Just a Little Faith (30 page)

 

Pax continually tried to push through the fog surrounding her
.
Sounds and
ligh
t
came from every direction
,
yet seemed muffled
.
Was there a blanket over her head? But try as she might,
she
couldn't find the edge to lift
it
off to see and hear clearly.
Then
extreme exhaustion came
in waves
. The desire to keep her eyes closed
was
so strong
.

Something weighed down t
he
right side of her body
a
nd her left side
…
she couldn't feel at all. But the pounding in her skull g
ave
her an overwhelming feeling of nausea
.
S
truggl
ing
to
open her eyes, a
figure in the chair beside her
continually went in and out of focus
.
Feeling a hand on her arm
,
she
attempted to
move
in order to get the person's attention. Blinking slowly she tried to clear the blurriness of her vision
when
the person raised his head and smiled
,
tears fall
ing
down his face.

It couldn't be
.
C
ould it? Bash?

Hearing him speak her name,
her heart
ached
more than her body
. Where was she? Why
did
everything seem
to be blurr
y
around
the edges?

Attempting to call out to him, the sound
came out
more of a whisper than a shout. “Bash…”

Jumping out of the chair,
Seb pointed a finger at her as if
to say
,
“Wait one moment
,
” and
left the room.
H
ear
ing him yell
for someone
, she thought she heard
a muffled conversation
coming from somewhere
before he returned to her side.

“Pax baby….
I'm
so happy to see you.”

S
he attempted to speak again
,
this time her voice a bit stronger but still not rising above a whisper. “Bash.
”

Sebastian took her hand in his. “Paxson, you were in an accident yesterday. Do you remember?”

Paxson closed her eyes
trying
to force her mind to
work
. She had fleeting thoughts of being in a meeting with Michael and visiting Cassandra in the hospital
, t
hen a flash, albeit a brief one of talking to Sebastian on the phone. Then nothing.

“You called me. You said you wanted to go out for coffee. I don't remember anything beyond that
.
I was so happy to hear your voice. It had been so long.”

Sebastian buried his face in her hand. “I know
,
Pax. I know. I have so much to tell you
.
I was stupid.
I was so foolish in how I acted
,
and I wanted to apologize.”

Paxson wished she could reach over with her hand and touch his face. “Bash, what all is wrong with me? I can't feel my
left
side.”

Sebastian rubbed his knuckles down her cheek. “Pax. It's okay. Don't get all worked up.”

A doctor entered the room, a smile on his face.
“Paxson
.
I'm Dr. Kohler and we are certainly g
lad to have you back with us. Sebastian has been keeping a vigil here for the last few hours. I see his presence seemed to help get you awake.”

Sebastia
n continued to caress her face. Turning toward him, she smiled.
Having him here
must be a dream
.

“I don't know what all Sebastian has told you
,
but let me give you a brief rundown of what's going on.”

R
elieved to hear nothing seemed to be more serious than
a few broken bones or fractures, she thanked God He
kept her safe from what could have been a much worse outcome.

“We're going to get you moved to a private room for a couple of days and barring nothing unforeseen happening, you'll be released. You'll have therapy once you recover but I don't think anything will prevent you from regaining your life as you knew it.”

Before Dr. Kohler left, her parents arrived.
Upon seeing them
,
Pax
burst into tears
,
the stress and excitement of the morning finally ca
tching up with
her.

Paxson looked around the room for Sebastian. “Where's Bash?” Her parents also looked around
the room
.
“I don't know
,
Pax. Let me look out in the hall. He probably just wanted to give us some privacy.” Her
dad
squeezed her hand before he walked out of the room.

“We were so worried when we got the call from Michael. We got here as soon as we could yesterday. Sebastian
couldn't have been more generous
. He paid for our flights and our transportation to the hospital from the airport. He was
as
concerned about you as we were.”

Sitting
beside her
, her
mom
rearranged
her
blanket
s
. “I must admit I was surprised to hear when Tori said
Seb got
involved
. A
nd then
to see him here when we arrived
.
I thought you hadn't heard from him since his accident?”

“That's just it
,
Mom. I hadn't until yesterday. It's all a bit fuzzy but I remember driving downtown
heading
to
a
ballgame. I realized I couldn't let the downward turn of our relationship keep me from doing things I enjoyed.
When I got
close to the stadium
,
he called. He apologized for the way he behaved and wanted to meet me
to talk over
coffee. We were going to go back to the restaurant where we had our first date. I
remember being so
excited
,
but I don't remember anything after that. To wake up and have him here… I can't explain
it, b
ut I still don't know what caused him to call.
”
M
emories of hearing
Seb
flashed in her mind
.
It didn't make sense. H
e
spoke of
remembering their time together and how he picked up the Bible she
gave him
so many months ago. It was all so jumbled in her mind she
squeezed her eyes closed to
clear the thoughts.

“What is it
,
Pax?
”

“I don't know
,
Mom. It's like I have a memory of some
kind.
Sebastian
is
talking to me about reading the Bible and the book of Ecclesiastes, but I know we
'v
e never talked about it before. I guess this knock on the head has me out of sorts.”

Her mom squeezed her hand. “I imagine the next few days are going to be filled with all sorts of jumbled memories. It will sort itself out as you begin to feel better.”

“I hope so
.
I feel like my brain is all mixed up like vegetable soup. I will be glad when I feel more like myself again.”

****

Sebastian
stopped at the end of the hall outside the ICU when Paxson's
dad
found him.

“Seb. Are you okay
,
son? Pax noticed you left
.
I
t
concerned
all of us
.”

Sebastian looked up and attempted to smile. “I just thought it would be better to give you some time with her without me there. Besides,
it's no secret I haven'
t been the best person the past few weeks
,
and with her accident and everything… I decided I better give her some breathing room.”

Brad leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.
“Sebastian.
Of course,
Paxson
's been
pretty distraught over your behavior the past couple of months.
”

Seb lowered his head, waiting for the sermon he knew he deserved.

“
But I also know my daughter enough to know she still cares a lot about you. Whatever has happened between you, her feelings didn't just diminish overnight.
And it's evident yours didn't either.”

Lifting his head, Seb couldn't believe it. “You aren't angry with me?”

A smiled tugged at the corner of Brad's face.
“I think you being here is what the doctor ordered.”

Seb released a deep breath.
“I hope so
,
Brad
.
I know
she is what I need in my life. I just hope she
still
feels the same way.”

 

Sebastian and Paxson's parents were sent back to the waiting room while the medical staff transferred Paxson to a private room on the other side of the hospital. The combination of the events of the morning and the medications they administer
ed
started t
o take
effect on Paxson
,
and she continually dropped off to sleep in the middle of conversations only to awaken when a nurse came in to check her vitals.

Paxson hated feeling drowsy. She wanted to soak in her parents being
there
as much as possible… and Sebastian. She
desperately wanted
to talk to him about what changed to have him come back to her. But all these thoughts would drift away as she would lose the battle to stay awake
.
As the day progressed
,
she slept for several hours not even waking for the rounds of nurses' visits.

The next time she woke
,
the room was completely dark
.
T
he lights
from
the monitors cast an eerie glow
.
As she shuffled
around in her bed, Sebastian appear
ed
at
her side.

“Hey, Pax
,
sweetie. What do you need?”

“Sebastian…What time it is? Is it morning or evening? I'm all out of sorts.”

“It's about nine o'clock
in the evening
.
You've slept the majority of the day away… which is good. It is giving your body time to recover.”
He tried to be
careful
while
push
ing
her back on the bed
,
readjust
ing
her blankets and pillow.

“My parents are gone?”

“Yes. They left just about an hour ago to go back over to
the Richards
'
. They'll be back in the morning. Tori and Michael, Linc and Rangy were here some today too. They'll come back later when
you're
more up to company. Everybody is glad to hear
you're
going to be okay.”

Taking in
Seb
's red eyes and wrinkled clothing
,
she sighed
. “Bash…. Your knee. Sleeping in a chair can't be good for you. Have you been here since I was brought in? Go home and get some rest. I'll be okay here by myself.”

Sebastian rubbed her arm. “I couldn't leave you. I need to make up for the time I ignored you
,
when I know you wanted to help me.”

“Bash… Please. It's okay. I know you were going through some difficult times. I can't say I wouldn't have reacted the same way.”

“That's just it. Ever since I have known you, every important decision you make is based on your faith in God. Even when things get difficult, the complete trust you have in the Father always gets you through. I didn't understand it… but I do now.”

Paxson didn't dare speak for fear she misunderstood.

“Pax?”

“What are you saying
,
Seb?”

“I'm saying I am starting to realize how important God can be in my life
.
I am not saying I understand everything
,
because I know I don't. But God can do a lot more than I g
a
v
e
Him credit for.”

Paxson couldn't believe her ears. “Sebastian… I don't know what to say.
I'm
overwhelmed. What caused you to change?”

Sebastian began telling her about his revelation the past week when Paxson stopped him
mid-sentence
. “Seb, did you read Ecclesiastes?”

Sebastian sat back in surprise. “Yes. I picked up the Bible you gave me and just began thumbing through it and landed on Ecclesiastes.
Reading it
was like I was reading my autobiography. How did you know?”

“I have vague memories of you talking about reading Ecclesiastes and how your life had been vanity. I thought perhaps I had dreamed it.”

“It's not a dream
.
It's real. I realized the main reason my life was so empty was not only because I had ignored you, but mostly because I had ignored the One who controlled everything
.
You had so much to do with my change of heart
,
Pax. With everything we
'
d been through together, your faith
remained
your constant. Even when I put you out of my life, memories of our conversations would come back to me. I realized if I ever wanted the real peace you had, I
needed to
surrender to the One who gives it. Last night
at
your bedside
,
wishing for you to wake up, I just let it all out. I told you
about being
depressed and
then
pick
ing
up the Bible you gave
me
. Then I prayed for God to bring you back to me. I guess somehow, you were more conscious than unconscious at the time.”

Tears formed
in the corner
s
of Paxson's eyes and tracked down her cheek.
Sebastian cleared them with the back of his thumb.

“I know I need to study a whole lot more. There's a lot I don't understand… like why there is someone named Jesus and what He means to me
,
but I know there is someone named God and He loves me and wants what's best for me. I remember one of our first conversations after the girls died. I was so angry with God and wanted to lash out at Him and anybody who I thought caused their deaths. You were so gentle and calm as you reminded me about who was truly responsible for the accident. It wasn't God but Satan. I couldn'
t see it then, but I see it now
.
”
H
e lifted her hand
and
br
ought
it to h
is
lips. “
When I was injured at the game, I felt like God was punishing me all over again
,
and I couldn't handle it.
S
o depressed over not only having my family taken away but my career also
,
I shut everything out. But my reaction to it, the way I treated you
,
I know now it was
because I let Satan control my thoughts.
The bitterness and anger I felt, I let
foolishness rule my life for so long. I realized I
lived
a wild life because I didn't want to deal with
my
actual prob
lems
. I have made so many mistakes in my past
,
and I know I have a lot to do to make up for
it
. I need your help
,
Paxson. I need you to stick by me
.
To
study with me
.
To
help me learn what I can do to be the person God would have me to be.”

She pressed her hand to his cheek.
“Oh Bash. Of course I will. We can start right now. We'll start from the beginning and learn about God's plan for man from Creation and why there
needed to be
a man named Jesus and what His sacrifice means to us. I know it will be hard someti
mes
,
and
things won't
always
seem to make sense, but together we'll figure it out.
I've got faith in you and us.
”

Sebastian leaned over
gently
resting his lips on hers
. “Don't worry
,
Paxson Taylor
.
I
f there is one thing you have taught me, it's to just have a little faith.”