Keep it Secret (11 page)

“Wait. Where are you going?
Mother is picking us up.”

“It’s okay. I’m just going
to the track to run a couple of laps before I hit the gym. Besides,
he’s trying to ask you for your number.” I might have said that a
little bitchy. “I’ll just, see you later.” I said kissing the top
of her head “thanks, for the invite lover boy.” I said to Gabriel,
winking I turned away from them walking out as fast as I could
without making it too obvious. My trip from the pizza parlor to the
school was pretty short. Inside the girls locker room I changed
into some black yoga pants and work out tank top, pulling my hair
into a high ponytail I tightened my florescent yellow sneakers,
strapped my iPhone to my armband, inserting the ear buds into my
ears, I walked out towards the track thrilled to see it was
empty.

While I stretched on the grass
next to the track, a male figure jogged up the bleachers and sat
down. I couldn’t make out who he was. Strange, I thought, was he
going to watch me run? Creeper. After loosening up my muscles, I
was ready to run. Like fish in water, my legs naturally ran against
the turf. I loved to run, really, anything that involved the
outdoors; camping, hiking, rock climbing, basically anything
physical. But running, running was liberating. Running was flying.
Running detoxed the alcohol out of my body, if only for the
briefest of moments. Listening to
Zombie
by The Cranberries, I begin
to feel the somber numbness creep up. This time I didn’t push it
away or lock it back into its mental box. Once in a while, I
allowed myself to get sucked into the darkness as a form of
punishment, punishing myself for the choices I’ve made. The pain
was like a cancer once I let it live it spread throughout my entire
body. The sturdy track suddenly disappeared. All of a sudden I was
running through mud, thick heavy mud that pulled at my ankles
dragging me down. I gasped for air as my throat closed or so it
felt like it was, my vision blurred as sobs escape from my throat.
I panicked frantically I looked around for a place to hide. I
couldn’t risk anyone seeing me like this. The bleachers weren’t far
from where I was standing. That was a good enough place to
hide.

Running against the mud
gasping for air I found my way to the bleachers, once I wasn’t
visible I ripped off my armband and ear buds throwing them on the
ground before sinking down to the ground, pulling my knees to my
chest I cried. It’s true what they say the pain of losing a loved
one never lessens; you just learn to deal with the gaping hole in
your heart. Unfortunately for me, I haven’t learned how to live
with it. Digging my nails into my arms, I hugged my knees trying to
feel something, anything that didn’t involve alcohol, sex or the
emotional pain of losing him. But it didn’t work. It never worked.
I wasn’t aware that I was rocking back and forth until I felt a
hand on my shoulder. I froze.

“Ava, what’s wrong? What
happened?” Gabriel asked his voice was disturbed and frightened. I
shook my head not saying anything. He sat down next to me pulling
me to his lap.

“No,” my whisper was hoarse
and small, I placed a hand on his chest trying to push myself off
of him but he only tightened his hold.

“Ssh, Ava, let me hold you.”
His voice was determined but gentle. I didn’t have the energy to
argue so I said nothing. After some time, I’m not really sure how
long. Rose started calling my phone. I ignored her calls, until
Vanessa’s name showed up. I quickly answered stumbling to my feet
Gabriel held my hand for support. Balance that is.

“Hello?”

“Ava! Where are you? Are you
all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine Van. Did
Rose ask you to call me?” She hesitated before she answering. “Um,
yeah?”

“Let me talk to her.” I
heard the phone graze Vanessa’s face as she handed over the
phone.

“Ava, honey where are you?
Are—.” Before she could finish I cut her off.

“Listen, Rose, just because
our living situation has changed our relationship hasn’t. So please
drop this caring mother act, we both know it doesn’t suit you. I
will be home whenever I God damn feel like it!” I hung up on her
gripping the phone until my knuckles turned white. Gabriel squeezed
my hand reminding me I wasn’t alone. I was so angry I had
completely forgot he was here.

“Are you all right?” His eyes
were full with confusion. I chuckled at the question because I was
far from being
all
right
.

“Sure.” I
snapped.

“Annnd she’s back.” He
replied letting go of my hand. He was frustrated and disappointed
by my answer.

“What the fuck is that
supposed to mean?” I frowned throwing my hands in there air. “You
expect me to open myself up to you? Confess all my deep dark
secrets is that it? You wouldn’t know what to do with the shit I’ve
been through. Your biggest problem is what college you’re attending
next year or what colored polo shirt you should wear this weekend.
I don’t need you to save me rich boy. ” I was being a total bitch.
Truly, I didn’t care. He’d seen too much already, Gabriel needed to
get far away from me.

His chest rose in anger.
“You know what Ava? Fuck. You!” Gabriel turned around leaving me in
the dark. Watching him walk away was painful, but I knew it was for
the best. The best thing for Gabriel—for Vanessa—was he staying
away from me.

Vanessa

I lay in bed reading over
the syllabus for English class when I heard the shower turn on it
was well past ten. Thank God, Ava was home. After the phone call
between her and Aunt Rose, I was worried she wouldn’t return out of
spite. Although staying out and worrying your mother was not nice,
I envied that she was able to do so. Some day’s I’d daydream about
how my college experience would be; not having to ask permission to
go anywhere, choosing my own friends and not ones that would help
my mother climb her social ladder, drink coffee whenever I wanted.
All would be made without having to worry about what mother would
say or do. My thoughts vanish as mother threw my door open. She
always came into my room without knocking, like she wanted to catch
me doing something mischievous or inappropriate.

“Vanessa, Aunt Rose and I
need to fly out to Florida for a week. Your Great Aunt Helen is in
the hospital.” She informed me while walking to my bed. Mother has
always been the type to get right to the point. She doesn't waste
any time.

“Is everything
okay?”

“She’s getting older. Things
like this happen. We’re leaving tomorrow morning your father will
be staying here with you girls. I expect you to be on your best
behavior. Do not pull anything remotely close to what Ava did
tonight. Do you understand?” She threatened.

“Yes, of course, Mother,
send Aunt Helen my love.” Mother smiled giving me a kiss on my head
before walking away. I couldn’t help but be excited that Mother was
leaving. It was horrible, but the truth. On the nightstand my phone
lit up, alerting me of a text message.

Hey Vanessa its
Gabriel
.

Oh my God! I quickly saved
his number in my contact list. After Ava left the pizza parlor
Gabriel did ask for my number. I was already too excited and
dumbfounded to ask for his in return.

Me: Hey

Gabriel: Im sorry is it too
late to call?

Call? He wanted to call me?
Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod! My stomach had magically transformed into
a pretzel.

Me: I dont think so but
like I said my mom is strict. Lets keep it to texting for
tonight.

Gabriel: Thats ok I
understand. How is ur night so far.

Me: Semi eventful. Mom is
going out of town for a week.

Gabriel: Really!?!?! Can I
take advantage and take you out on a proper date?

“Eep!” I squealed out loud.
It’s embarrassing. I know.

Me: I would hve to ask my
dad but he wont have a problem with it

Gabriel: Great! Sat. a
7?

Me: k

Gabriel: I’ll c u at school
tomorrow, good nite beautiful.

Me: Night

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh,
God
. I was going to vomit. My first date
EVER was with Gabriel Mason. I jumped up running through the
bathroom to Ava’s room but not without crashing into the infamous
dresser knocking down my headless ballerina, again. Damn it! I
completely forgot to glue her head back on.
One crisis at a time, Vanessa.
Opening the door, I surprised her as she suddenly turned
around to face me. Ava gave me a smile as she pointed to the phone
she was talking into. I mouthed I was sorry, she shook her head
like to say it wasn’t a big deal

“All right, Chris. I’ll see
you Friday night.” She laughed seductively like this Chris had said
something inappropriate or possibly something very appropriate
depending on who you were asking.

“Make it worth my time or
I’ll have to find another gentleman who can.” She smiled although
it seemed empty and played out. Adding to the list of personalities
was Seductive Ava. This was a side I hadn't seen yet.

“See ya.” As soon as she
hung up her vacant smile disappeared flipping that switch
again.

“What’s up, Van?” She asked
heading towards her nightstand grabbing a bottle of lotion she
lathered some on her hands. The scent of wild flowers enclosed the
room while she continued to rub the lotion on her skin.
It rubs the lotion on its skin or it gets the
hose again!
Ha! I crack myself
up.

“Oh, um Gabriel, he asked my
out on a date this Saturday.” I replied shyly biting the inside of
my mouth.

“Nice, Van! That’s awesome
where are you guys going?” She sounded genuinely excited for
me.

“He didn’t say. It’s only
Monday we still have time to figure out all the details,
right?”

“Absolutely, are you
excited?”

“Oh my God, Ava, you have no
idea but I’m so nervous.”

“Luckily, Cynthia won't be
here to stop you.” I had already forgotten about Aunt Helen. Oh no,
how could I? I’m an awful-awful person. Aunt Helen was lying on her
deathbed while I was here speaking about a boy. Who gets excited
about a date when their great aunt is dying? A woman I’ve only met
twice in my entire life and have no form of relationship with,
nonetheless.

Ava saw the emotions play
out on my face. “Van, don’t worry about it Aunt Helen is sick.
She’s been sick for a while.” She said trying to reassure
me.

“Yeah,” was the only thing I
said, Ava walked over and hugged me. Instantly, I felt
better.

“It’s late. Let's go to bed.
You want to sleep in my bed tonight?” She asked stepping away from
our hold.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” See
what I mean, she always had my back.

Tuesday morning Mother and
Aunt Rose were gone as expected. Both Ava and I left her bed to get
ready for the day. Coming down the stairs to have breakfast, Ava
was standing at the kitchen counter holding up a note. She was
wearing black leather leggings, black booties, loose low cut black
tee, and her black leather jacket. Today her hair was pulled up
into a high ponytail. If anyone could pull off an all black
ensemble it was she. Oddly enough, that was all she seemed to wear.
Black.

“Billy, doesn’t believe in
text messages? He took off early leaving us the keys to your moms
Mercedes…oh, sorry he left
me
the keys to the Mercedes. Sorry to disappoint
you, we won’t be driving my baby to school.”

“Awe, really? Why not?” I’m
sincerely disappointed I’ve wanted to drive in her truck since she
arrived.

“The Headmistress hasn’t
approved it to be parked at the school. I doubt she ever will, can
you imagine anything but a Mercedes being seen in the student
parking lot?” She gasped dramatically, placing her hand on her
chest in mock disgust. I giggled.

“When do you get your
uniform?” I asked sipping my coffee. It felt good to break one of
Mother’s rules even if it was just this little one.

“It comes in today. I’ll
have to pick it up from the front office at the end of the
day.”

“That’s good.” I continued
to drink my coffee feeling the glorious caffeine buzz. Yeah! Today
will be an awesome day! I love, love, love Tuesdays! Tuesday is the
best day! That should be a song; Tuesday is the best da—

“Ready to go?” Ava
interrupted my mental song on Tuesday she spoke while looking into
her bag before looking up at me. My toothy smile was plastered on
my face, like a buzzed idiot.

“Avanti
.” I said motioning forward.

“Is that all you know?” She
snorted.

“No, I still remember the
bad words you taught me.” I smiled even wider.

“All things truly wicked start
from innocence
.” Ava replied looking ahead
into nothing, almost in a daze the words seemed to take her
somewhere else.

“Ooh, you saw that episode
too?” I’m surprised to hear Ava watched Pretty Little Liars. Ava
snapped out of her daze, jerking her head to look at me in a
surprised look.