Just Between Friends (24 page)

     “Why Steven, why,” she spoke softly, “how could you do this to us?  If you still loved me, you couldn’t stay away no matter what the problem.  We always promised each other after that day we first kissed in our tree house, that we would always take care of each other.  Now you’ve broken that promise!  I wouldn’t care what it was.  Don’t you know that?  I just want you back!  There’s nothing the two of us together can’t work out!”

     She jumped up then, and ran downstairs.  She didn’t care if her parents could see that she had been crying.  She knew what she had to do.  She found her parents in the kitchen.  Her mother was busy preparing dinner, and her father sat at the table. 

     “Mama, Papa?”  She began. 

     They both looked at her in surprise.  “What is it, Miranda?”  Her father asked as he stood to his feet.  They had thought something had happened the way she had burst through the kitchen door.

     “I have to go back,” she announced, “but this time I have to go alone.”

     “Miranda,” Frank exclaimed, “it’ll be dark soon.  It’s just not safe!”  He had to make her see reason.

     “Yes,” Mary cut in, “and look outside, honey.  The fog has lifted, and it’s growing quite dense.”

     But Miranda didn’t care, she had to go.  She didn’t understand why, she just had to.  “Mama, I’ll be careful.  I promise, and Papa, please swear to me you won’t follow me.  This is really important, alright?”

     Frank didn’t like the idea of his daughter traveling that far alone at night, but knowing she was sensible and no longer a child, he agreed.

     “Good,” she stated.  “I must be going.”  As she turned to leave, Mary asked, “Honey, won’t you at least eat something first?  You haven’t had anything since breakfast.”

     She shook her head, “No, Mama, I couldn’t eat anything right now.  Save me something, alright?  I’ll eat when I return.”  Not waiting for a response, she then hurried and gathered her coat and ran to her buggy, which hadn’t yet been unhitched.  She didn’t exactly know what she expected to find, she just knew she had to go.

***

     It was beginning to grow darker by the time Miranda reached the area where Alec had found Sarah.  She was feeling a little uneasy, and wasn’t sure if it was because of the darkness and fog, or some other reason.  She gathered her coat closer around her neck, for the weather was growing much colder.  As she listened to all the sounds around her, she could hear the screeching of an owl in the distance.

     Lifting her chin high, she climbed to the ground.  It was so foggy by now she could barely see even a few feet in front of her, but she made her way to the house that Sarah had been sitting in.  She didn’t know what to do next, so she just started talking.

     “Steven,” she began, “I know you’re out there somewhere, and maybe you can’t hear me with your ears, but please, listen with your heart.  Whatever the problem is that’s keeping you from me, Steven I promise you, I can deal with it.  What I can’t deal with any longer is living without you.  You’re my life Steven, don’t you see that?  My life is no good without you.  I’ve tried to go on, but I can’t.”

     She was beginning to cry.  “It feels as if my heart can never be repaired.  This is no kind of life, Steven, for me or you.  Please, come back to me.  There’s nothing the two of us can’t deal with, as long as we’re together.”

     She grew silent.  Tears were streaming down her face.  Then for some reason she started feeling angry and started yelling.  “Go ahead then, stay away!  You’ve made your choice I guess.  Maybe it’s just your way of letting me know you no longer love me!  Maybe that’s why you’ve stayed away!  Maybe you’ve met someone else, and didn’t want to hurt me.  But at least be a man, and be honest with me.  If that’s what it is, I have the right to know, don’t I?”

     She grew silent once more and tried to compose herself.  She was feeling foolish.  But all these thoughts had been building inside her and she had had to let them out.

     There was no use staying any longer, she thought.  She had been foolish to come here, just another of her fanciful notions.  But as she turned to leave, she glanced back once more.  Her voice softened, as she proclaimed, “Steven, I love you.  I always have and I always will.  Nothing can ever change that.”  She turned once again and started toward the buggy, when something made the blood drain from her face.

     “Miranda baby, I love you too.”

     She froze.  She would know that voice anywhere.  Her heart was pounding so hard. As she slowly turned around and squinted her eyes, she could barely make out a figure standing by the chimney of the burned down house.  It was moving slowly toward her.  She was shaking all over, but she spoke, voice quivering, “Steven?”

     As the figure drew closer, she could barely breathe.  He had reached her now and reaching out his hand, touched her face.  He heard her intake of breath.  “Miranda?” he spoke once more.

     She didn’t know what to say or do.  She was spinning. 

     “Miranda, baby, are you alright?”  He asked softly.

     Her senses were finally returning to her. “Steven?” She softly whispered.  Reaching out, she touched his arm to see if he was real, or only an illusion.  “Is it really you?”

     “Yes baby, it’s really me,” he assured her.

     “Oh!”  She gasped.  “Steven!”  She wrapped her arms around his neck, as he gathered her to him.

     “Shh,” he soothed, as he stroked her hair.

     “I thought you was dead, Steven,” she cried.  “Where have you been?”  She didn’t want to leave his embrace.  She felt so whole again, so alive.  This had to be a dream.  It couldn’t be possible to feel this happy.

     They held each other a long time.  When they finally pulled apart, they just stared at each other, tears streaming down their faces.

     Steven was the first to speak, as he cupped her face between his hands and tilting her head just slightly, stared into her eyes. 
How can this be
? He thought.  It had been so long since he had held her like this, and he had thought he never would again.  Now, here she was.

     “I’m so sorry, Miranda.  Maybe I shouldn’t have let you think I was dead, but I didn’t see how I had any other choice.”

     Right now, she didn’t care.  All she cared about was that he was alive and here with her now. “Oh, Steven,” she said lovingly, as she touched his face.  “I’ve missed you so much.”  Reaching out, she embraced him once more.

     When she started to pull free he stopped her and lowered his lips to hers.  It was a small kiss at first that deepened into something more. But It was more than a kiss.  It signified they belonged to each other and no-one else.

     When they parted, Steven realized how wrong he had been to have put her through all he had.  “Miranda, maybe this isn’t the time to explain everything, but I can’t go back until I do.  Please be patient with me, alright?  Some of the memories are quite painful.”

     He then took her by the hand and led her to her buggy, and helped her up, then slowly slid in beside her.  She could see by how long it took him to get into the buggy, that he had indeed been badly injured.

     “Please don’t interrupt, alright?  Just let me finish what I have to say, and then I’ll answer any questions you may have.”  She nodded, and took his hand.

     Slowly, he began.  “Baby, you need to understand how things were.  I don’t remember everything that happened.  It was all so fast.  Shells were flying over our heads.  Michael and I had been together when we started out.  I was running when a fragment of shell struck me on the side of the head.  I didn’t feel any pain.  I guess because it was such a quick, hard hit, and I went down.  I was semi-conscience.  Artillery was flying all around me.”

     Miranda watched him.  He seemed to be visiting that time once more.  She kept silent as he continued.

     “I remember being taken to a field hospital.  Someone had wrapped my head in bandages.  There were so many wounded lying about.  Many of whom had had legs or arms amputated, or even both.  It was a horrible sight, Miranda.  You could hear the roar of musketry up and down the lines, and it seemed the cannon fire was nearly constant.  Wagons continuously brought in the wounded.  Death was all around me.”

     He was still looking straight ahead, but she could see the agony stretched across his face.  “The doctor there dressed my wounds and put a ligature on the vein that was cut in my head.  He told me the wound was more serious than he had first thought, and he sent me to a distributing hospital.  I was then sent by train to another hospital, and was taken to one of the wards.  I was really surprised with the conditions there.  The rooms there were much nicer. I was given a bed immediately, where I fell off to sleep, but in all that time, I was consciously aware that I had no feeling in my legs, and had been unable to move them.  The next day the doctor came in and checked me over.  As I had suspected, I was paralyzed from the waist down.  He didn’t know whether I would ever walk again.”

     Miranda tried soothing him, by gently stroking his hand, but still he continued.  “For several days after I arrived there, I imagined I could hear the thunder of artillery.  A couple of days after being in the hospital, my head wound became inflamed, and gangrene set in.  But our ward surgeon, who had been practicing surgery for over twenty years, managed to get the gangrene out by applying Nitric acid and Iodine.  But my fever kept going up and he didn’t think I would make it.  Still they kept administering the medicine and a few days later, the fever broke, but, I was very weak.  It felt as if I had no strength left in me.  At this point I thought it best if I would just die.  I knew I could never return home to you.  You deserved someone who could walk and lead a normal life.  I wasn’t going to saddle you with a cripple.”

     Miranda wanted to speak, but she had to let him finish.

     He went on.  “So I feigned amnesia.  After all, I did have a head injury, so I knew I could pull it off.  I had decided I would remain that way unless I gained use of my legs.  I determined to myself that I would try to the best of my ability to walk again, and if that happened, I would return to you, and if it didn’t, I would remain dead.”

     He looked at her then, and saw her tears.  “Maybe I was wrong, but it wouldn’t have been fair to you, Miranda.  As long as you thought I was dead, you would have been free to go on with your life, to marry someone else.”

     She couldn’t keep silent any longer, “Steven, don’t you see?  I don’t want someone else.  I only want you.  It doesn’t matter if you can’t walk perfectly.  I don’t care about anything but you,   can’t you see that?  My life, since the moment you left, almost six years ago, has been useless.  I’ve done nothing but grieve over you.  Please tell me what kind of life that is, huh?  I love you, Steven.  Don’t you love me as much as you used to?”

     Staring into her eyes, he assured her, “Oh, Baby, you know I love you.  Even more now, if that’s possible.  But I know you’re engaged to Alec.”  She looked surprised, as he added, “I guess I have a confession to make.”  He was hesitant, but admitted, “Since I’ve been back, I’ve been keeping my eye on you.”

     She gasped.  “Steven, do you mean you’ve been spying on me?” 

     He slowly nodded his head.

     “But how was that possible?” She asked, confused.  “I saw or heard no-one.”

     “Oh yes you did, Miranda.  You just don’t realize it.  I told you I was coming back soon, and I asked you to wait on me.”

     “Steven!”  She gasped again.  “Are you saying you were there, in my house?”

     “Yes,” he confessed guiltily.

     “But how did you get in?  No-one saw you.”

     “I know.  You see, I sneaked in when no-one was home, and hid in the room across from yours.  I know I shouldn’t have, baby, but it was Christmas and I just had to be near you.  I then came in your room when I thought you had fallen asleep, but when I spoke, you jumped and woke up.  I hid in the hallway, and listened to you as you talked.  I heard you say you were to marry Alec.  Not wanting to come between you, I stayed away.”