Kissed by Reality (15 page)

I
shut
the door to the limo with a sad smile for the person inside, turn and wipe my face before retreating back from the moving car in the mansion driveway.

Tonight really sucked.

It was the last Charm Ceremony before the Final Two. The last time I had to stand up in front of women and crush their hope. Well, except for the one I would have to send home before getting down on one knee for the woman I planned to marry.

I wish I could have just ended it all tonight. Professed my love for Leighton and sent everyone home. I knew in my gut how this would shake out anyway. She'd been right from the beginning, there was no one else but her. As much as I liked Erin, those feelings were nothing compared to the burn in my heart, my gut, my entire being that I got when I was with Leighton.

And I wanted to spare Erin of that.

It had been hard enough tonight to send Kennedy and Ashley home, and I didn't even feel much of a connection with the two of them anymore. But they were both good people, fantastic women who some guy some day would be lucky as hell to land. I just wasn't that man for them though.

Ashley had taken it well, I think she'd been as clued into how our relationship wasn't progressing as I was. She sighed when we hugged, told me to follow my heart, and got into the limo.

Kennedy hadn't been that easy. She'd broken down into sobs, accusing me of leading her on after she'd brought me home to meet her family. She never brought anyone home to meet her family, she'd said, and she'd thought that I was it for her. That God had finally sent her the man of her dreams. I felt like the biggest piece of scum ever.

This show was awful, the dejection and hurt more pungent with each passing week. It made me feel lesser than dog shit half the time, but I needed to remind myself that these women also signed up for this.

I walked slowly back into the mansion, followed by cameras and crew with each step. God, I couldn't wait for this to be over. Having all of these people and this pressure following me around felt like a giant orangutan sitting on my shoulders.

Leighton and Erin sat on the couch nursing glasses of champagne, and I knew they were chumming it up for the cameras. Both women were gracious, they liked each other, but this was awkward any way you sliced it. In a week's time I would be sending one home, and asking the other to spend her life with me.

"Ladies," I held up a glass of my own provided by Mitchell. "I want to thank you for continuing this journey with me. I really look forward to taking you both home to meet my family."

We cheersed, the newest charm sparkling on both of their wrists. It was a tiny silver trinket, two champagne glasses leaning towards each other, signifying that they made it to the final two.

A pang of guilt radiated through my rib cage and bounced around to my stomach as I thought about crushing Erin at the end of this.

But an even bigger lump of fear took up residence in my throat at the thought of bringing Leighton home to see my family again.

"
Y
our father is going
to fucking throw me out of the house."

Leighton's foot hadn't stopped jiggling the entire car ride from the airport. I'd picked her up at 9 a.m. this morning, her smile and skin looking radiant even though she'd just been on a four and half hour flight.

"Please try to relax," I placed my hand firmly over her thigh, rubbing it. "They know you're coming, I've spoken to them about it. Yes, we need to talk about some things, but getting worked up about it is only going to make it worse."

She didn't stop, basically biting her nails down to the quick. I'd never seen her like this. Leighton typically didn't do nervous. It was both comical and alarming. "They probably fucking loved Erin. School teacher from a rural community. Jesus, she looks like a saint compared to the tramp from Hollywood who stomped all over their son's heart."

Now was probably a good time to lie. Because although I'd love to be honest and be able to tell her that they didn't love Erin, it would be a bold-faced fucking lie. My family had adored her. She'd captured their hearts from the minute she walked in the door and then just kept going. She'd sat on the floor and played with Isabelle. She'd helped my mother chop onions and even talked fishing with my father. She'd bonded over football with my brothers.

Erin was perfect. There was only one problem. I was in love with Leighton.

So as hard as this pill was going to be to swallow for my family, they were going to do it whether they liked it or not. Yes, some shit had gone down. But I was picking Leighton. She was going to be in my life. They could accept that or say goodbye to me.

I'd laid that out for them last night to much complaint and argument. I was anxious and terror-filled as we turned up the lane towards the farmhouse.

I could practically hear her heart beating as we neared my family's rustic house.

As I put the car in park, I turned to hold her hand, turning her chin so she had to look me in the eye. "Baby, breathe. Just remember, I love you."

She nodded, fear and anxiety written all over her beautiful face. She was so gorgeous, my eyes drawn toward her pouty lips, painted the shade of rich plums today.

"Come on, let's go in."

I rounded the car to meet her when she got out, and also to make sure she didn't dive right back into the passenger seat.

No one opened the door to greet us as we made our way up the steps. Just me and Leighton, and the camera crew tracking our every move.

I pushed open the door and tried to put on my fakest happy voice. "Hello! We're here!"

No one came around the corner. No one hustled in, smiling and opening their arms to hug my potential wife. This was absolutely nothing like yesterday.

Finally, Carter ran up from the basement steps, a wide smile splitting his lips. "Broheem! And my favorite sister-in-law, don't tell Marina."

His eyes twinkled as he slapped his arms around me in his usual man-hug, and then he descended on Leighton, grabbing her up in a bear hold.

"It's good to see you Carter." The grin on Leighton's face was the first genuine happiness I'd seen since she landed in Nebraska.

"Where is everyone?" I asked him even though I already knew the answer.

He flinched a little but recovered quickly to his credit. "Dad and Julian are out in the barn working on some new desk for Marina. And she and mom are with Isabelle in the den."

They'd all known we were coming. This was strategic. They wanted to make Leighton look bad for the show, and they also wanted to send her a message. She was no longer welcome or important.

"Best tackle the ladies first, huh?" I laced my fingers through hers and led us towards the large family room at the back of the house.

My mom was responsible for the rustic charm displayed all over our large 19th century farm house. It was homey but upscale, and whenever I was here I felt complete.

"Hello? Mom, Marina..."

We turned the corner and they were both on the floor, coloring with Isabelle.

My niece turned her head, the light brown curls bouncing around her face. "Aunt Lei-Lei!"

The toddler struggled to get to her feet and run over to Leighton, her cherubic form adorable in her haste. She launched herself at Leighton, hugging her around the knees and wiping her snotty nose against the front of Leighton's jeans.

Leighton knelt down. "Hi Izzy! Look how big you've gotten! I missed you."

She let the chubby little girl throw her arms around her neck and give her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. I'd forgotten how close they'd been, how good Leighton was with kids and how much Izzy had adored her.

"Isabelle, come back over here and finish coloring please." Marina's voice wasn't exactly cold, but she also wasn't acknowledging Leighton. And she sure as hell was pulling her daughter away from my girlfriend. My heart warmed as the word
girlfriend
ran through my mind.

Leighton immediately released my niece, her expression sheepish. "Hi Marina, how are you? You look great, and she's getting so big."

Marina eyed Leighton with her rich brown eyes, scrutinizing both of us when she saw our joined hands. "Hi Leighton. Can't say I'm exactly thrilled to see you."

And the first stone was thrown. I felt Leighton flinch beside me, but she pushed on. "I deserve that. Perhaps we can all have a sit down later. I wouldn't want to discuss anything in front of Izzy."

The sharpness in her tone heated Marina's eyes, the fact that Leighton had admonished her for arguing in front of her own child had not been lost on my brother's wife.

"Perhaps we should do that. Welcome to our home again, Leighton." My mom was tight-lipped but managed a smile, and I was glad she wasn't firing any bullets just yet.

"Thank you for having me, Lorraine."

"It's Mrs. Wyatt."

Maybe I spoke too soon.

"We're going to find dad and Julian." I tried my best to be cheery as fucking Mary Poppins.

My heart thudded as we made our way out to the faded red barn on my parent's property. This wasn't going to be the easier of the two greetings.

"Dad, Julian, we're here!" I announced us as we walked through the doors, my eyes pulling to the far left corner of the rectangular building where my father and brother were busy inspecting a piece of wood.

They both looked over but neglected to straighten or take any steps toward us.

"We'll be in later, we're in the middle of something." Julian spoke at last, his turquoise eyes exuding no warmth, my father not even bothering to utter a hello.

Fuck, this visit was going to be terrible.

Leighton was nearly in tears by the time we exited the barn, and tears were not good. Not only had I never seen her cry, but as I said before, I am not equipped to deal with female sadness.

"Baby...don't cry." I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head while she sniffled into my shirt.

"I shouldn't have come here. God they hate me, Finn. Maybe I should just go."

This was so unlike my normally bullheaded, fuck-it-all, take-on-the-world woman. Yes, she needed to apologize, but I wanted to scream at my family for making her feel like this. Everyone made mistakes. I understood that now, had accepted Leighton back into my life. They had to hear her out as well.

The rustle of boots on grass stirred us as Julian and my dad walked out of the barn, stopping in their tracks as they observed Leighton crying into my shirt.

"Going in for dinner now." My dad said gruffly, the mop of brown hair on his head flopping over into his eyes as he looked at his shoes while passing us.

We joined the rest of the family in the dining room a couple of minutes later.

"Can I help you with anything, Mrs. Wyatt?" Leighton put on a pleasant tone, even though anyone with a brain could tell from her red-brimmed eyes that she'd been crying.

"Mrs. Wyatt?!" Carter shook his head and snorted. "Come on, let's cut this fucking bullshit. If you all have something to say, fucking say it. Or let Leighton explain. I'm not going to sit through this charade for another minute.”

"Subtle, Carter," I mumbled.

"Whatever. Finn, you love her. You brought her home. They're going to have to deal with it. So let's air the dirty laundry and then I can eat my ham in peace."

Everyone was stock still and silent, besides for Carter that is. He took a large sip of his beer as if you couldn’t cut the tension with a machete.

I heard Leighton clear her throat next me. “I just wanted to um—“

“I don’t want to hear this.” My dad thumped his fist down on the table.

“Dad—“ I warned, my tone clipped.

“No Finn! She has no idea what she did to you. She wasn’t here to see you, to pick up the pieces of her mistakes, she wasn’t—”

“SHUT UP! What happened between Leighton and I is between Leighton and I. We have resolved our issues; we’ve talked over everything that happened. Now she’s come here to try and make amends with you, and you’re going to listen to her.”

I huffed out a breath, my blood pressure ricocheting so high I thought I might pass out for a minute. I nodded to Leighton, rubbing a hand down her back.

Her voice was timid as she started. “It wasn’t easy to come here today and face you all, but I knew I had to because you all deserve the sincerest of apologies from me. I betrayed your trust, broke our familial bond and hurt one of the people you love the most. I was selfish, stupid and overall, an idiot. I risked everything I had with Finn for my 15 minutes of fame, and I’ve paid every second of the last six months for that. You all loved me like a daughter, a friend, a sister…and I took that for granted. Finn loved me and I loved him, and I hurt him in the worst way possible. I will never forgive myself for that, no matter how much he forgives me. There are so many little things, so many ways I can try to make up for what I’ve done. But the first is to say I am so, so truly sorry. You were once my family, and I hope that at some point in the future we can be again. I know what you all think of me, and I deserve it. But I just want you to know I love you all, and I am so very sorry.”

She stopped on a sob, staring down at the table cloth after holding everyone’s eye contact for that excruciating apology. Around the table, I caught everyone’s expression. Marina and mom had that half-sympathetic, half-admonishing look that every woman could perfect. They’d come around sooner rather than later. Carter smiled and still sipped his beer. Julian actually had the decency to look guilty. Dad’s face was still unreadable.

“Why don’t we get to that ham now?” Mom broke the silence, and we all broke bread.

I
usually am a horrible sleeper
. I can never turn my brain off, every little thing I encounter during that week, month or year running through my head on a continuous loop.

When I get back to the hotel room after my dinner at the Wyatt’s though, I pass out like someone put an IV in my arm and is about to perform surgery on me. I think my brain and body know that anything besides a full comatose state will kill me. No thoughts, no worry, no scrutiny. I needed to rest.

As I lay in bed this morning, going over the firing squad I was subjected to last night, my hands and neck are sweating at the mere thought of facing Finn’s family again.

God it had been awful. I’d almost forgotten how horrible Finn had been to me at the beginning of filming. His newly rekindled love had been like an anesthetic; I’d forgotten the bad parts and was walking around with rose-colored glasses on.

Well, until his family had all but yanked them off of my face. Jesus, the way they’d looked at me? As if I was nothing less than a cheap slut? Like I was scum that had crawled out of the gutter. My heart burned with shame just thinking about it in my sterile, quiet hotel room.

And I was supposed to go back and do it all again today? At least Marina and Lorraine had begun to lighten up by the end of dinner. And then there was Carter, my only saving grace besides Finn.

Guilt hit me full force, my stomach dropping like I’d just crested over the hill of a roller coaster. Finn. He was having to fight with his family, maybe even choose between them and me. And I was putting him in that position.

Not the mention the anxiety I was feeling about the final Charm Ceremony in a week. I knew he said he loved me, that he wanted his family to accept me. Yet, I couldn’t help but wonder what he’d said to Erin when he was with her. No doubt the Wyatt’s had adored her.

Fuck. I was becoming
that
girl.

Leighton Aldridge wasn’t a desperate sad sap who sat around and moped about things. She got up. She put her makeup on. She gave the world the finger and made what she wanted to happen…well, happen.

I swung my legs over the mattress and felt the determination surge through me. It might have been a couple of days, or weeks if I was being honest, since I felt like myself. Not the old, stubborn, selfish Leighton and not the new, vulnerable, self-pitying one either. But a mix of the two. A well-rounded person with emotions and drive.

I was going to win the Wyatt’s back, whether they liked it or not.

“
O
h let
me get that for you!” I walked into the kitchen just as Lorraine was pulling a skillet from the bottom of her kitchen cabinets.

Potatoes, onions, cheese, eggs, bread and a bunch of other breakfast items sat on the counter, waiting to be peeled, cooked and sautéed. She looked like she was having a feast for 40 people instead of just her immediate family. Although I knew first-hand how much Wyatt boys ate.

“Oh, it’s really fine. I’m sure you can just go off and find Finn.” Lorraine was trying to be polite, pulling on the ends of her short bob haircut, the same color as Finn’s, but I could still hear the coldness coming through in her voice.

She wasn’t scaring me off today. “Nah, he’s out in the barn with Julian or something. I’ll start on the hash browns, Mrs. Wyatt.”

The kitchen was quiet for a beat before she began searching for utensils in a drawer. I began peeling the potatoes and chopping the onions, the way I did almost every morning at the coffee shop. I was a very different woman than they remembered.

“I got her down for an early afternoon nap, mom, jeez she’s getting fussier about it every day.”

Marina walked in, her perfect farm attire of a cream-colored sweater and acid wash jeans complimenting her mass of thick, smooth brown hair. She stopped dead when she saw me at the stove.

“Morning, Marina. It’s nice to see you again. I hope the baby wasn’t too much trouble.” I didn’t look up at her as I started tossing shredded potatoes into the pan I’d filled with oil.

“Uh…thanks Leighton. Morning. You’re cooking for us…”

I smiled into the hash browns I was prodding around with a wooden spoon. “There are a lot of things about me that have changed.”

They were both quiet for a while, moving around, dipping french toast in the egg batter, setting the table.

“You know he almost sold his apartment after you left.” Lorraine was the first to speak.

Shock radiated through me where I stood whisking eggs for scrambling. “I didn’t know that, no.”

“Yes. He couldn’t go back for a week. Stayed here because he couldn’t stand to see the place you’d started a life together. Marina had to go pack up your things or anything he deemed couldn’t stay. He barely went out into the world for months. I didn’t see him smile for the longest time. You did that. You crushed him. My strong, serious, honest boy. You broke his heart into a million tiny pieces.”

I sighed. “I know I did, Mrs. Wyatt. I know because I also pulverized my own heart. And we were able to do that to each other because we love one and other so much. We have the kind of love that cuts like a knife but heals like a miracle. And I am so sorry. You will all never be able to grasp how much. But I am here now. And I’m not going anywhere. I love him so much…”

My throat began to clog with emotion and desperation. Were they ever going to get it?

“Alright, alright. Let’s just have a nice breakfast, yeah? See if we can’t do some family bonding.” Marina jumped in and gave me a small smile. “Where did you learn to cook like that anyway? We weren’t nearly that far along in your lessons when you left.”

The end of her sentence gutted me, but only a tiny bit. I breathed through the shame and pushed on. That’s how, slowly, I’d heal these relationships. “My mom taught me a bit. I took over for her at the coffee shop.”

“How is your mother?” Lorraine smiled at the memory of my mom, probably thinking about the numerous phone conversations they’d had about our future. They’d been instant friends.

Guilt, sorrow and deep rooted pain wracked my body, but I tried to keep my voice neutral. “Ah…um, well, she was diagnosed with breast cancer about three months ago actually.”

“What?” The knife Marina had been using to cut up sausage links clattered to the counter.

“Oh dear, I’m very sorry to hear that.” I could hear Lorraine move toward me, my back to her as I busied myself at the stove. I blinked rapidly, trying to shove away the tears clouding my vision.

“Is there anything we might be able to do, to help with?” She put her hand on my shoulder and a sob ripped from my throat. Shit, I was supposed to have my game face on today.

“Oh Leighton…” Marina came to stand with us too, my back still to them, their hands gently resting on my arms. I knew they were trying their best to comfort me in that moment.

“Is breakfast ready, Lorraine, I’m starving—“

Jackson Wyatt’s sentence cut off as he saw us in the kitchen. ”What’s going on here?”

I could hear in his voice the malice he still held for me. I sniffed and blotted at my eyes with the sleeve of my sweater.

“Oh Jackson, just shush!” Lorraine chided him.

“Let me just finish up here and then I’ll start serving, Mrs. Wyatt.” I got back to scrambling the eggs.

“Enough of that. Call me Lorraine.”

I smiled and my heart perked up just a bit.

As we all sat down to breakfast, Finn took my hand under the table, squeezing it. Warmth and love filled my chest, and I wish he could have stayed with me last night. I missed him. And I also really needed him. It had been almost a week since we’d fucked, made love…whatever. I was horny and pent up, and the only thing that could solve it was his cock.

“So Leighton, what have you been up to?” Carter broke the ice, waking me from my sex daydream.

I cleared my throat as I passed the sausage plate over to Finn and almost lost it. The universe was being a dick, literally, to me. “Well, besides the show, I was working at my family’s cafe. Running the place really. I never worked in there much before to tell you the truth, but I’ve taken a liking to it.”

“That’s great. And how’s your mom?” Carter kept on shoveling food into his mouth as he conversed, unaware that he’d just landed on a sore subject.

I looked down at my plate, gulping, and not wanting to get into this again. Luckily, Finn was a stellar person to have in my corner.

“Mary is sick, actually. Cancer. She’s not doing well, but is fighting every day.”

He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and rubbed my arm as I continued to fixate on the cold plate of eggs and fruit in front of me.

“I’m very sorry to hear that. Please let us know if we can help in any way.”

I looked up, my jaw probably hanging to the floor, to see Jackson regarding me with what looked like sympathy.

I knew it was the fact that my mother was gravely ill, but it was the first time in half a year that he regarded me with any kind of friendliness.