Knotted Roots (12 page)

When
I spotted the lights of the emergency vehicles I quickly thanked the woman and
hung up the phone.  I watched as they maneuvered among the used parking lot of
vehicles.  It was surreal to sit and watch, waiting, as everything seemed to
move in slow motion.  Behind the ambulance were the police, at least a half
dozen of them.  I watched as teenagers quickly poured out their drinks,
pitching the cups and bottles into nearby bushes.  I pitied whoever had to
clean this up.

Drunken
teens scattered like roaches when the search lights were turned on.  No one
seemed to know the quickest route out, causing collisions and pile ups, their
bodies connecting at awkward angles.  If this wasn’t such a serious situation I
might have found the humor in it.  I glanced back down at Katy, and then
focused my attention on the EMTs as they climbed out of their vehicle.

“Over
here!” I waved my arms over my head, trying to get their attention.  I didn’t
want to leave Katy alone, but the noise level all around us was deafening. 
There was no way they would hear me.

I
ran over to the ambulance, grabbing hold of a young woman who had just climbed
out of the front seat.  “Please! Come with me.” I tried to pull her along
behind me.  She didn’t seem happy about being forced to comply, snatching her
hand out of mine.  I took a quick look at her face and she looked more
irritated than angry.  I wanted to yell
if you didn’t want the job, why the
hell are you here?!
  I contained myself and kept going. 

I
ran ahead of her, reaching Katy only moments before she did.  I looked behind
her and noticed the other EMT following closely.  At least he looked more
concerned than his partner did.  I needed to be sure Katy was in good hands,
and this woman didn’t seem very enthused about her night’s activities.  Once
the male reached us, they started chattering back and forth, checking her
vitals as they spoke. 

They
kept asking me what happened, but I had no idea.  All I could do was shake my
head and tell them what I knew.  I felt helpless as I watched them work. 
Utterly and completely useless.  I was a nuisance, constantly getting in the
way.  I don’t know how long I stood there, but the sound of Chase’s voice
pulled me out of my stupor.

“Roxie,
can ya go grab a cop? Please?”

I
looked over to where he and Jackson still stood.  Jackson’s face no longer
looked enraged.  Instead he looked utterly defeated.  I nodded and ran to get
an officer to help him.  The first one I found was a tall man with a shaved
head.  He was talking to a group of drunken teenagers who could barely stand
up.  I tapped him on his shoulder to get his attention.  He turned to look at
me, his dark brown eyes held an accusatory glare.

“Please,
I need your help,” I said as I struggled to get the words out.  I explained to
him who I was, that I had called 911, and then told him why I needed him.  He
nodded and followed me to where Jackson was pinned.  

When
the officer approached, Chase slowly backed away from Jackson, leaving the cop
to deal with the situation.  I backed away from the commotion and shaking, sat
down on the ground.  I couldn’t stop the tears this time, even if I had wanted
to.  Katy was hurt.  Jackson had hurt her and all I could feel at that moment
was dread and pity.  I could imagine what Grandma would say when she found out
that I had deserted her out here.

I
pulled my knees up to my chest and started sobbing.  My body started shaking
even harder from the release of my emotions.  I didn’t hear anyone approach, so
when I felt two strong arms pull me into an awkward hug, I flinched and tried
to get away.

“Shhh,
it’s me.  It’s okay,” Chase’s voice soothed as he rubbed his hands down my
back.  I relaxed in his arms, my body weary from everything that had happened. 
I let him hold me until they loaded Katy into the ambulance.  I stood up and
tried to follow, but there were now officers crowding around us, waiting to
find out what exactly had happened. 

Chase
held my hand as they asked the same questions over and over.  Did we know the
boy who Katy had snuck off with?  Did Katy have a history of running off with
boys she didn’t know?  Were they drinking tonight?  I started to get mad.  More
than mad, I was furious.  I was about to release my pent up rage on the
unsuspecting officers.  From the sound of their questions, they were blaming
Katy
for what happened.  I had no idea what lie Jackson had told them, but when Katy
woke up I was sure that she would set the record straight.

I
answered their questions and gave them my contact information, as did Chase,
and they finally told us we could go home.  As we walked back toward the area
where everyone had parked, I finally realized that I had no way home.  Dan had
left when the cops first showed up, completely unconcerned with his sister’s
whereabouts, leaving me stranded.  I stopped abruptly, causing Chase to
stumble, but he caught himself quickly.

“What’s
wrong?” he asked as he took a step closer to me.

“Dan
left.  He was my ride,” I spoke in a hushed tone.  “Shit...he left her here. 
He left his own sister.  What kind of person does that?”

“I
don’t have the answer you need Roxie,” he sighed.  “Dan has always been
a...piece of work.” He reached for my hand and interlaced our fingers.  “Come
on.  I’ll give you a ride home.”

I
nodded and followed him to his truck.  I didn’t have much choice in who took me
home, but a small part of me was happy that it was Chase I was leaving with. 
Okay, so maybe it wasn’t such a small part.

* * * *

We
had barely made it onto the main road when Chase reached over and grabbed my
hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.  I could feel that squeeze around my heart,
and as much as I wanted to hold his hand at that moment, I couldn’t.  I pulled
my hand away and placed it in my lap.  I stared straight ahead, devouring the
dark that surrounded the truck.  I could feel his eyes on me, questioning, but
I couldn’t bear to look at him.

“Sorry. 
I shouldn’t have done that,” he spoke quietly and placed his hand back on the
steering wheel.

“It’s
okay,” I said as I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. 

A
tense silence engulfed us.  I could feel the hurt pouring off of him.  It
seemed that I was destined to keep screwing up and hurting him.  “I suck at
this.  Friendship, I mean.”

“How
can you suck at friendship?  Either you care about someone, or you don’t.” He
glanced at me, barely taking his eyes off of the road.

“It’s
not always that simple.  At least not for me.” I barely spoke the words out
loud, but I was certain that he had heard me. 

“It
could be, if you let it,” he tapped his fingers on the wheel.  “I could help
you, if you want.  I’ve been told I make a pretty good friend.”

I
couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face.  “Are you propositioning
me?”

He
laughed and the sound eased some of the tension between us.  “I guess I am. 
But just so you know, no other friend will ever compare to me.  I’m that good.”

“I’d
like that.  A lot,” I said quietly.  When I glanced over at him I noticed that
he had a huge smile on his face.  “But just so you know, I will probably screw
it up.  Repeatedly.”

The
rest of the drive went by quickly.  We kept conversation light, never really
addressing what had just happened, even though both of us were thinking about
it.  When we pulled up in front of the house I began to feel queasy.  I was
scared to tell Grandma what had happened with Katy and Jackson.  I didn’t even
know what actually happened, so how could I explain it to her? 

A
loud slam echoed through the air, snapping my head up.  I looked at the front
porch and found Grandma standing there, one hand on her hip, and an angry look
plastered on her face.

“Shit,”
I muttered, grabbing my purse and opening the truck’s door.

“Hey,
let me do the talking, okay?” said Chase as he opened his door as well. 

We
both walked up to the porch, our heads down and our feet dragging.  When I
looked up at Grandma I knew that I would never be allowed out of the house
again.  I could practically see the smoke streaming from her ears. 

“What
happened?  Do ya know how much I despise getting a call from the police chief
that my
granddaughter
was at an illegal field party in the middle of the
night?  What were ya thinking?” She was spitting mad.  And she was right.  I
had to own up to what happened.

“I’m
sor-” I began, but was immediately cut off.

“It
was my fault Ms. Betty.  I asked her and Katy to meet me there.  I just thought
that it would be good for her to get to know others her own age.  It was
stupid, I realize that now.  I shouldn’t have taken them there,” Chase said,
the lie rolling easily off of his tongue. 

She
jerked her head as if she had been slapped and focused her attention on Chase. 
“It was your idea to take my granddaughter out there?  I thought ya knew better
Chase.  Especially after everything that happened-” Grandma slapped a hand over
her mouth, cutting off her own words.  The stricken look of panic on her face
couldn’t be hidden by her small hand. 

“What
are you talking about?” I asked.  I looked over at Chase.  His face had turned
chalky white in color and his eyes were fierce.  I put my hand on his arm, but
he jerked away from me.  “What’s going on?”

“Chase,
I’m so sorry.  I...I don’t know...it just slipped...” she stammered along, the
apology becoming broken and unintelligible. 

“I’ll
always be blamed for that, won’t I?” he whispered as he stared up at Grandma. 
I looked between the two of them, unsure what to say or do.  There was a secret
being bounced around between them, but evidently I wasn’t meant to know what it
was.

“I never
blamed you.  Never.  What happened was out of your control,” she said as she
came down the steps to stand in front of him.  She tried to reach out and hug
him, but he quickly took a step back, distancing himself from her.

“Everyone
blames me.  Hell,
I
blame me!  If it weren’t for me, he would still be
here!” His voice got louder and I flinched from the volume. 

“That’s
not true!  He wouldn’t want you to blame yourself for what happened.  You
aren’t the one who-”

“Yes
I am!” he screamed.  “If I hadn’t been out there that night, he never would
have needed to come get me!  If I had stayed home, like he asked, he wouldn’t
have been on that dark road!  He would be here! Right now!” As he yelled, tears
began to stream down his cheeks.  He didn’t bother to wipe them away.  They
flowed freely as his hands fisted at his sides.

“Who?
Who are you two talking about?” I questioned, still confused as to what was
going on.  I had a general idea that something bad happened, and that Chase
blamed himself.  The pain pouring from his eyes was immense, threatening to
pull him under. 

Neither
one of them looked at me, continuing to stare each other down.  They were both
crying, neither of them moving towards the other, and their chests heaved as
sobs wracked their bodies.  

“Can
someone please tell-”

“No. 
Not like this,” Chase cut me off, finally turning his attention to my face. 
“Tomorrow.”  He paused, a look of fear flitting across his face.  “I’ll tell
you everything.  Tomorrow.”

He
spun on his heel and stormed away, leaving me feeling a thousand times worse. 
I could feel his pain as if it were my own.  It clutched at my heart and gave a
violent squeeze.  I watched as he fled to his truck and peeled out of our yard,
making his way down the dirt road, until I couldn’t see his tail lights any
more.  I turned to face Grandma and found her sitting on the steps with her
head hanging in what I imagined was shame.  I sat down beside her and leaned
forward.

“I
have no idea what is going on, and I won’t push the issue.  You’ll just tell me
to ask Chase about it tomorrow, which I will.  But,” I paused, taking a deep
breath.  “I want you to know that all of these secrets between us...I don’t
know what to do.”

Grandma’s
head slowly rose and our eyes met.  I could see the hurt and despair churning
in hers, threatening to boil over again.  I reached over and hugged her.  From
this angle it was a little bit awkward, but I hoped she would get the sentiment
behind it.  She patted me on the back and then leaned away. 

“I
don’t want to keep things from ya.  I don’t.  But this one is huge.  And not
mine to tell,” she replied as the tears began to fall again, slower this time.

“This
is why you told me to stay away from him, isn’t it?” I questioned.

She
nodded.  “He has been through so much.  He carries the pain around with him.  I
know he needs the feeling of normalcy, and I have no right to keep that from
him, but it’s hard.  I just want to protect him.”

“And
you think so little of me that you thought I would rip his heart out.”  It
wasn’t a question.  I was an unknown to her.  We didn’t know each other,
regardless of the fact that we were family. 

“No. 
But there’s always that chance,” she said.  “When you love someone you want to
protect them.  You want to keep the world from completely crushing them.  But
sometimes the world has other plans, and you’re powerless to stop them. That’s
what I am.  Powerless.”

“I
didn’t come here to mess everything up...” I spoke gently as I felt the first
tears slip free. 

“Oh
baby, I know that,” she pulled me into a fierce hug as she spoke. “I was so
focused on protecting Chase, that I hurt
you
in the process.”  She
pulled away and looked me in the eye.  “I’m so sorry.  I never meant to make ya
feel like that.”

As
we sat together, crying and hugging, I got the strangest feeling in my chest. 
It started as a dull throb, slowly growing into a light fluttering feeling.  It
wasn’t painful, but it sure was attention grabbing.  I had never felt something
so strong, yet gentle.  I decided to ignore it and continue hugging Grandma.  I
could worry about the weird feeling another time. For now, I was surrounded by
warmth and love, and there was no way I was letting go.