Kasey Screws Up the World (24 page)

She answered in her own whisper. “Because now I’m embarrassed.”

Her overnight bag rested between us, just another obstacle in our way.

“Please, don’t leave again.”

She swallowed hard. “I have nowhere to go anymore. I can’t face them again.”

“Who?”

“Jules. Ali. Crista. Everyone else. You ruined that for me, too.” She kicked her overnight bag, lifting her foot enough to keep her balance and brush against the suede lining. From the way her fists curled, I knew she wanted to send it flying across the room.

Jules. Ali. Crista. She’d been crashing with them this whole time. “Is that what the money was for? To pay for room and board or whatever?”

Her mouth parted, then snapped shut. “How do you know about that?”

“Because I covered for you.”

“Well, I guess you got what you wanted then. You finally got to bribe me.” She clucked her tongue in a disgusted way.

Of course, she took what I did the wrong way. Like everything else I’d done to her. “Did you read it?”

“How could I?” Her eyes flicked to me, angry. “Please, Kasey. Just leave me alone from now on.”

Silence slipped between us, separating us more than distance ever could. I had what I wanted. Answers. My sister back home. But neither of those things brought me one step closer to her forgiveness.

I hadn’t fixed anything yet. I’d made it worse for her. The blog seemed to be getting people to pay attention to what I had to say, but I had to take the next step for her.

Too bad I didn’t know what that next step was.

“Finally! The story is about me!” Several people in the cafeteria eyed Lonnie up and down as if checking him out for the first time. “I bet this post gets a shit ton of comments.”

I planted my feet on the linoleum floor under our table. “Congratulations! You’ve been bumped to series regular from this point forward.”

“I can’t wait to find out what you did to me!” He wouldn’t be so excited when he did find out. “When do we get to that part?” He rubbed his hands together.

It felt strange to put out my dark secrets for the world to see when they were private memories. But now I was writing about my classmates. People my readers could question and ridicule. The roles of my readers had changed, turning from voyeurs to participants.

“Soon. Don’t be too eager now.”

“And you’re still planning on making whatever you did up to me?” His eyes were wide and hopeful and of the puppy dog variety.

“Yep.” I suspected his definition of “making it up to you” was different than mine. His probably involved kissing. Mine involved giving him back what I broke. And setting him up with Denise. “Lara came home,” I blurted to change the subject.

Lonnie spit out the sip of soda he’d gulped, spraying it all over me.

“Thanks for that.” I wiped down my white shirt, now dotted with brown splotches.

He glanced at the clock on the wall. “Three minutes. That’s how long you let me prattle on before you revealed this vital info.”

I told him about how Lara’s injuries seemed to be worse than before and how she all but confessed to staying over at Ali’s and Jules’s houses. “I thought the blog would help her be a star again, but all it did was embarrass her.”

Lonnie pointed a floppy piece of cafeteria pizza at me. “Sounds like she doesn’t want to be a star again. Maybe what you need to do is get her to fall in love with something else. A different career.”

It wouldn’t work. To Lara, another career would be giving up. I was about to say that when my eyes locked onto Denise across the cafeteria. She sat at a table near the concession line with a few of the other dance team girls, though thankfully Ali wasn’t one of them. And thankfully this time they weren’t selling incriminating t-shirts. A line snaked away from their table and patrons left balancing cupcakes or brownies on little paper plates. A bake sale. Most likely Denise’s idea.

Lonnie followed my eyes to the bake sale. “I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not waiting on that line just to talk to her for two seconds.”

I felt immediate relief but I forced myself to encourage him. “You flirted with her the other day during the t-shirt incident.”

“And she didn’t flirt back. I feel stupid trying to talk to her again. She probably stopped liking me after…” He turned toward the window where a brick building blocked any hope of the sun. The rest of his sentence played out in memories in both our minds. We both cringed for different reasons.

My eyes flicked back to the bake sale as I replayed Lonnie’s words about giving Lara a different career.

Suddenly everything clicked into place. I knew exactly how to fix things with Lara. Lonnie was right, she needed a different career entirely. And in the process of fixing her, I’d have an excuse to replace what I ruined for Lonnie and be able to set him up with Denise in a way neither of them could refuse.

I pushed myself up from the table. “Be right back.”

“Wait. What are you going to…”

His words trailed off as I strutted toward the bake sale table, bypassing the line altogether. A few people shouted at me to wait my turn while others shushed them, knowing they might get a clue as to what I did to Denise. She clutched an elaborate cupcake like a shield.

“Hey,” I said, wishing I had a better opening. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“I’m working,” Denise offered as an excuse.

Crista snapped her fingers high in the air, probably to alert Ali to a potential showdown. The line dispersed until it crowded around the table, locking me into the barricade.

“Please just hear me out, D.”

She cringed at my old nickname for her. “I’m reading your blog, aren’t I? Though it’s not making things all better. Isn’t that what your blog is supposed to do? Because I definitely feel much worse after the last post.” She shoved the apple pie into the next customer’s hands even though he didn’t ask for it.

“Here, I got that,” I told him. He scuttled off and I handed her five dollars for it. I beamed at her, hoping this would come off as a nice gesture.

She scoffed. “You’re trying to bribe me now?”

My stomach dropped. It was the same thing Lara had accused me of. “I just thought…”

Trying to get her help before she read the rest of the story was too premature. I’d have to be patient.

Like Finn always taught me.

“Look, I know there will be things in the next few posts that are hard to read.”

“Yipee.”

In the past, she would have uttered that word with so much enthusiasm, her entire body would have bounced into it. This time, she sounded like Ali. I needed Denise on my side, now more than ever. Before she morphed further into the girl almost everyone hated. “But I wanted you to know I’m in the process of making things right for you. So please keep that in mind when you read.”

Her eyes flicked to Lonnie, watching us from our lunch table. In that gesture, I saw hope.

I also saw worry.

ME’S A CROWD

Posted by Kasey at 7:27 P.M.

Monday, September 15

Past Mood:
Out of Place

SAT Word Of The Day:
Reticent. Definition: The opposite of this blog.

I expected the number of hits to decrease after the reveal of what I did to Lara, but the unique hits doubled again in the last post. Lonnie, guess you were right.

“You’re alive! It’s a miracle!” Denise stood in the doorway, jiggling her phone at me as her unspoken excuse for dropping by. She pushed her way inside my house and strode over to my sister on the couch. “Oh my God. I heard about your hip. Are you okay?”

Lara looked past her in a panic to me. It was the first time in days she acknowledged my existence. I outstretched my arms and mouthed, “I didn’t say anything.” Her secret was still safe with me. The only thing of hers that was safe with me.

“Not really.” Lara gave her a fake smile, directed at the wall instead. “But I will be.” She patted her hip as if it was only a matter of time before she was as good as new.

“And you!” Denise twisted around and pointed at me. “Where the hell were you today? I called you like fifty bazillion times.”

My face grew hot and I waved her away from the living room, out of Lara’s earshot. Lara shouldn’t have to hear any discussions related to dance.

“I’m really sorry you got hurt,” Denise told Lara before following me into the kitchen. She flopped against the counter and rested the back of her hand on her forehead like a maiden in distress. “Is there an epidemic going around I don’t know about? I heard Lonnie Weitzman was sick. And you were M.I.A.” She clucked her tongue. “I had to fend. For. Myself.” She said the last part like it was the end of the world. She dropped her hand from her forehead and spotted my half eaten pop tart on the counter. The tongue sandwich earlier wasn’t exactly satisfying. “Oh God. The situation is worse than I thought.” She grabbed the pop tart and tossed it into the trash.

I should probably tell her I wasn’t going to camp tomorrow either. Or maybe I should warn her that Lonnie had caught his school-ditching disease from me. Instead, I chose the easy way, the cop out. “Hey, I was eating that!”

“You deserve better.” She opened the fridge and grabbed the egg tray and milk, then headed over to the pantry for the other ingredients. She set them all out on the counter and surveyed her bounty. “Have any chocolate chips?”

“Nope, only the essentials.”

“Those are essentials.” She pursed her lips. “Blah. This will have to do.” She got to work measuring out flower and sugar and adding them to the bowl.

“What are you making this time?” I took a seat at the kitchen table and watched her work.

“Oh no.” She shook a measuring cup at me. “I know you and your fondness for subject avoiding. Where were you today?”

“I quit,” I said and she stopped mixing for a second before churning the whisk in vigorous strokes. “Lara needs me here.” More secrets, more lies. I tried to tell myself it was just another cover story, like the one about Victoria Cruise.

I ignored the lump that lodged in my throat at the thought of Victoria Cruise and replaced the image of Finn in my mind with one of Lonnie.

Denise dropped the whisk into the bowl. “I hate you. You’re ditching me.” She flipped on the oven heat a little too aggressively. “What about being co-captain?”

I swallowed hard. “I was never going to win that.”

She frowned at me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know until today.” I bit my lip. I wondered if I would have told her. Lately it seemed I was doing more avoiding than spilling with her.

She scooped the thick batter into circular globs on a pan and slid it into the oven. It was always fun to guess what she would bake. Last time I thought she was making a cake, but she whipped up Baked Alaska instead. These looked like cookies, but I knew looks could be as deceiving as a cover story.

Denise joined me at the table. “Okay, I’ve waited long enough. I
know
there was a boy on the cruise. I could tell by your weird emails. Come on. Spill it.” She snapped her fingers, sending a dusting of flour onto the table.

I felt the sting of betraying tears gather at the enemy lines of my eyes, ready to attack me once again. I dug my nails into my palm under the table to feel something, anything, other than sadness. “There’s nothing to tell, D.” Except maybe what happened with Lonnie today, but that was completely innocent. Nothing happened.