Karlology (42 page)

The more time people have, the more time there is to mess a
b
out. Lon
d
on won t
h
e O
ly
m
p
ics in 2006 an
d
y
et t
h
e event isn’t on unti
l
2012. Six
y
ears to
g
et somet
h
in
g
r
ead
y
is wa
y
too much. This means
y
ou
g
et
p
eo
p
le coming up with more and more ideas and spending more and more money, an
d
you can
b
et your
l
i
f
e t
h
at t
h
e
b
ui
ld
ers
w
i
ll
sti
ll
b
e runnin
g
roun
d
as
f
ast as some o
f
t
h
e O
ly
m
p
ic at
hl
etes on t
h
e
d
a
y
b
e
f
ore t
h
e o
p
enin
g
ceremon
y
tr
y
in
g
to finish stuff, even though they’ve had years to complete it.
S
ix years and a cost of £9 billion to arrange the Olympics seems ma
d
w
h
en
y
ou t
h
in
k
t
h
at t
h
e at
hl
etes t
h
emse
l
ves are
g
ettin
g
f
aster. I
f
I was in c
h
ar
g
e, a
f
ter s
p
en
d
in
g
£9
b
i
ll
ion
o
n the various stadiums and arenas I’d ask the 100 metre
r
unners to slow down so I got my money’s worth out of the trac
k
. I can’t get excite
d
a
b
out t
h
at race. Any race t
h
at ta
k
es
l
ess time to
g
et to t
h
e
fi
nis
h
l
ine t
h
an it
d
oes
f
or its runners to tie t
h
eir
l
aces isn’t wort
h
w
h
i
l
e. I
p
re
f
er t
h
e s
l
ower s
p
orts
l
ik
e
s
n
oo
k
e
r
.
M
e
m
a
m h
ates
s
n
oo
k
e
r
a
n
d
t
hink
s
i
t
cou
l
d
b
e over a lot quicker if they got rid of the bloke who keeps ta
k
in
g
t
h
e
b
a
ll
s out t
h
e
p
oc
k
ets an
d
p
uttin
g
t
h
em
b
ac
k
on
the table.

I
t
h
in
k
p
eo
pl
e
h
ave more time to t
h
emse
l
ves t
h
an eve
r
b
efore. It rains a lot in Menorca, so I found meself watchin
g
some satellite channel that was showing the old Christmas
film
S
croog
e
, which featured Bob Cratchit (Scrooge’s e
m
pl
o
y
ee) on
ly
g
ettin
g
one
d
a
y
o
ff
f
or C
h
ristmas. Now
p
eo
pl
e
g
et
l
oa
d
s o
f
time o
ff
t
h
rou
gh
out t
h
e
y
ear:
b
an
k
h
o
l
i
d
a
y
s,
P
ancake Tuesda
y
, Easter, summer holida
y
s – so much time that they don’t know what to do with it. So we end up d
oing
t
h
ings just to
k
i
ll
time,
l
i
k
e wa
lk
ing roun
d
a
l
eat
h
e
r
f
actor
y
.
G
o
o
d
Fri
d
a
y
was w
h
en
J
esus
g
ot
p
ut on t
h
e cross,
b
ut t
h
at wou
ld
never
h
a
pp
en now cos t
h
e
y
’
d
c
h
ar
g
e
d
ou
bl
e time, plus you wouldn’t be able to get hold of nails as the hardware shop would be shut. When we told the rep that
w
e weren’t intereste
d
in
g
oin
g
on t
h
e tri
p
to t
h
e
l
eat
h
e
r
f
actor
y
, s
h
e
d
i
d
n’t
g
ive u
p
(I t
h
in
k
s
h
e must
b
e on commission from ticket sales). “Do
y
ou like cheese”, she asked,
“
what about a trip to the cheese factory?” She said it as i
f
t
h
e two go
h
an
d
in
h
an
d
. I
d
i
d
n’t
d
are te
ll
h
er I
l
i
k
e
b
acon, s
h
e’
d
h
ave us
d
own t
h
e
l
oca
l
a
b
attoir. S
h
e
l
e
f
t us
h
er
ph
one
n
um
b
er
j
ust in case we c
h
an
g
e
d
our min
d
s
.

Time was a good invention, but I wonder how diffe
r
e
nt things might have been if we’d come up with it earlier.
W
ou
ld
it
h
ave ma
d
e us more a
d
vance
d
t
h
an we current
ly
are? I
f
we’
d
h
a
d
d
ays an
d
wee
k
s an
d
h
ours an
d
minutes in
pl
ace ear
l
ier, ma
yb
e t
h
e
f
e
ll
a w
h
o ma
d
e t
h
e w
h
ee
l
wou
ld
have com
p
leted it even
q
uicker, as his mate would have
b
een saying, “Will you hurry up with that wheel, you’ve
b
een messing about with it for weeks!” But then again, it cou
ld
h
ave
g
one t
h
e ot
h
er wa
y
– once time
h
a
d
b
een i
n
vente
d
h
e mi
gh
t
h
ave
g
iven u
p
an
d
sai
d
, “I’m wastin
g
me time ’ere … think I’ll have a
g
o at fire”
.

I
watched a programme about the Pirahã tribe of the Amazon an
d
h
ow t
h
ey
d
on’t
h
ave any system
f
or time. It sai
d
t
h
e
y
d
on’t
b
ot
h
er
k
nowin
g
a
b
out co
l
ours eit
h
er, as it isn’t im
p
ortant to t
h
em. A
l
so t
h
e
y
communicate usin
g
n
othing but whistles. The window cleaner on our estate
w
as like that. Apparently it came about after working on his
o
wn
f
or
y
ears an
d
not
h
avin
g
to ta
lk
. T
h
e stor
y
g
oes t
h
at
h
e
f
e
ll
o
ff
h
is
l
a
dd
er,
b
ro
k
e
h
is
f
ront teet
h
an
d
cou
ld
n’t w
h
i
s
tle an
y
more, so he didn’t en
j
o
y
the
j
ob as much and
q
uit cleaning windows. I couldn’t understand the problem cos
b
ir
d
s
d
on’t
h
ave teet
h
b
ut can w
h
ist
l
e. Apart
f
rom t
h
e
h
ummin
g
b
ir
d
. I
d
on’t
k
now w
hy
t
h
e win
d
ow c
l
eaner
d
i
d
n’t tr
y
h
ummin
g.