Authors: Shari Anton
“So there you have the whole sorry story,” he told his brothers. “Marian does not want me. She is willing to allow me a part of our daughters’ lives, but rejects marriage. If I did not love her so much I might strangle her. Damn, but she is a stubborn one.” He waved a goblet in the air. Luckily, he’d already emptied it. A shame to waste good wine. “How does a man make a woman like that see reason, I ask you?”
Richard and Gerard just looked at each other, and if he wasn’t mistaken, Gerard held back laughter. Neither answered.
“Harrumph. Some help you two are. Since you both have opinionated wives, one would think you might have figured out how to handle them by now. Especially you, Gerard. You and Ardith have been married for what, nigh on three years? And you have never been averse to giving me the benefit of your wisdom. Why withhold now?”
Gerard folded his arms on his writing desk. “I do not suppose that somewhere in all this you thought to tell Marian you love her.”
“Ha! Of course I thought of it. But tell her? Nay. She would not believe me, I swear. My declaration would fall flat, coming far too late to her way of thinking.”
“And why is that?”
Stephen plunked the goblet down on the desk, slammed his hands down next to it and leaned forward—then leaned back more upright. How much wine had Richard fed him?
“Because Marian would think I uttered the words because I want her to marry me.”
Gerard raised an eyebrow. “That is what you want, is it not?”
“Certes! But Marian will think I say I love her only because I want the girls, which I do, but I desire Marian, too.” He gave his head a quick shake, a bad mistake. “Did I make sense?”
Richard got up from the chair and put a hand on Stephen’s shoulder. “Come, sit down. Have another wine.”
Grand idea. One more goblet of wine and he’d likely pass out and wouldn’t have to grapple with Marian’s stubbornness or his brothers’ amusement anymore.
Richard handed him a full goblet. “So what do you intend to do?”
Stephen took a healthy swig. “Pass out and let Gerard tell Marian I love her.”
Gerard smiled, shook his head. “Hardly a good idea.”
“Why not? You are the baron. Steady as a rock, not off chasing hawks…eagles. She might believe you. She sure as hell is not going to believe me!”
“Then you need to find a way to convince her.”
Stephen shook his head, which was beginning to hurt. He may have to ask Ardith for some of that potion she’d used on Lyssa—the brightest spot of the entire day, besides learning the girls were his. Watching Lyssa skip out of the keep on her way back to the tent, her headache gone, had almost lowered him to tears.
Convincing Audra and Lyssa that he adored them wouldn’t be hard. Their mother, however—
“Marian is not about to let me swive her any time soon. Besides, your stables are too crowded. Always someone about.”
Gerard groaned and bowed his head. “You talk to him, Richard. I give up.”
Richard hauled up onto Gerard’s writing table. “A tumble in the hay is not what the lady wants.”
“She likes it in the hay. Goes wild. At least she used to. Could try a bed, I suppose.”
Richard sighed. “Marian wants proof you love her, not of your lust.”
“She is the only woman I am
able
to lust for. Is that not proof enough?” Stephen slapped a hand on the table. “That is when I should have known and told her, when I kissed Carolyn and
nothing
happened. Damn, missed opportunity.”
Gerard’s head came up. “Nothing?”
“Not a whimper.”
Richard cringed. “And with Marian?”
“I could swive her whilst standing in a cold river.”
Richard stared at him, disbelieving, then waved a hand in the air. “What Marian needs to know is that you are willing to give up chasing eagles. If not, then you had best learn to live without her. One or the other, Stephen. You cannot have both.”
Very carefully, Stephen set the goblet down. “Hearth and home, crops and stone walls. Settled and staid, like you two.”
“Oh, ’tis not so bad,” Gerard said. “’Struth, you need not become chained to the hearth. Ardith comes with me when I make my yearly tour of Wilmont’s holdings.”
Richard nodded. “Lucinda adores trips into Cambridge.”
Stephen rubbed at his face, knowing the problem ran much deeper. “Even if I could convince Marian I am willing to lead a more normal life, she may yet not trust me with her heart. I believe she loved me once, and she
suffered for it. Why should she take the risk again?” He got up. “And Marian is right about Carolyn. I cannot, in all honor, simply shunt her aside because I find another woman more to my liking. The two are cousins, and Marian would think me the veriest cad if I shame Carolyn.”
After a few moments of silence, Gerard suggested, “You could lose the contest to Edwin.”
Lose the contest. For a moment it seemed a perfect solution.
“Nay, Marian would see though that ploy. Then she would think me not only the veriest cad but a dishonest knave. Somehow, I need to get Carolyn to reject me.”
“Well, you could take Carolyn to your bed, and if
nothing
happens—”
Stephen tossed his head back and laughed. “Oh, Gerard, I have had too much to drink, but not
that
much! Can you imagine Carolyn telling Marian of how I tried to bed her and could not perform husbandly duties? I think not.”
Richard rubbed his chin. “This morn, when we talked of finding Edwin a wife, mayhap we should have talked of finding Carolyn a husband. What of Edwin?”
“Never work. Carolyn rejects him because of his age.”
“How old is he?”
“Not sure. He has a few silver strands in his hair, though.”
“Means nothing.”
“Does to Carolyn. Edwin also has this notion that a woman cannot oversee her own lands.” Stephen frowned. “I believe this contest has proved to him she is more than capable, but the man is not likely to admit it.”
“Not even to win Carolyn? Does Edwin love her?”
He blew out a long breath. “I believe he cares a great deal for her, but even if he softened his stance, there is still his age.” Stephen picked up his goblet, set it back down. “I need a walk to clear my head. Mayhap I will go visit Lyssa, see how she does. Mayhap Marian is ready to tell the girls.” He headed for the door. “My thanks for listening. You may tell Ardith and Lucinda the news, but for now, no others.”
“You will be back for evening meal?” Gerard asked.
“Sure. Why not. I hear Ardith is having boar roasted, my favorite. I would not wish to disappoint her.”
He closed the door quietly behind him.
Richard sank into the chair. “Must be serious. I cannot recall ever seeing Stephen this dejected.”
“I do. ’Twas right after Ardith and Daymon were kidnapped. Stephen, Corwin and I were forming a plan to go after them. He sat there with his shoulder all wrapped up and his ear still bleeding, inconsolable because he felt he failed Ardith. No matter that he attacked five armed men with his bare hands, nearly got himself killed. He could barely sit a horse, yet he rode out with us and accounted himself well. To this day he feels unworthy of Ardith’s regard.” He waved a hand at the door. “And now he feels he failed Marian, is unworthy of her love even though he wants it so badly he would give up all he holds dear for her. Thickheaded, stubborn, obstinate—”
Richard laughed. “Sounds like you. So what do we do?”
“Nothing, unless he asks us to. We have both pulled him out of trouble before. This time he needs to do it on his own.”
“And if he cannot?”
“Then he just may take that trip to Italy he has always talked about and we may not see him for years.”
H
e found Marian sitting in the shade of the tent, leaning against a support, her eyes closed.
I love you, Marian. I swear it
.
But how to make her believe? Impossible? Nay, there must be a way.
Richard believed Marian didn’t want a tumble in the hay, but she’d sure craved a swiving in the river. He could still feel her legs wrapped around him, taste her skin where he’d kissed her neck—before he’d been too damn honorable to take advantage. He’d not make that mistake again. If Marian ever showed the least sign of surrender, he’d give her what she wanted, wherever she wanted it, for as long as wanted it. Satisfy her so thoroughly she’d beg for more.
He knew Marian desired him with all the fire he remembered so well. If he reminded her of how well their bodies melded, how delicious and satisfying their joint ecstasy, might she yield? Or would she again tell him to seek offers elsewhere?
Could a woman like Marian give herself to a man she didn’t love? He thought not. So if she allowed him entry
to her body, that meant she’d already given him her heart.
Stephen prayed he was right. She’d turned aside offers of marriage, not wanting or loving those men. Hard to believe that over all these years she’d never coupled with any other male, but Stephen was willing to wager he’d been her first and last lover. Only lover.
Strange, but fate had brought him back to Marian. Through the years, his wanderings, other women. Back to the first, the best, and now the only.
If Marian made love with him, then there was hope for a future between them. If not…
Dear Lord, let me do this right
.
He lowered down onto the grass beside her. She opened her eyes, sleep softened and wary. He picked up her hand and raised it to his lips.
“Hail, mother of my children. Girls in the tent?”
She pulled her hand away, sat up straighter. “Nay. On our way out of the keep, the earl of Warwick’s wife invited them to play with her children.”
Stephen glanced over at the huge, emerald-green tent a good ways across the field. “Lyssa must not be ailing if you let her go.”
Marian smiled so fully her eyes sparkled. “She is. I cannot tell you what a relief it is to have finally found a potion to ease her headaches so quickly.” She tilted her head. “I have you to thank, in part. Ardith may have brewed the potion, but ’twas you who brought us to Wilmont. My thanks.”
Gratitude. Not a bad thing. He’d take whatever help he could get.
“Seemed the right thing to do, at the time. Little ones should not suffer so.” He glanced again at the earl’s tent. “Will the girls be back soon?”
Her smile faded. “I know you are anxious to tell them, but I fear you must wait a while longer. The girls will have evening meal with the earl’s children. I am not to collect them until after supper.”
Splendid. How terribly thoughtful of the earl’s wife to have left Marian on her own. Carolyn was at the keep. The tent was empty save for several pallets. Nice soft pallets.
“A few hours one way or the other does not matter. Just so we do not put it off too long.”
“You told your brothers?”
He’d told his brothers far more than he should have, but both could be trusted to keep a confidence.
“I also told them they could tell their wives, but no others. In that I will respect your wishes.”
Pleased with his answer, Marian leaned back on her hands, stretching the bodice of the rough-weave gown tight across her bosom. His fingers itched to reach out, stroke a nipple to hardness. His loins quickened. Within the space of a breath his privates strained against his breeches, begging freedom, urging a mating with the woman spread out on the grass.
“I fear Ardith will look down on me now, knowing the girls were born…as they were.”
“Not Ardith, nor Lucinda. Both became lovers to my brothers long before they married. They cannot fault you for surrendering to desire when they did not resist.”
“A small consolation. Both surrendered to men who they then married, while I—” She blushed, then got to her feet. “The gowns of Christina’s. I want you to return them to her. I will fetch them.”
Stephen wasted no time following her into the tent. Marian held out the sack.
He crossed his arms. “Those are yours. Wear them or
no, I will not take them back,” he declared, vowing if he could get Marian out of the wretched peasant-weave she insisted on wearing, he’d steal it and burn it.
“I have no use for them.”
“There is evening meal tonight and the christening ceremony tomorrow. You must attend both.”
“Carolyn will toss a fit. She already believes we take up too much of your time and inconvenience your family too much.”
“Carolyn can think what she will.”
“Stephen—”
He grasped her shoulders, heartened that she didn’t pull away. “No more, Marian. We both know I can no longer consider marrying Carolyn. Her opinion does not matter. Only you and the girls matter now.”
Her pewter eyes glistened with moisture, tears he wouldn’t let her shed. If he had his way, she’d never cry again.
“Carolyn will hate me for ruining her plans.”
“She has no cause to.” He slid his hands up to her neck, his fingers brushing hair soft as silk. He’d give most anything to spread the long strands out to fall soft and teasing against his bare skin. “I will do right by Carolyn. She will suffer no shame or embarrassment. I do not know how as yet, but there must be a way. ’Tis not as if there is any affection between us.”
“She wants you.”
Not like I want you
. Now and forever.
“She wants a man to give her children and allow her to oversee her own lands. I am not the only man in England who might fulfill those requirements. Now you have pleaded your cousin’s case and not changed my mind. No matter what else, I cannot marry Carolyn.”
Hadn’t he this morning informed his brothers of the
opposite? What a difference a few hours and an earthmoving confession could make.
She searched his face. Did she see how much he wanted her, see his resolve to set all to rights?
“I know I have much to make up for,” he whispered. “Give me time, give me a chance. We have lost six years. I would rather not lose another day.”
He heard the sack of gowns fall, felt the heat where her hands landed on his chest, but mostly he noticed how she sucked in her lower lip, held it between her teeth, then soothed it with her tongue.
“You ask me to fly when I do not have wings.”
“Then let me carry us both.” He grasped her right hand, kissed the healing scratches on her palm, and gambled his future on a fragile assumption. “Two days ago, in the river, you were willing to put the past behind, begin again. Have you truly changed your mind?”
“If memory serves, ’twas you who told me I was not in my right mind.”
“One of the most foolish errors I have ever committed. What were you thinking, hanging out on the branch, that made you so bold?”
Marian remembered most every thought racing through her head when her hand slipped on the branch—the vows she made, her decision to take the chance Stephen now asked for.
Heaven knew she wanted to with her whole heart, and her body urged her onward. Already her knees were weak, her woman’s depths warm and wet.
Dare she hope he could find a way to do right by Carolyn? Could the eagle truly come to roost? Could she learn to fly, perhaps close to the ground? If she didn’t try her wings now, she might never get another chance.
She pursed her lips, took a breath. “At first I was sure
I was about to die, but the longer I hung on to the branch, the more firmly I believed you would come rescue me. I vowed to God and myself that if I lived, I would tell you about the girls, and that you…we…deserved another chance. I decided to begin by letting you know I still wanted you.”
He kissed the palm of her hand again. Did he know it sent shivers up her arm and down her back?
“I heard. And I wanted you so badly I could have taken you right there in the river. I
should
have taken you right there in the river.”
Yet he’d refused her, damn him. Made her angry and gotten her all confused and obstinate again. “Then what was all that drivel about gratitude?”
“’Twas not drivel, not all. Only some. Truly I should have just shut my mouth. I seem to get into mighty messes when I talk too much.”
She remembered Ardith’s comment about how Stephen didn’t always say or do the right thing. Mayhap she had the right of it.
“Your intentions are good,” she whispered.
“Not always.” He lowered his arms to encircle her. His hands clasped in the small of her back, he pulled her full against him. “I came to see you with the sole purpose of seducing you. Hardly noble or honorable of me.”
The evidence of his intent already reached out to her, hard and ready. The Stephen she knew and loved—randy and willing, any time and any place. In the hay or the river or now a tent.
Heaven help her she was ready for him, too.
“Think you we have time?”
His mouth descended, his kiss hungry as if starved. She thrilled to the mobile warmth of his mouth, the kiss
imbued with the promise of ecstasy. No longer a lad, now a man, Stephen had likely kissed other women with such ardor, made other promises. She couldn’t bring herself to care so long as he kept his promise to her.
When he finally backed away, ’twas with a shaky breath. “I will tie the tent flap.”
Marian made quick work of her gown’s laces and kicked off her boots. By the time Stephen finished, she stood before him in only her chemise.
He pulled off his tunic as he strode toward her. He tossed it aside; his sherte followed in its wake. His arms came up, Marian held out a staying hand.
“Before we commence, I need to see what you mean to poke me with.”
Stephen stopped, remembering those words from another time, another place. Marian had always been the bold one when it came to sex, even the first time, when he’d taken her virginity and lost his own.
“Surely you remember.”
“I remember the lad. I wish to see the man.”
Six years ago his fingers had fumbled with his lacings, worried over whether Marian would like what she saw or back away in horror. This time his hands trembled because he knew what came next. He pushed his breeches down far enough to allow her a thorough inspection of his staff and the sacs hanging beneath. It damn near killed him to stand still.
“You have, um, grown rather magnificently.” She looked up, this time not questioning but teasing. “You know what to do, where to put it?”
With far more confidence now, he said, “Damn right I do.”
“Show me, then.”
He shook his head. “First I get to see the woman.”
She acknowledged the change with a smile and pulled the chemise off over her head. No longer a girl. Her breasts were bigger, the tips darker. Her hips were fuller, giving her shapely form more definition. Her stomach rounded slightly, streaked with thin white lines. The body of the woman who’d borne his children tempted him to touch and possess as much as that of the untried girl.
“Lovely. Exquisite. Take your hair down.”
She gave a little laugh and undid the tie. “You never cared before.”
“Never took off boots and breeches, either.”
He stripped down, watching Marian untwist her braid, then shake out the strands so long the tips mingled with the hair surrounding the entryway he’d soon breach.
She knelt down on a pallet. “No hay this time.”
He knelt before her. “We will make do.”
They came together, skin against skin, man against woman. The years and fears faded away, soothed by exploring hands, burned off by kisses. She moaned when he nuzzled in her neck, leaned into his hands as he kneaded and suckled her breasts, drew in a sharp breath at the first stroke of his fingers through her moist heat.
She cupped him with both hands, petting and stroking, driving him near mindless until he had to pull away. He meant to pull her into another long, lingering kiss. Marian laid back on the pallet and spread her legs.
The hair there glistened with droplets of her woman’s dew. He leaned forward and used his thumb to spread the moisture around the nub of her need. Her back arched, her breathing quickened.
“Stephen, please.”
“Let it go, Marian.”
“Come with me.”
“Indulge me. I always did love watching you come apart.”
“Kiss me.”
So he did, but not where she expected. She arched up off the pallet with a long, broken gasp, then came down with a cry akin to pain. Her eyes glazed over, then closed. A flush spread across her upper chest and breasts, her nipples standing proud to poke through the veil of her hair.
Stephen covered her and slid his aching member into her pulsing pleasure. Her legs came around him, pulling him in tight. He rose up on his hands and timed his thrusts to her rhythm. Deep and hard he stroked, holding back his release with every ounce of willpower he could muster. For his efforts he enjoyed the reward of taking her over the edge once more.
He thrust deep again, and again. On the verge of spilling his seed he began to pull out, something he hadn’t known to do six years ago. Marian felt the movement and gripped him tighter, holding him inside.
“I want it all, Stephen. Either we are together for all time or we are not.”
For all time. Forever. Whatever he had to do to make it so. If Marian asked for proof of his resolve, knowing the possible consequences, then he’d not withdraw.
He thrust again, gave in to the physical urgency for release and his heart’s cry to prove his love. He came hard and long, his member thrumming against Marian’s soft sheath. Impossible for her not to feel the hot liquid pumping into her, not to know he gave her all he had to give.
She closed her eyes and sighed. “There. That feels
so
good.”
He lowered to his elbows and planted soft kisses all
over her face before capturing her mouth. He kissed her over and over, tasting her, initiating gentle swordplay with her tongue until his body began to cool, until he knew he must roll off to allow her to breathe freely again.