“Hey,” Jackson says, settling on a sympathetic smile.
“Hey,” I whisper, dropping my head.
“I just wanted to stop by and make sure you were okay. I had no idea. I’m sorry. Cameron and Lucca have enlightened me on the basics, but I wanted to reassure you that I will keep this very private and not disclose it to anyone. If there is anything I can do to help …” He’s careful, decent, and appropriate around Lucca, around me.
Deep down Jackson is uneasy. He’s shifting his weight from side to side with one hand in his jeans’ pocket, the other still on the nape of his neck.
Lucca reaches for me, taking my hand, then gently tilts my head back up with two fingers under my chin. “You good?” He searches my face, my eyes.
“Yes, just tired I suppose.” I must be strong in front of him. I know he called Casey Huddersfield this morning and that can only mean one thing. Therapy. Staring back at Lucca’s eyes, we have one of our hushed conversations. He knows exactly what I’m asking of him.
“Okay, I will be in the kitchen. I will give you a minute.” I nod my head and force a smile, thanking him for the understanding and privacy.
Before leaving, he graces my lips with a tender kiss in front of Jackson then lowers his eyes, silently telling me he trusts me but to keep distance. I know this wordless plea. Thanking him, I squeeze his hand before he closes the door.
The surrounding air is thick, laced with a hazy, subdued, and uncertain atmosphere. We stand and stare for what seems like forever. Finally breaking the silence, I walk over to the sofa and sit, reaching my hand out towards Jackson. Looking relieved, he takes my hand clasping it in his and sits next to me.
“Thank you for looking out for me at the club.”
“You’re welcome. I just wish you didn’t have such an unpleasant experience with that Kimberley girl, and I’m sorry you had to experience that.”
“Me too, but the reality is she’s done me a favour. At least I won’t be sneaking away from security from now on, and you got to witness my party piece … bonus.” A gentle smile spreads across his face at my attempt to lighten the mood.
“The falling or the fainting?” he asks, which makes me blush.
“Both, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. As long as you’re well.”
“I hope I will be, Jackson, I do hope so.” I close my eyes, filled with disquiet, exhaustion, and scepticism.
“You will. Of course you will. Lucca will take great care of you. Nothing’s going to happen to you, Alexis.” He smiles, stroking my hand trying to comfort me, but his look is more a sorrowful smile of pity. I lower my head because I don’t think I could look into those chocolate velvet eyes right now.
“What did Cameron tell you?” I ask.
“Enough … but please don’t worry. You can trust me. This will go no further. I give you my word.” He sighs.
Oh God, he knows I was abused, brutally tortured, and mentally and physically tormented. He knows how I was brought into this world, but I know Cameron wouldn’t disclose how we became free leaving that world behind. Cameron will always protect my feelings and integrity, I know that for certain.
Tensing, I bite the inside of my cheek and grind my teeth.
“There are only a handful of people who know this and who I trust, Jackson, so I need you to forget about it and treat us as if you didn’t know and of course keep it private. You’ll understand that I find it difficult to talk about.” Involuntarily, I chew the inside of my cheek.
I watch his shoulders rise and his coffee coloured eyes soften. He sympathises.
“You’ve really helped me this week, for that I’m grateful, and Lucca is appreciative … even if he appears a bit alpha male. I hope you’ll continue your friendship with Cameron and this won’t affect that, but I know it’s awkward and changes the dynamics a little because Lucca probably doesn’t want you to see me, so for that I’m sorry.”
I fidget, shuffle, and then continue, “I also need to ask you to keep a distance from Kimberley. She’s a deceitful game player and could tarnish your reputation as well as ours and will no doubt try to meddle. She wouldn’t have thought twice about releasing those photographs, I’m sure.” I fidget with the hem of my dress with my free hand.
He contently listens still holding my hand but now it’s his turn.
“She won’t get anywhere near me. Security will make sure of that, and I have PR specialists and agents dealing with any bad press so they’ll be all over it. I’d never judge so please don’t worry about what I think, and it certainly doesn’t change my friendship with Cameron or how I feel about you.” His voice softens as his thumb brushes the skin of my hand.
Shit. Thoughts are feelings and feelings need to be filed.
End of.
Period!
“And how do you feel about me?” These are dangerous waters, but I need to know.
“I’m not going to lie. I have strong feelings for you. I like you a lot, but I’m respectful and a decent man despite what the press says about me. I would never interfere with your relationship. I accept that Lucca is one lucky guy, and you’ll always be his, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still remain friends. You don’t need to be embarrassed and hide from me because I know about your past. It changes nothing. I’m friends with Cameron, and I very much hope I can be your friend also.”
Oh my.
Fuck!
File S for stunned. Stunned at his sincerity.
I didn’t realise we were friends, well not really, but then we did have a down-to-earth chat at the club before the drama, one I felt rather comfortable having. He’s been friends with Cameron for years and other than the occasional unavoidable meeting at events or functions, we have never had to be in each other’s company. Everything is changing and he is technically our neighbour now, so I will no doubt bump into him more frequently.
“I’d like that, but I’m not so sure Lucca would.” I ease my hand away and worry my fingers around in front of my mouth, the back of my hand pressed to my lips.
“Lucca and I cleared the air. He loves you, Alexis. He’s a great guy, but you know that already. He’s made himself crystal clear where we stand and asked what my intentions are. He seems satisfied that we could all have a friendship of sorts without this being too weird after I was honest with him. I think he appreciated my honesty and knows I’d never hurt you. I suppose he sees it as someone else to trust who’ll care for you, and you need a lot of caring and people to trust at a time like this.”
Optimism is in his voice if I’m not mistaken.
I’m quietly processing this. A few days ago Lucca practically threw him out of the house, and now it appears Lucca’s mellowed, succumbed, and compromised.
“Okay. I’d like us to be friends, just maybe not in public so much or the media will expose us. I don’t need to draw attention just now. I need to hide. I’m sure it’s not good for you either.” I turn around and give him an apologetic look.
“I understand. Plus, I’m not sure Shawna would appreciate pictures of me linked to someone else in the evening news. We know it’s all innocent, but she gets tired of it, understandably. You and Lucca should come over for dinner when you’re back. Seriously, I mean that, we’re neighbours after all.” He frowns at the mention of Shawna and scratches his jaw, but then finishes by smiling at me, warm-heartedly.
“Sure, I’d love to. I can meet the white fur ball.” I smile.
He laughs and shakes his head.
“Don’t tell Shawna I said that. She’ll annihilate me,” he mumbles.
“Okay deal. Since we are friends, you better have some of Rose’s chocolate brownies, come on.” I jump up, tugging at his hand, and he follows me out giving Lucca a reassuring nod.
I wasn’t aware but he was standing at the door way and probably heard the conversation or some of it. I move to allow Jackson to walk in front. Pulling Lucca back, I put my arms around his neck and kiss him with conviction against the wall.
“I love you. Thank you for being understanding.”
Moving a loose curl from my eyes he kisses my nose.
“I do not want you to have any more grief. I need people around who are willing to protect you, and I like that he is honest.”
“You have changed your tune. I must be making you softer.”
“Hmmm … That fucker better not think this is a friendship with benefits. I will castrate him if he does not keep to the rules. He touches you and the fucker loses his balls. He will never kick another ball again.”
Lucca. Still Lucca.
I shake my head but smile. “I wondered where Lucca went. It appears you’re back.”
“Baby, I never left. I just want you to be happy,” he says, smacking my bottom playfully.
Jackson, Anna, and Cameron scoff pancakes while Lucca and I speak with Rose, Peter, and Marco. Anna is being very chatty, even more so than normal. She’ll be in Heaven having a new premier league footballer friend. Cameron’s going to have his hands full with her. She’ll definitely be keeping him on his toes.
“You never read the documents Omari brought over?” Lucca adds, picking up his leather briefcase.
“No, sorry I forgot.” I purse my lips and shrug my shoulders.
“Take them with you and you can read them on the journey or when we get there. It’s important.” He slides the manila envelope into the front of my designer tote bag.
“Ready?” I have a feeling I’ve forgot something.
“Have you got everything?”
The concentration on my face is a dead giveaway. Running through everything I know we’ve packed: the photo book, the gifts, laptop and chargers. I can’t put my finger on it. Then it comes to me.
“Hold on.” I walk back to the study and find the rectangle parcel in the jiffy bag. The parcel is for Cathy, my granny’s friend and minister. It’s from Ms. Morrison, the minister of my local parish. I slip it in the front pouch of the case.
Jackson has just left, leaving us his private mobile number and an invitation for dinner. Cameron and Anna are staying longer to lounge by the pool, and when I overhear Marco telling Lucca he’s taking Lucy out to dinner tonight, I could dance with glee. That’s exciting I must call her and get all the details.
We stop outside my old house so I can check on Mr. Carlin. Lucca comes in with me because he won’t let me out of his sight. Doris is barking like mad in the back of Lloyd’s SUV.
Pinching my sundress off my chest, I shout, “Good God, turn that heating off!” I could faint in here with that blooming heat.
“Well, about time. I’ve waited so long this morning I’m almost another year older.” He’s sitting in his chair with his light jacket and flat cap on, holding his stick. His brown leather bowler bag is sitting at his feet.
“Going somewhere?” I ask, lifting my brow in confusion.
“Your grandparents are expecting us. Stop wasting time,” he complains.
“You’re coming?” I asked, surprised that he is.
“Oh dear Lord, please give me strength, lassie. Lucca, can you please give her a shake. You’re about as bright as blondie next door.” With my hand on my hip, I look towards Lucca for answers.
“Mr. Carlin is coming. I thought the fresh air would do him good and he would enjoy the company. Your grandpa is looking forward to it.” He nods towards an impatient Mr. Carlin.
“Oh, that’s very thoughtful,” I murmur. Not that I’m disappointed, but I get enough grief from Granny. I just hope I don’t get an earache from him too.
I switch off the heating, check his fridge and mail, then lock the doors and check he has his prescriptions before we leave.
“Which vehicle do you want to go in?” Lucca asks.
“Whatever one doesn’t have the beast in it.” He points his walking stick towards Devon. I give Devon a sympathetic smile; it’s going to be a long trip for him.
Short straw.
Lloyd travels closely in front, and Devon tailgates behind us on the A9. I try to close my eyes to have a nap, but there are too many things going through my mind. I ask Lucca to make a stop near Blair Atholl in Perthshire en route to Morayshire so we can allow Doris to stretch her legs.
We don’t get that far. I need to stop at Dunblane because I’m so nauseous and hot and about to be sick.
After a restroom break, some water, and letting Doris out, we’re back on the road. I switch the AC up full, and Lucca watches me curiously but still keeps a skilful eye on the road. I assure him I’m fine but he’s not convinced and says I look very pale.
I do feel awful.
Our next stop is Pitlochary, where Lucca and I walk for ten minutes in the park with Doris for fresh air while Devon and Mr. Carlin stretch their legs and bring back some tea and coffee. I have to confiscate a slab of Scottish tablet from Mr. Carlin as his blood sugars would be sky high, although I could be doing with a little pick me up myself.
One bite hasn’t perked me up at all; it’s only contributed to my sickly feeling. I drop it back in the wrapper, feeling a shade greener.
I’m exhausted and still queasy. I’ve not had travel sickness in a long time, and it’s not even a long journey. Maybe it’s nerves or stress catching up with me, potentially both. I’ll be fine when I lie down. Hopefully.
I manage to doze off momentarily, despite my stomach churning. Suddenly, I jolt upright,
“Oh God.” I put my hand over my mouth, barely able to hold back the threatening vomit in my throat. Lucca calls Lloyd on the hands-free signalling to pull over. We pull over at a lay-by and just manage to throw the door open in time. I lean out the car hurling at the side of the road.
Bloody hell. How embarrassing. Beam me up.
Lucca rubs my back but is agitated because I’m feeling so poorly. I lean back against the car and feel soothed when Lucca’s hands wrap around my waist to pull me into him, distracting me from my sickness, but we can’t stay here forever, we need to drive.
We’re just outside Kingussie and I ask him to stop at Aviemore, knowing it’s not too far, and I’ll get something from the chemist and an energy drink. The journey has taken us much longer to arrive at this point with the added stops.
Doris and Mr. Carlin are extremely fractious, and my granny and mum have called a handful of times. All I want to do is curl up and sleep, or die, maybe both … in no particular order.
We drive through Boat-Of-Garten and into Nethybridge so I can pick up some meat from the butcher’s that I know my grandpa loves to barbecue. The smell of the fresh meat turns my stomach. I step outside for air and have Lucca pay for it once I’ve ordered.