Authors: Ruthi Kight
I
was shocked by his words. He had tried for so long to convince me that we
should give “us” a chance, and now he wanted to back out? I couldn’t bring
myself to fight with him anymore.
“You’re
probably right,” I replied. “This was doomed from the start.”
I
couldn’t meet his eyes as I crossed the room towards him. I nodded my head as
I passed by him, making my way out of the room. My heart felt like it was
being crushed into tiny bits with each step I took. I had opened myself up,
and wouldn’t you know,
I got knocked down again. This roller coaster ride of emotions was too much to
deal with. Besides, he deserved someone better than me. Anyone.
“Friends?”
he asked, his eyes searching mine.
“Friends,”
I said as I left him standing there. It hurt like hell to walk away, but if he
didn’t want this anymore, there was no way I would beg. I’d rather take the
heart ache and nights filled with tears than have him look at me with pity as I
groveled at his feet. This is for the best. Right?
“So...how
did last night go?” asked Brian. He smiled at me as he took a big bite of his
waffle. He had been up bright and early this morning, the smile on his face
never wavering. I wanted to smack the smirk right off of his face. With a
bat.
“It
went,” I replied as I sipped my coffee. I hated mornings, especially in this
house. Waking up before the sun was bad enough, but now I had to deal with
Brian and Grandma as well. Neither of them woke up on the wrong side of the
bed. I fell out the wrong side, smacking my head as I hit bottom. Yeah, it
was turning into one of those days.
“Did
you and Chase get all lovey dovey and junk?” he asked with a laugh.
“Nope.
We decided to be friends.”
He
stopped mid-bite to goggle at me, letting his arm fall back down to the table.
“You’re kidding me? After all that crap, y’all are gonna be
friends
,” he
said the last word as if it was dirty.
“What’s
wrong with being friends?” I asked indignantly.
“Just
seems...like a waste, I guess,” he replied. “I mean, he’s been miserable,
you’ve been miserable, all because of a misunderstanding. You don’t get that
upset over someone unless you really care about them.”
“He
said it wasn’t worth it. I didn’t argue with him,” I said as I set my coffee
on the table. I put my head in my hands and took a deep breath. When I looked
back up Brian was finishing his breakfast. “I don’t know what I feel, okay? I
like him. I really do. But what do we do when I go home? It’s just a summer
fling.”
“I
can’t answer that. And I won’t. You two are too damn stubborn for your own
good. You don’t want something serious. He doesn’t want something casual,” he
said with a shrug. “He’s right. Maybe it isn’t worth it. But you’ll never
know if you both run away.”
He
stood up and placed his plate in the sink. I watched him walk out of the
kitchen with a sad smile on his face. Damn him for being so smart. He was
right, after all. Neither of us would know if it was worth it if we didn’t
give it a shot, but we were both trying to protect ourselves from the other.
We were looking out for our hearts, trying to ensure they didn’t end up smashed
to pieces in the end.
* * * *
Every
day at the farm felt like a new kind of torture. We’d been
friends
for
a week, and both of us had put on a brave front, but I knew we were both
miserable. Anytime we had to speak to each other it was tense and short,
nothing like our previous flirty conversations. It was as if we had skipped
over friends and went back to being strangers. He didn’t smile as much, but
then again, neither did I. All I could think about was finding a way to bring
that light back to his eyes.
Grandma
offered to let me stay home, again, but I refused. Avoiding the object of my
pain would do nothing but cause me to think of him more. Go figure. Tonight
Grandma and I were heading back to Daisy’s Diner for dinner, which had turned
into a normal routine for us since I started back to work at the farm. This
was our special time, each night, to get to know each other a little bit more.
I didn’t understand the necessity at first, but after the first couple of days
I got used to it, and even began to look forward to it.
As I
waited by her truck for her to finish up I saw Katy. I hadn’t seen her since
our fight over Chase, but I knew I had to eventually apologize for the way I
had treated her. She hadn’t done anything wrong; I was just angry and hurt.
She was walking towards me, her head down, most likely making her way back to
her house. I waved to her and called her name, and when her head snapped up
she looked both angry and confused.
“Katy,
can we talk?” I asked loudly, hoping she could hear me. She hesitated, finally
nodding her head as she veered in my direction. I met her halfway and smiled
the friendliest smile I could muster. I didn’t want to scare her away.
“Hey,”
she muttered, avoiding looking at me.
“Hey...um...I
wanted to apologize. For the other day. I don’t know why I acted like-”
“Because
you love him, that’s why,” she cut me off, crossing her arms across her chest.
I
couldn’t hold in the laugh that burst from my lips. “Seriously? No. I
don’t...love him. I liked him, that’s it.”
“
Liked
?
As in past tense?” she asked curiously.
“Yeah.
We’re just friends now.”
“You
two are idiots. I knew there was something bothering him, but he wouldn’t tell
me anything,” she said as she shook her head in disbelief.
“Gee,
thanks.”
“No,
I’m serious. You two need to get over yourselves and work this out. Frankly,
I’m tired of it. You’re snapping everyone’s head off, including mine, and he’s
moping like a lost puppy. It’s getting really annoying.”
I
stared at her as she ranted about our stupidity. I didn’t know she had it in
her, but it made me laugh, and I was finally able to admit that she really was
a great friend to have. I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to figure it
out. Another strike against my mental capacity.
“I
get it. I’m sorry. I promise to avoid chomping on anyone else’s head. On one
condition,” I said.
“What?”
She didn’t look like she wanted to know the answer, but couldn’t stop herself
from asking.
“We
have to have a girl’s night. Tonight,” I replied.
“OH
MY GOODNESS! Really? It’s about time!” she squealed as she jumped up and down.
I
couldn’t help but smile and squeal with her. I had never been prone to those
kinds of noises, but something about her enthusiasm was infectious. There was
something about her that made me feel like I had finally found a real friend.
One that would be there until the end. I would really miss her when I went
home. Just the thought of home brought my mood down rapidly. As we jumped up
and down, giggling, I shook off the weary feeling. Tonight was about fun.
Tomorrow I could deal with everything else.
Katy
talked constantly from the moment we left the farm. I’m serious. It was
constant. A part of me wanted to put a pillow over her face as she lay on the
floor of my bedroom, but another part of me was just so excited to have someone
to really talk to. I’ve had friends before, but none of them ever asked me
what I was thinking. They didn’t take the time to ask me if everything was
okay, and sure, Katy had already asked me that one at least a dozen times, but
it made me smile every time.
“Hey,
you still awake?” she whispered from the floor. I leaned over and hung my head
off the bed.
“Yep,”
I replied with a grin.
“So...I
know it’s none of my business, but...” she paused, taking a deep breath. “Do
you really not like Chase anymore?”
“You’re
right, it’s none of your business,” I replied as I lay back down on the bed.
“You’re
not going to answer, are ya?” she asked.
I
leaned back over the side and looked her right in the eye. “Why does it
matter?”
“It
always matters. Besides, I know that he still likes you,” she said with a
wicked grin. I laughed at her and sat up on the bed. She jumped up and sat
beside me on the bed. “Come on Roxie. Why can’t you just admit that you still
care about him? It’s just you and me here.”
“Because
there’s no point. He made it clear that things between us weren’t worth
fighting for. I don’t want someone in my life who doesn’t think I’m worth a
little bit of pain and strife.”
“But
aren’t you telling him the same thing by acting like you’re okay with it?” she
asked as she stood up and walked to the window.
“It’s
completely different. I can’t just sit there and beg him to give me a chance.
I’d make a complete fool out of myself.”
“I’m
not seeing any difference in how you’ve been acting lately,” she said. I threw
a pillow at her, hitting her squarely in the back of the head. She just
laughed and tossed it back at me. “Call him. What can it hurt? I mean, you’re
friends
, right? Friends call friends all the time.”
“Let
it go Katy. I’m not calling him. I can’t,” I said as I lay back down and
pulled the covers over my head. I heard her walk back to her pallet on the
floor and lie down. I didn’t want to think about Chase anymore. That ship had
sailed already, and I needed to let him go and move on. With only a month left
of my vacation, I couldn’t let thoughts of him consume me.
The
next morning I was woken up by the most obnoxious ringtone in history. No,
really, it was
that
bad. I sat up and looked down at a still snoring
Katy, wrapped up like a burrito on the floor. I knew it wasn’t my phone
ringing, so I threw a pillow at her, hoping she would wake up long enough to
turn that horrid noise off. Other than a grunt, I got no response from her. I
stood up to find the phone, finally discovering it on the floor by her head,
buried under her wild hair.
I
picked it up from the floor and dropped it on her chest. This was obviously a
bad idea, because she popped up immediately, fists swinging in the air. I
jumped away from her, laughing the whole time. She looked like an escapee from
an asylum, her hair a tangled mess, sticking out in every direction. She
scowled at me and lay back down, closing her eyes.
“Nuh
uh. Wake up,” I said as I nudged her with my toe. She rolled over on her side
and looked up at me.
“No...go
away,” she said as she wiped the sleep from her eyes.
“Not
happening. Your phone has been squawking at me. Do something with it,” I said,
sticking my tongue out at her as I stumbled to my closet.
I
grabbed some clothes and went to the bathroom for a shower. When I got out,
Katy was sitting on my bed talking to someone. From the sound of her voice, it
wasn’t going very well.
“No!
I won’t tell her anything! You tell her if it’s that important,” she spoke
heatedly. She nodded as she listened to the caller. “Nope. Can’t. Won’t. Nuh
uh. I gotta go.”
She
hung up and smiled at me. “Good call?” I asked as I ran a brush through my
hair, snagging the brush a few times on my unruly curls.
“You
could say that. It was Chase,” she replied as she threw on a fresh pair of
clothes.
“And
you’re supposed to tell someone something...”
“Nope,
nothing,” she said. “What’s for breakfast?” She smiled and walked out of the
room. Following, I couldn’t help but smile and shake my head, realizing that
this kooky girl was going to be hard to say goodbye to.
* * * *
Monday
morning came way too fast, bringing with it the knowledge that I would get to
at least see Chase. Pathetic, I know, but a girl has to take joy where she can
find it. I was actually ready before Grandma for a change, taking up her job
of waiting impatiently at the front door. When she came down the stairs I
immediately noticed her pale face and tight-set lips. When she made it to the
bottom step she stumbled, her foot slipping, causing her to throw her hands
out. I grabbed her to steady her and noticed her hands felt frailer than they
had before.
“Are
you okay?” I asked, concern consuming me.
“I’m
fine. Just a misstep,” she replied as she stood up straight again. She tried
to give me a reassuring smile, but it looked pained and forced.
“Are
you sure? Cause you don’t look so good. Have you been sleeping well?” I asked
as we walked out the front door to her truck.
“I’m
fine. Let it go,” she snapped. She let out a deep sigh and turned around to
face me. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. I just haven’t been feeling very
good the past few days. I’m sure it’s nothing.”
“Why
haven’t you gone to the doctor? What if something is really wrong?” I
questioned, hysteria threatening to bubble up.
“I’m
sure it’s nothing sweetie. Let’s just get to work,” she replied as she climbed
into the truck. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was seriously
wrong, but I knew I couldn’t push her. She was a stubborn old bird and didn’t
like being badgered about anything. I contemplated bringing it up to Brian or
Chase, but I wasn’t sure if they knew she was feeling ill or not. I didn’t
want to cause any unneeded concern for them.
I
jumped into the truck and buckled up, catching sight of Grandma’s knuckles that
had turned white on the steering wheel. She was hiding something from me, I
knew it, but how would I bring it up again without upsetting her even more? I
would definitely need to bring in the cavalry on this one. I shot a quick text
to Katy asking her to meet me at the farm. Maybe she would be able to talk
some sense into Grandma. It was worth a shot, at least.