Authors: Karl Pilkington
E
ven though the results don’t matter any more, it’s al
w
ays bothered me a little that I never learnt that much from m
y
sc
h
oo
l
y
ears. So in 2008 I t
h
ou
gh
t I wou
ld
tr
y
to
l
earn as muc
h
as I cou
ld
by
visitin
g
pl
aces an
d
meetin
g
p
eo
pl
e I could learn from, to see if havin
g
lots of knowled
g
e is all it’s cracked up to be.
I T
H
I
NK
T
HE B
R
A
I
N
is t
h
e weir
d
est t
h
in
g
in t
h
e
b
o
dy
,
and it’s probably the ugliest thing as well. I don’t feel
b
ad about saying that cos it’s
my
brain that came up with it. It
d
oesn’t
l
i
k
e t
h
e
l
oo
k
o
f
itse
lf
, to t
h
e
p
oint t
h
at it te
ll
s me not to eat an
y
t
h
in
g
t
h
at
l
oo
k
s
l
i
k
e a
b
rain eit
h
er. I
d
on’t
l
ike cauliflower, cos that’s kind of brain-lookin
g
, and I’ve always got rid of the walnut off the top of a Walnut Whip
b
e
f
ore eating it. Coinci
d
ence
?
I
’ve won
d
ere
d
i
f
I’m in c
h
ar
g
e o
f
t
h
e
b
rain or i
f
t
h
e
b
rain
i
s in charge of me.
A
fter a bit of thought and people-watc
h
ing, I came to the conclusion that the brain is in charge. It came to me when I saw some people getting on their push
b
i
k
es. T
h
e
fi
rst t
h
in
g
t
h
e
y
d
i
d
was
p
ut on a
b
i
k
e
h
e
l
met,
w
hich to me is a sign that the brain is just looking after itse
lf
. It
d
oesn’t te
ll
y
ou to
l
oo
k
a
f
ter
y
our
k
nees or e
lb
ows
by
wearin
g
p
a
d
s, it
j
ust te
ll
s
y
ou to
l
oo
k
a
f
te
r
i
t
, so t
h
at’s
w
h
y
I think the brain is in char
g
e. Mind
y
ou, it wants me
to
t
hink
t
h
at
does
n’
t
i
t.
An o
dd
t
h
ing a
b
out my
b
rain is t
h
at it sometimes p
l
ays tric
k
s on me. A
f
ew mont
h
s a
g
o, I was waitin
g
f
or t
h
e tu
b
e
o
n t
h
e Lon
d
on Un
d
er
g
roun
d
. T
h
ere was me an
d
t
h
ree ot
h
e
rs – a middle-aged woman, a young lad and an old fella
w
ho looked about seventy – all within about 8 foot of each
o
t
h
er. T
h
e o
ld
man was sat next to me. I was
l
oo
k
in
g
at a
p
oster on t
h
e
pl
at
f
orm t
h
at was a
d
vertisin
g
Scot
l
an
d
as a
g
reat
p
lace to visit. The
p
oster had a view of some sort o
f
tunnel coming out of a mountain, which I didn’t think was t
h
e
b
est image o
f
Scot
l
an
d
to get tourists to visit. I notice
d
t
h
e o
ld
man was a
l
so
l
oo
k
in
g
at it, so I sai
d
, “T
h
at
d
oesn’t ma
k
e me want to visit Scot
l
an
d
”. He tota
lly
i
g
nore
d
me. The other two people didn’t flinch either. I was so ignored that I actually wondered if I’d said it. It’s like that question a
b
out a tree
f
a
ll
in
g
in t
h
e woo
d
s – i
f
no one is t
h
ere,
d
oes it ma
k
e a soun
d
? Even t
h
ou
gh
m
y
b
rain t
h
ou
gh
t it
h
a
d
ma
d
e me s
p
eak, without confirmation from one of the other people
on the platform, it couldn’t be sure that I’d actually said it out
l
ou
d.
The other problem with my brain is that it isn’t always intereste
d
in t
h
e same t
h
in
g
s as me. I’
ll
en
j
o
y
rea
d
in
g
a
b
out somet
h
in
g
b
ut t
h
en
h
ave
p
ro
bl
ems remem
b
erin
g
an
y
o
f
it, so I normally tell my girlfriend Suzanne about it as soon as
p
ossible, so she can remember it for me. Then if my brain
bl
an
k
s it out, I just as
k
h
er w
h
at was t
h
e amazing t
h
ing t
h
at
I
to
ld
h
er. I use
h
er
b
rain
l
i
k
e a
b
ac
k
u
p
d
rive t
h
at
y
ou
h
ave
f
or a com
p
uter.
As I mentioned earlier, I didn’t do well in my exams at school so I decided to take a Mensa test to see if my brain
h
a
d
g
ot an
y
b
etter wit
h
a
g
e. T
h
e test too
k
pl
ace in a universit
y
b
ui
ld
in
g
in Lon
d
on at 6:30
p
m. T
h
is worrie
d
me cos my brain slows down as the day goes on. It’s brilliant from about 8:15 am until 9:45-ish. After that
,
it’s all downhill
.
T
h
ere was me an
d
twe
l
ve ot
h
ers. O
dd
b
unc
h
o
f
peop
l
e. T
h
e
y
a
ll
seeme
d
to
k
now eac
h
ot
h
er. I
h
ear
d
two o
f
t
h
em ta
lk
in
g
a
b
out recent science news t
h
at sur
g
eons
h
a
d
b
een able to keep a heart beating even though it wasn’t con
n
ected to a body. I thought this was a waste of heartbeats an
d
ener
gy
. It’s
l
i
k
e
g
oin
g
out an
d
l
eavin
g
t
h
e TV on. We’re constant
ly
b
ein
g
to
ld
to save ener
gy
, an
d
y
et sur
g
eons are
l
eaving hearts pumping
.