Kasey Screws Up the World (23 page)

“The correct response is, ‘I’m yours.’”

“What?” Suddenly I felt hot. Way hotter than I should feel in eighty-five degree weather. Sweat beads pushed through every pore of my skin, gathering for a meeting in my armpits. I wasn’t Lonnie’s. I wasn’t anyone’s. Finn had made that pretty clear.

Lonnie chuckled at me. “For the day, I mean. I’ll get your mind off whatever’s bothering you.”

“I think only a case of amnesia will accomplish that.” I bit my lip. “Or maybe decapitation.”

“Excellent choices! Both are feasible in this great city.” He outstretched his arm to showcase the span of buildings. “A little roofie spiked drink to accomplish the first and a run-of-the-mill murder for the second.” He leaned in conspiratorially. “We should probably head to the park for both, wait ‘till night time, you know the drill.”

Anyone who could make me smile after a week of frowns deserved some credit. “I don’t have a lot of money to spend.” I had to get a new summer job now. If one would even hire me this late.

“Metrocard?” Lonnie asked as a guy in a business suit weaved around him.

I held up my yellow and blue badge of honor.

“Then you’re good to go.” He coiled his headphone wires around the band and placed it into his messenger bag, moving aside the papers until he fit the headphones into a perfect sized space for them.

“Where are we going?” As I followed him down the stairs of the F train, I had a strange feeling of déjà vous. Once again a boy was leading me around. Though this one had significantly more hair. Up until last week, the only words I usually had the courage to utter to a guy were about directions. “Is this due tomorrow?” “Is the keg over there?” “Should we go someplace private?” Kissing never required words.

And now here I was, with the second boy in two weeks. And all I could think about was the first.

The turnstile made a clickity-clack noise as he entered through it. “To see a show.”

“Not Broadway.” That reminded me too much of Lara. I pushed the metal bars with my stomach to avoid touching the grimy surface.

“Broadway isn’t free. This is. And much awesomer.” He wrinkled his face. “More awesome? The awesomest? Stupid grammar, let’s just go with all of the above.”

A loud nails-on-chalkboard screeching sound echoed as the train hurtled into the station. The doors slid open and passengers fought their way out while others tried to push past them. Lonnie and I squeezed into two air pockets. I balanced as the car lurched into motion. Good thing I’m a dancer, I thought, then corrected myself.
Was
a dancer.

After a few more stations, Lonnie hopped to his feet. “This is our stop.” He rushed toward the exit, not even bothering to check if I followed. Finn would have grabbed my hand. I weaved through the bodies blocking the doorway. Lonnie was already hustling toward the stairs. “Come on, come on.”

I expected him to hike up the stairs but he circled around them and stopped in front of a musician strumming on his guitar. The singer crooned the notes with such soul, it caused other passengers to stop and listen. Usually I ignored the street performers who begged for money on the subway tracks by serenading people on their way to work. Sure enough his guitar case rested open in front of him with a few dollar bills crumpled up inside.

When I joined Lonnie and the small crowd of onlookers, he leaned in to me. “This guy’s amazing.”

The singer’s voice was powerful and his guitar playing seemed impressive, but I had no authority to judge either. The music I listened to had fast beats and catchy melodies. This music made me want to sink into my bed and sob into my pillow while I wallowed in melancholy. Not a bad option considering my last few days.

The musician opened his eyes at the end of his song and nodded at Lonnie before continuing to the next.

“You know him?”

“I come here a lot.”

If I hadn’t been with Lonnie, I would have walked right by the performer. I would have been more focused on the sound of the oncoming train than the performer trying to drown it out.

“I want to be him someday,” Lonnie said.

“Homeless?”

He chuckled. “No, talented. And he’s not homeless. He’s just trying to get discovered. There’s a record company above the station. Man, I’m going to be devastated on the day the execs wise up and give him a contract.”

This was something Lara would have done. Performing in an unconventional way to get attention. And then it hit me…this guy was Lonnie’s Lara. The person he strived to be.

We watched the performer until he finished for the day. Lonnie threw him a ten-dollar tip and stopped me as I rummaged through my purse.

“I promised you today would be free and it is.” He nodded toward the stairs. “Brunch? I’m starving. My treat.”

Treating seemed like it might make this a date. And I definitely didn’t want this to be a date. Lonnie was off limits, I reminded myself, even though another part of me desperately wanted something to help me get over Finn. I knew I should make that clarification to Lonnie, tell him this was just a friends thing, not lead him on. Instead I said, “I feel bad.”

“Don’t. You can pay for me next time.”

And I smiled. Because there would be a next time.

We slipped into a booth at the first diner we came across. The red vinyl seats swallowed me whole. Everything was oversized, including the menu. Each time I lifted it up, it poked Lonnie in the eye. Every item on the menu sent a wave of memories of the cruise. Donuts, bacon, even the orange juice made me want to throw myself in a desert until my lips were too parched to care. I flipped through the pages searching for something, anything, that wouldn’t remind me of Finn.

“Coffee and the breakfast special,” Lonnie said, closing the menu.

“Um. The tongue sandwich. With mustard.” I handed the waitress the menu.

Lonnie blinked at me. “That’s uh,” he cleared his throat, “a surprising choice.”

I twisted the salt shaker in my hands. “I like to try new things.”

The waitress set water in front of us. I shoved my glass to the end of the table. “Can you take this away? I don’t want it.” My throat started to close at the thought of drinking it. “Bring me something else instead. Anything.” She grabbed the glass and started to turn away. “But not soda!” I added.

Water reminded me too much of the ocean.

Lonnie pushed his toward the end of the table too. “You’re weird.”

My cell phone blared and a few other patrons turned around to glare at me. I fumbled in my purse, trying to find the phone and turn off the damn ringer. Lonnie snorted at me from across the table. It was Denise calling. I glanced at Lonnie, then at the phone. She’d want to know all about this, but she’d also be wondering where I was. I hit
ignore.
My phone revealed a bunch of missed texts:

Where are you?
Sent at 9:01

I’m getting worried
. Sent at 9:15

Are you okay?
Sent at 10:07

Followed by the worst one of all:
I heard your sister will never dance again. OMG! Why didn’t you tell me that?!?!

Denise knew she broke her hip but that was as far as I was willing to admit. I shoved the phone back in the bag as if hiding it would make it everything go away. It only made the lump in my throat bigger. I turned back to Lonnie to find him watching me.

“Listen. You don’t have to worry about me,” he said. “I’m not going to ask.”

I tore a strip off my napkin and rolled it into a ball. “Ask what?”

“What those text messages are asking.”

The waitress came back with our food. Lonnie grabbed a potato before she had even set his plate down.

“Do you know what they’re asking?” I bit into my sandwich, then scrunched up my face. It seemed tongues were only good for one thing and without Finn, I wouldn’t be using mine anymore.

“Yeah. My brother heard about it from Jules Barlow.” Lonnie dipped his toast in the egg and stuffed the entire slice in his mouth. He spoke with his mouth full of food. “There we go. Elephant has left the room.”

I felt my body deflate as relief washed over me. Lonnie wasn’t going to ask about what actually happened to Lara. I wouldn’t have to hide anything from him.

He wiped his mouth with his napkin. “I won’t say anything more on the subject except that I’m sure this is why you ditched camp. I think you should go back tomorrow.”

I was already shaking my head before he finished. “I can’t.” It would destroy Lara and I’d be forever reminded of what I did to her.

Lonnie held up his hands in surrender. “Then I just have to work harder at making you forget.”

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Lonnie
said…

Best post ever! (Well, sort of.)

WHEN I GOT HOME from school, the sound of the TV blared from Lara’s room. My heart thudded. She came home? I bounded the stairs two at a time and slammed my fist against her door.

“Go away,” she yelled.

I jiggled the doorknob. “Lara, please. I’ve been so worried about you.”

She wrenched open the door so hard, I flew back from it.

“I knew it was a mistake coming home.” She strung an overnight bag over her shoulder and tried to brush past me. Except as soon as she took a step, her knees wobbled and gave out. She crashed to the hardwood floor with a
thunk
that made my teeth snap together.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” I offered my arm, but she swatted me away.

She placed both palms on the floor beside her and pushed herself up. A sniffle escaped her lips. As soon as she pulled herself upright, her hip snapped in the wrong direction and she toppled to the ground once more.

My chest constricted. The last time I saw her, she was able to take stairs without clutching the railing. And now, it seemed she’d regressed to how she first was right after the accident. “What happened to you?”

Her eyes widened and then narrowed. And then they closed all together. “I’m fine. I don’t need help.”

I rested a hand on her back anyway.

This time she didn’t shrug it off. “I can’t believe you.” She dug the heels of her hands into her eyes. “I asked you one thing. One thing. And you betrayed me.” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “I didn’t think I could hate you more than I already did.”

I sprang up, away from her, pressing my back against the wall at the far end of the hallway. It felt like Lara had punched a hole through my stomach and scooped out my intestines, then threw them at the wall to see if they stuck. “I did this for you. To make you a star again.”

“To make a fool out of me again,” Lara corrected. She took a deep breath and tried once again to push herself into a standing position. This time she utilized the doorframe, placing one hand above the other and climbing it like a rope. When she rose to her feet, she wobbled before steadying herself. If there was one thing about Lara that remained constant, it was her resolve. She never gave up.

I took a tentative step toward her. “Where have you been?”

“Away from you.” She brought her arms to her chest to cross them, but then her balance wavered and she clutched the wall for support.

“Then why did you come back?” It should have been an accusation. Instead it was a whisper.