Authors: Jillian Dodd
And just when I thought I was pulling myself out of his force field, he takes one look at me. And it wasn’t a big look. It was more of a sneaky sideways glance that, if I hadn’t been watching very closely, I probably would have missed. And, with that simple glance, his powerful eyes pull me back in like a tractor beam. I just want to scream at him,
RELEASE ME! Release me! Let me go!
How can you feel so strongly about a person you have only known such a short amount of time? Especially when during that time you have felt equal amounts of love, hate, and ambivalence.
He gives Dawson a
S’up
then heads back out the door. He pretty much ignores me. Well, except for the tractor beams.
“I better get back to my dorm,” I tell Dawson. “I have a little homework to do.”
He looks at me with a crooked grin and takes both my hands in his big ones. “Is it weird that I want to thank you?”
“I don’t think I’ve done anything.”
“Yeah, you have. Last semester was miserable for me. This summer, well, you heard how that was, and I was dreading coming back to school and having to be around her, and see her, and have her hate me. But, then, she didn’t hate me anymore, and that was almost worse. And then I met you. I don’t know, but it’s like you’re healing me a little bit every time we’re together.”
“Trust me, you’re not the only one that needs healing. I still don’t know what I’m going to do about B. He’s going to be in New York this weekend. Wants to see me.”
“Shoot. Riley and I were gonna see if you wanted to come with a bunch of us to our house in the Hamptons. Our parents aren’t going to be there. It should be lots of fun.”
“He’s going to be in Long Beach. Is that anywhere close?”
“About an hour south, I think. Do you want to see him?”
“Yeah. I was thinking if I see him it might sorta help.”
“How so?”
“You know, knowing what’s right, how I feel, that sorta stuff.”
“I feel jealous, that’s how I feel. Maybe you don’t have to see him all weekend, or you could go see him, and then come up and party with us?”
“Yeah, that’d be good. If I could leave it open.”
He walks me to my dorm.
When we get there, he grabs the hoodie’s strings and pulls me toward him.
Straight to his lips.
He gives me a sweet kiss and says good night.
I go up to my room. Katie isn’t back yet, so I call Brooklyn.
He answers. “What’s up?”
“Oh, shoot. Did I wake you up? I just realized it’s like way early there.”
“Yeah, it is. But I’m up. I have an early flight back to the states. I didn’t sleep very well. Took a header last night and smashed up my side a bit.”
“You okay? You still coming this weekend?”
“I’ll be fine, and yes, I am.”
“Could you maybe text me some info? Like when you’ll have time to actually hang out with me.”
“Why do you need a schedule? Just show up. Find my tent. We’ll hang.”
“Some friends from school invited me to a party. Well, it’s like a weekend-long party. I was just trying to figure out if I could do both.”
“You can do anything you want, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Why are you okay with me doing anything I want? Shouldn’t you be a little jealous? Do you not care at all?”
“Of course I care. You know I love you, but I think we both know it’s more of a best friend kind of love.”
“So when I visit, you won’t want to have sex? We’ll
just
be friends?”
“I never said that. Sex is fun. We have fun together. Why wouldn’t we want to? Our last night together was amazing. But it’s up to you.”
“So do you even wanna do it with me again?”
“Like I said, that’s up to you.”
“Oh my gosh! That’s
not
what I asked.”
“Well, it’s my answer. There can’t be another answer right now. Long distance relationships don’t work, and you still have some growing up to do before you’re going to be ready for a serious relationship.”
“I need to grow up? You’re all of nineteen. The guy I’m seeing here is eighteen. He thinks I’m grown up just fine!” Shit. I didn’t really mean for that to slip out and also,
seeing him
? I’m not really seeing him.
“So that’s what this is about. You’re feeling guilty.”
“Why would I feel guilty? We mean nothing to each other, apparently.”
“Keats, don’t do that. You know I love you.”
“Well, if you ask me, best friend love sucks.”
I hang up. He texts me.
B <3: I still hope I get to see you this weekend. Bring your new guy or come alone. Sleep with me or don’t. It’s up to you.
Not only does best friend love suck, so does all his zen bullshit.
Tired of chilling.
1:07am
I’m awakened by my phone vibrating in my hand. It’s Dallas calling me. I ignore the call and text him, so I don’t wake up Katie.
Me: Shit, I fell asleep. You at the cave?
Dallas: Yes, ma’am, hurry!
Me: Anyone else there, besides you vampires?
Dallas: Nope :)
Me: I’m bringing garlic.
Dallas: I brought herb :)
Me: You’re my hero, seriously.
Dallas: Oh boy, am I gonna hear the life and times of Kiki again?
Me: Shut up, I’m here.
“Can we not smoke tonight?”
“Sure, but why?”
“I need you level headed.”
“Aye aye, captain.”
“Plus, I’ve had about enough of high-ass boys who don’t give a shit one way or another.”
“Are you referring to
moi
?”
“No, B.”
“Tell me.”
So I do.
And then I say, “So why can’t he just say, I love you, I don’t want you to date anyone else? Or say, I don’t really love you. Why does love screw everything up?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever really been in love.”
“Well, I know this. Best friend love sucks ass.”
“You’re my new best friend. I love you. It doesn’t suck. I mean, unless it wants to.”
“You used that joke the other night. It’s still not funny.”
“You need to chill.”
“I’m tired of chilling!”
He fires up a joint, takes a hit, and hands it to me, ignoring my request.
“Okay, how about a change of subject?”
“Maybe.”
“What do you think of boarding school so far? Yea or nay?”
“It’s okay, I guess. I miss home. How about you?”
“Same. I’m not really homesick. I don’t miss my friends as much as I thought I would. Course, now I have you and Riley and even though we haven’t known each other that long, I think we’re closer than I was with my friends from home. There’s always plenty of stuff to do, and it’s cool that your friends are always around, but I could see it might get old. Like, how sometimes when you just feel like not being around anyone, you couldn’t get away. That’s why I like when we come out here on weeknights. Just us. Getting away.”
What Dallas just said, about how we’re closer than his friends from home. I mean, like, AAAAWW!
“Dallas.”
“What?”
“You said we’re close. I didn’t know if I would make any friends here. I’m lucky I already have.”
He smiles.
“How come you came here your junior year, anyway?” I don’t want him to know that I know he’s a senator’s son. I want him to tell me. I understand what it’s like to have a well-known parent.
“My dad’s in politics. Actually, he’s a senator. I’m an embarrassment to him. He has an election coming up. He sent me here.”
“So you really didn’t want to come either?”
“No.”
“What happened? How could you possibly be an embarrassment? You’re adorable.”
“I got caught smoking weed, by the cops. I got tickets for being under the influence, for possession, for paraphernalia. I told him if he really wanted to get elected, he’d work to legalize weed.” He laughs. “
That
didn’t go over so well. He told me I was an embarrassment to the family and sent me here. But it’s cool. I actually like it. How bout you?”
I want to tell him. I really do want to tell him the truth. I know he’s trustworthy, I can feel it, but I can’t. So I tell the lie.
“I had some trouble too. Then my mom and stepdad decided to move to France. It was go there or come here.”
“Sucks, but I’m really glad you’re here.”
“Thanks. So, how’s the wrist?”
“Feeling better now, but I think I’m going to have to get it x-rayed. And since I know you’re dying to ask, the psychic panty network is doing quite well. You’d be shocked—hell, I was shocked—at how many girls will show me their underwear just to prove me wrong.”
I can’t help but giggle.
Then he grabs my face and pulls me into a kiss.
I ought to be an expert.
2:30am
I quietly sneak into our bathroom and call Mom.
“Hey-woah.” I hear the unmistakable voice of my sweet little sister, Gracelyn, and laugh at the adorable way she says hello.
“Gracie, it’s Kiki. Give Mommy her phone.”
“KI KI KI KI KI KI!!!” she screams into the phone. “Kikikiki on a ’venture!” she sings.
“Can I talk to Mommy?”
“NO! No, no, no, no, NO!” I hear clanking, and then it sounds like she’s beating Mom’s new iPhone against a wall or the floor.
Pretty soon, I hear a commotion, then one of the triplets, probably Avery, the oldest by a few minutes and the most bossy, yells, “Gwey-sie, give me Momma’s phone!”
And then Gracie screams, “NO!” I can picture her holding it to her chest, that stubborn little look on her face, “Mine!”
Then Avery tattling, “MOMMMAAAA!!!”
Then, click.
About five minutes later, Tommy calls me from his phone.
“Are you okay, baby?”
“Yeah, can I talk to Mom?”
“She's trying to get the girls settled down. I can talk to you.”
“You can talk to me about boys?”
“Well, I’m a boy. I ought to be an expert.”
I give that some thought. “Wow, I never thought of that. Plus, Mom said you were a player. Hmmm. Okay, so what does it mean when a boy stares deep into your eyes, like touches your soul kind of deep. He does something really romantic one minute, but then doesn’t call or text, and then he acts like he hates you the next?”
“I’d say he was into you, but then you pissed him off.”
“Let me add that he has the reputation of being a player, but with me he is not very smooth.”
“Hmmmm, maybe he’s a good actor. Maybe I should meet him.”
“Oh my gosh, Tommy. This guy is
way
better looking than an actor. He’s practically a god.”
“The God of all Hotties?”
“How do you know that? Are you his god mentor? Cuz now that I think about it, you have some powers similar to his.”
“Your mother told me you called him that. I swear, I’m going to use that line somewhere in my next movie. I laughed so hard!”
“Tommy! This is my personal life here! Do not laugh at it.”
“Calm down. Breathe. If he’s a player and was just playing, he’ll lose interest and move on. If it was love, true love, he won’t give up, even if it takes a while. Be patient. Sometimes true love takes a bit.”
“Mom said she knew the minute she shook your hand.”
“And I contend I knew it before, the second she walked in the room. I just felt this magnetic pull to her. Like gravity.”
“That’s not what she says. She says it took you a while to figure it out.”
“No, I knew. I just didn’t want her to think she had me whipped. And I sorta couldn’t believe it was happening to me. After all the women I’d been with. And then, boom! I tried to pretend it wasn’t real at first. And don’t forget, I’m a good actor. She couldn’t figure me out. Hey, it’s late there. You should be asleep.”
“I know. . . . Tommy?”
“What, baby?”
“Do you think the stalker will forget about me?”
“Garrett seems to think things will get worse before they get better.”
“Get worse, how?”
“He’ll get frustrated that he can’t find you. If he gets frustrated, he might become more scary.”
“Maybe we should just let him find me. Set him up. Then once we have proof that he was trying to kidnap me, they could arrest him.”
“It sounds good in theory, but if something went wrong we’d never forgive ourselves.”
I sigh loudly.
“But the good news is we had security trailing him when we left for New York. He didn’t follow us, so you’re safe for now.”
“Tommy, you’re a big star. How do you know who your real friends are?”
“That can be tough sometimes. Usually I know someone is a friend if they tell me the truth. In this industry, a lot of times people tell me what they think I want to hear.”
“They don’t want to piss you off?”
“Exactly. A true friend would want to piss me off.”
“There’s a mean girl here. She’s apparently telling everyone the only reason I have money is because we hit the lottery.”
Tommy laughs. “That’s funny. I suppose that makes your money not good enough?”
I laugh too. “I don’t know. Who cares? Money is money. All it’s good for is buying stuff.”
“Your mom raised you right. A lot of people think money is the most important thing in life.”
“I lost my dad, Tommy. I’m pretty sure I know it’s not.”
“Yeah, I know, baby. So are you behaving at school?”
“Uh, mostly. Kinda, yeah.”
“Mostly, kinda, yeah?”
“I’m not doing drugs, getting drunk, or having sex, so I guess I’m being pretty damn good.”
“Good to hear. Get your beauty sleep. Mommy and I love you.”
“I love you too, Tommy. Thanks, really.”