Katie Opens Her Heart (11 page)

Moments later
Mamm
came down the embankment, the moonlight shining on her white
kapp
. Behind her, Molly was walking much faster now.

Katie took the rope. She turned to
Mamm
. “Will you walk with me this time? I have something I need to talk with you about.”

“Okay.”

Katie led Molly up the embankment with
Mamm
beside her.

Katie looked over at her
Mamm
’s face, the moon over her head revealing her features. “It’s hard for me to bring this up now, but I have to.”

“What is it?”
Mamm
asked. “Have you done something you shouldn’t have?”

“Not yet,” Katie said. “But I’m going to. Or, rather, it might be something you will think I shouldn’t do.”

Mamm
didn’t say anything for a few moments. She looked across the moonlit landscape. “You’re going to allow Ben Stoll to bring you home from the hymn singing?”
Mamm
finally said.

“
Nee
,” Katie responded. “It’s not that. Besides Ben wouldn’t ask me home from a hymn singing.”

“What is it then?”

“Esther Kuntz told me I’ve been invited to a birthday party for Roy Coblenz, and I agreed to go.”

“Who is Roy Coblenz?”
Mamm
had stopped and was staring at her.

“A Mennonite boy.” She might as well admit the worst, Katie figured. Although it really would have been a lot worse if Roy were
Englisha
.

Mamm
’s voice cut through the darkness. “And he asked you to come to his birthday party? This Mennonite boy?”

“Well…” Katie tried to keep her voice calm, but the moonlit fields seemed to be going around in circles in front of her eyes, making her dizzy and unsteady.

“Well what?”
Mamm
asked.

Katie pushed the words out. “Roy asked Esther to ask me. So I think it’s just an ordinary kind of invitation he gave to everybody. He probably wants to fill his yard with people.”

“How does he know you?”

Katie tried to move up the hill, but her head was swimming. “He spoke with me a little bit at Byler’s when he was in line to pay for his groceries,” Katie said. “That’s all he knows about me.”

Mamm
face was now shadowed in the moonlight. “You know I’m not going to allow this, Katie.”

Katie stopped and looked at her
mamm
. “I have to go,
Mamm
. And I want to. We can’t go on living so isolated forever. It wasn’t meant to be. I’m growing up. And
Da Hah
is opening this door for me. He is,
Mamm
. I know it.”

“Growing up has nothing to do with this,”
Mamm
said, her voice firm. “
Da Hah
causes people to grow up, but He doesn’t make them attend Mennonite birthday parties. We have our own youth gatherings you can go to and that’s good enough.”

“But you hardly ever allow me to attend those,” Katie protested.

Mamm
fell silent.

“Will you allow me to attend the Amish youth gatherings if Ben Stoll brings me home on a Sunday night?”

“So you
do
have a date with Ben? And you’re trying to get me to agree by making me believe there is something worse going on? Is that what you’re doing, Katie?”

Katie had nothing of the sort planned, but she had to know what
Mamm
would say if she believed this was the truth. Would she agree to Ben Stoll bringing her home from an Amish hymn singing? Ben Stoll was a
gut
Amish boy, and there should be no objection. That would prove
Mamm
was only worried about the Mennonite aspect of the party. As Katie expected,
Mamm
took her silence as guilt.

Mamm
didn’t wait for confirmation before giving her answer. “That is also forbidden, Katie. I will not have you spending time in the company of that boy.”

“What about some other Amish boy?” Katie asked. She knew the answer, but she wanted to hear
Mamm
say it.

“It’s not possible that you have
two
invitations for the same night,”
Mamm
said. “But even if you did, I would not allow it.”

So
Mamm
really was keeping all the doors shut on her social life, Katie thought. But
Da Hah
was opening them! All she had to do was walk through them. She would have to trust Him for the wisdom about walking through and finding out where they would lead.

“You’re still young, Katie. You don’t understand the hurt boys can bring to your heart,”
Mamm
said. “I want nothing more than to save you from the pain I’ve been through. That’s all I’m trying to do.”

Katie pulled on the rope and led Molly up and down the hill again.
Mamm
watched her go, thinking she’d won the argument. But when Katie arrived back at the bottom of the hill after a few rounds, she stopped Molly in front of
Mamm
.

“I’m sorry to disobey you, but I’m going to that birthday party,
Mamm
. And Ben Stoll didn’t ask to bring me home on Sunday night. I just wanted to see what you would say about that.”

Pain crossed
Mamm
’s face. “What is wrong with what we have, Katie? We love each other, don’t we?”

“
Yah
, we do,” Katie agreed. “And I’ll never stop loving you. But I was created to love more than my
mamm
. And I didn’t make myself like that,
Da Hah
did. So I guess you’ll have to blame Him.”

“You’ll come to your senses in the morning.”
Mamm
took the lead rope from Katie’s hand. “I think it’s time we got back to bed.”

“It’ll be morning before long.” Katie motioned toward the horizon where the first faint signs of dawn were streaking skyward.

Mamm
looked that way but didn’t move for a few seconds. “Come!” she finally said. “Molly has had enough walking for one night. If she doesn’t get better soon, we’ll call the vet again.”

Katie ran ahead to open the barnyard gate.

Mamm
spoke up as she walked through with Molly. “You’re not going in to work at Byler’s today, Katie. I need you at home.”

“I can’t do that!” Katie said as she opened the barn doors.

Mamm
didn’t answer as she led Molly into the barn.

The first contest of their wills had arrived, and Katie decided she needed to win. The stakes were too high not to win.

Chapter Thirteen

Emma stood on the front porch watching Katie drive down the lane. Her daughter slapped the reins hard against Sparky as she turned right onto the main road. She gave her
mamm
a little wave before she disappeared from sight. Emma returned the wave, but she couldn’t shake the sadness of what had happened this morning. Her own daughter, her precious little girl, had shown a streak of rebellion. Tears formed in Emma’s eyes. Not only was Katie refusing to obey, but she also couldn’t wait to get away from the house. Emma made her way to the front-porch swing and sat down.

“Oh Ezra!” Emma moaned, holding her face in her hands. “Where are you when I need you? Why did
Da Hah
take you from me? She held still, as if she awaited an answer. Soon she began rocking. She lifted her feet from the wooden floor with each move forward as her thoughts drifted. With Katie gone to work, a deep stillness lay over the farm. This morning Emma could almost see Ezra. He used to sit beside her on this very swing during the cool summer evenings. They would talk and laugh even during the time she’d been heavy with Katie. Emma could almost smell the hay on Ezra’s clothing as the breeze stirred. It was enough to bring a sigh and a smile to her lips. She even remembered how things had been when Ezra had come in from the fields. His scent, after a hard day’s work, would be mixed with the smell of the barn and the horses. Was
Da Hah
having mercy on her this morning? Emma wondered. Was He sending a clear memory from the past to comfort her in this sorrow of Katie’s rebellion?

“Oh Ezra, I miss you so!” she cried as she began to weep again. As the memory of Ezra faded, Emma saw Katie’s face. It had been so set this morning, so focused on having her way. Emma’s words had meant nothing. No warning she had offered moved Katie from her determination to continue working at Byler’s Store or having that Mennonite girl pick her up tonight.

In spite of Katie’s rebellion, Emma knew she needed to stay strong.
But what good would even that do?
she asked herself. She’d been strong last night. She’d told Katie she couldn’t go back to Byler’s to work. She’d told Katie the same thing this morning, but her daughter had simply gone out to the barn, harnessed Sparky, hitched him up to the buggy, and drove off. What was a
mamm
supposed to do about that?

Surely Katie would be back tonight as usual. Surely she wouldn’t go so far as to move out, would she? Was it possible she would speak to the Mennonite girl today and arrange some way of never returning home?
Nee
, that wasn’t like Katie, Emma decided. But did she really know her daughter anymore?

Emma caught her breath as another thought took hold. What if Katie planned to join the Mennonite church? Emma clutched the edge of the swing. If Katie did such a thing, sorrow and loss would be unbearable. Surely that wouldn’t happen. This time of defiance was rebellion pure and simple. She must not make things worse than they already were.

What had she done wrong in bringing up Katie? Children weren’t supposed to turn out rebellious. She’d tried her best. Katie had always been such an obedient child—until yesterday. How could that have changed in such a short time? Oh, if she’d just seen this coming she could have prepared for it somehow.

If only Ezra were still alive. He might have seen this awful thing coming weeks ago and done something about it. But he wasn’t here, so Emma might as well stop thinking about it. It was wasted effort. Katie was the one who needed her focus right now. How could she awaken Katie to the dangers that lay ahead of her?

Emma stopped the motion of the swing with her feet. She listened for any sound of Katie’s horse that might linger on the morning air. There was only silence. Emma stood and went into the house. In the kitchen the dishes were dried and stacked on the counter. Katie had seen to that this morning, even in the middle of the lecture she was hearing. Fresh tears rolled down Emma’s cheeks as she pictured Katie standing there, her face so stubborn as she washed dishes with all her might so she could get out of the house to get to work on time.

Katie was a
gut
girl. Emma would just have to pray more and cry out to
Da Hah
for help. He would answer! Did
Da Hah
not care for widows and orphans?
Yah
, He’d made her a widow in the first place, but He still cared for her, did He not? With that comforting hope, Emma remembered her duties for the busy day ahead. She must get to work. Today was wash day. She turned and headed for the basement. There the stillness of the room swept over her. All around her were the familiar stone walls of the old house’s foundation. She’d lived here since she’d married Ezra, but today the walls seemed like they belonged to another woman’s house. It was almost as if she’d never seen them before.

Emma sat down on the bottom step, put her head in her hands, and wept again. Did the house feel what she was feeling? Did it know she’d failed as a
mamm
and no longer belonged here? Was Ezra seeing her from that land on the other side and feeling a great disappointment in how she’d lost their daughter? Certainly Ezra wouldn’t want Katie attending a Mennonite’s birthday party. If he knew, he would have a look on his face like the clouds from the north before a great thunderstorm. Did he know? Emma trembled at the thought. Who knew the answer to that question? Clearly she had failed Ezra, she had failed Katie, and she had failed
Da Hah
.

But she must go on, Emma told herself, forcing herself to stand up. Regardless of her failures, there was work to do. Perhaps she could redeem herself yet. Katie might see the error of her ways before the evening came. Maybe some words she’d spoken this morning had more effect than she thought they did. Katie was a
gut
girl. She’d always been a
gut
girl. It simply wasn’t possible she could turn so quickly and go so bad.

Was this just a phase Katie was going through? Emma had never participated in the
rumspringa
, so she’d forbidden Katie from it as well. She expected Katie to see things as she had in the past and as she did in the present. Obviously Katie didn’t.

Emma walked to the washing machine and stood there for a moment before bending over to give the starter rope a strong jerk. The motor roared to life. Emma turned on the spigot and stood back to watch the water stream from the hose and into the tub. Perhaps
Da Hah
had given them a
gut
sign last night. Hadn’t Molly survived? That was an encouragement, was it not? Even with the vet bill still coming, it could have been much higher if they hadn’t stayed up and walked Molly. Perhaps this storm would blow over soon, and they could go on with life as it had been.

Emma loaded the washer with dirty dresses. She paused to listen. Had someone driven down the lane? With all the racket from the washing machine, Emma wasn’t sure. She took a moment to glance outside the basement door, but she didn’t see anyone. She returned to check on the wash before heading upstairs for another hamper of dirty clothes.