.
CHAPTER 18
WORLD
OPPOSITE DAY
Before you ask what World Opposite Day is, trust me, there’s no such thing. But I didn’t know that.
TOP FIVE MISTAKES
I MADE
1. Believing
Nasty Jefferson had come around and was being nice.
2. Believing
Nasty Jefferson at all.
3. Wanting,
for some stupid reason, to have Nasty Jefferson think I belonged in Snootyville.
4. Believing
Nasty Jefferson’s fake apology.
5. Forgetting
to wear pants to school.
That was just a dream, but it
freaked me out
!
Anyway, when Nasty Jefferson said he was sorry he’d been mean, and told me it was World Opposite Day, which was a fantastic event at Snootyville Grammar, I believed him.
Everything I said or did had to be the opposite of the truth.
I saw Mr Jefferson. I really wanted him to believe I could be a good student, and I thought he was really smart, so …
‘Duh. My name Teacher. Me big dumb purple baboon butt. Me teach. Me not know 1 + 1. Me pick nose and eat like banana.’
See? Get it? I actually meant Mr Jefferson
WAS
smart,
DIDN’T
pick his nose, and
WASN’T
a big dumb purple baboon butt. I thought it was genius. He looked really angry, so I assumed he was doing a World Opposite Day thing and was actually really happy I had said what I said.
Harmison and Dakota had seen everything and were looking at me like I was crazy, which obviously meant they thought I was a genius. So I kept going. Did I really want to fit in this badly? Apparently so …
‘My name’s Dakota, and I dance like a zombie that’s fallen asleep and is boring, and now I’m Harmison, and I’m just like all the other rich kids and we’re not friends and never will be.’
Dakota’s lower lip trembled. Harmison suddenly did look like the other rich kids again.
He led Dakota away, saying he was glad we weren’t friends, that I was meaner than any of the Snootyville kids. Dakota looked at me one more time and then they left.
Nasty Jefferson haw hawed, and Mr Jefferson led me away by the ear.
And that’s when I finally realised.
There’s no such thing as World Opposite Day.