Leap (21 page)

When he questions me like this, it makes me angry. Like I can’t have a life outside of him and Haven. All these years no man could hold a candle to Mack. I’ve loved him forever. I loved him when he got another girl pregnant. I loved him when I decided to help him raise his daughter. I loved him when he didn’t love me in the way I loved him. I don’t know if, maybe, when I offered to devote my life to them that he’d see me in a different light. More than Rinny, his sister-like neighbor. I watched him date a little. Taking women to functions for the network. I’d pick out his suit or tux and watch him walk out the door to go pick up some bombshell from the media or another news organization. But as soon as I take an interest in some guy, I get a thousand questions.

I haven’t slept with Justin. I haven’t had sex with anyone in eighteen months. Not like I have much time for a guy. If I’m not working at the magazine, I’m taking care of Haven when Mack goes away on assignment. I’ve come to the realization that Mack will only see me for what he wants to see me as. A companion minus the benefits of a relationship. When he went away last month to cover a story in Germany, I was so tired of missing him. When I dropped him off at the airport, I sat there watching him walk through the glass doors but my eyes went to all the couples leaving each other. Some in romantic embraces, some crying in each other's arms as they said their goodbyes or reuniting.

And it hit me.

I’ll never have that with Mack. I’ll always get the cheek kiss when I drop him off. I’ll always get the friendly but loving hug when he gets back. It’ll never be that embrace where you know you have to let go but can’t. Where your heart breaks because you're leaving each other again. When he leaves, it does break my heart because I know when he returns it will be the same kind of hello again. So I have to move on.

“It’s fine if you have guests over when Haven’s not there, but when I’m away I prefer you not have anyone stay. It doesn’t look right.” He takes a few sips of his water. His eyes stay on mine as he drinks, and I watch his Adams apple bob up and down. Haven continues to color, paying no attention to our conversation.

“I wouldn’t do that anyway, Mack. It’s your place. I just pay rent.” I gulp down my wine, hold up the glass, and signal our waiter, Giorgio, for another.

“You do more than that, Corrine, and you know it. Don’t play the martyr.”

Giorgio brings me another glass and stands there waiting to take our order, and I thank God for the slight interruption.

We order and Giorgio takes Haven back in the kitchen to get a ball of pizza dough to play with.

Of course I can’t let this go. Of course I can’t let Mack get away with calling me a martyr.

“Know what, MacIntyre Cooper? I spend every day of my life helping you raise that girl. I have sacrificed so much of my own life to help you. I know it was my idea, but I’ve never played the martyr, nor do I even think of myself as that, so don’t accuse me again.”

His expression softens. “Yeah, I know. Sorry if I sounded snappy. I’m just tired. I just didn’t expect this job to be so demanding with travel.”

“I know but these are terrible times, Mack. The world is in disarray with this war. You’re doing something important. Covering these stories is your job and you do it well. That’s why they send you. Maybe you'll get the Pulitzer for journalism.”

He just smiles and stretches his arms above his head. He looks tired. The skin around those beautiful eyes look dark.

“I’m going to go to my mom’s this weekend. You coming along?”

I decide not to tell him that I have a date with Justin this weekend. So I lie.

“Um, no. I have a photo shoot and some editing to do. You guys go on ahead. You haven’t seen your mom in a few weeks. She’ll love you guys staying for the weekend.”

Haven skips back from the kitchen and plops on my lap. She places a napkin in my hand and opens it.

“Look, Rinny. I made a dinosaur out of dough and they baked it for me.”

“Oh, baby girl, that looks delicious. Are you going to eat it?”

She shakes her head and her curls shake side to side.

“No way. I’m going to keep it in my room forever.”

I wrap my arms around the front of her and rock her back and forth kissing the side of her sweet little face.

“Well, I think that’s a great idea. That way you can look at it every night before you go to bed. You did such a terrific job, kiddo.” She turns to me and kisses my cheek in return. I look up and find Mack staring at our exchange.

“What?” I ask him smiling.

The corner of his mouth rises and he shrugs.

“Nothing. You two make quite the pair.”

“She’s my best friend.”

“I thought I was?”

Haven cuts in.

“Daddy, you're a boy. Boys and girls can’t be best friends. Boys are gross.”

Mack puts his hand over his heart acting hurt by her words.

“So I’m gross?” Mack pretends to cry and Haven laughs.

“No, you're handsome and not gross, but boys and girls are boyfriends and girlfriends. Not best friends. But you should make her your girlfriend and then get married and she can be my mommy.”

Mack’s posture stiffens, and he shifts uncomfortably in his seat. My skin tingles, and I feel a warmth creep up my chest to my throat, extending to my face. I must look ridiculous. I stutter out a shocked response.

“Where did you come up with that idea, Haven?”

“A girl at school said I didn’t have a mommy, and I told her I did, and it was you and she said I didn’t come from your belly so you’re not my mommy. I wanted to punch her.”

“Haven,” Mack says to her with warning.

“Sorry, Daddy. But she was mean. Why can’t Rinny be my mommy?”

This precious child is getting smarter every day. She knows Veronica died because she was sick. We’ve hidden the truth, but how are we supposed to explain to her that I’ll never be her mom. I can’t say it doesn’t ache inside to know that someday Mack will marry someone else, and she’ll get to live with Haven and help Mack raise her. I’ll just be Rinny. There won’t be a label for me. Some other woman will probably adopt her and they’ll live a happy life. I don’t think I really thought about those possibilities until this moment. I haven’t had the time to think about it. Maybe, because in reality, I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to face it. We’ve been living like a family for the past six years. Doing Christmas and birthday present shopping for her. Attending parent/teacher conferences together. We potty-trained her, we’ve taken her to the doctors together, and celebrated her milestones together. I began to think of us as a family.

But we’re not and it hurts.

The answer to Haven’s question is ignored and, again, we dodged a bullet because our dinners have arrived. So we go back to being the pretend family and evade what this arrangement really is.

I like Justin. Justin is smart, handsome, and educated. Justin likes me too. Justin is kissing me against my bedroom door right now. Cupping my breasts over my shirt and kissing me so deeply, I feel my head spinning and I feel myself growing wet with the anticipation that we’re going to have sex. My dry spell will be over, and I’ll be able to come without the aid of something that requires batteries. Justin’s tongue caresses mine, and we kiss hungrily. This is awesome. It feels good. I feel wanted.

My hand finds the front of his pants, and I feel his need for me. His dick is hard, and I want it in me. Like now. It’s been so long, and I am very much ready. I want his hand to touch me where I need to be touched.

We continue to kiss as we stumble into my bedroom and fall onto my bed. I straddle him and rub my center on him.

“Corrine, you feel so damn good. I love your tits.”

I mumble a thank you into his mouth as we continue to kiss. His hand slides to the waistband of my pants and he undoes the button. His hand reaches in, and I feel myself growing hotter and hotter because he’s almost to that spot. I roll my hips so his hand makes quicker contact. As soon as I feel his fingers slide into my panties, I moan and so does he.

“Oh, shit, Corrine. So wet.” This I know. One finger slides in and I open my legs up a little more, feeling every sensation that a woman should feel from a man's hands. Even though it feels so good, I could skip all this, climb on top of him, and fuck him right now and be perfectly satisfied. I’m not the normal twenty-five year old woman. I should be having sex frequently.

Justin pulls his hands out of my pants, and even though I’m disappointed, that feeling doesn’t last long because he pulls my shirt over my head, and he looks down to what I think are a pretty ample set of tits if I must say so myself.

Thanks, Mae, for the boobs.

I stand up and pull down my pants, leaving just my tiny satin underwear. Justin kneels on the bed and pulls off his shirt. The man is sculpted like a Greek statue.

“Corrine, you are so fucking beautiful. Come here.” I bite my smile down and make my way over to the bed. We kiss again with that same escalating need. Lips meeting lips, tongues meeting tongues, and hands traveling everywhere on each other's bodies. His pants are off and we’re grinding on each other. The pressure of his bulging dick against me makes me want to come right now. But I’ll wait till he gets me off.

He nips at my neck and my ear, and we roll around on the bed. Hot breaths and sounds of pleasure invade the room, and I hear my name being called. But it’s not Justin. And besides, he doesn't call me Rinny. Only two people in the world do.

“Rinny, what are you doing, wrestling?” I scramble away from Justin and grab a pillow to cover myself up as I realize it’s Haven. I throw another pillow at Justin to cover up. I can hear Mack calling for Haven from down the hallway.

“Haven, I don’t think Rinny is here. She had to . . .” Mack reaches the doorway of my room and drops his jaw as he grabs Haven’s eyes to shield her.

“What the hell, Corrine!”

I scream, “Close the door, Mack. Now!”

Mack pulls Haven away and slams my door shut. My hands automatically go to my face and all I can say is oh, my God. This really isn't happening. This is a nightmare and I pray when I open my eyes, Justin will laugh and brush it off.

“Justin, I am so sorry. They weren’t supposed to be home until tomorrow.”

He gets up and starts to dress and doesn’t seem too bothered.

“Stuff happens. We can pick this up again another time.” I hurry to put on my shirt and pants as Mack storms back into the room.

“Corrine, get dressed and get him the fuck out of my house, now.” His fingers flex at his sides, and even in the dimly lit room, I can see the veins in his neck bulge and twitch from anger.

Justin’s hand goes up to ask Mack to calm down. “Listen, let’s all relax. I’m leaving.”

“You bet your ass you're leaving.”

I walk over to Mack once I’m done dressing.

“Don’t talk to my guest like that. He’s leaving, okay? Jesus Christ, Mack.”

“What’s he doing here anyway, Corrine? We just had this conversation a few days ago. Did you forget?”

Heat surges through my veins boiling my blood because he’s talking to me like I’m some child. I’m not
his
child. I’m not
his
anything.

“I didn’t forget; you weren’t supposed to be here! You asked me not to have dates over if you and Haven were here, but you weren’t coming home till tomorrow.”

“Haven has a fever and didn’t feel good.” I roll my eyes and throw my hands up, not understanding why he couldn’t take care of her by himself or have Jocelyn help him.

“Can’t you handle a fever by yourself, Mack? I deal with it all the time when you're off in some other country. I’m there when she pukes, or when she loses a tooth, or when she has a nightmare. Where are you when those things happen?”

“I’m working, Corrine.” His voice booms and it scares me for a moment. He glares at me with nostrils flaring. He never yells like this, and I’m afraid Haven will hear him. “So as soon as we leave, this is what you do? Act like a slut?” I push against his chest without delay. He stumbles a bit. It happens so quickly, and it doesn’t even affect Mack. It’s like it doesn’t even happen.

“And we’re back because she was crying she wanted you. So that’s what I get for leaving for work all the time. I have a kid who wants my friend and not her father. How do you think that feels?”

Justin grabs his wallet and keys from my end table. “I better go, Corrine.”

Mack shoves him for no reason.

“Yeah, you better.”

Justin comes nose to nose with Mack but doesn’t touch him.

“Don’t touch me, man. I’m leaving and, from what I can see, Corrine is a grown woman and doesn’t need a lecture from you.

“You don’t know anything about this. It’s our business. Get out of my house before I throw you out.” Venom laces Mack’s voice.

Justin knows there’s a child in this apartment so he concedes and walks out the door without a backwards glance. And it’s just us.

There’s a silent war raging between us and an overwhelming need of escaping comes over me. I turn away from Mack and go to my closet. I pull out my suitcase and a duffel bag and begin shoving everything I can into them both. I don’t even know what I’m throwing in, but I know I can’t get out of here fast enough. I need to get as far away from him as possible.