Karlology (40 page)

T
h
ere
h
as
b
een a nu
d
e run
g
oin
g
on in t
h
e Net
h
er
l
an
d
s. The radio did some commentary from it. It sounded like there were hundreds of spectators clapping, then I thought it may
h
ave just
b
een t
h
e noise o
f
t
h
e men’s
b
o
ll
oc
k
s s
l
a
p
p
in
g
t
h
eir
l
e
g
s. I wou
ld
n’t
b
e
h
a
ppy
d
oin
g
t
h
at. I
d
e
fi
nite
ly
w
ou
ld
n’t want to win t
h
e race cos t
h
en I’
d
p
ro
b
a
bly
h
ave a
p
icture of me in the paper coming over the finishing line.
H
ardly something you’d want to show people, is it
.

Dro
pp
e
d
toaster to
d
a
y
. Instea
d
o
f
l
ettin
g
it
h
it t
h
e
fl
oo
r
I
stuc
k
by
f
oot out an
d
it
l
an
d
e
d
on m
y
l
itt
l
e toe. T
h
e nai
l
has gone all blue and looks like it could fall off. I don’t think
w
e need nails on our toes anymore. Since the invention of s
h
oes t
h
ey
d
on’t
h
ave any purpose. T
h
ey are more trou
bl
e t
h
an t
h
e
y
are wort
h.

S
ome of our maids sitting up late last night to get things
r
ea
dy
a
g
ainst our
f
east to
d
a
y
.
J
ane ca
ll
e
d
u
p
a
b
out t
h
ree in
the morning, to tell us of a great fire they saw in the City.
S
o I rose, an
d
s
l
i
pp
e
d
on m
y
ni
gh
t-
g
own an
d
went to
h
e
r
w
in
d
ow, an
d
t
h
ou
gh
t it to
b
e on t
h
e
b
ac
k
si
d
e o
f
Mar
k
L
ane at the farthest; but, being unused to such fires as fol
l
owed, I thought it far enough off, and so went to bed again, an
d
to s
l
eep … By an
d
b
y Jane comes an
d
te
ll
s me t
h
at s
h
e
h
ears t
h
at a
b
ove
300
h
ouses
h
ave
b
een
b
urne
d
d
own t
o
n
i
gh
t
by
t
h
e
fi
re we saw, an
d
t
h
at it is now
b
urnin
g
d
own all Fish Street, by London Bridge. So I made myself ready
p
resently, and walked to the Tower; and there got up upon
o
ne o
f
t
h
e
h
i
gh
pl
aces … an
d
t
h
ere I
d
i
d
see t
h
e
h
ouses at t
h
e en
d
o
f
t
h
e
b
ri
dg
e a
ll
on
fi
re, an
d
an in
fi
nite
g
reat
fi
re on this and the other side … of the bridge … So down [I
w
ent], with my heart full of trouble, to the Lieutenant of t
h
e Tower, w
h
o te
ll
s me t
h
at it
b
egan t
h
is morning in t
h
e
K
in
g
’s
b
a
k
er’s
h
ouse in Pu
dd
in
g
Lane, an
d
t
h
at it
h
at
h
b
urne
d
St. Ma
g
nus’s C
h
urc
h
an
d
most
p
art o
f
Fis
h
Street already. So I rode down to the waterside … and there saw a lamentable fire … Everybody endeavouring to remove t
h
eir
g
oo
d
s, an
d
fl
in
g
in
g
into t
h
e river or
b
rin
g
in
g
t
h
em into
l
i
gh
ters t
h
at
l
a
y
o
ff
;
p
oor
p
eo
pl
e sta
y
in
g
in t
h
eir
h
ouses as long as till the very fire touched them, and then runnin
g
into boats, or clambering from one pair of stairs by the w
a
tersi
d
e to anot
h
er. An
d
among ot
h
er t
h
ings, t
h
e poor pi
geons, I perceive, were loth to leave their houses, but ho
v
e
re
d
a
b
out t
h
e win
d
ows an
d
b
a
l
conies, ti
ll
t
h
e
y
some o
f
t
h
em
b
urne
d
t
h
eir win
g
s an
d
f
e
ll
d
own.

Midsomer Murder
s
was on t
h
e te
ll
y t
h
is a
f
ternoon so I
l
et
S
uzanne watc
h
it cos s
h
e isn’t too we
ll
at t
h
e moment. I sat
by
t
h
e win
d
ow an
d
watc
h
e
d
t
h
e wor
ld
g
o
by
. T
h
e C
h
inese
f
amily across the road were cleaning their windows. They are minging. (That isn’t the name of the Chinese family
–
“
min
g
in
g
” is a nort
h
ern wor
d
t
h
at
d
oesn’t
g
et use
d
d
own sout
h
. It means
fil
t
hy
.) It’s on
ly
a sma
ll
fl
at
b
ut a
b
out
fi
ve
p
eople live in it, plus they’ve recently bought one of them small Chihuahua dogs. I think they look ridiculous. If it
w
asn’t
f
or
h
umans ta
k
ing care o
f
t
h
em, I’m sure C
h
i
h
ua
h
uas wou
ld
b
e extinct
by
now. Me mam’s mate
h
a
d
one, an
d
s
h
e was sat eatin
g
a
p
ast
y
on a wa
ll
in Cornwa
ll
wit
h
the Chihuahua in her lap when a seagull came down and grabbed her Chihuahua and carried it out to sea. She neve
r
saw it a
g
ain. It wou
ld
n’t
h
ave
h
a
pp
ene
d
i
f
s
h
e’
d
h
a
d
a Bor
d
er co
ll
ie.

M
aybe in years to come people will learn just as much from my
d
iary as we’ve
l
earnt
f
rom Samue
l
’s, as age ten
d
s to
make things more interesting doesn’t it. Leave somethin
g
ly
in
g
a
b
out
f
or
fi
ve minutes an
d
y
ou’
ll
a
l
wa
y
s
g
et a
j
o
b
s-
w
ort
h
w
h
o sa
y
s, “It’s a mess
g
et it c
l
eare
d
u
p
it’s
d
an
g
erous.
S
omeone could trip on that!” But if it’s left, after a while it
b
ecomes history. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the case
w
it
h
Stone
h
enge. I
b
et peop
l
e w
h
o
l
ive
d
aroun
d
Stone
h
en
g
e w
h
en t
h
e stones w
h
ere
fi
rst
p
ut t
h
ere
h
ate
d
t
h
em an
d
com
pl
aine
d
a
b
out t
h
e structure t
h
at was a
b
out to
b
e
b
ui
l
t
–
so much so that building work was stopped and the stones
w
ere left as they were on the last day of work, just lying all
o
ver t
h
e
pl
ace. Peo
pl
e are a
l
wa
y
s as
k
in
g
w
h
o
b
ui
l
t Stone
h
en
g
e,
b
ut
l
et’s
f
ace it: it’s suc
h
a
b
a
d
j
o
b
, i
f
it was m
y
b
ui
lding
company that had knocked them up I think I’d also keep my mouth shut. But now, cos they’ve been around fo
r
so
l
ong, we
l
eave t
h
em a
l
one. I t
h
in
k
t
h
ey’re sti
ll
worrie
d
a
b
out someone tri
pp
in
g
on t
h
em, t
h
ou
gh
, as t
h
e
y
’ve
p
ut a
b
arrier around them. Druids are the only ones who get to
g
o over t
h
e ro
p
e
b
arrier as t
h
e
y
use t
h
e stone circ
l
e as a
k
in
d
of
c
h
urc
h
. I
l
i
k
e t
h
e
d
rui
d
s. I’m
f
orever
b
ein
g
as
k
e
d
to
g
ive money to our local church for the upkeep of the roof, but
I
’ve never been approached by a druid for money to get t
h
em a roo
f
an
d
yet Stone
h
enge cou
ld
rea
ll
y
d
o wit
h
one. But
l
i
k
e I sa
y
, it’s t
h
e
f
act it’s
b
een aroun
d
f
or so
l
on
g
t
h
at ma
k
es us t
h
in
k
we ma
y
as we
ll
k
ee
p
it. T
h
is
h
a
pp
ene
d
wit
h
a road in Manchester on the Mancunian Way
(
A
5
7
)
. There’s a sliproad that just ends in midair cos they found it would
h
ave sent tra
ffi
c to t
h
e wron
g
pl
ace, so t
h
e
y
’ve
j
ust
l
e
f
t it an
d
p
ut some cones u
p
. In mi
ll
ions o
f
y
ears time, new
l
i
f
e
-
f
orms will be baffled by this road and will probably end up thinking it was a runway for cars that could fly.

I
a
l
so t
h
in
k
it’s
h
ar
d
er to get somet
h
ing in t
h
e
h
istory
b
oo
k
s t
h
ese
d
a
y
s,
b
ecause t
h
ere’s now
b
een so muc
h
h
istor
y
t
h
at t
h
ere wi
ll
a
l
wa
y
s
b
e somet
h
in
g
a
b
it more im
p
ressive that occurred on the same date in the past.
A
n example o
f
history getting in the way is people whose birthday is on Decem
b
er 25t
h
. T
h
e
y
never seem
h
a
ppy
a
b
out it. T
h
ere’s
n
o
p
oint tr
y
in
g
to
d
o somet
h
in
g
s
p
ecia
l
on
y
our
b
irt
hd
a
y
if you were born on December 25th as it will always be
b
etter
k
nown
f
or t
h
e
b
irt
h
o
f
b
a
b
y Jesus.
A
not
h
er examp
l
e is t
h
e way me mam an
d
d
a
d
’s
b
irt
hd
ay is on t
h
e same
d
ay.
They are never happy that I get them one card between them both.